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How do I thank my daughter's benefactor? I have never met him. (1 Viewer)

johnnycakes

johnnycakes

Footballguy
So I'm holding a treasurer's check, made payable to me, in the amount of $30,000.  I thought that might get your attention.  My youngest daughter is going to University of California Santa Cruz next month.  I guess she was at one of her friend's house last fall....  discussing where they wanted to go to school.  My daughter commented that she wanted to go to UCSC but nonresident tuition was going to be a tough nut for us to crack.  Well, I guess my daughter's friend's father overheard the comment and pledged $30,000 if she opted to go to UCSC.  

Bear in mind, this is someone I have never met.  I don't know him.  I wouldn't know him if I were to meet him on the street.  

I need to thank this guy somehow.  I'm thinking something like an Edible Arrangements might be ok?  Or maybe a sweatshirt from UCSC?  

What says the FFA?

 
johnnycakes said:
So I'm holding a treasurer's check, made payable to me, in the amount of $30,000.  I thought that might get your attention.  My youngest daughter is going to University of California Santa Cruz next month.  I guess she was at one of her friend's house last fall....  discussing where they wanted to go to school.  My daughter commented that she wanted to go to UCSC but nonresident tuition was going to be a tough nut for us to crack.  Well, I guess my daughter's friend's father overheard the comment and pledged $30,000 if she opted to go to UCSC.  

Bear in mind, this is someone I have never met.  I don't know him.  I wouldn't know him if I were to meet him on the street.  

I need to thank this guy somehow.  I'm thinking something like an Edible Arrangements might be ok?  Or maybe a sweatshirt from UCSC?  

What says the FFA?
Click to expand...


A sincere, humble, hand-written thank you card.  From your daughter. 

He doesn't know you either. :)  

 
johnnycakes said:
So I'm holding a treasurer's check, made payable to me, in the amount of $30,000.  I thought that might get your attention.  My youngest daughter is going to University of California Santa Cruz next month.  I guess she was at one of her friend's house last fall....  discussing where they wanted to go to school.  My daughter commented that she wanted to go to UCSC but nonresident tuition was going to be a tough nut for us to crack.  Well, I guess my daughter's friend's father overheard the comment and pledged $30,000 if she opted to go to UCSC.  

Bear in mind, this is someone I have never met.  I don't know him.  I wouldn't know him if I were to meet him on the street.  

I need to thank this guy somehow.  I'm thinking something like an Edible Arrangements might be ok?  Or maybe a sweatshirt from UCSC?  

What says the FFA?
Click to expand...
sleep with his wife.

but seriously... wow. amazing there are people out there like this- and I assume your daughter has earned it with her behavior around her friend and family... so congrats on that.

 
facook said:
A sincere, humble, hand-written thank you card.  From your daughter. 

He doesn't know you either. :)  
Click to expand...
This was my first thought as well. If you want to show somebody you appreciate what they have done, you make an effort. Any fool can go online and order an Edible Arrangement with a few clicks. But, if your Daughter has to find a Thank You card and carefully choose the handwritten words inside of it.That doesn't just say your Daughter appreciates the contribution, it shows she does.

 
I would offer to meet him for dinner and maybe drinks to get a chance to know him and show him my gratitude.  That's what I'd hope for anyway if I were anyone's benefactor

 
So I actually have recent experience that's pretty similar.

My wife and her younger coworker have been temps with my company for the past 2 years.  The company wrote job descriptions describing what they do in order to hire them as full salaried employees.  My wife's coworker didn't notice the leverage she had, where a company liked the job she was doing so much that they created a job description describing her.  I've been reading about the gender wage gap and how a major contributor is that women don't ask for as much money when they negotiate for a job.  My wife and I discussed and she decided to ask for $X as a salary.  Wife's coworker was planning to ask for $(X-30) as a salary.  My wife talked to her and convinced her to also ask for $X.  The company hired them both for $X, so her coworker is now making $30K more than she was planning to ask for.

Wife's coworker was getting married just after that and invited us, put us at the main table, and stopped over to thank us and tell us how important it was to her.  Her mom, whom we'd never met, also stopped over to thank us for coaching her on it and said it really meant a lot.  We were thrilled for the coworker and it made us happy that it meant so much to her.

Maybe find a way to thank the guy, even if you don't know him.  It might make him happy to hear how important his gift was was, even if he already knows it.

 
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Tick said:
Also, it's possible he's a creep who has the hots for your daughter.  Probably not, but possible.
Click to expand...
Hate to say it but this was my first thought as well. It's a little odd to give $30k to someone for college who isn't blood related, imo. IDK.

 
he could be your future son in law, i mean, you don’t know what’s going on in your daughter’s life obviously.  

