Threat against my son - am I wrong to be freaking out? (1 Viewer)

[Evilgrin 72]

Even assuming Littlebottom could kick Greg's ###, it's unlikely to be effective. Standing up for yourself is useful when confronting bullies who use some form of intimidation to enforce their position at the top of a social and power structure. Because losing a fight causes them to lose face, it's a serious deterrent to that type of bully.

Greg isn't that type of bully. He has no social status. Everyone already hates him and thinks he's a gigantic spazz. Embarrassing him in a beat down is just likely to make him worse. To make him feel more of an outcast. In Greg's mind, he's the victim. He probably thinks he's being bullied and picked on.

As a kid who got bullied before a big growth spurt, bullies don't even like to have someone resist. Being a bully isn't about "winning" a fight, it's about dominating someone psychologically. It's about control. They don't want to have to "prove" that control - they just want it to be there.

Even if you stand up for yourself and get beat down, you'll have shown the bully you're not an easy mark, and easy marks are what they're interested in.

This has been my experience in life, both as a child and as an adult, whether the bullying is physical, verbal, whatever. Now, if this Greg kid is a different kind of beast, maybe it's not the answer, I would just rather stand up for myself than run away. If he has to deal with the kid every single day, it's going to be a constant problem. It's not a like a guy on the highway who flips you off - you're better off avoiding that guy and a possible road rage incident.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

The problem is that Greg isn't a bully in the traditional sense.

He's a kid with (what sounds like) a pretty bad emotional disability.

I deal with kids like this all the time. This isn't the Brady Bunch. Standing up to Buddy Hinton is going to solve anything.

 

[timschochet]

The problem is that Greg isn't a bully in the traditional sense.

He's a kid with (what sounds like) a pretty bad emotional disability.

I deal with kids like this all the time. This isn't the Brady Bunch. Standing up to Buddy Hinton is going to solve anything.

Exactly.

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

It's not a matter of being able to "say you manned up." It's about letting Greg and anyone else know that they're not going to be able to jack you up and take your lunch money whenever someone's low on funds (metaphorically.) If you don't stand up for yourself, you're viewed as a mark. This is a life lesson, not just one that applies in the lunchroom or on the playground.

Sorry, man. You're on the wrong end with this one.

I would argue that every situation is unique and that there isn't an absolute "right" and "wrong." In my own life, I could have gone on getting rocks thrown at me every day, getting my text books torn up and/or lit on fire, having my toys stolen and destroyed, etc. I put an end to it. For others, maybe the same approach wouldn't have been effective.

In this particular example, you have to realize that we're hearing one side of the story, and much of the information has been relayed by 10 year old kids. Thus far, the school has not acted. If they do (and they should) - wonderful, problem solved. If they DON'T, however, I'm simply saying standing up for oneself more often than not trumps running away from one's problems. The bullies of the world usually choose Timmy Lupus to pick on, not Tanner Boyle.

Even assuming Littlebottom could kick Greg's ###, it's unlikely to be effective. Standing up for yourself is useful when confronting bullies who use some form of intimidation to enforce their position at the top of a social and power structure. Because losing a fight causes them to lose face, it's a serious deterrent to that type of bully.

Greg isn't that type of bully. He has no social status. Everyone already hates him and thinks he's a gigantic spazz. Embarrassing him in a beat down is just likely to make him worse. To make him feel more of an outcast. In Greg's mind, he's the victim. He probably thinks he's being bullied and picked on.

As a kid who got bullied before a big growth spurt, bullies don't even like to have someone resist. Being a bully isn't about "winning" a fight, it's about dominating someone psychologically. It's about control. They don't want to have to "prove" that control - they just want it to be there.

Even if you stand up for yourself and get beat down, you'll have shown the bully you're not an easy mark, and easy marks are what they're interested in.

There's not one type of bully. I stood up to bully's and defused a situation at times. I outsmarted and embarrassed a bully and defused a situation at times. I had bullies who were terrified of my brother and didn't have to defuse a thing at times. But there was at least two guys in my middle school who had serious emotional problems and violent tendencies. And they acted out. Often against the most popular and least "bully-able" kids in the school. It wasn't about control. It was about rage. These kids got their asses kicked plenty of times and just got more nuts. One of them turned his attention to some poor girl in high school. It wasn't a good scene. She was lucky his family moved in 10th grade.

 

[NCCommish]

It's not a matter of being able to "say you manned up." It's about letting Greg and anyone else know that they're not going to be able to jack you up and take your lunch money whenever someone's low on funds (metaphorically.) If you don't stand up for yourself, you're viewed as a mark. This is a life lesson, not just one that applies in the lunchroom or on the playground.

Sorry, man. You're on the wrong end with this one.

I would argue that every situation is unique and that there isn't an absolute "right" and "wrong." In my own life, I could have gone on getting rocks thrown at me every day, getting my text books torn up and/or lit on fire, having my toys stolen and destroyed, etc. I put an end to it. For others, maybe the same approach wouldn't have been effective.

