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What age do I let my son get his ears pierced? (1 Viewer)

Frostillicus

Bad Manager
I fully admit I'm enforcing a double standard and I'm fine getting that out of the way early. I'm not exactly happy that I'm doing it, but I am, so here we are. 

My son is 10, my daughter 13. My daughter just got her ears pierced. She showed no interest in doing so prior to the last few months, however we did ask her yearly if not more often from the time she was old enough to have an opinion, she just always said no.

My son has been asking to get his ears pierced since he was around 8. We keep saying no. He says "why not, you would have let *daughter* get them done when she was my age." And he's 100% correct. We have no good answer. 

I think the answer is most likely because we are relics of an age where males piercing their ears was more taboo and rebellious, while females doing so was the norm. I just feel weird letting my 10 year old son pierce his ears, although I'd have no problem if he got it done at say, 15-16. Am I just a monster?

 
The gender shouldn't matter at all. You should've already allowed your son to get his ear/s pierced.  

 
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The same age as your daughter.. I'm glad I don't have kids.

Best of luck, I know that doesn't work.

 
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My question is more why did you keep pushing your daughter to get her ears pierced?  I can't think of any reason to do this.

 
Related. What age do you let a child get their septum pierced. I'd rather it was never. Their argument, we let their younger sister get their ears pierced at 10 I think it was.
I'd say never, too. People have a reaction to other people with metal in their face where it really shouldn't be. I get ears are for adornment, but the other places would seem to be off-limits as far as I'm concerned. Even those teeny, tiny hoops that were once in fashion way up on the upper part of the ear by the cartilage. Not sold on those either. A hole or two in the ears, okay, we get it. Trinkets. Gems. Resplendent.

Septums? No.

 
No idea about the right age, but explaining the double standard is pretty simple.

Nearly every double standard in the history of humankind has gone in favor of males. Not too much to ask for little dude to have to hold off a little longer than his sister put trinkets through them.

Tell him one of these days when he's out of shape, poorly groomed, rich old man that lands of smokeshow half his age, he'll look back on this moment and laugh.

 
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Who cares. My daughter got her ears pierced at 5. Plus this isn't permanent, if he hates them then he can take them out. 

 
I'd say never, too. People have a reaction to other people with metal in their face where it really shouldn't be. I get ears are for adornment, but the other places would seem to be off-limits as far as I'm concerned. Even those teeny, tiny hoops that were once in fashion way up on the upper part of the ear by the cartilage. Not sold on those either. A hole or two in the ears, okay, we get it. Trinkets. Gems. Resplendent.

Septums? No.
Eh times are a changing. I’ve found that people don’t care as much every year that passes. Maybe it has to do with ones location? 
 

My wife is 38. She has gauged ears, septum, monroe, and medusa piercings, teal hair, and lots of tattoos. She can’t go anywhere without people talking to her. I’m surprised that most  of the times it’s older people (like 60+) be it at restaurants, the park, doctor’s offices, stores, wherever. She radiates warmth and friendliness. That probably has something to do with it. We own our own business and the majority of the people that we deal with look nothing like us but they love us and we them. I have a big beard, gauged ears, and tattoos, for what it’s worth. I do not radiate warmth and friendliness as much as she does, however. Lol.

 
I fully admit I'm enforcing a double standard and I'm fine getting that out of the way early. I'm not exactly happy that I'm doing it, but I am, so here we are. 

My son is 10, my daughter 13. My daughter just got her ears pierced. She showed no interest in doing so prior to the last few months, however we did ask her yearly if not more often from the time she was old enough to have an opinion, she just always said no.

My son has been asking to get his ears pierced since he was around 8. We keep saying no. He says "why not, you would have let *daughter* get them done when she was my age." And he's 100% correct. We have no good answer. 

I think the answer is most likely because we are relics of an age where males piercing their ears was more taboo and rebellious, while females doing so was the norm. I just feel weird letting my 10 year old son pierce his ears, although I'd have no problem if he got it done at say, 15-16. Am I just a monster?
Our son turns 20 in a few weeks.  I think he started asking about ear piercing around 15.  We were definitely hypocrites because both our daughters had their ears pierced at younger ages than 15.  Like you say, no real reason other than it being the norm but looking back my logic was don't do something you may regret.  Because I don't really know of any women who regret getting them (although I'm sure there are some) we reasoned he needed to wait to make an "adult" decision.  We did have a uniform rule around tattoos - none until they are 18.  I think if my kids were little now I would have a different viewpoint but what's done is done. 

Btw - he waited patiently and didn't get them immediately after he turned 18 but he does now have 4 piercings - 3 in one ear and 1 in the other.  I think it looks goofy but I'm an old dude with no style.  He likes them and says he gets a lot of compliments.

