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PSA -- Our children and mental health


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Clark County Nevada schools (Vegas Area) reported they have had 19 student suicides since the pandemic began. I can't believe so many. So sad.

They are a big district so they do get their share of kid suicides during normal times, but this is double the amount they usually see over the same time period. 

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whoa those numbers are really scary i guess i dont know what was going on before covid but i assume it is worse i guess i dont know what i can do to help but brother that hits me hard no one should walk alone so if you see someone down give them a hand up and a smile take that to the bank bromigos 

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I have been dealing with the issue of anxiety and/or depression in my pediatric patients 10-fold over the past year.  It's a real and dangerous component of this pandemic for kids.

https://services.aap.org/en/pages/2019-novel-coronavirus-covid-19-infections/clinical-guidance/interim-guidance-on-supporting-the-emotional-and-behavioral-health-needs-of-children-adolescents-and-families-during-the-covid-19-pandemic/

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I dont want to get into too much detail but I thought my daughter was suffering from "normal kid/teen crap" but talking to her it felt a little more  SHe is talking to a therapist.

This was not suicidal or anything - she was dealing with anxiety - that I just assumed was like any "normal " kid might. Ive noticed a huge difference in her confidence

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This is terrifying stuff.  I have a 10 year old I get concerned about.  He's easily upset, struggles in school (despite being noticeably bright), hates sports for the most part...just seems generally unhappy most of the time.  We struggle to connect with him more than I ever thought we would.  

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3 minutes ago, jb1020 said:

This is terrifying stuff.  I have a 10 year old I get concerned about.  He's easily upset, struggles in school (despite being noticeably bright), hates sports for the most part...just seems generally unhappy most of the time.  We struggle to connect with him more than I ever thought we would.  

Keep working at it and good luck.  

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I'm going through the same thing with my almost 16 year old.  Virtual schooling has hit hard.  Being stuck in front of a screen for hours and then more hours doing more work for almost a year has now built up a screen addiction that is awful.  Never had any previous issues with grades or school and he's just more and more withdrawn now.  I'm thankful his soccer is starting back up to start to get him out more, but it's definitely taken its toll and I'm constantly worried about the above now when that wasn't the case before.

The numbers of this I'm seeing at work, much like @The Dreaded Marco are awful.  I'd agree with the 10 fold increase.  Combine that with decreased available services and it's just a recipe for disaster.  Plus, most therapists and interventions are being done virtually, which, as you can imagine are not as effective.

Edited by gianmarco
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3 minutes ago, 3 hour lunch said:

My 13 year old is having worse anxiety as well, and talking to a specialist next week. Scary for sure.

My 15 year old has been going (virtual) about once a week for 45 minutes.  She starter end of October/begin November ( i forget exactly)  ~15 sessions so far.

Her therapist thinks she should be completed very soon

Edited by belljr
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3 minutes ago, belljr said:

My 15 year old has been going (virtual) about once a week for 45 minutes.  She starter end of October/begin November ( i forget exactly)  ~15 sessions so far.

Her therapist thinks she should be completed very soon

Interested to hear what “completed” would mean in your case, I suppose it’s different for everyone. My daughter doesn’t want to go to school and will barely talk to her good friends 😪

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6 minutes ago, belljr said:

My 15 year old has been going (virtual) about once a week for 45 minutes.  She starter end of October/begin November ( i forget exactly)  ~15 sessions so far.

Her therapist thinks she should be completed very soon

Forgot to add- was it hard to get her started? My daughter is so quiet and anxious to talk to most anyone that I wonder what a therapist may get out of her. Also wonder if medication may be a discussion point eventually.

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5 minutes ago, 3 hour lunch said:

Forgot to add- was it hard to get her started? My daughter is so quiet and anxious to talk to most anyone that I wonder what a therapist may get out of her. Also wonder if medication may be a discussion point eventually.

