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Forum super lurker, occasional poster seeks feedback: Graduation Dinne (1 Viewer)

Unless this was mostly your idea (including inviting a ton of her family) or you are extremely well off, no way you should pay the entire bill.

 
Yeah 50/50 is more than generous. No way I'd pay all.

But disagree with anyone who suggests to tell your kid anything about this.

 
Consider it one last child support payment and be done with it. In fact,since you're footing the bill, tip the servers a little extra to make your ex gets a "special" plate.

 
I believe the word you are looking for is "no". (You could also go with, "Good luck with that.") And congratulations on the divorce.

She should pay for the guests she invited. You should pay for your guests.

 
I'd fire back 50/50. If a major headache just pay. Not so bad buying dinner for kids' family members traveling to see his graduation.

 
This could turn into a real cluster when its time to pay. Does your son live with your ex? If so, even better. When its time to pay, pay for half, inform your people that you've done so and just get the f out of there.

 
Id definitely pay 50/50 no matter who the guests are since this sounds like a party you are both throwing for your son. Dividing by number of people in the family is cheesy

 
Is she remarried? Does she have a boyfriend or any man attending with her? How long have you been divorced?

Is your son 18? Do you still have financial liabilities to this woman?

 
Your ex wife makes me angry.

I would just text her back that it's customary in no one's mind but hers and you'll be happy to split the bill but she and her customs can go #### up a tree otherwise.

 
Can you fake a reason to leave just before the bill comes?

Get a fake phone call from a friend who needs you?

Just slip out and text your kid later that you weren't feeling well but you'll see him later on?

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Is she remarried? Does she have a boyfriend or any man attending with her? How long have you been divorced?

Is your son 18? Do you still have financial liabilities to this woman?
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Take it easy on the OP, he is a Super Lurker & doesn't have that much experience posting.

 
Bodeine said:
Out of the blue, I get a text message from her saying that is customary for the Father to foot the bill.
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Then tell her that her father needs to bring enough for about 30 people.

 
Went 50/50 with the ex for my son's graduation party, Her half ate the majority of the food, and my half consumed the majority of the booze. Worked out well.

 
Definitely let her know ahead of time so there is no scene. 50/50 is more than generous or maybe tell her you'll pay for you, your 2 guests/your kid and the tip. You don't want to do the splitting for the first time at the restaurant, it will cause a scene and you are trying to keep the kid out of it.

Also, for so many family members (my assumption with a 90/10 split), that bill estimate seems low unless it isn't an expensive place. I'm thinking 2 people (your parents) on your side and say 10-18 (80-90%) on her side. That's only $15-20 per person, which at any restaurant (even Five Guys/Fuddruckers with drink/fries) isn't a stretch. If you are going somewhere nice, assume $30 per person with appetizers, drinks (alcoholic included), tax and tip. You are probably talking $500-600. Maybe the 90% isn't right and it isn't that many people, but I know at a nice restaurant, I have spent $200-300 for 4-6 adults and 3 kids for 1st communion type events.

 
Invite enough of your family and friends to even the numbers, and pay 50%. :shrug: I will PM you my email for that sweet paypal payout.

 
stbugs said:
Definitely let her know ahead of time so there is no scene. 50/50 is more than generous or maybe tell her you'll pay for you, your 2 guests/your kid and the tip. You don't want to do the splitting for the first time at the restaurant, it will cause a scene and you are trying to keep the kid out of it.
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This is a terrible idea. So he'll be getting out s calculator and will sit there crunching numbers figuring out what each of these people ate and drank and then totaling it up with everyone sitting there? Awkward.

50/50. You're half responsible for making the kid. It's an event for him, a big one. Don't make a big deal out of it. But no way do you pay the whole thing.

 
Does this mean you are done giving child support to her? If so, it's double reason to celebrate so make sure to let her know. Agree with others on 50/50.

 
So, the conclusion of the story: I texted the ex and advised that I was not in agreement with her suggestion and that I would be happy to split the bill with her.

She then responded that the money would be a struggle for her at this time as she has had a number of unexpected expenses most of which were related to her health as she had been suffering symptoms from something doctors have as yet been unable to diagnose.

Trying to find the highest road here, maintain the celebratory air of the occasion (being my child's graduation), I decided to not to bog the whole issue down into a fight over a couple of hundred dollars. I moved on from there and just agreed to cover the bill.

