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Hey guys I have been coming here for dang near 20 years. I haven't posted a whole lot but really enjoyed reading the forums. I feel like I really know some of the posters here even though we may not have interacted at all. I really kind of need a place to talk right now. My wife bless her heart is not really the one I want to express some of these things with she is just too emotional. Plus she is just recently fighting breast cancer herself.

The past few weeks I have had a foreboding feeling like something wasn't right with me. Then about 2 weeks ago my neck right under the jaw line swelled up to the size of a softball man it was painful. The lymph nodes around an old tumor that was not malignant had swollen. This old tumor is called something I really can't recall the name just know that it sounded German and that older folks and smokers get them but they are usually not cancerous. Anyway had a biopsy done and just found out it is malignant. So now needless to say I'm really scared and I can't say that to my wife.

It's my own dang fault smoked for all those years so stupid. Now I know it doesn't just happen to other people. I'm so worried for my wife right now and my daughter Megan. They depend so much on me Megan is special she will always be about 12 years old. I just don't know how they would manage without me. Such an idiot for smoking all those years.

I know that this doesn't have to be a death sentence. I've already kicked hep c in the butt. Took those treatments back when they were torture. I don't see the Otolaryngologist until next week so I'm really getting anxious. I would really appreciate any positive thoughts you guys can send my way. And thanks for letting me vent. I may be doing that alot.

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I would also say it's ok to be scared. And it's ok to tell your wife you are scared.

 

See your doctor, get the facts, and fight this thing. Which, judging by how you have always represented yourself here - you will.   You're a strong dude - you got this. 

Edited by ChiefD
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Best of luck Rusty, you'll be in my thoughts. And don't beat yourself up for being a smoker, I know its hard as I'm the king of second-guessing myself - but its wasted energy. Focus on what you can control going forward.

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6 minutes ago, ChiefD said:

I would also say it's ok to be scared. And it's ok to tell your wife you are scared.

 

See your doctor, get the facts, and fight this thing. Which, judging by how you have always represented yourself here - you will.   You're a strong dude - you got this. 

All of this. 

And don't be afraid to post here as well just like you did.

Hoping for the best possible outcome. 

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9 minutes ago, ChiefD said:

I would also say it's ok to be scared. And it's ok to tell your wife you are scared.

 

See your doctor, get the facts, and fight this thing. Which, judging by how you have always represented yourself here - you will.   You're a strong dude - you got this. 

What Chief said.  Please consider sharing this with your wife.  That's what you both agreed to when you married.  Sharing, even the bad stuff, reduces the load just a little.

Good luck at the doctor.

Edited by Mrs. Rannous
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T&P  - try not to over react until you know more - I know it is easier said than done. 

Don't beat yourself up;  One of the best quotes I saw this week  "Victory is the reward reserved for those that are willing to pay its price"   Sun Tzu

Tell yourself good thoughts about how you are going to be fine  - nothing can take the place of having that positive energy. 

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Positive thoughts and dreams heading your way.

You already know you can vent here whenever the need strikes. There are some fine people on this board & we'll always have an ear.

But, as others have said, you shouldn't try to carry this burden alone and/or keep it from your loved ones. 

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Cmon, FL Man. You got this. In 2014 I was in ICU twice. My wife called my family and told them if they wanted to see me again they better come quick. Everybody thought my ticket was punched. Needless to say, still going strong and so will you.

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55 minutes ago, ChiefD said:

I would also say it's ok to be scared. And it's ok to tell your wife you are scared.

 

See your doctor, get the facts, and fight this thing. Which, judging by how you have always represented yourself here - you will.   You're a strong dude - you got this. 

Agree with all of this. Especially the first part. 

I too said a small prayer. God bless you bud. 

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Praying for you Rusty.  I'd share it with your wife. It is easier to carry a burden with more people pulling.  And I agree don't try to read everything on the internet about it, pick a good doctor and trust the process.

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:(

I was just thinking about you the other day. I hope your wife is doing OK.

Speaking of which.....you should probably tell your wife sooner rather than later. You need people on your side who will help you fight this, and your wife is going to be your #1 supporter.

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Damn, sorry to hear that rusty.  I second what ChiefD said.  It's normal to be scared.  I had skin cancer when I was under 30 years old and was f'n terrified.  

Please tell your wife, and please continue to share what you're comfortable with sharing on here.  What you need right now (besides medical attention) is a support system.  It's also totally normal for your immediate support system to be scared and emotional.  Best of luck fighting this!