Not really - my daughter was is always quiet - once she gets to know some one she is completely fine.  She was having issues of "everyone is looking at me, judging me, doesnt like me".  She has ffriends but isnt overly social.   (I too apparently have some form of anxiety growing up that I didnt realize) - anyway - she would be deathly afraid to say go into a convenience store by herself.   We found out she had a couple "bully" issues in like 5th grade that we never knew about.   I've always been a f'it you dont like me I dont care but my wife is like my daughter (OMG HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE ME :) ) that is just a couple examples.

Anyway we brought up therapy and my daughter was very receptive.  We had an initial consult and was told it would be 3 months before she could start, luckily there is a cancellation and we got in early.  SHe had a journal to fill out- and then had weekly tasks to accomplish.  I have only spoken to the therapist 3 times?  My wife 5 or so. So shes been progressing through her "stages".  SHes in the "final stage" whatever that means. SHe had to learn how to cope and process things that made her feel uncomfortable. WHats weird is shes a pretty good softball player and is used to "failing"   kids :shrug:

 

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Very sad. Breaks my heart. Prayers out to all those here with children struggling with their mental health during this time. 

This all hits very close to home. Perhaps I shall share a story one of these days.

I would also add that even older kids should be kept tabs on (more at the link).

https://abcnews.go.com/Health/pandemics-mental-health-burden-heaviest-young-adults/story?id=75811308

Quote

The pandemic has closed schools, offices, sports arenas and limited social interaction for millions of people -- perhaps an even bigger struggle for young people more used to being active.

In a recent survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 63% of 18- to-24-year-olds reported symptoms of anxiety or depression, with 25% reporting increased substance use to deal with that stress and 25% saying they'd seriously considered suicide.

 

Edited by Don't Toews Me
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Man, the timing of this thread.   

I am planning to sit down with the 14 year old tonight and talk about things.   He has been struggling with the online thing the whole year, but his grades have been slowly getting worse and worse.  I know he is struggling with that, but a slight red flag was raised last night when we were talking about how he hasn't been going and doing basketball like he was until about 1 month ago.  I know he has been having a bit of trouble sleeping too.  

I worry about him a bit because I can tell the self-confidence is lacking with him and he beats himself up too much about little things.   My wife is bipolar and she as also talked about her struggles with the things she tells herself, and I worry about him doing the same.  He also struggles asking for help with much of anything.  

0 clue what we will talk about, but mostly just want to sit him down to reinforce that I am on his side and there for him, and probably try to problem solve the sleep thing and help a little more with school organization and go from there.  This year has been ####, and I am to the point where I am fine giving him a bit of a muligan on his school year, but nervous about that spilling over to other things.  

Anyway - positive thoughts for all out there helping their kids with this.  Love this place and how supportive people are about real life stuff... 

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Yeah, kids young and old are really struggling right now.  I have 23 and 25 year old boys.  They have both expressed how their social lives have been taken away and that they are in this weird limbo when they should be chasing dreams.   

The older one graduated college a few years ago, got a good engineering job, and then lost it when the pandemic hit.  He struggled with depression issues, low self-esteem, anxiety about the future and was out of work for 10 months.  He starts a new engineering job next week but is concerned about his inability to focus for long periods of time.  I'm trying to line him up with a doc, who hopefully can prescribe something to help him, but openings for professional help are really hard to find and in great demand.  Fingers crossed.

My younger son is set to graduate college this spring.  He's struggled with remote classes and feels that he's just biding his time at school.  To him, there is no school and he misses the casual interactions and "vibe" that came with just walking across campus to get to class.  he considered taking time off, but he had nowhere to go.  I admire him tremendously for sticking with it.  He just got offered a job as a wildlands firefighter this summer, and I think getting outside and connecting with others towards fighting a common enemy will be really healthy for him.

Good luck everyone!

Edited by Mookie
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1 hour ago, gianmarco said:

I'm going through the same thing with my almost 16 year old.  Virtual schooling has hit hard.  Being stuck in front of a screen for hours and then more hours doing more work for almost a year has now built up a screen addiction that is awful.  Never had any previous issues with grades or school and he's just more and more withdrawn now.  I'm thankful his soccer is starting back up to start to get him out more, but it's definitely taken its toll and I'm constantly worried about the above now when that wasn't the case before.

