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I'm Back After a Long Absence - Who Am I Supposed to Hate? Any Hot Topics I Should Avoid (1 Viewer)

Mr. Know-It-All

Footballguy
Hopefully I'll be on more now.  Been a tough couple of years ending in a divorce this year after 31 years of marriage - 5 kids and 5 grandkids.  So I'll be here a lot more if anything just for the company and a few good laughs.  Glad to be back - and for any new people please do not be mistaken in thinking that I know anything , let alone knowing it all.

Crazy fact - two people married this long can have an amicable divorce that doesn't involve infidelity, alcoholism or any other sordid activities.  We just married too young and she wanted a fresh start before it was too late.  I'm down with that, I don't like people anyway.

 
The more this place changes the more it stays the same. You probably didn't miss a beat. Sorry to hear about your personal situation. Welcome back.

 
Welcome back, sorry to hear about the divorce (and perhaps congrats? lol), and things here are same as they ever were. Definitely PM shuke just to be sure though.

 
If you are willing to discuss it more I’m curious to hear why you two would split after that many years without it seeming to be a bad breakup.  Doesn’t really compute to me.  

 
If you are willing to discuss it more I’m curious to hear why you two would split after that many years without it seeming to be a bad breakup.  Doesn’t really compute to me.  
Not sure if this is his scenario or not, but I've had several friends that went through this. They just drifted apart over the years, and as soon as the kids were grown and out of the house (or at least high school age), they decided to go their separate ways.  They just don't build relationships any more like they used to. 

 
Not sure if this is his scenario or not, but I've had several friends that went through this. They just drifted apart over the years, and as soon as the kids were grown and out of the house (or at least high school age), they decided to go their separate ways.  They just don't build relationships any more like they used to. 
Yeah, and he alluded to that with the wife wanting to start over.  Just doesn’t compute for me though - 5 kids, 5 grandkids - 31 years.  I mean, start over to do what exactly?  Love someone else or are there things she wants to do he doesn’t.  And feel free to tell me to pound sand and mind my own business but I figured since you put it out there you may be willing to discuss.  Who knows, it may help some of us who’ve been married a while not go down the same path.

 
Not sure if this is his scenario or not, but I've had several friends that went through this. They just drifted apart over the years, and as soon as the kids were grown and out of the house (or at least high school age), they decided to go their separate ways.  They just don't build relationships any more like they used to. 
I'm 33 had 2 friends who were high school sweethearts married out of college had 2 kids. 5 yrs ago decided to call it quits. Still on great friendly terms and take care of the kids co parenting. She's remarried with another kid with the new guy. I'm really good friends with both so it worked out really well. They just fell apart and part of it was do to his job involving too much travel didn't see one another enough. 

 
Hopefully I'll be on more now.  Been a tough couple of years ending in a divorce this year after 31 years of marriage - 5 kids and 5 grandkids.  So I'll be here a lot more if anything just for the company and a few good laughs.  Glad to be back - and for any new people please do not be mistaken in thinking that I know anything , let alone knowing it all.

Crazy fact - two people married this long can have an amicable divorce that doesn't involve infidelity, alcoholism or any other sordid activities.  We just married too young and she wanted a fresh start before it was too late.  I'm down with that, I don't like people anyway.
Don't think we've met. I'm Djac. I'm known for getting into some controversy around here with my pretty opinionated self and long winded posts that could be considered short stories. I also am known to hippie 

 
I'm 33 had 2 friends who were high school sweethearts married out of college had 2 kids. 5 yrs ago decided to call it quits. Still on great friendly terms and take care of the kids co parenting. She's remarried with another kid with the new guy. I'm really good friends with both so it worked out really well. They just fell apart and part of it was do to his job involving too much travel didn't see one another enough. 
That’s a pretty typical story.  ~10 years with 2 kids still at home is a lot different than 31 years with 5 grown kids and grandkids.  

 
Well there's been a pandemic that has gotten in the way, news might be traveling a bit slow where you are at.  

Welcome Back 

Cheers!

 
Hopefully I'll be on more now.  Been a tough couple of years ending in a divorce this year after 31 years of marriage - 5 kids and 5 grandkids.  So I'll be here a lot more if anything just for the company and a few good laughs.  Glad to be back - and for any new people please do not be mistaken in thinking that I know anything , let alone knowing it all.

