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My teenage son and weed


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#1 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:04 AM

Backstory: I am divorced, I have 4 kids, and my oldest, an almost 16 year old boy (let’s call him Adam), lives with me. The other 3 live with their mom. I have all 4 every other weekend. Adam and his mother do not get along at all, to the point of hatred by him toward her and the point of abandonment by her toward him – she has made the following quote or similar ones many times to me – “You need to come get your son, I don’t want to mess with him”. He hardly ever goes to her house, even on weekends she should have him. Adam is a good, smart kid. But, he loves the weed. Over the past 3 years he has developed this infuriating hippie type approach about weed – he can do what he wants, it’s not hurting anyone else, it should be legal, it’s safer than alcohol etc… He thinks he knows everything. On twitter and in person when around other kids, he has this attitude of “Look at me, I love weed, and I’m cool”. Instead of just doing it, he wants it known that he does. He will brag about drinking sometimes too. He doesn’t know I know about the twitter account nor does he know that several of his former good friends tell their parents who then tell me about him. He has basically been banned from hanging around many good kids because of this. It is embarrassing to me. Mine and his mother’s approach to this problem so far: We have over the past year and a half gone this route – drug testing, grounding, yelling with attempt to scare straight, telling him he’s not cool because of the weed, that he just comes across as a stupid pothead, he’ll never get a good job if he continues down this path, telling him he can’t do it and will not do it. It hasn’t worked. Here is my specific problem – His mother still has legal custody of him. I pay her a very large amount of money a month for the four kids (including him), and on top of that pay everything for him because he lives with me. I have a modification for the custody filed and it’s in process, but is very slow, and the mother is dragging it out as long as she can, because it’s in her best interest to. She is still getting paid for him. I don’t want to hound and harass him so much about his problems to the point he says he doesn’t want to live with me. I need him to want to be with me. I want him to live with me. Once he’s legally under my custody, that changes things, but for now, I think I need to be careful with how I handle this, but still not allow it. If he didn’t live with me, he wouldn’t live with her either. He hates her. But, her family has already let him live with them for a few months about a year ago and he knows he could do that again. That is a win-win for his mom. She still gets paid AND doesn’t have to put up with him. I don’t want to let that happen again. So, my request for advice: How do I handle him and his problem, but not drive him away from me? He really likes where he and I live and he loves the school he’s going to. He and I get along well. Once I get custody, I can use things like moving, which I want to do, as threats/punishment for keeping on smoking weed. But, that won’t work yet. How do I handle this?



#2 (HULK)

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:09 AM

Is the problem that he smokes weed or that he broadcasts it? Seems like it would be easier to address the latter.

#3 scrumptrulescent

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:10 AM

You don't ask other dorks on a FF website forum.
ceteris paribus

#4 JNox3

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:11 AM

Backstory: I am divorced, I have 4 kids, and my oldest, an almost 16 year old boy (let’s call him Adam), lives with me. The other 3 live with their mom. I have all 4 every other weekend. Adam and his mother do not get along at all, to the point of hatred by him toward her and the point of abandonment by her toward him – she has made the following quote or similar ones many times to me – “You need to come get your son, I don’t want to mess with him”. He hardly ever goes to her house, even on weekends she should have him.

Adam is a good, smart kid. But, he loves the weed. Over the past 3 years he has developed this infuriating hippie type approach about weed – he can do what he wants, it’s not hurting anyone else, it should be legal, it’s safer than alcohol etc… He thinks he knows everything. On twitter and in person when around other kids, he has this attitude of “Look at me, I love weed, and I’m cool”. Instead of just doing it, he wants it known that he does. He will brag about drinking sometimes too. He doesn’t know I know about the twitter account nor does he know that several of his former good friends tell their parents who then tell me about him. He has basically been banned from hanging around many good kids because of this. It is embarrassing to me.

Mine and his mother’s approach to this problem so far:
We have over the past year and a half gone this route – drug testing, grounding, yelling with attempt to scare straight, telling him he’s not cool because of the weed, that he just comes across as a stupid pothead, he’ll never get a good job if he continues down this path, telling him he can’t do it and will not do it. It hasn’t worked.

Here is my specific problem – His mother still has legal custody of him. I pay her a very large amount of money a month for the four kids (including him), and on top of that pay everything for him because he lives with me. I have a modification for the custody filed and it’s in process, but is very slow, and the mother is dragging it out as long as she can, because it’s in her best interest to. She is still getting paid for him. I don’t want to hound and harass him so much about his problems to the point he says he doesn’t want to live with me. I need him to want to be with me. I want him to live with me. Once he’s legally under my custody, that changes things, but for now, I think I need to be careful with how I handle this, but still not allow it. If he didn’t live with me, he wouldn’t live with her either. He hates her. But, her family has already let him live with them for a few months about a year ago and he knows he could do that again. That is a win-win for his mom. She still gets paid AND doesn’t have to put up with him. I don’t want to let that happen again.