In this particular example, you have to realize that we're hearing one side of the story, and much of the information has been relayed by 10 year old kids. Thus far, the school has not acted. If they do (and they should) - wonderful, problem solved. If they DON'T, however, I'm simply saying standing up for oneself more often than not trumps running away from one's problems. The bullies of the world usually choose Timmy Lupus to pick on, not Tanner Boyle.

When I was 9 or 10 I had a kid picking on me who boxed. He kicked my butt several times. But I wouldn't lie down for him. Then came the day he wasn't on his game. I made sure he paid. And when he was down I kept kicking him until some other kids pulled me off. I was determined to hurt him while I had the chance. A few days later we shook hands and we became friends. Today that kid would have had to prove I didn't make him my ##### so he could keep his "respect". It likely wouldn't have ended the way it did it more likely would have escalated to a much more violent end. Different world today. Some times you have to fight regardless. Some times you are better off walking away. In this case I'd say walking is the better solution.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

Again, it's not a matter of learning to take lumps, it's a matter of showing a bully you're not going to back down. if I was you and got my tuchus kicked, and the guy bullied me again the next day, I'd have showed up the following day with a sock full of quarters.

In my experience, people will take advantage of you exactly as much as you allow. If you continuously fight back, eventually they move on to another target.

That's easy for you, and adult, to say, but if a 10-year old gets his ### kicked once, it is likely to scare him and make him even more fearful of the bully, and then the situation will only get worse.

I'm an adult now, but when I dealt with similar situations, I was 10 years old. I actually found the opposite to be true, I was WAY more afraid of being punched or having my "### kicked" BEFORE it actually happened than afterward. Afterward, I found that a punch in the jaw from another 10 year old was preferable to running in fear every day of my life.

My son's too young to have this conversation with, but at some point I'm going to tell him that while he'd better not start any fights and I'd better never hear of him bullying someone, if someone else starts a fight with him then he's allowed to defend himself and hit back until the other guy isn't threatening him anymore, and I'll defend his right to do that in his principal's office.

This has nothing to do with "manning up" or any other nonsense. It just has to do with understanding that your worth as a human being entitles you to defend yourself rather than running to some authority figure who may or may not respond appropriately, on time, or at all.

Bingo. That's really all I'm saying, if this Greg truly is a sociopath capable of murder, then this all goes out the window. The school should and will deal with the situation if this is truly the case. However, if it's more a simple case of bullying and the facts as BB presented them prove to be hyperbole, it's better to learn to stand up for yourself early on. Once you grow up, no one gives a crap about your problems and to run to someone else for help makes you look like a #### and a whiner.

 

[T Bell]

The problem is that Greg isn't a bully in the traditional sense.

He's a kid with (what sounds like) a pretty bad emotional disability.

I deal with kids like this all the time. This isn't the Brady Bunch. Standing up to Buddy Hinton is going to solve anything.

I agree with you, as far as you go, but there are (at least) two kids' interests here, not just one.

Standing up to Greg is in the interest of Junior, but it's not the only thing that should be done. EG has already addressed the other one by taking this to the administration (which the teacher has utterly and alarmingly failed to do apparently).

 

[Evilgrin 72]

The problem is that Greg isn't a bully in the traditional sense.

He's a kid with (what sounds like) a pretty bad emotional disability.

I deal with kids like this all the time. This isn't the Brady Bunch. Standing up to Buddy Hinton is going to solve anything.

Again, if that's the case, then what I'm saying no longer applies. However, if this kid is truly walking around threatening murder, socking children in the face with impunity, and the school hasn't seen fit to act, then either the school is REALLY asleep at the switch or the information we've been given has been greatly exaggerated. If the former, then dealing with it through the school is absolutely the right way to go. If the latter, and the school isn't going to solve the problem, then BB's kid is either going to have to solve it himself or spend his life running away. I've done both in my own childhood and I wouldn't wish the latter on my worst enemy. It's no way to live.

 

[Mr.Pack]

You are not wrong at all. What to do is a harder question, especially since your son's teacher seems to be asleep at the wheel.

I agree here. At the very least maybe get your kid some self defense training. I might even petition the school board to have greg removed. Maybe even go to the police to report the death threat, you just never know nowadays.

Scary situation. My best to you and your son.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

The problem is that Greg isn't a bully in the traditional sense.

He's a kid with (what sounds like) a pretty bad emotional disability.

I deal with kids like this all the time. This isn't the Brady Bunch. Standing up to Buddy Hinton is going to solve anything.

I agree with you, as far as you go, but there are (at least) two kids' interests here, not just one.

Standing up to Greg is in the interest of Junior, but it's not the only thing that should be done. EG has already addressed the other one by taking this to the administration (which the teacher has utterly and alarmingly failed to do apparently).