The numbers of this I'm seeing at work, much like @The Dreaded Marco are awful.  I'd agree with the 10 fold increase.  Combine that with decreased available services and it's just a recipe for disaster.  Plus, most therapists and interventions are being done virtually, which, as you can imagine are not as effective.

The screen addiction is real and nothing we can do about it. Hes become addicted to Fortnite too (because what else is an only child who barely gets to interact with other kids for a year supposed to do)? Hes been doing his baseball activities since January which helps but everytime we make plans he does the calculus in his head "how does this effect my screen time?" We've set some limitations along the way but this all started because of the pandemic.

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Dealing with this with my youngest.  19 year old graduated from high school spring 2020 with a 3.9 GPA and 33 on the ACT.  Went off to college this past fall all F's.  Said after the first month he just couldn't motivate himself to do the work.  He's since been diagnosed with depression.  Have him on medication, after a couple of consultations with his doctor and also talking to a therapist every couple of weeks.  In retrospect the signs were there for a while but the wife and I figured he was a moody teenager who needed to finish high school and find himself in college.  Well that didn't exactly happen.  I believe the depression started sometime his senior year before Covid but Covid and the current learning environment around it has made it worse, much worse.

He seems to be getting better slowly but is still grumpy at times and not that motivated.  It is winter in Wisconsin so that doesn't help.  Have him taking a couple of online classes at the local Technical College per the recommendation of the school he flunked out of 1st semester.  He says he really wants to go back to that school but mentally he's a ways off from being there.  Hopefully this fall. Also having him working out with my trainer a couple of days a week and a small, private studio and he's also been cooking dinner for us multiple times per week.  Just trying to get him doing some things so he's not sitting in his room all day on his computer/phone.  Would love him to get a part time job but he's not there yet.  Whenever it's brought up he get's moody and tunes us out.  I'll push him more on this once the weather gets a bit nicer and he'll have more options.  He was working at a movie theater until it closed down last March and it's not opening back up.  It's been a very difficult 4 months or so in our house and I'm still kicking myself everyday for not doing anything about it sooner. I don't wish this upon my worst enemies.

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I will add she has been doing great with hybrid learning but was having "issues" pre pandemic we didn't know about. Pandemic magnified it.

Gl all, it's tough knowing your kid is struggling. The one thing that helped us was learning how to handle situations she felt anxiety, we were quick to be "get over it, it's no big deal" now we're not

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2 hours ago, jobarules said:

My son's personality has definitely changed for the worse this past year. It's sad to see. Isolation has damaged his brain hopefully not permanently. 

I feel the same about one of my kids. We took extreme precautions And our kids have been basically indoors for a year. Without turning it into a covid regret tangent, at least one of my kids would probably have been better off us all getting sick. Anyway, prayers to anyone else struggling with a kid who is rattled by all this. You aren’t alone. 

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I posted about my 16 year old's struggle over the past 18 months or so. She was diagnosed in December of 2019 with depression and anxiety. She has been hospitalized three times since then. She is doing better, but I admit we take it pretty hard when we have a fantastic week and then things fall apart. She has been in on-line schooling since last January. She has over a 4.2 GPA in mostly AP/Honors classes. She will go from realizing how much she has lost not being around friends, to now she has told everyone around her that she is taking some space and working on herself. I am high risk so I have been working from home since the start of this mess, so that has been a blessing in disguise--especially as far as being able to keep her safe. 