Crazy fact - two people married this long can have an amicable divorce that doesn't involve infidelity, alcoholism or any other sordid activities.  We just married too young and she wanted a fresh start before it was too late.  I'm down with that, I don't like people anyway.
Welcome Back!

 
Crazy fact - two people married this long can have an amicable divorce that doesn't involve infidelity, alcoholism or any other sordid activities.  We just married too young and she wanted a fresh start before it was too late.  I'm down with that, I don't like people anyway.
Well, I believe that might be the exception ...  at least in my limited experience .....  Glad you are both in a better place!  GL

 
Welcome back, GB.  Married too young, 31 years of marriage, kids and grandkids...  sounds awful familiar.  I'm still kicking at 37 years of marriage but I understand your situation.  Well, not much kicking any more, except maybe rocks  :kicksrock:   but still.  

 
Stevie?

Got divorced, could be worse
Mighta got caught up in a Spiderverse
He's Mister Know-It-All

Took some time, cooled his heels
Came back to the forums to see how it feels
He's Mister Know-It-All

Hope he knows there's no chance
To be linked to pictures of yoga pants
He's Mister Know-It-All

Gotta say,  you'd be daft
To join @Eephus or @timschochet in a draft
He's Mister Know-It-All

When you go to TPF
They will say, "What do you know?"
No one'd try to argue there
If they had more than one place to go, ooh

Welcome back, good time spent
Showing @Joe Bryant you can be excellent
He's Mister Know-It-All

 
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If you are willing to discuss it more I’m curious to hear why you two would split after that many years without it seeming to be a bad breakup.  Doesn’t really compute to me.  
He’s only in his 50s, not his 90s.  He’s got a lot more living to do, why should he stay married to someone he doesn’t want to be married to for decades to come?

 
Stevie?

Got divorced, could be worse
Coulda got caught up in a Spiderverse
He's Mister Know-It-All

Took some time, cooled his heels
Came back to the forums to see how it feels
He's Mister Know-It-All

Hope he knows there's no chance
To be linked to pictures of yoga pants
He's Mister Know-It-All

Gotta say,  you'd be daft
To join @Eephus or @timschochet in a draft
He's Mister Know-It-All

When you go to TPF
They will say, "What do you know?"
No one'd try to argue there
If they had more than one place to go, ooh

Welcome back, good time spent
Showing @Joe Bryant you can be excellent
He's Mister Know-It-All


Love.

 
He’s only in his 50s, not his 90s.  He’s got a lot more living to do, why should he stay married to someone he doesn’t want to be married to for decades to come?
I wasn’t suggesting that he should - more trying to understand the “doesn’t want to be married to” and reconcile that with there being no issues.  I get some people just grow apart but I don’t think it’s super common after 31 years with someone.  I think there’s potentially something to be learned here.  

 
I wasn’t suggesting that he should - more trying to understand the “doesn’t want to be married to” and reconcile that with there being no issues.  I get some people just grow apart but I don’t think it’s super common after 31 years with someone.  I think there’s potentially something to be learned here.  
I agree it isn’t that common to divorce after 31 years, but I think it’s very common for  couples to be less than happy after 31 years.  But most of them just stay in the unhappy marriage because of fear or guilt or stigma or whatever.  From my perspective* the ones that get divorced are the smart ones.

*perspective of someone that got divorced after a 19 year marriage, so take it for what it’s worth.

ETA:  He didn’t say there were “no issues” he just said no infidelity or alcoholism or sordid activities.

 
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If you are willing to discuss it more I’m curious to hear why you two would split after that many years without it seeming to be a bad breakup.  Doesn’t really compute to me.  
So we met at 19, decided to get married because I was going into the Air Force after college.  She got pregnant so we moved the wedding date up.  She HATED the Air Force and said we could stay married or I could stay in the Air Force.  I caved.  Moved back to Omaha have kid #2.  She never really emotionally committed to the marriage as she has a overly tight relationship to her mother so much so that even decisions we should have made as a couple went through her mom.  After kid 2 things were a little better but still no emotional intimacy.  Along came kids 3 and 4.  I was so wrapped up in being a good Dad and provider that I hardly paid attention to the lack of emotional intimacy.  Kid 5 arrived and we were done having kids.  Now she was pulling away and we felt like strangers living under the same roof.  I thought divorce was out of the question so worked my ### off to try to "make" her love me (hint that is impossible).  Once she hit 40 she decided that when our last kid graduated she was going to file for divorce and try to find happiness on her own.  Now she didn't tell ME this until the divorce actually went down.  Those last ten years were the worst.  No emotional intimacy, no physical intimacy and for the most part not much more than contemp...but again I tried my best to make it work (I was a fool).  So, no cheating, no alcoholism or drug use, no abuse - just a person in a marriage that didn't value the marriage.  I wish her well.  She is a good Mom, good grandma - just a crappy wife.  I have my flaws as well - but ultimately it came down to her decision and I am thanful for it or I would have stayed on in a loveless relationship indefinitely.