Oh, one other thing - I told him to get them professionally done so he limited his risk for infection and that they would look right.

 
Its not at what age it is demonstrating maturity and being rewarded.

I would look for signs that he is a decent person, basically I'd look to see if he helps someone in need without any hint of personal reward.  Once he shows signs of maturity and being real mensch that he will be rewarded on multiple levels not just getting pieced ears. 

 
The same age as your daughter
This.  I have 12 year-old twins (1 girl, 1 boy.   Neither has expressed an interest in ear piercings, but we would treat each situation equally.  Can’t think of a compelling reason not to.

And no, not a monster.  Parenting is inherently difficult and imperfect.  Do what you think is right.

 
you are kidding, right? take him today, imo. 
Mostly in the sense that there is really zero reason not to let him do it if you have been willing to let your daughter and/or encouraging her to do so for as long as you say. I can't imagine you are all that old that you can really have that much of a stigma around it. Spoken as a 50 year old that got his ear pierced 30+ years ago for no good reason.

 
Mostly in the sense that there is really zero reason not to let him do it if you have been willing to let your daughter and/or encouraging her to do so for as long as you say. I can't imagine you are all that old that you can really have that much of a stigma around it. Spoken as a 50 year old that got his ear pierced 30+ years ago for no good reason.
I mostly agree with you but I think in the abstract there's an argument to be made about certain decisions impacting a young person's future.  Ear piercing is no longer a great example most likely but I imagine it's still a limiting decision on some level, somewhere. 

 
I mostly agree with you but I think in the abstract there's an argument to be made about certain decisions impacting a young person's future.  Ear piercing is no longer a great example most likely but I imagine it's still a limiting decision on some level, somewhere. 
Oh, I agree. My younger daughter wanted to get gauges at one point and we told her no - that she would have to wait until she was "an adult" if she really wanted to do that. I'm pretty glad she 'grew out of that' idea before she was old enough to get them. Similarly, she has wanted to get a tattoo for quite a while and we put that off. I have 3 tattoos myself and my wife has one as well so we aren't exactly against the idea but we told her she had to wait before doing something permanent like that. She's old enough now to make her own decisions and still wants to do it but isn't in a hurry. But a simple piercing would grow back pretty easily if you want and if he's legit been asking for years, it seems odd to ban it, especially in light of the full story, IMO. 

 
You don't have to apologize for being normal.

You should not allow it until you have no choice (i.e. 18, I guess).

 
I fully admit I'm enforcing a double standard and I'm fine getting that out of the way early. I'm not exactly happy that I'm doing it, but I am, so here we are. 

My son is 10, my daughter 13. My daughter just got her ears pierced. She showed no interest in doing so prior to the last few months, however we did ask her yearly if not more often from the time she was old enough to have an opinion, she just always said no.

My son has been asking to get his ears pierced since he was around 8. We keep saying no. He says "why not, you would have let *daughter* get them done when she was my age." And he's 100% correct. We have no good answer. 

I think the answer is most likely because we are relics of an age where males piercing their ears was more taboo and rebellious, while females doing so was the norm. I just feel weird letting my 10 year old son pierce his ears, although I'd have no problem if he got it done at say, 15-16. Am I just a monster?
Like someone else said, I'd look for signs of maturity that show you that he'd wear them and keep them clean, etc. 

You can say that, in some areas, men have a different road to hoe.  You and I know it's true; he may as well learn it early.

 
The more you put it off, the more significance it gains and the more he will want it. When in reality it isn't that big of a deal. 

The taboo of guys getting piercings is a product of a bygone era. 

Once he gets it and realizes that: A) it is really not that big of a deal and B) you mean I have to keep these things clean to avoid infection, may result in him just letting them ultimately close up. My older daughter got a lot of piercings throughout her teen years. When she got in college and saw the amount of time and upkeep that was needed, she let 90% of them close up. 

But I echo the earlier poster that said to make sure you get it done professionally and not a place like Claire's. My 16 year old got her nose pierced last year and we took her to place that looked like a doctor's office and was super clean. That guy spent a bunch of time with her making sure the placement was perfect and it looks very nice. Cost me an arm and a leg, but well worth making sure it was done right. 

 
I fully admit I'm enforcing a double standard and I'm fine getting that out of the way early. I'm not exactly happy that I'm doing it, but I am, so here we are. 

My son is 10, my daughter 13. My daughter just got her ears pierced. She showed no interest in doing so prior to the last few months, however we did ask her yearly if not more often from the time she was old enough to have an opinion, she just always said no.

My son has been asking to get his ears pierced since he was around 8. We keep saying no. He says "why not, you would have let *daughter* get them done when she was my age." And he's 100% correct. We have no good answer. 