Advice I would have is talk, listen and observe. We don't have her in therapy because frankly we went through three therapists in the span of eight months and they were worthless. One wanted to hospitalize her every time she mentioned she thought of cutting--when our daughter would clearly tell her she didn't want to end it all. One would forget to appear at our appointments.  Be aware of the meds, I have a box in our garage of probably 30 different meds that she has been put on over this time period. Each doctor thinks they are smarter than the next and they want to push their cocktails on your kid. We finally have a good psychiatrist who flat out took her off everything and now has her on two good ones that really have made a difference. We are so fortunate we have good insurance--the hospital bills were over 70k and we owed next to nothing out of pocket. The psychiatrist is also free for some reason. Meds cost us $20 a month. 

Just keep a close eye on your kids....

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I have a lot to say about this but hard to really out into words.

 

Other than to say just talk to your kids...even if they seem fine.  Talk to them...always let them know they can talk to you (they still probably won’t).

And while some may be Covid related...it may be underlying things that have been there and Covid is just making worse or bringing it to the surface (boredom and less to do can bring that stuff about).

 

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This is one of the reasons why I was mostly fine and almost relieved about our school district doing full in-person, which we've kept up basically all year.  I didn't feel my kids were getting a good level of teaching and I could tell it was affecting them, mostly manifested itself in boredom and some constant requests for get together's but thankfully for that it was the extent.  Any my kids are relatively older.  I can't imagine going through this with young kids, especially elementary school ages.  GL all.

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My 9 yo son has been in school full time this year, and he is fine.  My 12 yo daughter has been mostly hybrid and it’s a growing disaster. Throw in losing a grandparent and her cat to top it off.  She is starting a therapist soon.  The last few weeks have been brutal.  Thankfully school goes back 4x a week on the 9th. My 16 yo daughter is fine - got her license last week.  She has a job at a retirement community she likes.  School is fine for her.  Crazy how drastically different it hits each kid. 
 

Hang in there everyone. 

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12 hours ago, KarmaPolice said:

Man, the timing of this thread.   

I am planning to sit down with the 14 year old tonight and talk about things.   He has been struggling with the online thing the whole year, but his grades have been slowly getting worse and worse.  I know he is struggling with that, but a slight red flag was raised last night when we were talking about how he hasn't been going and doing basketball like he was until about 1 month ago.  I know he has been having a bit of trouble sleeping too.  

I worry about him a bit because I can tell the self-confidence is lacking with him and he beats himself up too much about little things.   My wife is bipolar and she as also talked about her struggles with the things she tells herself, and I worry about him doing the same.  He also struggles asking for help with much of anything.  

0 clue what we will talk about, but mostly just want to sit him down to reinforce that I am on his side and there for him, and probably try to problem solve the sleep thing and help a little more with school organization and go from there.  This year has been ####, and I am to the point where I am fine giving him a bit of a muligan on his school year, but nervous about that spilling over to other things.  

Anyway - positive thoughts for all out there helping their kids with this.  Love this place and how supportive people are about real life stuff... 

My brother is a HS teacher and says there is a noticable change in many of the kids now from the pandemic.  All you can do is be there for them and try to keep as many things "normal" as possible.  Really hate to lose a generation.  

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12 hours ago, Pipes said:

Dealing with this with my youngest.  19 year old graduated from high school spring 2020 with a 3.9 GPA and 33 on the ACT.  Went off to college this past fall all F's.  Said after the first month he just couldn't motivate himself to do the work.  He's since been diagnosed with depression.  Have him on medication, after a couple of consultations with his doctor and also talking to a therapist every couple of weeks.  In retrospect the signs were there for a while but the wife and I figured he was a moody teenager who needed to finish high school and find himself in college.  Well that didn't exactly happen.  I believe the depression started sometime his senior year before Covid but Covid and the current learning environment around it has made it worse, much worse.