Standing up to Greg might result in Greg completely losing it. Obviously we don't know the whole story but from what it sounds like this kid has some serious issues.

And I can't agree more that the school needs to do something immediately. What's the benefit of sending your kid to a private school if the school doesn't do everything possible to control their student body?

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

Once you grow up, no one gives a crap about your problems and to run to someone else for help makes you look like a #### and a whiner.

It's been at least 25 years since anybody has threatened to beat me up. My impression is that most adults don't really have to worry about this particular problem.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Once you grow up, no one gives a crap about your problems and to run to someone else for help makes you look like a #### and a whiner.

It's been at least 25 years since anybody has threatened to beat me up. My impression is that most adults don't really have to worry about this particular problem.

Unless they really piss off one of the mods.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

Once you grow up, no one gives a crap about your problems and to run to someone else for help makes you look like a #### and a whiner.

It's been at least 25 years since anybody has threatened to beat me up. My impression is that most adults don't really have to worry about this particular problem.

That's kind of the point. It's not always a physical problem as you get older. Learning not to lie down for someone who's trying to run you over is a lesson that can serve you well in a variety of different venues.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

Once you grow up, no one gives a crap about your problems and to run to someone else for help makes you look like a #### and a whiner.

It's been at least 25 years since anybody has threatened to beat me up. My impression is that most adults don't really have to worry about this particular problem.

Unless they really piss off one of the mods.

Classic.

 

[Joe Summer]

Is the girl on the track team too?

 

[Hawks64]

The problem is that Greg isn't a bully in the traditional sense.

He's a kid with (what sounds like) a pretty bad emotional disability.

I deal with kids like this all the time. This isn't the Brady Bunch. Standing up to Buddy Hinton is going to solve anything.

Again, if that's the case, then what I'm saying no longer applies. However, if this kid is truly walking around threatening murder, socking children in the face with impunity, and the school hasn't seen fit to act, then either the school is REALLY asleep at the switch or the information we've been given has been greatly exaggerated. If the former, then dealing with it through the school is absolutely the right way to go. If the latter, and the school isn't going to solve the problem, then BB's kid is either going to have to solve it himself or spend his life running away. I've done both in my own childhood and I wouldn't wish the latter on my worst enemy. It's no way to live.

Why do you keep on with the if the original post hasn't been exaggerated? BB is not one prone to hyperbole, in fact quite the opposite IMO. Why wouldn't you take what he's said at face value? Greg is not your typical bully.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Once you grow up, no one gives a crap about your problems and to run to someone else for help makes you look like a #### and a whiner.

It's been at least 25 years since anybody has threatened to beat me up. My impression is that most adults don't really have to worry about this particular problem.

That's kind of the point. It's not always a physical problem as you get older. Learning not to lie down for someone who's trying to run you over is a lesson that can serve you well in a variety of different venues.

Standing up to a bully who is going to put some serious physical harm on you, at 10 years old, is not the only opportunity to learn this lesson. Not every "learning opportunity" or "teachable moment" has to be siezed upon.

 

[Limp Ditka]

Once you grow up, no one gives a crap about your problems and to run to someone else for help makes you look like a #### and a whiner.

It's been at least 25 years since anybody has threatened to beat me up. My impression is that most adults don't really have to worry about this particular problem.

Unless they really piss off one of the mods.

Classic.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

The problem is that Greg isn't a bully in the traditional sense.

He's a kid with (what sounds like) a pretty bad emotional disability.

I deal with kids like this all the time. This isn't the Brady Bunch. Standing up to Buddy Hinton is going to solve anything.

Again, if that's the case, then what I'm saying no longer applies. However, if this kid is truly walking around threatening murder, socking children in the face with impunity, and the school hasn't seen fit to act, then either the school is REALLY asleep at the switch or the information we've been given has been greatly exaggerated. If the former, then dealing with it through the school is absolutely the right way to go. If the latter, and the school isn't going to solve the problem, then BB's kid is either going to have to solve it himself or spend his life running away. I've done both in my own childhood and I wouldn't wish the latter on my worst enemy. It's no way to live.

Why do you keep on with the if the original post hasn't been exaggerated? BB is not one prone to hyperbole, in fact quite the opposite IMO. Why wouldn't you take what he's said at face value? Greg is not your typical bully.

I know HE isn't, but as I have several nieces and nephews and their friends around quite a bit (they're all between 7 and 11), I am aware that children that age very easily CAN be. I find it hard to believe (and distressing if true) that a kid in a 25-student private school class can walk around punching multiple people in the face, talking about strangulation, etc.. without anyone in a position of authority doing anything meaningful about it. That wouldn't have happened in my public school with 10 times that many kids in a class.

 

[jomar]

• I'd be pissed that this wasn't addressed when he punched the first kid.......or the second. I'd want to know what the teacher was thinking not reporting any of this.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

Once you grow up, no one gives a crap about your problems and to run to someone else for help makes you look like a #### and a whiner.