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1 hour ago, rustycolts said:

Hey guys I have been coming here for dang near 20 years. I haven't posted a whole lot but really enjoyed reading the forums. I feel like I really know some of the posters here even though we may not have interacted at all. I really kind of need a place to talk right now. My wife bless her heart is not really the one I want to express some of these things with she is just too emotional. Plus she is just recently fighting breast cancer herself.

The past few weeks I have had a foreboding feeling like something wasn't right with me. Then about 2 weeks ago my neck right under the jaw line swelled up to the size of a softball man it was painful. The lymph nodes around an old tumor that was not malignant had swollen. This old tumor is called something I really can't recall the name just know that it sounded German and that older folks and smokers get them but they are usually not cancerous. Anyway had a biopsy done and just found out it is malignant. So now needless to say I'm really scared and I can't say that to my wife.

It's my own dang fault smoked for all those years so stupid. Now I know it doesn't just happen to other people. I'm so worried for my wife right now and my daughter Megan. They depend so much on me Megan is special she will always be about 12 years old. I just don't know how they would manage without me. Such an idiot for smoking all those years.

I know that this doesn't have to be a death sentence. I've already kicked hep c in the butt. Took those treatments back when they were torture. I don't see the Otolaryngologist until next week so I'm really getting anxious. I would really appreciate any positive thoughts you guys can send my way. And thanks for letting me vent. I may be doing that alot.

I imagine all of us would be scared rusty. as you've been through battles before you know the proper mindset is key. try your best to get to there and battle through this like you have before. I'll be sending prayers your way, as I'm sure all the FBG community will.

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Thanks guys appreciate the positive thoughts. I did tell my wife it went better than I thought it would but I know its going to worry her to death. I'm a pretty tough old fart so I'm going to give this hell. Like I said beat hep c so I can beat this. Only difference is I didn't do the hep c to myself. Like I did with this by smoking,  When I was in the Army back in the mid 70s they didn't know much about blood borne diseases back then. They would stand a whole company of men at a time in a line and give shots with an airgun. Tell you don't flinch. Yea right everyone flinched shared probably every ones blood. So there is a disproportionate of Vets from that era with hep c than the general public.

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5 minutes ago, rustycolts said:

Only difference is I didn't do the hep c to myself.

And you didn't do this to yourself either.  I find it unlikely that you pedalled addictive products to yourself.  That sort of thinking isn't going to help.

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4 hours ago, ChiefD said:

I would also say it's ok to be scared. And it's ok to tell your wife you are scared.

 

See your doctor, get the facts, and fight this thing. Which, judging by how you have always represented yourself here - you will.   You're a strong dude - you got this. 

Sage advice here top to bottom.  Strongly agree with all of it. 
 

Sending positive vibes and thoughts your way @rustycolts

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Good vibes sent your way man. I hope to hear from you in the fishing thread for a long time. Kick cancer's butt. Go to the best hospital you can. Maybe up to Jacksonville to go to Mayo.

Edited by Drunken Cowboy
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5 hours ago, ChiefD said:

I would also say it's ok to be scared. And it's ok to tell your wife you are scared.

 

See your doctor, get the facts, and fight this thing. Which, judging by how you have always represented yourself here - you will.   You're a strong dude - you got this. 

This right here.  

Don't know if you are a religious person or not, but you may want to talk to someone face to face who won't judge, and will be a positive force at this time.  

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Love and prayers, brother. You got the right attitude about fighting and beating this thing. Keep a positive mental outlook and be grateful for every day.

While it sucks going through something like this, one of the good things to come out of it is it will make you focus on the important things in life- your relationships with friends and family. I found that my relationship with my wife got stronger and stronger the more we had to go through. I hope you find the same.

Prayers to you and yours for a strong recovery, strength you never knew was there and grace and peace.   

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Modern science is pretty incredible, so anticipate a positive outcome.  I'm glad you shared the news with your wife.  Share positive vibes with her ...come back here when the thoughts turn negative.  We'll listen; we'll care; we'll knock you back on track.  Best wishes to you.  

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Glad you told your wife. You got this, but keeping that all internal on the home front is way more stress than you need, and everybody here has got you when you need to vent.

(Also, as a fellow Rusty, is it OK from time to time if I pretend some of these affirmative posts and encouragement are for me whenever I need a boost? Is that frowned upon?)

 

 

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2 hours ago, Mrs. Rannous said:

And you didn't do this to yourself either.  I find it unlikely that you pedalled addictive products to yourself.  

Agree with Mrs. R here - please don't beat yourself up.  Also, we all take certain risks in life.  Some get away with them unscathed, and some end up on the wrong end.  But we all do it, and you're no different from anyone else, except that maybe you had a little worse luck.

In any case, you're a terrific, strong person with a wonderful family surrounding you, and I feel like you're going to beat the hell out of this.

