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Shtick You Use in Real Life (1 Viewer)

Nigel said:
My BIL, a cop in my town, would occasionally drive by my kids' elementary school when they were outside for recess, park somewhere on the periphery, and shout something over the cruiser's PA system to embarrass them. For example: "Lily Smith!" (100 kids stopped what they were doing and turned towards his cruiser parked nearby)..."ATTENTION LILY SMITH! I LOVE YOU LILY SMITH!!!" Or when my son was that age he'd watch him play hoops or football and wait for him to shoot an airball/drop a pass, then chide him over the PA for that, or publicly mock him for a bad haircut or hideous outfit.  
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When I was an idiot in college, I had a loudspeaker in my car (came with a siren noise too, how stupid is that?). We were always doing dumb stuff and I eventually had to remove it because it drew WAY too much attention. I remember stopping at an ATM one afternoon after a couple of 3-foot bong rips. My buddy was so ####ed up he could barely form coherent sentences, but I knew he needed money, so I stopped. It was raining out and there were 4-5 people already huddled in line under the canopy at the ATM. As he slowly approached the group, my other buddy in the backseat grabs the PA system and starts shouting "BEWARE OF THE MAN IN THE RED JACKET...."  (everyone immediately turns around and stares at him)... "HE IS EXTREMELY STONED".......(some nervous laughter among the group)..... "I REPEAT... PLEASE STEER CLEAR OF THE MAN IN THE RED JACKET.... HE IS SO STONED RIGHT NOW, HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING......(buddy in red jacket tries to play it off for a second or two)....  PLEASE,  THIS MAN IS EXTREMELY UNPREDICTABLE AND EVERYONE SHOULD REMAIN A SAFE DISTANCE AWAY".... (buddy in red jacket immediately turns around and comes storming back to the car). He was so pissed.

 
E-Z Glider said:
When I was an idiot in college, I had a loudspeaker in my car (came with a siren noise too, how stupid is that?). We were always doing dumb stuff and I eventually had to remove it because it drew WAY too much attention. I remember stopping at an ATM one afternoon after a couple of 3-foot bong rips. My buddy was so ####ed up he could barely form coherent sentences, but I knew he needed money, so I stopped. It was raining out and there were 4-5 people already huddled in line under the canopy at the ATM. As he slowly approached the group, my other buddy in the backseat grabs the PA system and starts shouting "BEWARE OF THE MAN IN THE RED JACKET...."  (everyone immediately turns around and stares at him)... "HE IS EXTREMELY STONED".......(some nervous laughter among the group)..... "I REPEAT... PLEASE STEER CLEAR OF THE MAN IN THE RED JACKET.... HE IS SO STONED RIGHT NOW, HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING......(buddy in red jacket tries to play it off for a second or two)....  PLEASE,  THIS MAN IS EXTREMELY UNPREDICTABLE AND EVERYONE SHOULD REMAIN A SAFE DISTANCE AWAY".... (buddy in red jacket immediately turns around and comes storming back to the car). He was so pissed.
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:lmao:  

I had one of those novelty horns and PA mounted under my hood in college.  No idea why.  The girls in the sorority house next to us got really tired of hearing La Cucaracha every time I left or arrived.

 
Oh, the check stuff reminds me of what I've done for pretty much every wedding I've ever been to.  I just give them a check and make it some random amount, like $247.93 and then leave the memo blank.

 
Nigel said:
My BIL, a cop in my town, would occasionally drive by my kids' elementary school when they were outside for recess, park somewhere on the periphery, and shout something over the cruiser's PA system to embarrass them. For example: "Lily Smith!" (100 kids stopped what they were doing and turned towards his cruiser parked nearby)..."ATTENTION LILY SMITH! I LOVE YOU LILY SMITH!!!" Or when my son was that age he'd watch him play hoops or football and wait for him to shoot an airball/drop a pass, then chide him over the PA for that, or publicly mock him for a bad haircut or hideous outfit.  
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That is awesome.  :lmao:

 
Walking Boot said:
Fantasy football commissioner in my league had no problems cashing my dues check, despite me clearly and in capital letters spelling out "FOR ILLEGAL DRUGS" in the memo line.

I've used "GAY PORNOS" before too.

Next year we'll see if he can get it cashed with "SUPER GAY PORNOS"
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Sign him up for the NAMBLA newsletter 

 
Jaysus said:
Lately, instead of saying "Hello" and "Goodbye" I've been rolling with "Cheerio" and "Toodaloo" ... exclusively with my 6th grade daughter.  I make sure to really emphasize it when she is with her friends.  I nearly forgot about it when I dropped her off at school this morning... so I rolled down the window and shouted "Too da-loooo" while she was waiting for a friend to catch up. 

I am pretty sure she is going to kill me in my sleep before the new year. 
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Start hiding steak knives.

 
Walking Boot said:
Fantasy football commissioner in my league had no problems cashing my dues check, despite me clearly and in capital letters spelling out "FOR ILLEGAL DRUGS" in the memo line.

I've used "GAY PORNOS" before too.

Next year we'll see if he can get it cashed with "SUPER GAY PORNOS"
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I always use "Man favors".

More subtle.

 
Good Posting Judge said:
I think the best Secret Santa gift is a framed photo of yourself.
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I'm in the planning stage for this, brainstorming for pose ideas. I'll get my daughter to take the pictures so flexibility for action shots, etc. Maybe a karate pose or something on a skateboard. Could go with a nature theme peering through the bifurcation of a tree or something with an animal - could go to a local farm and stage something. Or borrow someone else's kid and push him/her on a swing.

Thoughts?