So, my request for advice: How do I handle him and his problem, but not drive him away from me? He really likes where he and I live and he loves the school he’s going to. He and I get along well.
Once I get custody, I can use things like moving, which I want to do, as threats/punishment for keeping on smoking weed. But, that won’t work yet.

How do I handle this?

This is the part that bothered me. You're the parent. I understand wanting to be with your son and wanting him to live with him. However, and it's possible I read it wrong, you still have to parent him like normal. You can't be his "buddy". You're his parent. He needs to be disciplined. I don't think you can worry about "driving him away from you". I think you need he needs some rules and if he doesn't follow them then he gets punished for that. He needs to know that it's not ok to smoke weed. He needs to know that you know he smokes it and that he needs to stop.

Good luck with it.

Edited by JNox3, 29 November 2012 - 10:12 AM.


#5 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:12 AM

Is the problem that he smokes weed or that he broadcasts it? Seems like it would be easier to address the latter.

It's more that he broadcasts it truthfully, but I can't really come out and say that to him. If his mom found out I had given him any sort of passive approval of it, that would come back and bite me.

#6 Furious Styles

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:14 AM

Be happy he isn't into bath salts. I would focus on him not advertising he is on weed more than convincing him not to smoke it. Perhaps discuss with him the value of moderation and stress that he needs to get good grades. Let him know that when he is in college it will be a lot easier for him to be open about his pot smoking and let him know that girls are absolute sluts in college. However, let him know that being real open in high school about smoking weed will just hassle his buzz as it will cause Administrators, his mom, his friend's parents and perhaps even the cops to cause trouble for him. Additionally, it could effect his ability to get into college where he can smoke more freely and bang hot young chicks.
How many times do I have to tell you even if she's on the pill, use something anyway? Pill ain't gon' keep your #### from falling off. I don't know why you insist on learning things the hard way, but you gon' learn. Oh, yeah, *you* gon' learn. Pick up that hair.

#7 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:15 AM


Backstory: I am divorced, I have 4 kids, and my oldest, an almost 16 year old boy (let’s call him Adam), lives with me. The other 3 live with their mom. I have all 4 every other weekend. Adam and his mother do not get along at all, to the point of hatred by him toward her and the point of abandonment by her toward him – she has made the following quote or similar ones many times to me – “You need to come get your son, I don’t want to mess with him”. He hardly ever goes to her house, even on weekends she should have him.

Adam is a good, smart kid. But, he loves the weed. Over the past 3 years he has developed this infuriating hippie type approach about weed – he can do what he wants, it’s not hurting anyone else, it should be legal, it’s safer than alcohol etc… He thinks he knows everything. On twitter and in person when around other kids, he has this attitude of “Look at me, I love weed, and I’m cool”. Instead of just doing it, he wants it known that he does. He will brag about drinking sometimes too. He doesn’t know I know about the twitter account nor does he know that several of his former good friends tell their parents who then tell me about him. He has basically been banned from hanging around many good kids because of this. It is embarrassing to me.

Mine and his mother’s approach to this problem so far:
We have over the past year and a half gone this route – drug testing, grounding, yelling with attempt to scare straight, telling him he’s not cool because of the weed, that he just comes across as a stupid pothead, he’ll never get a good job if he continues down this path, telling him he can’t do it and will not do it. It hasn’t worked.

Here is my specific problem – His mother still has legal custody of him. I pay her a very large amount of money a month for the four kids (including him), and on top of that pay everything for him because he lives with me. I have a modification for the custody filed and it’s in process, but is very slow, and the mother is dragging it out as long as she can, because it’s in her best interest to. She is still getting paid for him. I don’t want to hound and harass him so much about his problems to the point he says he doesn’t want to live with me. I need him to want to be with me. I want him to live with me. Once he’s legally under my custody, that changes things, but for now, I think I need to be careful with how I handle this, but still not allow it. If he didn’t live with me, he wouldn’t live with her either. He hates her. But, her family has already let him live with them for a few months about a year ago and he knows he could do that again. That is a win-win for his mom. She still gets paid AND doesn’t have to put up with him. I don’t want to let that happen again.

So, my request for advice: How do I handle him and his problem, but not drive him away from me? He really likes where he and I live and he loves the school he’s going to. He and I get along well.
Once I get custody, I can use things like moving, which I want to do, as threats/punishment for keeping on smoking weed. But, that won’t work yet.

How do I handle this?

