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Bedtime procrastination (or, Go the ____ to Sleep!) (1 Viewer)

ignatiusjreilly

ignatiusjreilly

Footballguy
Anyone else have a problem with this? It's always been somewhat of an issue for me, but it seems to have gotten worse in the past month or two. I end up staying up way later than I had planned, and get far less sleep than I had intended.

Screens are definitely my weakness, especially the computer or iPhone. If I read I eventually get tired (especially if I use my Kindle Fire with the blue light turned off). But if I'm staring at a regular screen I can stay awake for hours, even if I know I need to get to bed.

I've tried to come up with ways to reward myself for going to bed on time, but nothing seems to motivate me at that crucial moment when I know I need to close the computer or turn off the phone. I've also noticed it seems to happen on nights when my wife goes to bed early and I'm all alone in the living room.

Curious if others have experienced it, and if anyone's figured out a good method for overcoming it.

 
Thank you to the OP for posting this.  I’ve always assumed that I was a pure insomniac—but I’m not going to lie. Some of what is in that article seems to describe some aspects of what I’ve been battling through for a while.  Reading this might help me change my approach to trying to solve my sleep deprivation problem. 

 
Maybe having a bit more "me time" during the day would help?  Or yoga?  Jogging?  Any fun stress relief might help.

 
Maybe consider buying some blue light blocking glasses to wear after 8PM for when you are looking at a regular screen.. 

 
Zow said:
Same here. 
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I remember doing the same thing when I was a kid, because I felt like I was missing something exciting, but I realized that isn’t the case, and I’ve told my kids this as well, and they understand, but they still fight it. It probably has something to do with their independence now, is my guess.

 
I was the worst at this, all through my 20s and 30s, especially when in an unhappy marriage. Kids and wife would go to sleep by 10pm, giving me in my mind a 4 hour window until 2am for myself. Sundays were worse because in my head "didn't want the weekend to end" and would push to 4am. 6:30 am on Monday came early.

I'm not saying divorce is the answer, but after my divorce, these were the things I changed. No TV in the bedroom. That was the biggest thing. Also moved my phone charger to across the bedroom on my dresser. Keeps me from reaching for my phone but I can still hear it for an emergency. Have a Kindle Paperwhite for reading, but normally I just play a music playlist and doze off while there are still 4 digits on the clock.

 
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Bogart said:
I was the worst at this, all through my 20s and 30s, especially when in an unhappy marriage. Kids and wife would go to sleep by 10pm, giving me in my mind a 4 hour window until 2am for myself. Sundays were worse because in my head "didn't want the weekend to end" and would push to 4am. 6:30 am on Monday cam

I'm not saying divorce is the answer, but after my divorce, these were the things I changed. No TV in the bedroom. That was the biggest thing. Also moved my phone charger to across the bedroom on my dresser. Keeps me from reaching for my phone but I can still hear it for an emergency. Have a Kindle Paperwhite for reading, but normally I just play a music playlist and doze off while there are still 4 digits on the clock.
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Great idea! Can you send me your ex-wife's number so I can ask her for a divorce?

 
I made the mistake of setting up an Alexa routine (or maybe blueprint?) that interrupts the TV or music and plays over our downstairs speakers at 10:30 each night that tells us to go to bed and then plays about 30 seconds of "Closing Time". 30 minutes later she speaks another snarky reminder. It was funny and effective at first but now drives me bat#### crazy and I can't remember how to stop it. But it does get me to go to bed at a decent hour.

 
Ron Swanson said:
I made the mistake of setting up an Alexa routine (or maybe blueprint?) that interrupts the TV or music and plays over our downstairs speakers at 10:30 each night that tells us to go to bed and then plays about 30 seconds of "Closing Time". 30 minutes later she speaks another snarky reminder. It was funny and effective at first but now drives me bat#### crazy and I can't remember how to stop it. But it does get me to go to bed at a decent hour.
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I think you're using the wrong sitcom character as your screen name.

 
Bogart said:
I was the worst at this, all through my 20s and 30s, especially when in an unhappy marriage. Kids and wife would go to sleep by 10pm, giving me in my mind a 4 hour window until 2am for myself. Sundays were worse because in my head "didn't want the weekend to end" and would push to 4am. 6:30 am on Monday came early.