He seems to be getting better slowly but is still grumpy at times and not that motivated.  It is winter in Wisconsin so that doesn't help.  Have him taking a couple of online classes at the local Technical College per the recommendation of the school he flunked out of 1st semester.  He says he really wants to go back to that school but mentally he's a ways off from being there.  Hopefully this fall. Also having him working out with my trainer a couple of days a week and a small, private studio and he's also been cooking dinner for us multiple times per week.  Just trying to get him doing some things so he's not sitting in his room all day on his computer/phone.  Would love him to get a part time job but he's not there yet.  Whenever it's brought up he get's moody and tunes us out.  I'll push him more on this once the weather gets a bit nicer and he'll have more options.  He was working at a movie theater until it closed down last March and it's not opening back up.  It's been a very difficult 4 months or so in our house and I'm still kicking myself everyday for not doing anything about it sooner. I don't wish this upon my worst enemies.

I'm so sorry to hear this and hope it all works out for you and your son.

This resonates with me because our son, a HS senior graduating in June, is heading off to college in the fall. Our school has been almost entirely remote since last March, and only now is back almost full time (4 days in-person, 1 day remote). Fortunately or unfortunately, he's never been a popular kid with a lot of friends - mainly a few guys through travel baseball . So the "loss" of most of his junior and senior high school years probably hasn't affected him as much as some of the more popular kids. Virtually all his social life has been on Twitter - he's a big sports kid and is very active on Twitter writing articles and doing podcasts, with many fellow on-line sports fans as friends/followers. My wife and I are very worried though that the lack of in-person interaction over the past year is going to be a rude awakening when he goes off to college - during the pandemic, he has not really developed independence/life skills that will be needed when he's on his own.

Edited by zamboni
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13 hours ago, Punxsutawney Phil said:

Just wait until they all realize they can't get a job with a 4yr degree.

Man, with all due respect this comment seems way out of line here.  

 

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14 hours ago, Mookie said:

My younger son is set to graduate college this spring.  He's struggled with remote classes and feels that he's just biding his time at school.  To him, there is no school and he misses the casual interactions and "vibe" that came with just walking across campus to get to class.  he considered taking time off, but he had nowhere to go.  I admire him tremendously for sticking with it.  He just got offered a job as a wildlands firefighter this summer, and I think getting outside and connecting with others towards fighting a common enemy will be really healthy for him.

This is exactly my daughter.  Including the graduating this Spring part.  Walking back and forth across campus a few miles a day just for the exercise and fresh air is underrated. 

She had so much momentum built up that came to a halt.  She was lining up graduate schools before everything hit and now she just wants to take a break and work in the field for a while after graduation.  Not the worst thing to get the experience, but I could see it being hard for her to go back.  

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Ok...so was on the phone last night vs trying to type this out and not sure how much I was going to share.

Last August/Sept, our son was hospitalized after taking a handful of pills.  Thankfully, he threw them up pretty quickly before we were even alerted to what he had done.  After a trip to the ER and a psych evaluation there, he was admitted to a facility.  Severe depression.  That may have been the worst night of my life.  My wife took him to the hospital (only one person could be there...plus I was home with our daughter as this happened late at night).  So I spent a night not knowing much of anything, reading way too much about suicide attempts and what may come next.  Then once he was admitted, no visitors because of Covid..so we could talk to him a few days a week and saw him once in an online session with the therapist at the facility.  He was there about 2 weeks.

The depression had been going on for quite some time, well before Covid..but seems the boredom of covid and when things are quiet is when it triggers his mind wandering and having thoughts of self harm.   Stems a lot from a lack of self confidence, thinks he is not good enough and all of that.  On top of that the deaths of my parents in the past 5 years did not help things at all.  My father, who passed first, really hit him hard.   

And all what we thought was a kid who was pretty well rounded and happy.  Had a good group of friend (though, the group had gone through some ups and downs) and a few newer friends that we were a bit unsure of (though, 2 of the girls were the ones who alerted us to what he had done that night....even came to our house as my wife had not seen their texts or heard her phone ring earlier).  But there were some signs there looking back.  He has gone through several things where is is into something for a bit...then just loses interest.  Soccer, then took a backseat to Band/Drumline...but we saw that interest going away some (last Spring sort of renewed it in the drumline side...he was still not that excited about marching band...but drumline he enjoyed...then Covid hit and shut down the end of their season).   Lately its been skateboarding.  Which is good and bad.  He enjoyed it with his friends...but the skatepark is also full of some sketchy people.