I think the answer is most likely because we are relics of an age where males piercing their ears was more taboo and rebellious, while females doing so was the norm. I just feel weird letting my 10 year old son pierce his ears, although I'd have no problem if he got it done at say, 15-16. Am I just a monster?
There are many ways you could go about this. I have two boys (15 & 13), and a daughter who will be 11 in a few weeks.

I guess if this happened in my house when the boys were 10 I would just tell the boys no. And if they asked me why I would just tell them: "because you are too young for that kind of decision and you aren't doing it."

And that would be the end of it.

Now, if they said something like "well, you let our sister get one", I'd probably say something like: "yeah, but she's a girl and girl's start doing that kind of stuff at a younger age."

And if they kept pushing I'd just say: "that's my final answer." And that would be that.

I know it's a double standard as well, but I'm not getting into a debate with my pre-teens about all of this. I parent and make a decision and live with it. Now, if my son was 8 and this was part of something bigger I would probably explore it more. Like, if the answer was: "well, it makes me feel more like a girl" or something like that, then we would really talk about it and see what might be really going on.

There's no playbook for this obviously. And I can certainly see every side of the answers posted in this thread alone. But I would just make the decision and go with it. To me, a ten year old is going to move on to other things eventually.

 
I got my ear pierced when I graduated from 6th grade. That was back when jr high was only 7 & 8

By the time I was in college, I had 3 piercings. I mostly wore 3 X earnings because I am straight edge. If I had to guess, I stopped wearing them around the time my kids were born. Don’t wear them anymore. 

 
No idea about the right age, but explaining the double standard is pretty simple.

Nearly every double standard in the history of humankind has gone in favor of males. Not too much to ask for little dude to have to hold off a little longer than his sister put trinkets through them.

Tell him one of these days when he's out of shape, poorly groomed, rich old man that lands of smokeshow half his age, he'll look back on this moment and laugh.
He's been really understandable about the whole thing. I just feel unsettled by it. 

 
Its not at what age it is demonstrating maturity and being rewarded.

I would look for signs that he is a decent person, basically I'd look to see if he helps someone in need without any hint of personal reward.  Once he shows signs of maturity and being real mensch that he will be rewarded on multiple levels not just getting pieced ears. 
Kind of going this route, plus there's a very good chance he's not responsible enough to not get infections and stuff. 

 
whatever age it is, just make sure he takes care of them unlike my daughter who thought "taking care of them" meant... not taking care of them.

her ear ABSORBED the earring back. just swallowed it whole. thing got beet red and tender to the touch, but we couldn't figure out wtf was going on.  thought she just lost the earring.

took her to the doctor and he was like "does she wear earrings?  i see this all time time... it's inside her ear lobe."

 
whatever age it is, just make sure he takes care of them unlike my daughter who thought "taking care of them" meant... not taking care of them.

her ear ABSORBED the earring back. just swallowed it whole. thing got beet red and tender to the touch, but we couldn't figure out wtf was going on.  thought she just lost the earring.

took her to the doctor and he was like "does she wear earrings?  i see this all time time... it's inside her ear lobe."
The earring is calling from inside the lobe!!!

 
13, regardless of gender.

A just because some families are openminded doesn't mean society/other kids/schools won't give him crap for having pierced ears. He just needs to be prepared for that.

 
My dad said if I got my ears pierced, he would throw me out of the house. I went to college out of state the Fall of that year and got my ears pierced immediately. No regrets. Ear piercing is no big deal these days (although those stupid stretch out ring things puzzle me), but I would say wait until 14 (high school age).  

ETA: Still have my original 2 piercings in my left ear. I got 2 because they charged the same for 1 or 2 at the place I went to.  :lol:

 
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There are many ways you could go about this. I have two boys (15 & 13), and a daughter who will be 11 in a few weeks.

I guess if this happened in my house when the boys were 10 I would just tell the boys no. And if they asked me why I would just tell them: "because you are too young for that kind of decision and you aren't doing it."

And that would be the end of it.

Now, if they said something like "well, you let our sister get one", I'd probably say something like: "yeah, but she's a girl and girl's start doing that kind of stuff at a younger age."

And if they kept pushing I'd just say: "that's my final answer." And that would be that.

I know it's a double standard as well, but I'm not getting into a debate with my pre-teens about all of this. I parent and make a decision and live with it. Now, if my son was 8 and this was part of something bigger I would probably explore it more. Like, if the answer was: "well, it makes me feel more like a girl" or something like that, then we would really talk about it and see what might be really going on.

There's no playbook for this obviously. And I can certainly see every side of the answers posted in this thread alone. But I would just make the decision and go with it. To me, a ten year old is going to move on to other things eventually.
This is the camp I'm in.

 

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