Am I on the verge of a mid-life crisis.. how do you deal? (1 Viewer)

[-OZ-]

The hardest two questions we should ask ourselves is what is our purpose, and how do we get in position to do it?

I think our “midlife” feelings are fairly common.
46 here, kids range from 20-8 and keep us busy. A few hobbies I enjoy and volunteer with the church youth group, took a trip to Costa Rica last year to help with an orphanage. I’m still seeking purpose.
Finally decided to do join a men’s retreat and I plan on doing more with our local triathlon club which I had started doing more last year.


I’ve admitted to my wife recently that I’m mildly jealous of her. Aside from the obvious “you’re married to me!”, she seems to have really found her purpose these last few years. She mentors parents of st Jude’s patients, tours hospitals twice a year to speak on behalf of parents and patients, helps with St Jude’s fundraisers, teaches preschool (pay is crap but she loves it and she values the service), and has developed a very strong support network.
That’s living the good life.

 

[[icon]]

Travel. Get out and explore the world. It's become our primary way to recharge.

Sports, Softball (This gets tougher in the 40s and 50s). Pickleball (lots of leagues). Golf (Join a club, play social scrambles,etc), Something.

Volunteer: Find a charity that helps people in a way that appeals to you.

At the core, most men need to feel challenged.... need social connections... need to feel a purpose/accomplishment. That looks different for everyone. Find the way to fill those gaps for yourself.

 

[Zow]

Is Dr. No.. Dentist? Just curious is all.

I'm one of his best friends. Dentist was permabanned. I am also a dentist. we live far enough away from each other that it isn't easy to hang tho.

Whoa really?

 

[Zow]

Well, next time I see my close group of guy friends that started as a golf group (we text daily about nonsense), I shall express my gratitude. I didn't realize not having friends was a thing for middle-aged men.

 

[mr. furley]

never attribute mid-life crisis to some undescribable morass when it's just testosterone levels dropping as we age

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Similar situation here, except that my kids are older and are now out of the house. But that's part of it. With my kids having reached adulthood, my job as a parent is sort of done. I mean, we all know that you're never really "done" being a dad, but it's hugely different when your children are adults who have their own lives in different parts of the country. I've basically maxed out my career progression unless I want to pick up and move, which I'm not going to do. So that's done, too. My wife and I have a very happy marriage, which obviously beats the alternative but it sometimes feels like another box that has been checked. So now I'm kind of looking around wondering what I'm supposed to do. I've got another 5-10 years until retirement but no particular goals to be working toward. It's a little disorienting to suddenly realize that you've jumped through your last hoop.

I always figured that midlife crises were caused mainly by the constant reminders of one's own mortality, but that hasn't been a big deal for me. I think that for men, not having a sense of purpose is just weird. And I find it hard to believe that a local pickle ball league can fill the hole that professional ambition and parenthood once occupied.

 

[Dr. No]

I was in a similar situation after my best friend passed away and after I switched jobs (so I didn’t see my previous work-friends as much).

It’s hard as a guy in your 40s making new friends (especially if you’re more introverted). What helped me was getting more involved with the kids activities. I coached / assistant coached a lot of my kids’ youth sports teams (even in sports I had no idea what I was doing). I also joined the Tae Keon Do studio that my kids went to for about a year - there was a fun group of adults I met there. This helped broaden my own social network beyond just couple friends with my wife’s friends.

I know this probably goes counter your issue of not having time since your wife’s medical issues. You mentioned you’re doing well financially. Can you hire a housekeeper / cleaning agency to lighten the load at home?

Make sure you find time for yourself and find a way to talk through where you’re at emotionally (even if it’s here with a bunch of anonymous football nerds). Find ways to be “selfish” towards your own needs so you have the right mind space to be there for your family. I took care of my dad for a while before he passed and it’s very easy to lose yourself while you’re taking care of everyone else.

Yes.. i've considered the house cleaning. When this started this summer I really thought it was just going to be a month.. or two.. or maybe 3.. and so the time has gotten away from me and i just realized i'm totally sick of working, taking kids to sports, AND cleaning the house when i'm used to a SAHM that was doing a lot of that.

 

[General Malaise]

Similar situation here, except that my kids are older and are now out of the house. But that's part of it. With my kids having reached adulthood, my job as a parent is sort of done. I mean, we all know that you're never really "done" being a dad, but it's hugely different when your children are adults who have their own lives in different parts of the country. I've basically maxed out my career progression unless I want to pick up and move, which I'm not going to do. So that's done, too. My wife and I have a very happy marriage, which obviously beats the alternative but it sometimes feels like another box that has been checked. So now I'm kind of looking around wondering what I'm supposed to do. I've got another 5-10 years until retirement but no particular goals to be working toward. It's a little disorienting to suddenly realize that you've jumped through your last hoop.