This is the part that bothered me. You're the parent. I understand wanting to be with your son and wanting him to live with him. However, and it's possible I read it wrong, you still have to parent him like normal. You can't be his "buddy". You're his parent. He needs to be disciplined. I don't think you can worry about "driving him away from you". I think you need he needs some rules and if he doesn't follow them then he gets punished for that. He needs to know that it's not ok to smoke weed. He needs to know that you know he smokes it and that he needs to stop.

Good luck with it.

I agree with everything you said. I've tried certain punishments, as I mentioned. What are some other punishments that might work? I am not at all okay with him smoking it, he knows that. But, other punishments so far haven't worked.

#8 Mello

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:15 AM

I wish there was some way to scare the crap out of him with the law without really getting him in trouble. He needs to understand the potential long term trouble of getting caught.

#9 fatguyinalittlecoat

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:18 AM

Does your kid have any interest in botany? Seems like there's a future career for him staring you right in the face.

In second grade I put off doing a clay dinosaur diorama until the night before it was due. Still got a check-plus.


#10 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:19 AM

Be happy he isn't into bath salts. I would focus on him not advertising he is on weed more than convincing him not to smoke it. Perhaps discuss with him the value of moderation and stress that he needs to get good grades. Let him know that when he is in college it will be a lot easier for him to be open about his pot smoking and let him know that girls are absolute sluts in college. However, let him know that being real open in high school about smoking weed will just hassle his buzz as it will cause Administrators, his mom, his friend's parents and perhaps even the cops to cause trouble for him. Additionally, it could effect his ability to get into college where he can smoke more freely and bang hot young chicks.

While I'm not at all okay with him smoking weed, I am very happy it's not worse. But, I realise that could be down the road. He makes good grades, but enough to be okay - B's and C's. His potential is way up there, but he doesn't want to be an all A student and have the "good grade nerd" label, he'd rather have the "rebellious pothead" label.

#11 Flying V

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:19 AM

Lace his weed with some angel dust. He'll be afraid to ever smoke it again.

#12 eoMMan

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:19 AM

Beat the #### out of him down? Tell him that he's living in your house...stop with the weed or he'll be living with his mother....etc. But, follow through. It sounds like you and the mom are hard on him, he calls your bluff, and then you two back off. Eff that. As others have said, show some discipline...whether it's no XBox, no car, whatever. He's 16. He shouldn't be smoking weed and definitely not broadcasting it.

#13 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:20 AM

I wish there was some way to scare the crap out of him with the law without really getting him in trouble. He needs to understand the potential long term trouble of getting caught.

I've given this a lot of thought. I have several cop friends.

#14 Limp Ditka

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:20 AM

Son - do you tell everyone that you masturbate?
I find your belief system.........fascinating.

but there are people in life, people you know in your own personal life Joe that just always seem to have a cloud over them. I try to distance myself form those folks as much as possible and I bet you do to.


Clearly, I am the not-bright one.


#15 Henry Ford

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:21 AM

Backstory: I am divorced, I have 4 kids, and my oldest, an almost 16 year old boy (let’s call him Adam), lives with me. The other 3 live with their mom. I have all 4 every other weekend. Adam and his mother do not get along at all, to the point of hatred by him toward her and the point of abandonment by her toward him – she has made the following quote or similar ones many times to me – “You need to come get your son, I don’t want to mess with him”. He hardly ever goes to her house, even on weekends she should have him. Adam is a good, smart kid. But, he loves the weed. Over the past 3 years he has developed this infuriating hippie type approach about weed – he can do what he wants, it’s not hurting anyone else, it should be legal, it’s safer than alcohol etc… He thinks he knows everything. On twitter and in person when around other kids, he has this attitude of “Look at me, I love weed, and I’m cool”. Instead of just doing it, he wants it known that he does. He will brag about drinking sometimes too. He doesn’t know I know about the twitter account nor does he know that several of his former good friends tell their parents who then tell me about him. He has basically been banned from hanging around many good kids because of this. It is embarrassing to me. Mine and his mother’s approach to this problem so far: We have over the past year and a half gone this route – drug testing, grounding, yelling with attempt to scare straight, telling him he’s not cool because of the weed, that he just comes across as a stupid pothead, he’ll never get a good job if he continues down this path, telling him he can’t do it and will not do it. It hasn’t worked. Here is my specific problem – His mother still has legal custody of him. I pay her a very large amount of money a month for the four kids (including him), and on top of that pay everything for him because he lives with me. I have a modification for the custody filed and it’s in process, but is very slow, and the mother is dragging it out as long as she can, because it’s in her best interest to. She is still getting paid for him. I don’t want to hound and harass him so much about his problems to the point he says he doesn’t want to live with me. I need him to want to be with me. I want him to live with me. Once he’s legally under my custody, that changes things, but for now, I think I need to be careful with how I handle this, but still not allow it. If he didn’t live with me, he wouldn’t live with her either. He hates her. But, her family has already let him live with them for a few months about a year ago and he knows he could do that again. That is a win-win for his mom. She still gets paid AND doesn’t have to put up with him. I don’t want to let that happen again. So, my request for advice: How do I handle him and his problem, but not drive him away from me? He really likes where he and I live and he loves the school he’s going to. He and I get along well. Once I get custody, I can use things like moving, which I want to do, as threats/punishment for keeping on smoking weed. But, that won’t work yet. How do I handle this?