 
Bodeine said:
So, the conclusion of the story: I texted the ex and advised that I was not in agreement with her suggestion and that I would be happy to split the bill with her.

She then responded that the money would be a struggle for her at this time as she has had a number of unexpected expenses most of which were related to her health as she had been suffering symptoms from something doctors have as yet been unable to diagnose.

Trying to find the highest road here, maintain the celebratory air of the occasion (being my child's graduation), I decided to not to bog the whole issue down into a fight over a couple of hundred dollars. I moved on from there and just agreed to cover the bill.
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Your ex-wife sounds just like my ex-wife. FBGs would take away my man card if they knew how much I paid for her that I didn't have to.
 
Bodeine said:
So, the conclusion of the story: I texted the ex and advised that I was not in agreement with her suggestion and that I would be happy to split the bill with her.

She then responded that the money would be a struggle for her at this time as she has had a number of unexpected expenses most of which were related to her health as she had been suffering symptoms from something doctors have as yet been unable to diagnose.

Trying to find the highest road here, maintain the celebratory air of the occasion (being my child's graduation), I decided to not to bog the whole issue down into a fight over a couple of hundred dollars. I moved on from there and just agreed to cover the bill.
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You're a good man for keeping it about your son and not letting it impact his celebration.

 
ClownCausedChaos2 said:
Bodeine said:
So, the conclusion of the story: I texted the ex and advised that I was not in agreement with her suggestion and that I would be happy to split the bill with her.

She then responded that the money would be a struggle for her at this time as she has had a number of unexpected expenses most of which were related to her health as she had been suffering symptoms from something doctors have as yet been unable to diagnose.

Trying to find the highest road here, maintain the celebratory air of the occasion (being my child's graduation), I decided to not to bog the whole issue down into a fight over a couple of hundred dollars. I moved on from there and just agreed to cover the bill.
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You're a good man for keeping it about your son and not letting it impact his celebration.
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This is the right result I think. If she's been a manipulative nightmare all along, maybe less so, but either way I don't think you had much choice other than to do what you did. Well played sir.

 
Bodeine said:
So, the conclusion of the story: I texted the ex and advised that I was not in agreement with her suggestion and that I would be happy to split the bill with her.

She then responded that the money would be a struggle for her at this time as she has had a number of unexpected expenses most of which were related to her health as she had been suffering symptoms from something doctors have as yet been unable to diagnose.

Trying to find the highest road here, maintain the celebratory air of the occasion (being my child's graduation), I decided to not to bog the whole issue down into a fight over a couple of hundred dollars. I moved on from there and just agreed to cover the bill.
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:thumbup:

Good job and congrats on sounding like you're a good dad.

 
Consider it severance money. I would throw in the comment that it would have been better to just ask from the beginning instead of trying to scam me.

 
Quez said:
Bodeine said:
a couple of hundred dollars. I moved on from there and just agreed to cover the bill.
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Is this grad party at McDonalds or Sonny's BBQ?
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http://www.carminesnyc.com/locations/upper-west-side-nyc/

Thankfully, I had the foresight to have previously suggested a "family-syle" restaurant where you order four or five large entrees and a few appetizers for everyone. Also thankfully, not many drinkers in the crowd. There was a few beers, pre-meal, a martini and a large bottle of wine for the table. Everyone was quite full after all was said and done and I've got leftovers for two meals. :thumbup:

 
I highly commend your decision! The low road was the high road in this case. You could have made a big deal about it and perhaps been justified in it but it would have taken away from the moment. Congrats on your son's graduation.

 
To think, if she was honest from the beginning this likely wouldn't have been an issue. It's too bad that I don't believe her second story since she lied at first.

You're doing the right thing.

 
Bodeine said:
Quez said:
Bodeine said:
a couple of hundred dollars. I moved on from there and just agreed to cover the bill.
Click to expand...
Is this grad party at McDonalds or Sonny's BBQ?
Click to expand...
http://www.carminesnyc.com/locations/upper-west-side-nyc/

Thankfully, I had the foresight to have previously suggested a "family-syle" restaurant where you order four or five large entrees and a few appetizers for everyone. Also thankfully, not many drinkers in the crowd. There was a few beers, pre-meal, a martini and a large bottle of wine for the table. Everyone was quite full after all was said and done and I've got leftovers for two meals. :thumbup:
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Right, you made it a great day for your son, well done.

 
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