 
Nigel said:
I'm in the planning stage for this, brainstorming for pose ideas. I'll get my daughter to take the pictures so flexibility for action shots, etc. Maybe a karate pose or something on a skateboard. Could go with a nature theme peering through the bifurcation of a tree or something with an animal - could go to a local farm and stage something. Or borrow someone else's kid and push him/her on a swing.

Thoughts?
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https://m.imgur.com/qqhuiVE

 
Today I was talking about the Chinese one child only policy for the last thirty years creating the world's largest sausage fest

 
Nigel said:
I'm in the planning stage for this, brainstorming for pose ideas. I'll get my daughter to take the pictures so flexibility for action shots, etc. Maybe a karate pose or something on a skateboard. Could go with a nature theme peering through the bifurcation of a tree or something with an animal - could go to a local farm and stage something. Or borrow someone else's kid and push him/her on a swing.

Thoughts?
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Constanza 

 
Wrigley said:
Total shtick, pretty hilarious seeing him show up at the reception carrying a wrapped chainsaw 
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My best friend gave me a tube sock full of random coins as my Wedding gift. My brother in law also have me coins but packed in a Tupperware sealed with duct tape.  Those were fun carrying home.  Totally stealing the chainsaw idea for his wedding.

 
Nigel said:
I'm in the planning stage for this, brainstorming for pose ideas. I'll get my daughter to take the pictures so flexibility for action shots, etc. Maybe a karate pose or something on a skateboard. Could go with a nature theme peering through the bifurcation of a tree or something with an animal - could go to a local farm and stage something. Or borrow someone else's kid and push him/her on a swing.

Thoughts?
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I am doing this.  I did a head and shoulders shot wearing a Santa cap in front of our tree.  Also with an autograph.

 
Nigel said:
I'm in the planning stage for this, brainstorming for pose ideas. I'll get my daughter to take the pictures so flexibility for action shots, etc. Maybe a karate pose or something on a skateboard. Could go with a nature theme peering through the bifurcation of a tree or something with an animal - could go to a local farm and stage something. Or borrow someone else's kid and push him/her on a swing.

Thoughts?
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Have them pushing you on the swing.  Make sure to have an overly-happy face.

 
Nigel said:
I'm in the planning stage for this, brainstorming for pose ideas. I'll get my daughter to take the pictures so flexibility for action shots, etc. Maybe a karate pose or something on a skateboard. Could go with a nature theme peering through the bifurcation of a tree or something with an animal - could go to a local farm and stage something. Or borrow someone else's kid and push him/her on a swing.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...


Glamour Shot

 
Nigel said:
I'm in the planning stage for this, brainstorming for pose ideas. I'll get my daughter to take the pictures so flexibility for action shots, etc. Maybe a karate pose or something on a skateboard. Could go with a nature theme peering through the bifurcation of a tree or something with an animal - could go to a local farm and stage something. Or borrow someone else's kid and push him/her on a swing.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
https://cdn6.dissolve.com/p/D145_256_154/D145_256_154_1200.jpg

 
I have my daughter convinced that during my early high school years I had my right ear pierced and wore a small hoop earring. She even felt my earlobe and said she can feel a bump where the hole used to be. 

She’s 15, so she finds this hilarious about her dad. 

 
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dgreen said:
I have my daughter convinced that during my early high school years I had my right ear pierced and wore a small hoop earring. She even felt my earlobe and said she can feel a bump where the hole used to be. 

She’s 15, so she finds this hilarious about her dad. 
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Right one?

 
I act like a 85 year old man when it comes to the names of places even if I know it I'll just randomly call things the wrong not even close names sometimes.

You want to go to Julio's tonight for dinner?

Julio's where is that?

You know the Italian place that we go to over in the shopping center.

You mean Luigi's?

Luigi's Julio's you know what I meant

 
eoMMan said:
Right one?
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Yeah. I was making stuff up on the fly. I decided to make up a story about how I used to have my ears pierced and she asked "Both ears?" so I rolled with it and just said one ear. She then of course asked which one and I said it was the right ear. Didn't that used to have some meaning? Or was it the left ear? I don't. I was just using the make-####-up-on-the-fly shtick and she totally believes me.

 
dgreen said:
I have my daughter convinced that during my early high school years I had my right ear pierced and wore a small hoop earring. She even felt my earlobe and said she can feel a bump where the hole used to be. 

She’s 15, so she finds this hilarious about her dad. 
Click to expand...
On a Disney cruise with the family.  It’s the pirate themed night.  My dad(60ish)proceeds to come out of the bathroom and had shoved a black pearl through his earlobe.  He had acquired it in port.  He thought it was funny.  My sister and I just watched it bleed, swell and stay beat red.

 
dgreen said:
Yeah. I was making stuff up on the fly. I decided to make up a story about how I used to have my ears pierced and she asked "Both ears?" so I rolled with it and just said one ear. She then of course asked which one and I said it was the right ear. Didn't that used to have some meaning? Or was it the left ear? I don't. I was just using the make-####-up-on-the-fly shtick and she totally believes me.
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She prob thinks that you had the gey 

NTTAWWT

 
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ragincajun said:
On a Disney cruise with the family.  It’s the pirate themed night.  My dad(60ish)proceeds to come out of the bathroom and had shoved a black pearl through his earlobe.  He had acquired it in port.  He thought it was funny.  My sister and I just watched it bleed, swell and stay beat red.
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Now that’s a guy that is dedicated to his shtick! Legend!

 
mr. furley said:
i don't know if we're allowed to say this in 2018 but in 1988 if you were a guy with an earring in your right ear it meant you were gay

actually, actually true
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Our HS had it that wearing green on Thursday meant you were gay.

 
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