I know it's hard to tell with a lot of habitual potsmokers, but what other kinds of goals does Adam have? Is there anything else he wants to do? He sounds like he has a lot of supposedly reason-based arguments about marijuana. Sometimes the discussion to have is not "you can't do this because marijuana is bad" but rather "you can't do this because the consequences are enormous." For instance, does he want to go to college? Getting a controlled substance conviction can keep him from getting any financial aid. Does he ever want to be an attorney? A teacher? A doctor? Anything that requires a license to do it? A controlled substance conviction will have to be explained before anything can happen on those fronts, because they'll all require some level of background check. If he's trying to make arguments, he's trying to assert his rationality right now. Play into that. And since what you're concerned about is his broadcasting it, that's a good start to the conversation - if he continues in that way, he's going to get arrested. Maybe not because he gets caught, but because one of his buddies does, and the buddy's parents start looking into the buddy's friends' online presence. And then he gets blamed for everything, including distribution when his buddy says "Adam gave it to me."

In this specific case I agree with Hitler.

 


#16 Slapdash

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:23 AM

Backstory: I am divorced, I have 4 kids, and my oldest, an almost 16 year old boy (let’s call him Adam), lives with me. The other 3 live with their mom. I have all 4 every other weekend. Adam and his mother do not get along at all, to the point of hatred by him toward her and the point of abandonment by her toward him – she has made the following quote or similar ones many times to me – “You need to come get your son, I don’t want to mess with him”. He hardly ever goes to her house, even on weekends she should have him.

Adam is a good, smart kid. But, he loves the weed. Over the past 3 years he has developed this infuriating hippie type approach about weed – he can do what he wants, it’s not hurting anyone else, it should be legal, it’s safer than alcohol etc… He thinks he knows everything. On twitter and in person when around other kids, he has this attitude of “Look at me, I love weed, and I’m cool”. Instead of just doing it, he wants it known that he does. He will brag about drinking sometimes too. He doesn’t know I know about the twitter account nor does he know that several of his former good friends tell their parents who then tell me about him. He has basically been banned from hanging around many good kids because of this. It is embarrassing to me.

Mine and his mother’s approach to this problem so far:
We have over the past year and a half gone this route – drug testing, grounding, yelling with attempt to scare straight, telling him he’s not cool because of the weed, that he just comes across as a stupid pothead, he’ll never get a good job if he continues down this path, telling him he can’t do it and will not do it. It hasn’t worked.

Here is my specific problem – His mother still has legal custody of him. I pay her a very large amount of money a month for the four kids (including him), and on top of that pay everything for him because he lives with me. I have a modification for the custody filed and it’s in process, but is very slow, and the mother is dragging it out as long as she can, because it’s in her best interest to. She is still getting paid for him. I don’t want to hound and harass him so much about his problems to the point he says he doesn’t want to live with me. I need him to want to be with me. I want him to live with me. Once he’s legally under my custody, that changes things, but for now, I think I need to be careful with how I handle this, but still not allow it. If he didn’t live with me, he wouldn’t live with her either. He hates her. But, her family has already let him live with them for a few months about a year ago and he knows he could do that again. That is a win-win for his mom. She still gets paid AND doesn’t have to put up with him. I don’t want to let that happen again.

So, my request for advice: How do I handle him and his problem, but not drive him away from me? He really likes where he and I live and he loves the school he’s going to. He and I get along well.
Once I get custody, I can use things like moving, which I want to do, as threats/punishment for keeping on smoking weed. But, that won’t work yet.

How do I handle this?


Honestly, he is probably right about the bolded. I don’t think trying to debate him on this will end well for you. You're also wrong that being a pothead will keep him from getting a good job.

Now, broadcasting publically that he is one can certainly hurt him with law enforcement and future career prospects. As long as smoking dope isn't hurting his school performance, I'd say you are best off focusing on convincing him about the negative consequences of being seen as a pothead publically. You say he is a smart know-it all kid so appeal to his reason by showing him articles of how police, universities, and HR can use what he posts on social media against him. Do it when he is nice and stoned to take advantage of his paranoia.

#17 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:25 AM

Beat the #### out of him down? Tell him that he's living in your house...stop with the weed or he'll be living with his mother....etc. But, follow through. It sounds like you and the mom are hard on him, he calls your bluff, and then you two back off. Eff that. As others have said, show some discipline...whether it's no XBox, no car, whatever. He's 16. He shouldn't be smoking weed and definitely not broadcasting it.

