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Need Some Advice for a Kid's Party


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I promised my son if they won a soccer tournament a few weeks back, I'd let him throw a pizza/pool party at our house for the kids on the team. (Quick humble brag on behalf of jr. just to get it out of the way) They won 5 games in 3 days. They were down 3-0 in the first half of the finals and came back to win 4-3, he scored 2 goals. He's been excited for this party ever since. On to the issue:

There are 10 kids who played during the tournament. My intention was to invite them all. Anyways, my wife returned from practice yesterday (we were going to send the invites out last night) and says X & Y got into a fight (my son was not involved). X supposedly (I don't know the facts and they might be tough to come by) kicked Y in the back with his cleats after practice and punched him in the face. The dads had words afterwards too, all relayed to me by my wife. Y's dad is the team parent and he's great and very involved, nice guy I like him. X is a bench player, not that good, but comes in and plays his heart out.

I'm taking my son to practice tonight to fact find, but I don't really know what I'll be able to determine. My wife also told me she was talking with another parent, and last year before my son was on the team, X supposedly tried to fight another kid on the team too. The kid he tried to fight last year is our goalie, who is a 5'2 120 pound 8 year old who has taken BJJ since he was like 3 (not very smart to go after him, but he did the right thing and walked away).

Most of this information was relayed to me, so hopefully I can find out more later. 

These boys are coming together like a really good team and they're all buddies, I don't want anything to mess that up.

I'm going tonight, but IDK what I'm going to say. Do you invite X? Do you then talk to his dad? I'm pretty conflicted here, just want a nice party with the kids and for them to have drama free fun. The easiest way to do that is to not invite the kid, but then thinking about how that would make an 8 year old feel to have everyone else on his team go to a party, but not get invited makes me feel really bad for him. WWYD? 

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2 minutes ago, DA RAIDERS said:

Invite everyone. They’re boys.  They’ve probably already gotten over it. 

Yup. And a little weed will calm everyone down. Have fun.

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Just now, El Floppo said:

Invite them all. 

Unless it directly involved the kid being a #### to your son, stay out of whatever else is going on.

Y's dad is calm, cool, and collected. According to my wife, him and this other dad had some serious words (they were speaking in Spanish, so she doesn't know the words, but she said it looked like they were about to fight). I don't want to bring any of that nonsense to my house. 

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1 minute ago, SouthJersey said:

Good advice already given.

 

Best part of the story is the 8 year old who is a BJJ master who started at the age of 3.

So you have two dads who almost came to blows yesterday and you're going to put them in your yard like nothing happened? IDK, my intuition says that might not be the smartest, that's why I'm conflicted. 

The parents of this BJJ kid have a page set up called Z's Sports World. It's just him doing all types of sports #### endlessly dating back to when he was a baby. Honestly, I'll give them credit, it is pretty cool.

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1 minute ago, fantasycurse42 said:

So you have two dads who almost came to blows yesterday and you're going to put them in your yard like nothing happened? IDK, my intuition says that might not be the smartest, that's why I'm conflicted. 

The parents of this BJJ kid have a page set up called Z's Sports World. It's just him doing all types of sports #### endlessly dating back to when he was a baby. Honestly, I'll give them credit, it is pretty cool.

Yep.  You assume they will both show up.  ANd if there is any non sense at your house just tell them to leave :shrug:

Not sure I see the issue 

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I'm not sure if my childhood is much out of the norm but at that age I got into fights with friends all the time.  Mostly pushing and headlocks, but it happens and you're friends again in a day.  Those same guys are still some of my best friends in my 40s.  I wouldn't worry about it.

The BJJ comment is just funny to me.  Also reminds me of my childhood when in 4th grade i went to a new school and was told not to mess with Steven who was a black belt in karate.  I was scared of Steven.  The next year we went to middle school and Steven got into it with a kid from a different school.  I warned the kid that Steve was a black belt.  The new kid put Steven in a headlock and made him cry.  I was never afraid of black belts ever again.

Edited by SouthJersey
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Just now, belljr said:

Yep.  You assume they will both show up.  ANd if there is any non sense at your house just tell them to leave :shrug:

Not sure I see the issue 

Yeah, we run into this every once in awhile with hockey. The boys will beat each other up at practice all the time and then it's all good after that.

 

Heck, we've had parents have words with each other every once in awhile and then the offending parties grab a beer together at the next game. 

In this scenario, I would stay out of the other kids and parents business regarding this particular issue. Not the OP's fight. 

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29 minutes ago, fantasycurse42 said:

So you have two dads who almost came to blows yesterday and you're going to put them in your yard like nothing happened? IDK, my intuition says that might not be the smartest, that's why I'm conflicted. 

The parents of this BJJ kid have a page set up called Z's Sports World. It's just him doing all types of sports #### endlessly dating back to when he was a baby. Honestly, I'll give them credit, it is pretty cool.

I'm assuming the Dads are both adults.  You invite the whole team, and if you feel the need, talk to the two dads beforehand, and tell them you assume they will be cool and if one of them feels they can't that the mom is more than welcome to bring their kid. 