It's been at least 25 years since anybody has threatened to beat me up. My impression is that most adults don't really have to worry about this particular problem.

That's kind of the point. It's not always a physical problem as you get older. Learning not to lie down for someone who's trying to run you over is a lesson that can serve you well in a variety of different venues.

Standing up to a bully who is going to put some serious physical harm on you, at 10 years old, is not the only opportunity to learn this lesson. Not every "learning opportunity" or "teachable moment" has to be siezed upon.

Of course not. But if BB's kid is anything like I was, he's probably crapping his pants on a daily basis having to be in proximity to this kid. I get the sense that he's a slight, intelligent, sensitive kid, which also would have described 10-year-old EG to a T. I also skipped grades, so I was constantly surrounded by kids 2 years older (and more physically mature) than I was to boot. So, I feel his pain. I wouldn't want him to have to go through the torment I went through until I wised up and stood up for myself, that's all.

 

[Hawks64]

The problem is that Greg isn't a bully in the traditional sense.

He's a kid with (what sounds like) a pretty bad emotional disability.

I deal with kids like this all the time. This isn't the Brady Bunch. Standing up to Buddy Hinton is going to solve anything.

Again, if that's the case, then what I'm saying no longer applies. However, if this kid is truly walking around threatening murder, socking children in the face with impunity, and the school hasn't seen fit to act, then either the school is REALLY asleep at the switch or the information we've been given has been greatly exaggerated. If the former, then dealing with it through the school is absolutely the right way to go. If the latter, and the school isn't going to solve the problem, then BB's kid is either going to have to solve it himself or spend his life running away. I've done both in my own childhood and I wouldn't wish the latter on my worst enemy. It's no way to live.

Why do you keep on with the if the original post hasn't been exaggerated? BB is not one prone to hyperbole, in fact quite the opposite IMO. Why wouldn't you take what he's said at face value? Greg is not your typical bully.

I know HE isn't, but as I have several nieces and nephews and their friends around quite a bit (they're all between 7 and 11), I am aware that children that age very easily CAN be. I find it hard to believe (and distressing if true) that a kid in a 25-student private school class can walk around punching multiple people in the face, talking about strangulation, etc.. without anyone in a position of authority doing anything meaningful about it. That wouldn't have happened in my public school with 10 times that many kids in a class.

And it wouldn't happen in the public school my kids are in either, however it wouldn't surprise me in a private school. I have heard about things that fly under the radar in private school that our friends kids go to. Nothing this drastic, but bullying situations/altercations that aren't always brought to the administrations attention. Might have to do with $$ playing into it?

 

[Evilgrin 72]

• I'd be pissed that this wasn't addressed when he punched the first kid.......or the second. I'd want to know what the teacher was thinking not reporting any of this.

That's what has me wondering if everything BB has been told is 100% accurate. Maybe it is, and the teacher/school really dropped the ball big-time. If that's the case, I suspect the situation will be remedied going forward.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

The problem is that Greg isn't a bully in the traditional sense.

He's a kid with (what sounds like) a pretty bad emotional disability.

I deal with kids like this all the time. This isn't the Brady Bunch. Standing up to Buddy Hinton is going to solve anything.

Again, if that's the case, then what I'm saying no longer applies. However, if this kid is truly walking around threatening murder, socking children in the face with impunity, and the school hasn't seen fit to act, then either the school is REALLY asleep at the switch or the information we've been given has been greatly exaggerated. If the former, then dealing with it through the school is absolutely the right way to go. If the latter, and the school isn't going to solve the problem, then BB's kid is either going to have to solve it himself or spend his life running away. I've done both in my own childhood and I wouldn't wish the latter on my worst enemy. It's no way to live.

Why do you keep on with the if the original post hasn't been exaggerated? BB is not one prone to hyperbole, in fact quite the opposite IMO. Why wouldn't you take what he's said at face value? Greg is not your typical bully.

I know HE isn't, but as I have several nieces and nephews and their friends around quite a bit (they're all between 7 and 11), I am aware that children that age very easily CAN be. I find it hard to believe (and distressing if true) that a kid in a 25-student private school class can walk around punching multiple people in the face, talking about strangulation, etc.. without anyone in a position of authority doing anything meaningful about it. That wouldn't have happened in my public school with 10 times that many kids in a class.

And it wouldn't happen in the public school my kids are in either, however it wouldn't surprise me in a private school. I have heard about things that fly under the radar in private school that our friends kids go to. Nothing this drastic, but bullying situations/altercations that aren't always brought to the administrations attention. Might have to do with $$ playing into it?

Perhaps, you never know. Unless I mis-read it, though, it seems that authority figures have been apprised as to what's going on and chose to deal with it by having a brief conversation with Mrs. Greg. Feels like if this kid is wielding firearms and exhibiting the type of hyper-aggressive behavior detailed in the OP, more drastic action would have been appropriate, especially in light of Sandy Hook, etc.