I have been close to beating the crap out of him. His mother would have called the cops on me. I have threatened with him living with his mom. He took that as I didn't want him with me. The rest, you hit the nail on the head. He's about to be driving age - I told him if he passes random drug tests, continues to make decent grades, I'll get him a car when he gets his license. He said something like "I don't really need a car". So, I guess what I'm saying is he's willing to sacrifice stuff so he can smoke weed. I don't give him any money, so I'm not even sure how he gets it.

#18 Juxtatarot

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:25 AM

Is he smoking daily? How are his grades? Does he get in trouble at school?

#19 Mile High

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:26 AM

Beat the #### out of him down? Tell him that he's living in your house...stop with the weed or he'll be living with his mother....etc. But, follow through. It sounds like you and the mom are hard on him, he calls your bluff, and then you two back off. Eff that. As others have said, show some discipline...whether it's no XBox, no car, whatever. He's 16. He shouldn't be smoking weed and definitely not broadcasting it.

I have been close to beating the crap out of him. His mother would have called the cops on me. I have threatened with him living with his mom. He took that as I didn't want him with me. The rest, you hit the nail on the head. He's about to be driving age - I told him if he passes random drug tests, continues to make decent grades, I'll get him a car when he gets his license. He said something like "I don't really need a car". So, I guess what I'm saying is he's willing to sacrifice stuff so he can smoke weed. I don't give him any money, so I'm not even sure how he gets it.

Is he selling it?

#20 JNox3

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:28 AM

Is he smoking daily? How are his grades? Does he get in trouble at school?

His grades are Bs and Cs

#21 Apple Jack

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:29 AM

Take away the element of it being a rebellious thing if you can. That's what he seems to be getting off on. Once it becomes just another thing it may lose it's luster. And be immediate in calling him on any consequences of him smoking, like truancy or spaceyness or whatever. Sounds like he needs to see it through adults eyes and soon. It is better to smoke weed than to drink, but it doesn't mean it's a good thing for a kid to be doing. But if he's going to insist on it, it's time for him to be a grown up about it.

#22 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:30 AM

I know it's hard to tell with a lot of habitual potsmokers, but what other kinds of goals does Adam have? Is there anything else he wants to do? He sounds like he has a lot of supposedly reason-based arguments about marijuana. Sometimes the discussion to have is not "you can't do this because marijuana is bad" but rather "you can't do this because the consequences are enormous." For instance, does he want to go to college? Getting a controlled substance conviction can keep him from getting any financial aid. Does he ever want to be an attorney? A teacher? A doctor? Anything that requires a license to do it? A controlled substance conviction will have to be explained before anything can happen on those fronts, because they'll all require some level of background check. If he's trying to make arguments, he's trying to assert his rationality right now. Play into that. And since what you're concerned about is his broadcasting it, that's a good start to the conversation - if he continues in that way, he's going to get arrested. Maybe not because he gets caught, but because one of his buddies does, and the buddy's parents start looking into the buddy's friends' online presence. And then he gets blamed for everything, including distribution when his buddy says "Adam gave it to me."

Unfortunately, even though his mom and I both are college graduates, he says he doesn't want to go to college. He says he wants to move to California as soon as he turns 18 and be in a band. Nothing that I say he will miss out on because of smoking marijuana scares him. I've thought real hard on having the police either scare him or outright arrest him. But, he got a citation a while back while on a weekend with his mom, for curfew and littering. He bragged about it to kids.

#23 fatguyinalittlecoat

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:30 AM

Take away the element of it being a rebellious thing if you can. That's what he seems to be getting off on. Once it becomes just another thing it may lose it's luster.

Nope, weed is pretty awesome even without the rebellious part.

In second grade I put off doing a clay dinosaur diorama until the night before it was due. Still got a check-plus.


#24 matuski

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:31 AM

Where does he get the money to buy all this stuff? Cut it off at the source.



#25 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:31 AM

Beat the #### out of him down? Tell him that he's living in your house...stop with the weed or he'll be living with his mother....etc. But, follow through. It sounds like you and the mom are hard on him, he calls your bluff, and then you two back off. Eff that. As others have said, show some discipline...whether it's no XBox, no car, whatever. He's 16. He shouldn't be smoking weed and definitely not broadcasting it.

I have been close to beating the crap out of him. His mother would have called the cops on me. I have threatened with him living with his mom. He took that as I didn't want him with me. The rest, you hit the nail on the head. He's about to be driving age - I told him if he passes random drug tests, continues to make decent grades, I'll get him a car when he gets his license. He said something like "I don't really need a car". So, I guess what I'm saying is he's willing to sacrifice stuff so he can smoke weed. I don't give him any money, so I'm not even sure how he gets it.