You can't exclude one player from a team party.  Just make sure everyone is clear on expectations. 

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Just now, Skipdog77 said:

I'm assuming the Dads are both adults.  You invite the whole team, and if you feel the need, talk to the two dads beforehand, and tell them you assume they will be cool and if one of them feels they can't that the mom is more than welcome to bring their kid. 

You can't exclude one player from a team party.  Just make sure everyone is clear on expectations. 

Good advice, this was kind of my lean. I think ignoring it could be problematic. This is why I wanted to take him to practice tonight. These are expectations that I feel need to be set. 

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The whole team should be invited.  If the whole team is invited to the next game, then they should be invited to the team celebration.  You dig?  It's not up to you to discipline the parents or the kids.  Yes you are responsible for providing a safe environment, but nothing you said above really implies that any adult lost (or will lose) control.

If kids act up during your party, ask the parents to intervene.  If parents act up, ask the family to leave.  The coach can also be on standby as an authority figure involved, if needed.

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Just now, Psychopav said:

The whole team should be invited.  If the whole team is invited to the next game, then they should be invited to the team celebration.  You dig?  It's not up to you to discipline the parents or the kids.  Yes you are responsible for providing a safe environment, but nothing you said above really implies that any adult lost (or will lose) control.

If kids act up during your party, ask the parents to intervene.  If parents act up, ask the family to leave.  The coach can also be on standby as an authority figure involved, if needed.

The two parents almost got into a fight yesterday. I think Skipdog's advice was best. 

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1 hour ago, fantasycurse42 said:

Y's dad is calm, cool, and collected. According to my wife, him and this other dad had some serious words (they were speaking in Spanish, so she doesn't know the words, but she said it looked like they were about to fight). I don't want to bring any of that nonsense to my house. 

Spanish always sounds more aggressive to gringos during a heated discussion than it really is.  

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2 hours ago, fantasycurse42 said:

The two parents almost got into a fight yesterday. I think Skipdog's advice was best. 

But they didn't, right?  And the kids are both still on the team?  Skipdog's advice works for me.  Mainly I think you should invite the whole team and make sure both sets of parents stick around to answer for their kids' behavior if anything goes wrong.

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20 minutes ago, fantasycurse42 said:

The two parents almost got into a fight yesterday. I think Skipdog's advice was best. 

i think the key word was "almost".  They were able to control things in the heat of the moment.  If you don't invite someone that will just add to the problem (that's not your problem anyway).  Invite everyone and move along.  Don't harp on something that may or not be there.  Pretty simple if something gets started to just have them leave.  I doubt there are any issues a few days past the original issue especially when they calmed down on their own in the heat of it.  

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Fighting is good in sports. That kid is probably the x factor who pumped your kid up to score 2 goals.

 

 

Also, there's going to be a fight at this party regardless. That's what young men do. If we're not fighting, we're looking for a place to put our ding dong.

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Bring a pair of adult and kids boxing gloves to the party.  Everyone will laugh and forget about it.   

Don't talk to them before hand. Could make a problem that is already going way rekindle.

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5 minutes ago, Getzlaf15 said:

Bring a pair of adult and kids boxing gloves to the party.  Everyone will laugh and forget about it.   

Don't talk to them before hand. Could make a problem that is already going way rekindle.

Just came in here to post this, but was going to suggest real ones - a pair for each of the kids and a pair each for the feuding dads. This is what the principal of my HS used to do when boys fought - brought them to the gym, put gloves on them and let them slug it out. No witnesses but he and the fighters. In this case put kids on the undercard, dads the main event. Maybe the wives could also fight. Make it fun. 

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1 minute ago, Nigel said:

Just came in here to post this, but was going to suggest real ones - a pair for each of the kids and a pair each for the feuding dads. This is what the principal of my HS used to do when boys fought - brought them to the gym, put gloves on them and let them slug it out. No witnesses but he and the fighters. In this case put kids on the undercard, dads the main event. Maybe the wives could also fight. Make it fun. 

Real ones for sure...

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4 hours ago, DA RAIDERS said:

Invite everyone. They’re boys.  They’ve probably already gotten over it. 

💯 this

Kids aren’t like adults, that stuff slides off their back like water on ducks.

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The best advice I have for a kids party is to rent one of those inflatable bounce houses for them...  that and force them to stay outside the whole time. 

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6 hours ago, SWC said:

so what happened when you picked your kid up from practice I need chapter two take that to the bank brohan  

X is refusing to be a reference for Y at the local Gamestop.

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I'm having a bday party for my son, about the same age on Saturday.  It is going to be nerf themed, and I sent out a CTF aerial map showing power weapon locations, shield (trash can lids), and respawn locations.  I even ordered a cool referee jersey! 

For the pool, I have one of those "watermelon balls" that they have fun with.  

 

No advice for the drama, but I plan on telling them they are being monitored closely by cameras to prevent the inevitable cheating.  If you happen to have all the kids their let them know in advance they are on camera, and maybe that will prevent them from getting into it.

Edited by Punxsutawney Phil
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