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you can and will get through this fight like hell and spend the best most time you can with your wife and daughter right now while you get through it you got this  

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4 hours ago, rustycolts said:

Thanks guys appreciate the positive thoughts. I did tell my wife it went better than I thought it would but I know its going to worry her to death. I'm a pretty tough old fart so I'm going to give this hell. Like I said beat hep c so I can beat this. Only difference is I didn't do the hep c to myself. Like I did with this by smoking,  When I was in the Army back in the mid 70s they didn't know much about blood borne diseases back then. They would stand a whole company of men at a time in a line and give shots with an airgun. Tell you don't flinch. Yea right everyone flinched shared probably every ones blood. So there is a disproportionate of Vets from that era with hep c than the general public.

Good luck rusty.  It's tough to see more of the folks here start to deal with these things.  You'll be in my thoughts.

As for the bolded... maybe that's true and maybe it isn't -- you'll never know.  But no one deserves cancer, so do what you can to let that go of that and think about how what you deserve is to do everything you can to get better.

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Sending good vibes your way.

This place is awesome for support.  I wasn’t a big poster, still aren’t, but have come here to look for support after the passing of my wife and my own cancer diagnosis.

The support you’ll get here is immeasurable in my experience.

You, and your wife, have got this.  Positive attitudes can do wonders.  It’s okay to be frightened but don’t let the fear override a positive attitude.

Keep the faith!!!

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8 minutes ago, cheeseypoof said:

Sending good vibes your way.

This place is awesome for support.  I wasn’t a big poster, still aren’t, but have come here to look for support after the passing of my wife and my own cancer diagnosis.

The support you’ll get here is immeasurable in my experience.

You, and your wife, have got this.  Positive attitudes can do wonders.  It’s okay to be frightened but don’t let the fear override a positive attitude.

Keep the faith!!!

Cheesey!  How is everything?  The search function sucks so hard I couldn't find your folder.

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4 hours ago, rustycolts said:

Thanks guys appreciate the positive thoughts. I did tell my wife it went better than I thought it would but I know its going to worry her to death. I'm a pretty tough old fart so I'm going to give this hell. Like I said beat hep c so I can beat this. Only difference is I didn't do the hep c to myself. Like I did with this by smoking,  When I was in the Army back in the mid 70s they didn't know much about blood borne diseases back then. They would stand a whole company of men at a time in a line and give shots with an airgun. Tell you don't flinch. Yea right everyone flinched shared probably every ones blood. So there is a disproportionate of Vets from that era with hep c than the general public.

I had a good friend of mine who was in the Army and served in Vietnam. He also contracted hep c - more than likely the way you did.  He also started smoking at that time. We talked about that from time to time. 

And during those times, smoking was certainly a more accepted part of society. Especially being in the military - it was a comfort of home. It was something a lot of guys in his platoon did. Something they could do to ease their own personal tension during those times. They had no idea that it was bad for them - heck, nobody did.

I suspect a lot of army platoons go through this. And choosing to smoke may or may not have been a choice for you. Maybe it just was. And now we all know the addictive properties of it.

It's easy to blame yourself NOW, because now you know the harmful effects of it. But when you started, I'm sure it was something guys just did.

You simply cannot beat yourself over this. Otherwise you could beat yourself up over a thousand other decisions that may have put you in peril over your lifetime.

But the one thing you can control now is YOU. You have a great heart - that comes out loud and clear in your initial post where all you care about is your wife and daughter.  That is a ton of strength my friend.  Take that positive, protective feeling and apply it to yourself. You deserve that - you've earned it.

You are a good man.

 

 

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Just now, Mrs. Rannous said:

Cheesey!  How is everything?  The search function sucks so hard I couldn't find your folder.

I’m doing ok.  Cancer is essentially in remission but I’m continuing treatments until August, which will be 2 years worth.

Work is killin me.  Lots of transitions due to re-orgs and retirements.  Hopefully that eases up soon cause I’m guilty of stress eating.  Putting a little weight back on.  Need to work on that.

Dating life is nonexistent.  Dating at 55 during a pandemic sucks.  Lol

Thanks for asking.  Hope you’re well!!

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Just now, cheeseypoof said:

 

Work is killin me.  Lots of transitions due to re-orgs and retirements.  Hopefully that eases up soon cause I’m guilty of stress eating.  Putting a little weight back on.  Need to work on that.

 

We miss you in Otis thread.  We've all had some victories and some setbacks - come back!

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Praying for you and your wife. Hopefully your doctors figure out what's going on and what the plan needs to be soon. Then some of your fear of what you don't know can be replaced by focus on what needs to be done. Stay strong. 

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