Is he selling it?

No

#26 scrumptrulescent

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:31 AM

He makes good grades, but enough to be okay - B's and C's. His potential is way up there, but he doesn't want to be an all A student and have the "good grade nerd" label, he'd rather have the "rebellious pothead" label.

:rolleyes: You're a wimp and "rebellious pothead" isn't rebellious one bit. If your doofus son wants to be rebellious he should be meeting his "potential" and getting A's. He's not being rebellious at all, he's being a follower.
ceteris paribus

#27 fatguyinalittlecoat

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:32 AM

He says he wants to move to California as soon as he turns 18 and be in a band.

Colorado and Washington might also be good destinations.

In second grade I put off doing a clay dinosaur diorama until the night before it was due. Still got a check-plus.


#28 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:32 AM

Is he smoking daily? How are his grades? Does he get in trouble at school?

Probably daily or close to it. His grades are average. He's been in no trouble at school, other than tardies.

#29 Limp Ditka

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:34 AM

Take away the element of it being a rebellious thing if you can. That's what he seems to be getting off on. Once it becomes just another thing it may lose it's luster.

Nope, weed is pretty awesome even without the rebellious part.

:lmao:
I find your belief system.........fascinating.

but there are people in life, people you know in your own personal life Joe that just always seem to have a cloud over them. I try to distance myself form those folks as much as possible and I bet you do to.


Clearly, I am the not-bright one.


#30 Juxtatarot

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:34 AM

Is he smoking daily? How are his grades? Does he get in trouble at school?

Probably daily or close to it. His grades are average. He's been in no trouble at school, other than tardies.

Where is he getting the money for his habit?

#31 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:34 AM

He makes good grades, but enough to be okay - B's and C's. His potential is way up there, but he doesn't want to be an all A student and have the "good grade nerd" label, he'd rather have the "rebellious pothead" label.

:rolleyes: You're a wimp and "rebellious pothead" isn't rebellious one bit. If your doofus son wants to be rebellious he should be meeting his "potential" and getting A's. He's not being rebellious at all, he's being a follower.

I agree he's being a follower and not rebellious. He doesn't realize this, he knows everything.

Edited by Emerson Biggens, 29 November 2012 - 10:36 AM.


#32 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:35 AM

Where does he get the money to buy all this stuff? Cut it off at the source.

I don't know. I have cut it off, he doesn't get any cash from me.

#33 Apple Jack

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:36 AM

I know it's hard to tell with a lot of habitual potsmokers, but what other kinds of goals does Adam have? Is there anything else he wants to do? He sounds like he has a lot of supposedly reason-based arguments about marijuana. Sometimes the discussion to have is not "you can't do this because marijuana is bad" but rather "you can't do this because the consequences are enormous." For instance, does he want to go to college? Getting a controlled substance conviction can keep him from getting any financial aid. Does he ever want to be an attorney? A teacher? A doctor? Anything that requires a license to do it? A controlled substance conviction will have to be explained before anything can happen on those fronts, because they'll all require some level of background check. If he's trying to make arguments, he's trying to assert his rationality right now. Play into that. And since what you're concerned about is his broadcasting it, that's a good start to the conversation - if he continues in that way, he's going to get arrested. Maybe not because he gets caught, but because one of his buddies does, and the buddy's parents start looking into the buddy's friends' online presence. And then he gets blamed for everything, including distribution when his buddy says "Adam gave it to me."

Unfortunately, even though his mom and I both are college graduates, he says he doesn't want to go to college. He says he wants to move to California as soon as he turns 18 and be in a band. Nothing that I say he will miss out on because of smoking marijuana scares him. I've thought real hard on having the police either scare him or outright arrest him. But, he got a citation a while back while on a weekend with his mom, for curfew and littering. He bragged about it to kids.

He obviously doesn't think too highly of yours or mom's point of views. The best thing you can do is find somebody he looks up to and speaks highly of and have them try to knock some sense into him. To let him know he can go to school AND be in a band in California. That it's not a this or that proposition. He wants to drop out, that's what he's saying. It shouldn't be too difficult for somebody he looks up to to change his mind about that.

#34 =Smackdown=

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:37 AM

Where does he get the money to buy all this stuff? Cut it off at the source.

I don't know. I have cut it off, he doesn't get any cash from me.

Does he have a job? If not, then he is selling to support his habit

#35 scrumptrulescent

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:37 AM



He makes good grades, but enough to be okay - B's and C's. His potential is way up there, but he doesn't want to be an all A student and have the "good grade nerd" label, he'd rather have the "rebellious pothead" label.