 

[otello]

You have to deal with Buddy Hinton, BB.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

You'd think no one here had seen "Three O'Clock High."

 

[Todd Andrews]

I have two small children (preschool and first grade) and I would burn down any teacher who was so lax about such issues. BY the time I was done, that teacher would be reporting daily to the school admin/principal whether there were issues or not. Unbelievable that punches in the face and threats of violence arent being reported by the teacher. I would literally be in that principal's office dealing with this all day every day until I felt very very comfortable about how that school and teacher were going to handle similar things going forward. And I too am a proponent of "boys will be boys" and got in fights as a kid. I am not suggesting massive punishments....but when it comes to my kids I demand information, reporting and oversight.

 

[Otis]

Beat the crap out of Greg.

 

[AcerFC]

I have two small children (preschool and first grade) and I would burn down any teacher who was so lax about such issues. BY the time I was done, that teacher would be reporting daily to the school admin/principal whether there were issues or not. Unbelievable that punches in the face and threats of violence arent being reported by the teacher. I would literally be in that principal's office dealing with this all day every day until I felt very very comfortable about how that school and teacher were going to handle similar things going forward. And I too am a proponent of "boys will be boys" and got in fights as a kid. I am not suggesting massive punishments....but when it comes to my kids I demand information, reporting and oversight.

Public schools legally dont really have to tell you anything they dont want to. We had something in our school a few months ago where a list was found. The school really didnt say anything to anyone and the only reason it got out was because something was leaked to the press. The school said they dealt with the issue and it went away. The parents were pissed, but the district basically gave them the finger. The law is an interesting thing

 

[Angry Beavers]

You have made the school aware. I would follow up with up daily, both in writing ( email) and verbally over the phone until they have an acceptable solution including Greg not be allowed to participate on the track team, suspended, expelled etc.. Next time Greg acts up and hits a kid, sounds like someone ought to let the school know rather than assuming they know. It also wouldn't be a bad idea for your son and his buddies to kick this kids ### - which is what it sounds like this kid needs on at least some level.

Terrible idea. They'd be better off playing football with a hornets nest.

The kid is an outsider with anger issues that tell me, something is going drastically wrong in his life. He is lashing out on his classmates to feel power, something he probably has the opposite of (helplessness) at home. It seems to be escalating, meaning he is becoming more desperate. Getting a gang together to beat him up would potentially push him over the edge. That is how school shootings happen imo.

Yeah, I can't imagine how this could be a good idea. Maybe back when I was a kid but nowadays it seems like only a matter of time before the kid retaliates in an extremely violent way.

Sorry to hear about your dilemna BB. I don't have kids but it seems like you are handling it the right way, if not a little too calmly. GL

Really? I am not suggesting the kids organize a witch hunt and a public lynching, but if my kid is going to get punched at school and no one with any authority is going to do anything about it right there and then, I have no problem with my kid at least trying to kick the ever living crap out of this kid. My kid loses, so be it. That is a whole lot better than being a target., WHEN HE DID NOT START IT AND WAS DEFENDING HIMSELF AGAINST A BULLY THAT NO ONE AT THE SCHOOL SEEMS WILLING OR CAPABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT, so be it. Even if my kid ends up with a shiner, it will be the last time the bully picks a fight with him cause' no bully enjoys getting hit.

Before everyone tell me how crazy how I am, my then 6th grader was in the exact same spot last year with the typical school nonsense. The day before Spring Break ( in fact before the last period before spring break) the class bully tried his crap on my kid. My kid hit him back and it was game on. My kid got an extra long Spring Break and a shiner as a result, but someone at the school finally took notice. The best part was when the superintendant asked why didn't you say anything, I forwarded them all of the emails that had been sent to various teachers and the principal without a single response. Amazingly the suspension was over turned.

You have to do what you think is right for your own kid, clearly. Personally, someone picks a physical confrontation with my kid, I have no problem with him or her defending himself as needed as opposed to just taking it. Obviously it would be great if the situation can be resolved without such an incident, but the unfortunate reality is that it sometimes take an incident to bring about a resolution. Good Luck.

 

[Kumerica]

The problem is that Greg isn't a bully in the traditional sense.

He's a kid with (what sounds like) a pretty bad emotional disability.

I deal with kids like this all the time. This isn't the Brady Bunch. Standing up to Buddy Hinton is going to solve anything.

Again, if that's the case, then what I'm saying no longer applies. However, if this kid is truly walking around threatening murder, socking children in the face with impunity, and the school hasn't seen fit to act, then either the school is REALLY asleep at the switch or the information we've been given has been greatly exaggerated. If the former, then dealing with it through the school is absolutely the right way to go. If the latter, and the school isn't going to solve the problem, then BB's kid is either going to have to solve it himself or spend his life running away. I've done both in my own childhood and I wouldn't wish the latter on my worst enemy. It's no way to live.