Which now adds the difficulty of when to punish/how to punish for when he does things...not wanting to trigger more depression or taking away this or that to leave him bored and alone.  A balancing act we are still working on as a family.

 

So again my advice is to continue to talk to your kids...spend time with your kids...hug your kids...enjoy being around your kids.  Talk to them even about things that may not be comfortable to talk about (including your own feelings...as men, I know a lot of us don't do that or were not brought up that way either).

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3 hours ago, zamboni said:

I'm so sorry to hear this and hope it all works out for you and your son.

This resonates with me because our son, a HS senior graduating in June, is heading off to college in the fall. Our school has been almost entirely remote since last March, and only now is back almost full time (4 days in-person, 1 day remote). Fortunately or unfortunately, he's never been a popular kid with a lot of friends - mainly a few guys through travel baseball . So the "loss" of most of his junior and senior high school years probably hasn't affected him as much as some of the more popular kids. Virtually all his social life has been on Twitter - he's a big sports kid and is very active on Twitter writing articles and doing podcasts, with many fellow on-line sports fans as friends/followers. My wife and I are very worried though that the lack of in-person interaction over the past year is going to be a rude awakening when he goes off to college - during the pandemic, he has not really developed independence/life skills that will be needed when he's on his own.

This describes my son almost exact though substitute baseball for lacrosse.  That was a big factor in this losing his senior lacrosse season.   They were one of the top teams in the state and he was so looking forward to it.  He was crushed last year between that and no graduation.  He started coming around last summer and was very excited to head off to college.  I really thought once he got there he would be fine.  He made some friends there but that wasn't enough.

Just keep the communication open with your son.  That was my biggest mistake.  Other than occasional text exchanges and maybe a monthly phone call that was it.  I didn't want to smother him and wanted him to do his own thing.  In retrospective I should've made more of an effort to call him more often to make sure he was ok.  I guess there's a fine line there somewhere.  Anyways he seems to generally be in a better mood and is participating in some things so it seems he's trending in the right direction.  Hopefully once spring hits and he can get outside and do more that will help to.  Good luck with your son and keep an open dialog with him.  

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34 minutes ago, Pipes said:

This describes my son almost exact though substitute baseball for lacrosse.  That was a big factor in this losing his senior lacrosse season.   They were one of the top teams in the state and he was so looking forward to it.  He was crushed last year between that and no graduation.  He started coming around last summer and was very excited to head off to college.  I really thought once he got there he would be fine.  He made some friends there but that wasn't enough.

Just keep the communication open with your son.  That was my biggest mistake.  Other than occasional text exchanges and maybe a monthly phone call that was it.  I didn't want to smother him and wanted him to do his own thing.  In retrospective I should've made more of an effort to call him more often to make sure he was ok.  I guess there's a fine line there somewhere.  Anyways he seems to generally be in a better mood and is participating in some things so it seems he's trending in the right direction.  Hopefully once spring hits and he can get outside and do more that will help to.  Good luck with your son and keep an open dialog with him.  

You only called your son once a month? I am not trying to judge at all. I'm asking because I have an 11 year old. Is that infrequency normal? I don't know if I'm ready for him to be an adult.

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17 minutes ago, jobarules said:

You only called your son once a month? I am not trying to judge at all. I'm asking because I have an 11 year old. Is that infrequency normal? I don't know if I'm ready for him to be an adult.

Neither myself nor son are big talkers.  We exchanged texts every couple of days so it wasn't like we weren't communicating at all.  But yeah when he goes off again, hopefully this fall, I'll make a point to call him more often.  At the time didn't seem weird to me as I don't recall ever talking to my parents when I went away to college except when I was at home over a break.  

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4 minutes ago, Pipes said:

Neither myself nor son are big talkers.  We exchanged texts every couple of days so it wasn't like we weren't communicating at all.  But yeah when he goes off again, hopefully this fall, I'll make a point to call him more often.  At the time didn't seem weird to me as I don't recall ever talking to my parents when I went away to college except when I was at home over a break.  