I'm not saying divorce is the answer, but after my divorce, these were the things I changed. No TV in the bedroom. That was the biggest thing. Also moved my phone charger to across the bedroom on my dresser. Keeps me from reaching for my phone but I can still hear it for an emergency. Have a Kindle Paperwhite for reading, but normally I just play a music playlist and doze off while there are still 4 digits on the clock.
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In all seriousness, everything I've read suggests that this is largely a psychological phenomenon. In fact, it's sometimes called "revenge bedtime procrastination", because people stay up late in order to get "revenge" on their schedule for filling up the rest of their day. In my case, there are four of us in a relatively small apartment, so when everyone else is asleep in their rooms, I really do enjoy having the living room to myself.

One thing I've been thinking about is that I need to be aware of my weaknesses, and establish new behavioral habits around them. For example, I've noticed that the problem tends to get worse during football season, not necessarily because I stay up so late watching games -- they're usually over by 11:30 EST -- but because by the point everyone else in the house has gone to sleep and I'm perfectly set up to stay up later. So what I'm going to try to do is make sure I get everything taken care of (dishes, kids lunches) well before the end of the game, and then set a rule that as soon as it's over I have to turn off the TV and go to bed.

I also think I need to set a rule that I'm not allowed to open up my laptop past a certain time, say, 10:00. If I don't do that, I'll be less likely to still be wasting time in front of the computer late at night.

 
ignatiusjreilly said:
I also think I need to set a rule that I'm not allowed to open up my laptop past a certain time, say, 10:00. If I don't do that, I'll be less likely to still be wasting time in front of the computer late at night.
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That's the problem.  We think we're going to follow these rules when we know damn well we won't.  Otherwise, we would just make a rule that was "Go to bed by 10:30 PM"

 
shuke said:
That's the problem.  We think we're going to follow these rules when we know damn well we won't.  Otherwise, we would just make a rule that was "Go to bed by 10:30 PM"
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I both agree and disagree. Like I said, there's clearly a psychological component to BP, so you're right that just establishing "rules" won't automatically solve the problem. However, the psychological component also means that certain decisions are more charged than others. So saying, "It's 11:00, now I must immediately go to bed" might not work, but setting a rule that I have to do the dishes as soon as the kids go to bed might be easier to stick to. And if I do that, then I don't find myself at 10:45 still not having done the dishes, and next thing I know it's after 11, everyone else has gone to sleep, and the temptation to stay up even later is beckoning me. Procrastination begets more procrastination.

 
Reading a book instead of looking at my phone has made all the difference for me.

Usually after about 10 pages or so I can't keep my eyes open anymore.  Sometimes I wake up at like 1:30 am with the light still on and the book on my chest.

I've been working my way through this book for the past 3 months or so.  I'm on like page 930 and have learned a bunch of stuff about WW2.  Find something interesting, but not so interesting it will keep you up.  History/biography type books are better for me than novels because sometimes I get too into the novel.

 
cockroach said:
You would think.  It doesn't matter though.  Something about those wee hours where things seem more enjoyable and time ticks away more rapidly.  
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Yeah, I realized what the problem comes down to is that the psychological benefits of getting a good night's sleep can't compete with the sugar high of staying up late.

 
I have struggled with this on and off, but I am fairly convinced my issues are also combined with "Non-24-hour sleep–wake disorder" where my circadian rhythm is a bit longer than 24 hours (like 25/26). I've always struggled to go to bed at a "reasonable hour", and given no external requirements on my time will end up staying up later and later until I'm greeting the sun as it is going up. When I have tried to stick to a "regular/reasonable bed time", I end up tossing and turning and not being able to sleep until it gets later. But I don't think it's actually insomnia, if I wait till I'm actually really tired, I will fall asleep almost instantly. Eventually I get sleep deprived enough that I can go to bed earlier and get reset a bit.

 
Jayrod said:
Reading a book instead of looking at my phone has made all the difference for me.

Usually after about 10 pages or so I can't keep my eyes open anymore.  Sometimes I wake up at like 1:30 am with the light still on and the book on my chest.

I've been working my way through this book for the past 3 months or so.  I'm on like page 930 and have learned a bunch of stuff about WW2.  Find something interesting, but not so interesting it will keep you up.  History/biography type books are better for me than novels because sometimes I get too into the novel.
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any true book on war is my go to for a good nights sleep.  I end up realizing just how lucky I've been not to have been maimed or killed in a war & it relaxes me.

 
I don't think a general solution involves strategies directed at night time activities. It's removing responsibilities/activities during the day that leads to this bad habit. Isn't one size fits all though. Especially for those that have been doing this for years.

 
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