Why do you keep on with the if the original post hasn't been exaggerated? BB is not one prone to hyperbole, in fact quite the opposite IMO. Why wouldn't you take what he's said at face value? Greg is not your typical bully.

I know HE isn't, but as I have several nieces and nephews and their friends around quite a bit (they're all between 7 and 11), I am aware that children that age very easily CAN be. I find it hard to believe (and distressing if true) that a kid in a 25-student private school class can walk around punching multiple people in the face, talking about strangulation, etc.. without anyone in a position of authority doing anything meaningful about it. That wouldn't have happened in my public school with 10 times that many kids in a class.

Prone to hyperbole much?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I have two small children (preschool and first grade) and I would burn down any teacher who was so lax about such issues. BY the time I was done, that teacher would be reporting daily to the school admin/principal whether there were issues or not. Unbelievable that punches in the face and threats of violence arent being reported by the teacher. I would literally be in that principal's office dealing with this all day every day until I felt very very comfortable about how that school and teacher were going to handle similar things going forward. And I too am a proponent of "boys will be boys" and got in fights as a kid. I am not suggesting massive punishments....but when it comes to my kids I demand information, reporting and oversight.

Public schools legally dont really have to tell you anything they dont want to. We had something in our school a few months ago where a list was found. The school really didnt say anything to anyone and the only reason it got out was because something was leaked to the press. The school said they dealt with the issue and it went away. The parents were pissed, but the district basically gave them the finger. The law is an interesting thing

This is somewhat true. Schools are actually hamstrung in a sense in that they have to be careful about releasing information about students.

BUT if they fail to notify a parent(s) when their child has been victimized or threatened they open themselves up to all kinds of problems.

In BB's case the school has no responsibility to tell all the parents about Greg's behavior. But they probably should have notified BB about the threat.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

With all due respect...the word "bully" needs to stop being used here.

Greg is a bully like Ted Bundy was "handsy".

 

[Evilgrin 72]

The problem is that Greg isn't a bully in the traditional sense.

He's a kid with (what sounds like) a pretty bad emotional disability.

I deal with kids like this all the time. This isn't the Brady Bunch. Standing up to Buddy Hinton is going to solve anything.

Again, if that's the case, then what I'm saying no longer applies. However, if this kid is truly walking around threatening murder, socking children in the face with impunity, and the school hasn't seen fit to act, then either the school is REALLY asleep at the switch or the information we've been given has been greatly exaggerated. If the former, then dealing with it through the school is absolutely the right way to go. If the latter, and the school isn't going to solve the problem, then BB's kid is either going to have to solve it himself or spend his life running away. I've done both in my own childhood and I wouldn't wish the latter on my worst enemy. It's no way to live.

Why do you keep on with the if the original post hasn't been exaggerated? BB is not one prone to hyperbole, in fact quite the opposite IMO. Why wouldn't you take what he's said at face value? Greg is not your typical bully.

I know HE isn't, but as I have several nieces and nephews and their friends around quite a bit (they're all between 7 and 11), I am aware that children that age very easily CAN be. I find it hard to believe (and distressing if true) that a kid in a 25-student private school class can walk around punching multiple people in the face, talking about strangulation, etc.. without anyone in a position of authority doing anything meaningful about it. That wouldn't have happened in my public school with 10 times that many kids in a class.

Prone to hyperbole much?

There were over 200 kids in my 4th grade class. Spread over several classrooms, yes, but there were that many kids in the grade, and not very many people to watch us all. Certainly way less than 1 per 25 students (assuming perhaps erroneously that there's only 1 teacher in BB's kids grade), that's for sure. So, no... not really hyperbole.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

With all due respect...the word "bully" needs to stop being used here.

Greg is a bully like Ted Bundy was "handsy".

I literally just nosed about a teaspoonful of V8.

 

[jamny]

You have made the school aware. I would follow up with up daily, both in writing ( email) and verbally over the phone until they have an acceptable solution including Greg not be allowed to participate on the track team, suspended, expelled etc.. Next time Greg acts up and hits a kid, sounds like someone ought to let the school know rather than assuming they know. It also wouldn't be a bad idea for your son and his buddies to kick this kids ### - which is what it sounds like this kid needs on at least some level.

Terrible idea. They'd be better off playing football with a hornets nest.

The kid is an outsider with anger issues that tell me, something is going drastically wrong in his life. He is lashing out on his classmates to feel power, something he probably has the opposite of (helplessness) at home. It seems to be escalating, meaning he is becoming more desperate. Getting a gang together to beat him up would potentially push him over the edge. That is how school shootings happen imo.

Yeah, I can't imagine how this could be a good idea. Maybe back when I was a kid but nowadays it seems like only a matter of time before the kid retaliates in an extremely violent way.