 
I agree it isn’t that common to divorce after 31 years, but I think it’s very common for  couples to be less than happy after 31 years.  But most of them just stay in the unhappy marriage because of fear or guilt or stigma or whatever.  From my perspective* the ones that get divorced are the smart ones.

*perspective of someone that got divorced after a 19 year marriage, so take it for what it’s worth.


Totally get that - and don't get me wrong, I wouldn't stay in that type of marriage either.  MKIA just explained - I just find it odd and makes me sad for him or anyone in that situation.  I would have pulled the plug a long-time before that and not stuck around to make it work.

 
So we met at 19, decided to get married because I was going into the Air Force after college.  She got pregnant so we moved the wedding date up.  She HATED the Air Force and said we could stay married or I could stay in the Air Force.  I caved.  Moved back to Omaha have kid #2.  She never really emotionally committed to the marriage as she has a overly tight relationship to her mother so much so that even decisions we should have made as a couple went through her mom.  After kid 2 things were a little better but still no emotional intimacy.  Along came kids 3 and 4.  I was so wrapped up in being a good Dad and provider that I hardly paid attention to the lack of emotional intimacy.  Kid 5 arrived and we were done having kids.  Now she was pulling away and we felt like strangers living under the same roof.  I thought divorce was out of the question so worked my ### off to try to "make" her love me (hint that is impossible).  Once she hit 40 she decided that when our last kid graduated she was going to file for divorce and try to find happiness on her own.  Now she didn't tell ME this until the divorce actually went down.  Those last ten years were the worst.  No emotional intimacy, no physical intimacy and for the most part not much more than contemp...but again I tried my best to make it work (I was a fool).  So, no cheating, no alcoholism or drug use, no abuse - just a person in a marriage that didn't value the marriage.  I wish her well.  She is a good Mom, good grandma - just a crappy wife.  I have my flaws as well - but ultimately it came down to her decision and I am thanful for it or I would have stayed on in a loveless relationship indefinitely.


Thanks - I seem to recall you talking about this years ago.  I hope you are in a better place.  To your last sentence.  Do you think you stayed in it this long and would have continued due to the commitment, religious, kids?

One final thing.  I guess my piqued my interest was your comment about there being no issues.  Maybe it's semantics but years or no physical and emotional intimacy are huge issues, IMO. 

ETA - and it could have been I was reading something not there.  You said amicable and nothing sordid - I guess have that additional context helps me understand.  Totally makes sense to me now.

 
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So we met at 19, decided to get married because I was going into the Air Force after college.  She got pregnant so we moved the wedding date up.  She HATED the Air Force and said we could stay married or I could stay in the Air Force.  I caved.  Moved back to Omaha have kid #2.  She never really emotionally committed to the marriage as she has a overly tight relationship to her mother so much so that even decisions we should have made as a couple went through her mom.  After kid 2 things were a little better but still no emotional intimacy.  Along came kids 3 and 4.  I was so wrapped up in being a good Dad and provider that I hardly paid attention to the lack of emotional intimacy.  Kid 5 arrived and we were done having kids.  Now she was pulling away and we felt like strangers living under the same roof.  I thought divorce was out of the question so worked my ### off to try to "make" her love me (hint that is impossible).  Once she hit 40 she decided that when our last kid graduated she was going to file for divorce and try to find happiness on her own.  Now she didn't tell ME this until the divorce actually went down.  Those last ten years were the worst.  No emotional intimacy, no physical intimacy and for the most part not much more than contemp...but again I tried my best to make it work (I was a fool).  So, no cheating, no alcoholism or drug use, no abuse - just a person in a marriage that didn't value the marriage.  I wish her well.  She is a good Mom, good grandma - just a crappy wife.  I have my flaws as well - but ultimately it came down to her decision and I am thanful for it or I would have stayed on in a loveless relationship indefinitely.
Wish you the best of luck - that had to be rough on you.

WFH nooners are all the rage.

 

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