You’re not alone in this. I admittedly need to step up my game big time in the communication department.

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I'm afraid we'll look back in horror on the long-term consequences of locking a generation of children into homes for a virus that largely did not pose a major risk to their demographic.

And we knew that by last summer-- which makes all of this all the more regrettable. So thankful my kids have been able to attend school since August.

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GREAT thread!

While its obviously unfortunate for our children (or any of us) who are dealing with mental illness, its good to know were not alone in experiencing this. I felt like my wife and I were. We wondered what happened or how we went wrong. 

I could go a million different directions but in the interest of keeping it (semi) short....

 

Oldest daughter went through a rough patch from around 12 to 14&1/2 then went back to "normal". She was telling dudes elaborate stories about being a runaway or her parents were divorced. Sent a few pictures she shouldn't have, (No nudes thank god,) and was getting into trouble at school. We stayed on her and she seems to have turned the corner. Shes almost 16, done all her driving requirements, gets good grades, and helps around the house. She thinking about a career in the CIA. 

The youngest has always been a wrecking ball of a kid, in the most wonderful of ways. Super smart and witty AF. Confident, absolute alpha female. Again, around the age of 14, she started struggling. This is also the time the ADHD symptoms that I also have started showing up... We think a few deaths all in a row rocked her world and contributed to her depression. My younger brother, her uncle, her grandmother and her favorite dog all died within a 2 year period.

She's had problems controlling her emotions and cut herself. Never life threatening, all superficial but obviously a major concern. That seems to have gone away and never escalated. She sees a therapist and that helped. We've addressed her ADHD but after trying two non-depressant medications that didnt seem to help- we havent used them. Remote schooling is a joke to her. Everything is stupid. She cant deal she says. Its a combination of being depressed and a lack of motivation. 

Shes getting better. I think we have a longer road ahead with her but I think the worst is behind us as far as being able to communicate with her. Were working with the school on an IEP. Were helping her with school enough to have her limp to a passing grade with hopes that when they go back to school she will do better.

 

Years 0-10 = MAGIC

Years 12-16 = NIGHTMARE

16 - 2? = TBD

Edited by STEADYMOBBIN 22
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28 minutes ago, Pipes said:

Neither myself nor son are big talkers.  We exchanged texts every couple of days so it wasn't like we weren't communicating at all.  But yeah when he goes off again, hopefully this fall, I'll make a point to call him more often.  At the time didn't seem weird to me as I don't recall ever talking to my parents when I went away to college except when I was at home over a break.  

Haha I'm a mommas boy so talked to my mom almost every day

Never got along with my dad so didn't care to talk to him much.

I plan on interacting with my son similar how I did with my mom but hopefully that doesn't change. 

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My 19yo daughter is in her sophomore year at a Canadian college. She suffers from depression and anxiety in general and COVID has made it worse. Canadian lockdown is much more severe than in the US and all of her classes have been online.  Because of her anxiety and the rules, she has a very limited social circle and hasn't added to it this year.  She returned after xmas break and had to quarantine for two weeks in her 6th floor 2br apartment.  I had to beg her to go for a walk once a day.  Her depression reared its ugly head in a big way and my wife had to go there and stay with her parents who live about 20 minutes from campus.  She's been up there since Jan 27 and we don't know when she will return.

I really feel for kids of all ages who will miss a year of their lives essentially.  I shudder to think of the mental illness that will result from this pandemic.  GL to all.

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50 minutes ago, RnR said:

I'm afraid we'll look back in horror on the long-term consequences of locking a generation of children into homes for a virus that largely did not pose a major risk to their demographic.

And we knew that by last summer-- which makes all of this all the more regrettable. So thankful my kids have been able to attend school since August.

It's premature to assume that increased suicides are solely due to home-schooling and not due to other factors related to the pandemic. The suicide rate has increased in several states, not just the ones with lockdowns.