Sorry to hear about your dilemna BB. I don't have kids but it seems like you are handling it the right way, if not a little too calmly. GL

Really? I am not suggesting the kids organize a witch hunt and a public lynching, but if my kid is going to get punched at school and no one with any authority is going to do anything about it right there and then, I have no problem with my kid at least trying to kick the ever living crap out of this kid. My kid loses, so be it. That is a whole lot better than being a target., WHEN HE DID NOT START IT AND WAS DEFENDING HIMSELF AGAINST A BULLY THAT NO ONE AT THE SCHOOL SEEMS WILLING OR CAPABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT, so be it. Even if my kid ends up with a shiner, it will be the last time the bully picks a fight with him cause' no bully enjoys getting hit.

Before everyone tell me how crazy how I am, my then 6th grader was in the exact same spot last year with the typical school nonsense. The day before Spring Break ( in fact before the last period before spring break) the class bully tried his crap on my kid. My kid hit him back and it was game on. My kid got an extra long Spring Break and a shiner as a result, but someone at the school finally took notice. The best part was when the superintendant asked why didn't you say anything, I forwarded them all of the emails that had been sent to various teachers and the principal without a single response. Amazingly the suspension was over turned.

You have to do what you think is right for your own kid, clearly. Personally, someone picks a physical confrontation with my kid, I have no problem with him or her defending himself as needed as opposed to just taking it. Obviously it would be great if the situation can be resolved without such an incident, but the unfortunate reality is that it sometimes take an incident to bring about a resolution. Good Luck.

I didn't say his kid shouldn't defend himself if the situation arises. I just don't think gathering a group of kids for a beatdown is the answer. It's way past that and in the parents hands right now.

 

[SHIZNITTTT]

Does this sort of thing happen in private schools often? I mean this kid couldn't make it in a "regular public school" because he would be removed due to the language and physical abuse. Does the private school tolerate this behavior because they are making money? Seems like a lose/lose for the kids that just want to learn.

"Greg" has punched at least 2 kids, and curses like a drunken sailor and is still in school? Doesn't make sense to me, but maybe kids are not punished as severely as they once were?

I think that speaking with the mother of "Greg" would be a great starting point. Maybe little Bigbottom could invite "Greg" to hang out one day and become friends. Seems "Greg" needs a friend and doesn't know how to interact with his peers. It is hard telling how ####ed up "Greg's" life is at home with his Dad gone. I am sure that in the end it will all work out, but I don't think any parent should "blowoff" and should take every precaution to physical and verbal violence.

Bigbottom has put the school in a difficult situation when he spoke with administration. The school is now going to be forced to do something about "Greg" because now their is a paper trail, and the school's liability is very high.

GL keep us updated.

 

[Gr00vus]

You had better hope that they punt this kid out of school otherwise your son is probably in for it even worse if Greg finds out you guys spoke to administration.

Your son should probably try talking to Greg and befriending him. If that doesn't work, he should fight back, whether or not Greg is bigger and stronger. Teach your son to strike first, strike hard, and no mercy, sir. Get him right on the button of his nose. No matter how big he is, that's going to put him on his ### more often than not. Usually, bullies back off once they've tasted their own medicine.

Of course, if the kid is a legit maniac, that's a whole other ball game. If things continue to escalate, threaten to pull your son from school if they don't kick Greg out. Sounds like the kid belongs in a different school anyway.

 

[[icon]]

Get a baseball bat and break both the fathers legs in front of greg to send a message.

 

[B-Deep]

Is the girl cute?

Not like some creepy homer's version of the offdee scale cute, but like to a 10 year old boy cute?

Make sure LittleBottom knows he's the f'n man if the female folk are chasing him

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

I get the sense that he's a slight, intelligent, sensitive kid,

My impression is that biggie's kid is smart, popular, athletic, good looking, rich, and he plays the guitar. He has nothing to prove here. He's not getting bullied by everyone and he probably never will be. He's getting tormented by one kid with serious issues.

 

[Otis]

On a serious note, I'd be taking this very seriously and don't think you need much of a gut check here. The world these days is nuts. You should be all over this as a parent.

 

[B-Deep]

I get the sense that he's a slight, intelligent, sensitive kid,

My impression is that biggie's kid is smart, popular, athletic, good looking, rich, and he plays the guitar. He has nothing to prove here. He's not getting bullied by everyone and he probably never will be. He's getting tormented by one kid with serious issues.

boys want to be him

girls want to be with him

 

[Wyld Stallyns]

Screw the school. I'd notify the police.

This goes beyond what the school decides to do. What's to stop Greg from doing something outside of school, especially considering it involves a girl and he seems so focused on your son.

This was my initial reaction to the op as well. I wonder if a restraining order would be of any use here.

 

[McGarnicle]

Just watched that movie Bully on Netflix last night. It's a very serious issue and it's common for school administrators to be clueless in how to deal with it. In one scene the principal is scolding a kid and encouraging him to try to get along with another kid, even after he makes it clear that the other kid was the aggressor and has been bullying him for a while. Doesn't get any more ###-backwards than that.