 
Be careful, I knew a young guy once who had a wealthy benefactor. He assumed it was this older shut in woman that he had befriended him as a kid but turned out to actually be a convict who escaped from prison. 

 
Definitely have her write the note.

I like the idea of taking the guy out of drinks/dinner.  If that's not possible then a nice bottle of scotch or bourbon or wine.

 
Ilov80s said:
Be careful, I knew a young guy once who had a wealthy benefactor. He assumed it was this older shut in woman that he had befriended him as a kid but turned out to actually be a convict who escaped from prison. 
Click to expand...
All I know is the guy is a doctor of some sort.  Lots of people who live in Lexington have @chetbuxTM, so I'm not totally surprised my daughter found a friend whose parents have that kind of money to spare.  Plus, Lexington is where the beautiful people live, as @HellToupee likes to say.  That said, this doctor has since sold his Lexington house and moved to the Boston waterfront.  I'm sure my daughter can get the new mailing address from her friend.  

I will make a point of telling my daughter she needs to write a nice thank-you note.  

 
AAABatteries said:
Definitely have her write the note.

I like the idea of taking the guy out of drinks/dinner.  If that's not possible then a nice bottle of scotch or bourbon or wine.
Click to expand...
I would love to take the guy & family out for drinks & dinner, but I'm afraid it would be awkward.  It's like...  we're two different classes of people.  I'm more of a working slob and he's white collar executive material.  I think the thank-you note is the right ticket.  

 
Does this gift only cover the delta for freshman year?  If so, will this create issues for the following three years?  Not trying to get into your personal financial business, but sometimes gifts can create unintended consequences. 

 
bigbottom said:
Does this gift only cover the delta for freshman year?  If so, will this create issues for the following three years?  Not trying to get into your personal financial business, but sometimes gifts can create unintended consequences. 
Click to expand...
Yes, my understanding is it's a one-time gift.  He did tell my daughter if she needed more in a future year, that she could come and ask but I can't imagine being that bold.  

 
johnnycakes said:
Yes, my understanding is it's a one-time gift.  He did tell my daughter if she needed more in a future year, that she could come and ask but I can't imagine being that bold.  
Click to expand...
So will she end up needing to take out loans for three years that she wouldn’t have to take if she attended a different school?

 
bigbottom said:
Does this gift only cover the delta for freshman year?  If so, will this create issues for the following three years?  Not trying to get into your personal financial business, but sometimes gifts can create unintended consequences. 
Click to expand...
We'll find a way to make it work for the subsequent years.  My daughter applied to all state schools....  only one in-state, UMass Amherst.  And UMass was the only one that I could really afford but she was dead-set against going there because it has a reputation as being a party school and she's a fairly serious study student.  So I'm relocating to Denver, Colorado in September.  Hoping to find a good job out there once I move.  One way or another, it'll all work out.  I have faith.  

 
bigbottom said:
So will she end up needing to take out loans for three years that she wouldn’t have to take if she attended a different school?
Click to expand...
As I said, she applied to all out-of-state schools except for UMass Amherst.  We would be paying out-of-state tuition no matter where she went unless she went to UMass.  This way we get a break for this first year.  We'll make it work for subsequent years somehow.  

 
I had a gentleman pay for about $100,000 of my undergrad tuition. This was via the school, a need based scholarship, but it was in his name. Senior year I was able to sit down and have lunch with him. The key thing I tried to impress beyond being thankful is that his money was not wasted. I’d succeeded, great gpa, and had a great job in hand with a multinational oil company 6 months before graduation (he was an oil/chemical guy also). 
 

my point here is, have your daughter tank him today, but the real thank you comes in 4 years showing that the investment was not wasted. Be sure to have your daughter circle back then 

 
In your daughter's thank you note, make sure she references your love of 1965 Corvettes, and the sad circumstances of how your grandfather lost said car in a poker game.

 
El Floppo said:
sleep with his wife.

but seriously... wow. amazing there are people out there like this- and I assume your daughter has earned it with her behavior around her friend and family... so congrats on that.
Click to expand...
Yeah the best I can figure is this.  Lexington High School is notoriously competitive.  1/3 of the school is Asian, for starters.  Consistently ranked among the top 10 high schools in Massachusetts.  My daughter and her small group of friends have studied together for years.  I know my daughter competes with her friends for grades.  So I think this guy recognizes that his daughter benefitted from the relationship....  the girls pushed themselves to be the best students they could be.   Maybe this is the guy's way of saying thanks....   who knows.  

 
Last edited by a moderator:
If you see him out on the moors, make sure to bring him some food and tools to remove his shackles.

 
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