:rolleyes:

You're a wimp and "rebellious pothead" isn't rebellious one bit. If your doofus son wants to be rebellious he should be meeting his "potential" and getting A's. He's not being rebellious at all, he's being a follower.

I agree he's being a follower and not rebellious. He doesn't realise this, he knows everything.

It's realize.

He's learned most of what he knows from his parents.
ceteris paribus

#36 jonessed

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:38 AM

This is a very pro-weed board, but you have to draw the line with children. It's bad for brain development and they have a higher probability of becoming addicts than adults (not to mention the lung damage). Adults are responsible for themselves so I really don't care as long as they aren't smoking in public or growing a farm in their backyard, but I don't understand how a teenager living at home gets a stoner pass.

But to me security is primary, and has to come before all freedoms.

I don't think I have worked more than 45 hours in a week ever. And most of the time it is a 37 hour week.

I have been saying for some time there was no nuclear weapon program in Iran. How did I know this? Do I have a crystal ball? Do I get insider info from the CIA? No I actually look at what is happening and what people in the know are saying. It's really easy with this new fangled innerwebs thingy. I do the google.

Great nations rise and fall. The people go from bondage to spiritual truth, to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy to dependence, from dependence back again to bondage.

#37 Ignoratio Elenchi

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:39 AM

Your son has issues. Probably anxiety, probably depression. It's not surprising - his parents are divorced, he obviously has a seriously broken relationship with his mother, and yet his three siblings live with her, etc. Dump that on top of the stuff every normal 16 year old has going on in their head, and you end up with a kid in some serious emotional pain. Drug testing? He already knows you know he smokes weed, I don't think testing him is much of a deterrent. Yelling, grounding, etc. - all that does is solidify his notion of rebellion. Telling him he's "not cool" and a "stupid pothead" just reinforces his already low self-esteem. He needs you to be there for him. Not as a "buddy," as a father - and not as the disciplinarian father, but as a father who shows genuine love and care for what his son is going through. Talk to him, not about weed, about anything else. How he likes school. What are his favorite things to do on a sunny Saturday afternoon. How he likes his friends. How he feels about the good friends he's lost. How he feels about being separated from his siblings. It's not going to happen overnight, but he probably has a lot of #### in his head to sort out and needs someone to help him do that. If he's receptive to it maybe get him some counseling (if he hasn't already had some through the divorce process). You need him to understand that the weed smoking isn't really your concern, his well-being is your concern. The weed (and the weed-smoking persona he projects) are just his ways of dealing with all his issues. Address those issues and the weed stuff will take care of itself.

Yeah I'm a lunatic, put that in your sig.

I have earned some real enemies like ignoratio elechi. As you can see his comments are over the top rude, pugnacious and vitriolic. Moreover, there are posters end up being trolls, IE is another great example of this.


#38 scrumptrulescent

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:39 AM

This is a very pro-weed board, but you have to draw the line with children. It's bad for brain development and they have a higher probability of becoming addicts than adults (not to mention the lung damage).

That's why I question the OP bringing this up in the FFA to begin with.
ceteris paribus

#39 shadyridr

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:39 AM

Where does he get the money to buy all this stuff? Cut it off at the source.

:goodposting:
Only morons read signatures

#40 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:40 AM

I know it's hard to tell with a lot of habitual potsmokers, but what other kinds of goals does Adam have? Is there anything else he wants to do? He sounds like he has a lot of supposedly reason-based arguments about marijuana. Sometimes the discussion to have is not "you can't do this because marijuana is bad" but rather "you can't do this because the consequences are enormous." For instance, does he want to go to college? Getting a controlled substance conviction can keep him from getting any financial aid. Does he ever want to be an attorney? A teacher? A doctor? Anything that requires a license to do it? A controlled substance conviction will have to be explained before anything can happen on those fronts, because they'll all require some level of background check. If he's trying to make arguments, he's trying to assert his rationality right now. Play into that. And since what you're concerned about is his broadcasting it, that's a good start to the conversation - if he continues in that way, he's going to get arrested. Maybe not because he gets caught, but because one of his buddies does, and the buddy's parents start looking into the buddy's friends' online presence. And then he gets blamed for everything, including distribution when his buddy says "Adam gave it to me."

Unfortunately, even though his mom and I both are college graduates, he says he doesn't want to go to college. He says he wants to move to California as soon as he turns 18 and be in a band. Nothing that I say he will miss out on because of smoking marijuana scares him. I've thought real hard on having the police either scare him or outright arrest him. But, he got a citation a while back while on a weekend with his mom, for curfew and littering. He bragged about it to kids.

He obviously doesn't think too highly of yours or mom's point of views. The best thing you can do is find somebody he looks up to and speaks highly of and have them try to knock some sense into him. To let him know he can go to school AND be in a band in California. That it's not a this or that proposition. He wants to drop out, that's what he's saying. It shouldn't be too difficult for somebody he looks up to to change his mind about that.

this is good advice. I've done this before, and it worked. It has been a while, it looks like it's time to do it again.