Nothing to add except I wish you and your son the best in dealing with this situation and I hope this kid's bark is worse than his bite.

 

[bigbottom]

Still catching up on all the replies, but just got off a call with the principal. I don't have all the details, but he said they spoke with the teacher and interviewed the boys in the class individually (not sure whether it was some or all of them) and were shocked to hear what has been going on with this child. He stated that this student is extremely troubled and very much in need of help, and that while this is a very sad situation, this school is not the appropriate place for him to get that help. Today is his last day at the school. Again, he did not provide all the details of what he learned, but made it very apparent that it was extremely disturbing and that while the conversation will be difficult, the decision was an easy one. He stated that his primary responsibility as a school administrator was to ensure the safety of their students and that based on what he has learned, he must be asked to leave.

I feel bad for the kid, and his mom. But my child's safety is paramount, and given the tenor of my conversation with the principal, I feel even more strongly that the right decision has been made.

By the way, he confirmed that he had not been made aware of any of the things that have been going on with this student, and expressed disappointment that he had to hear about it first from a parent.

 

[Kool-Aid Larry]

p.p.s. And one other odd fact. The track season is almost over. There is one more meet. My son is only one of three boys from his class on the team. Apparently, yesterday, when the season is just about over, Greg decided to join the track team. He didn't go to yesterday's meet as it was too late. But it's odd to join a sport so late in the year. Could it be that he wants to get closer to my son, particularly when they will be off campus and largely unsupervised? Probably not, but it's a nagging question.

is your son fast?

 

[Evilgrin 72]

Still catching up on all the replies, but just got off a call with the principal. I don't have all the details, but he said they spoke with the teacher and interviewed the boys in the class individually (not sure whether it was some or all of them) and were shocked to hear what has been going on with this child. He stated that this student is extremely troubled and very much in need of help, and that while this is a very sad situation, this school is not the appropriate place for him to get that help. Today is his last day at the school. Again, he did not provide all the details of what he learned, but made it very apparent that it was extremely disturbing and that while the conversation will be difficult, the decision was an easy one. He stated that his primary responsibility as a school administrator was to ensure the safety of their students and that based on what he has learned, he must be asked to leave.

I feel bad for the kid, and his mom. But my child's safety is paramount, and given the tenor of my conversation with the principal, I feel even more strongly that the right decision has been made.

By the way, he confirmed that he had not been made aware of any of the things that have been going on with this student, and expressed disappointment that he had to hear about it first from a parent.

Excellent news. Problem solved. I hope Greg gets the help he clearly needs and that this teacher gets suspended without pay for letting this go on as long as it has.

 

[McGarnicle]

Still catching up on all the replies, but just got off a call with the principal. I don't have all the details, but he said they spoke with the teacher and interviewed the boys in the class individually (not sure whether it was some or all of them) and were shocked to hear what has been going on with this child. He stated that this student is extremely troubled and very much in need of help, and that while this is a very sad situation, this school is not the appropriate place for him to get that help. Today is his last day at the school. Again, he did not provide all the details of what he learned, but made it very apparent that it was extremely disturbing and that while the conversation will be difficult, the decision was an easy one. He stated that his primary responsibility as a school administrator was to ensure the safety of their students and that based on what he has learned, he must be asked to leave.

I feel bad for the kid, and his mom. But my child's safety is paramount, and given the tenor of my conversation with the principal, I feel even more strongly that the right decision has been made.

By the way, he confirmed that he had not been made aware of any of the things that have been going on with this student, and expressed disappointment that he had to hear about it first from a parent.

Awesome! Best outcome anyone could ask for here. Well, other than the kid being incarcerated or moving out of the country.

 

[Wyld Stallyns]

Still catching up on all the replies, but just got off a call with the principal. I don't have all the details, but he said they spoke with the teacher and interviewed the boys in the class individually (not sure whether it was some or all of them) and were shocked to hear what has been going on with this child. He stated that this student is extremely troubled and very much in need of help, and that while this is a very sad situation, this school is not the appropriate place for him to get that help. Today is his last day at the school. Again, he did not provide all the details of what he learned, but made it very apparent that it was extremely disturbing and that while the conversation will be difficult, the decision was an easy one. He stated that his primary responsibility as a school administrator was to ensure the safety of their students and that based on what he has learned, he must be asked to leave.

I feel bad for the kid, and his mom. But my child's safety is paramount, and given the tenor of my conversation with the principal, I feel even more strongly that the right decision has been made.

By the way, he confirmed that he had not been made aware of any of the things that have been going on with this student, and expressed disappointment that he had to hear about it first from a parent.

& Greg

Also: Don't feel one bit bad for the kid or the mom. It's a situation they created. Hopefully it results in the kid getting on the right track, but the main thing is that he's (hopefully) out of your son's life permanently.