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Ill also add that the self harm thing is A LOT more prevalent in this younger generation. We had no idea our oldest also "self harmed" herself. Both of our daughters explained it to us like it was no big deal. everyone does it. Almost like a rite of passage. I think as humans we are wired to overcome struggle and hardship. These kids today dont have it hard. Maybe theyre reaching for something to overcome? I dont have an answer, only questions. 

The thought of cutting myself never ever occurred to me coming up. I cant even wrap my head around it. Even when we talk to our kids - I admit to you guys that I pretend to be sympathetic or understanding about it. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, jobarules said:

You only called your son once a month? I am not trying to judge at all. I'm asking because I have an 11 year old. Is that infrequency normal? I don't know if I'm ready for him to be an adult.

When I went to college I probably talked to my parents once a week for the first couple months but after that it was about once a month.  I could be remembering differently though.

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18 minutes ago, Sea Duck said:

It's premature to assume that increased suicides are solely due to home-schooling and not due to other factors related to the pandemic. The suicide rate has increased in several states, not just the ones with lockdowns.

That's because it's not a simple "open/close" situation.

The level at which parents are locking their kids down is not bound by state. Most states, even the ones with schools open, have a virtual option parents can choose instead. That falls into the parent's hands at that point.

Also, their extra-curricular activities have been shutdown in varying ways across the different states. Sports, arts, clubs, etc. are vital social experiences for many children. Again, I'm thankful that my community has chosen to make those available. My kids have been in sports since June and have resumed all arts related extracurricular activities. But I know it's not like that everywhere. It's different from city to city within my state, so I know it varies wildly across the country.

And, to your point, there are other factors. But to me, many of them tie back into keeping kids in the routine and structure that school provides. Are kids being left home alone in single-parent families? Are kids who relied on school to get a couple of decent meals, some sound adult guidance and some daily structure falling off a cliff without it? Unfortunately, I think the answer is yes. And those are not specifically educational issues, but they are school-related.

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53 minutes ago, shuke said:

When I went to college I probably talked to my parents once a week for the first couple months but after that it was about once a month.  I could be remembering differently though.

Same here and as I’ve gotten older I kind of feel guilty about how little time I gave them. Maybe its just how it was back then though. 

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58 minutes ago, STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:

Ill also add that the self harm thing is A LOT more prevalent in this younger generation. We had no idea our oldest also "self harmed" herself. Both of our daughters explained it to us like it was no big deal. everyone does it. Almost like a rite of passage. I think as humans we are wired to overcome struggle and hardship. These kids today dont have it hard. Maybe theyre reaching for something to overcome? I dont have an answer, only questions. 

The thought of cutting myself never ever occurred to me coming up. I cant even wrap my head around it. Even when we talk to our kids - I admit to you guys that I pretend to be sympathetic or understanding about it. 

 

 

Yeah, I feel like I have noticed a trend in stuff kids are exposed to- more mention of suicide, cutting and other self-harming behaviors. Almost like it's a badge. That worries me a lot. I don't think kids are stupid enough to think life is like a video game, where you respawn. But, I fear pre-teens and teenagers lack the needed frontal lobe development to really grokk the finality of suicide.

I worry about my almost 12-year-old- he is really struggling right now.

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2 hours ago, shuke said:
3 hours ago, jobarules said:

You only called your son once a month? I am not trying to judge at all. I'm asking because I have an 11 year old. Is that infrequency normal? I don't know if I'm ready for him to be an adult.

When I went to college I probably talked to my parents once a week for the first couple months but after that it was about once a month.  I could be remembering differently though.

I was thinking the same thing.  I had a great relationship with both parents, but once I left home we would frequently go long periods without speaking. Of course that was before there were mobile phones or internet.  I spent a couple years in Europe and would maybe write a letter every few months. My son is 16 and we sometimes go days without much interaction, even living in the same house.  It takes effort.

I appreciate everyone sharing in this thread.  

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