#41 =Smackdown=

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:42 AM

Do you smoke weed?

#42 Mile High

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:42 AM

This is a very pro-weed board, but you have to draw the line with children. It's bad for brain development and they have a higher probability of becoming addicts than adults (not to mention the lung damage).

That's why I question the OP bringing this up in the FFA to begin with.

Being pro-weed doesn't mean you are pro-kids smoking it.

#43 Sinn Fein

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:42 AM

have you tried the ghost-in-the-elevator prank? That'll scare the weed right out of him.

#44 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:42 AM




He makes good grades, but enough to be okay - B's and C's. His potential is way up there, but he doesn't want to be an all A student and have the "good grade nerd" label, he'd rather have the "rebellious pothead" label.

:rolleyes:

You're a wimp and "rebellious pothead" isn't rebellious one bit. If your doofus son wants to be rebellious he should be meeting his "potential" and getting A's. He's not being rebellious at all, he's being a follower.

I agree he's being a follower and not rebellious. He doesn't realise this, he knows everything.

It's realize.

He's learned most of what he knows from his parents.

I saw that and changed it, obviously not before you saw it!

#45 jonessed

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:42 AM

Beat the #### out of him down? Tell him that he's living in your house...stop with the weed or he'll be living with his mother....etc. But, follow through. It sounds like you and the mom are hard on him, he calls your bluff, and then you two back off. Eff that. As others have said, show some discipline...whether it's no XBox, no car, whatever. He's 16. He shouldn't be smoking weed and definitely not broadcasting it.

I have been close to beating the crap out of him. His mother would have called the cops on me. I have threatened with him living with his mom. He took that as I didn't want him with me. The rest, you hit the nail on the head. He's about to be driving age - I told him if he passes random drug tests, continues to make decent grades, I'll get him a car when he gets his license. He said something like "I don't really need a car". So, I guess what I'm saying is he's willing to sacrifice stuff so he can smoke weed. I don't give him any money, so I'm not even sure how he gets it.

Is he selling it?

No

A daily habit isn't cheap. If he's not working where else would he be getting the money from?

But to me security is primary, and has to come before all freedoms.

I don't think I have worked more than 45 hours in a week ever. And most of the time it is a 37 hour week.

I have been saying for some time there was no nuclear weapon program in Iran. How did I know this? Do I have a crystal ball? Do I get insider info from the CIA? No I actually look at what is happening and what people in the know are saying. It's really easy with this new fangled innerwebs thingy. I do the google.

Great nations rise and fall. The people go from bondage to spiritual truth, to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy to dependence, from dependence back again to bondage.

#46 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:43 AM

Where does he get the money to buy all this stuff? Cut it off at the source.

I don't know. I have cut it off, he doesn't get any cash from me.

Does he have a job? If not, then he is selling to support his habit

He doesn't have a job.

#47 Slapdash

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:44 AM

Take away the element of it being a rebellious thing if you can. That's what he seems to be getting off on. Once it becomes just another thing it may lose it's luster. And be immediate in calling him on any consequences of him smoking, like truancy or spaceyness or whatever. Sounds like he needs to see it through adults eyes and soon. It is better to smoke weed than to drink, but it doesn't mean it's a good thing for a kid to be doing. But if he's going to insist on it, it's time for him to be a grown up about it.

:goodposting: He needs to act like and adult and you need to treat him like one.

#48 Emerson Biggens

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:45 AM

This is a very pro-weed board, but you have to draw the line with children. It's bad for brain development and they have a higher probability of becoming addicts than adults (not to mention the lung damage). Adults are responsible for themselves so I really don't care as long as they aren't smoking in public or growing a farm in their backyard, but I don't understand how a teenager living at home gets a stoner pass.

I don't smoke weed, never have. That being said, to each their own. I have many, many friends that do. They have good jobs, families, etc. This is one of the arguements I have with him about it. Yes, people can be successful and smoke weed. But, you're 16! It's not okay under any circumstance!

#49 fatguyinalittlecoat

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:46 AM

Is he in a band now? Does he play an instrument? Is the "I'm gonna be in a band" thing at all realistic?

In second grade I put off doing a clay dinosaur diorama until the night before it was due. Still got a check-plus.


#50 Godsbrother

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:47 AM

I doubt there is anything that you can say or do to him that will get him to stop smoking weed. The motivation to quit needs to come from him and unfortunately it doesn't sound like that is going to happen anytime soon. I wish I could offer some advice but if he is into it as much as you say about the only thing you can do is tell him how stupid it is to be telling the world he is a pothead. My guess is that he won't listen to that either though...




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