I always figured that midlife crises were caused mainly by the constant reminders of one's own mortality, but that hasn't been a big deal for me. I think that for men, not having a sense of purpose is just weird. And I find it hard to believe that a local pickle ball league can fill the hole that professional ambition and parenthood once occupied.

Do you think they'll make you a grandfather anytime soon?

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Similar situation here, except that my kids are older and are now out of the house. But that's part of it. With my kids having reached adulthood, my job as a parent is sort of done. I mean, we all know that you're never really "done" being a dad, but it's hugely different when your children are adults who have their own lives in different parts of the country. I've basically maxed out my career progression unless I want to pick up and move, which I'm not going to do. So that's done, too. My wife and I have a very happy marriage, which obviously beats the alternative but it sometimes feels like another box that has been checked. So now I'm kind of looking around wondering what I'm supposed to do. I've got another 5-10 years until retirement but no particular goals to be working toward. It's a little disorienting to suddenly realize that you've jumped through your last hoop.

I always figured that midlife crises were caused mainly by the constant reminders of one's own mortality, but that hasn't been a big deal for me. I think that for men, not having a sense of purpose is just weird. And I find it hard to believe that a local pickle ball league can fill the hole that professional ambition and parenthood once occupied.

Do you think they'll make you a grandfather anytime soon?

Good point. We're expecting my oldest to get engaged any day now, but I imagine grandkids are still a few years off. And it's not as if they'll be right down the block or even two towns over. But yeah, that will probably be rejuvenating.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Around your age I felt very similar. Then I got into collecting wheat pennies. I've never looked back.

 

[General Malaise]

Similar situation here, except that my kids are older and are now out of the house. But that's part of it. With my kids having reached adulthood, my job as a parent is sort of done. I mean, we all know that you're never really "done" being a dad, but it's hugely different when your children are adults who have their own lives in different parts of the country. I've basically maxed out my career progression unless I want to pick up and move, which I'm not going to do. So that's done, too. My wife and I have a very happy marriage, which obviously beats the alternative but it sometimes feels like another box that has been checked. So now I'm kind of looking around wondering what I'm supposed to do. I've got another 5-10 years until retirement but no particular goals to be working toward. It's a little disorienting to suddenly realize that you've jumped through your last hoop.

I always figured that midlife crises were caused mainly by the constant reminders of one's own mortality, but that hasn't been a big deal for me. I think that for men, not having a sense of purpose is just weird. And I find it hard to believe that a local pickle ball league can fill the hole that professional ambition and parenthood once occupied.

Do you think they'll make you a grandfather anytime soon?

Good point. We're expecting my oldest to get engaged any day now, but I imagine grandkids are still a few years off. And it's not as if they'll be right down the block or even two towns over. But yeah, that will probably be rejuvenating.

Had both my older sons home for about a month over Xmas. When both of them left to go back to college, I found myself pretty sad and I wasn't expecting that. It was just really nice having them home and even though I've got 3 younger kids, the house feels emptier without 'em.

But I had to stroke a check to Oregon today for both of them and now I just feel poor.

 

[General Malaise]

I got into disc golf, that's a lot of fun for me. I take my dog with me sometimes too and he loves it. I would play every day if the weather were better. I LOATH ball golf. Just infuriates me and I was only getting worse with age since I don't play often enough to improve. But disc golf is usually free, a lot of fun and most of the people I've met through playing are laid back, cool folks who are also just having fun.


With 5 kids and 5 college tuitions to pay for retirement just isn't on my radar screen. That said, I don't work long hours anymore and am happy with what I make without wanting to make anymore. Money has never equaled happiness to me but it sure is nice to have around. I think even if I did retire, I'd try to find something part time.

 

[Judge Smails]

Tell Dentist he is missed. JUICED!!

And we have other options to hang besides the FFA. Especially for the perma banned folks

 

[Brony]

I've got a little ennui going on with my kids hitting the teen years and just generally doing less stuff with the parents. I've gone back to video games and travel planning to occupy the time, but it doesn't always scratch that itch that I should be doing something more meaningful.

 

[TripleThreat]

Start by hiring someone to clean the house ...

Perhaps start running, the 10k group here helped me work through some of my issues and I hate err loathe running. There are some talented people in that group and helped me slog through a couple of marathons.

Mountain biking, single speed KC is a beautiful huge S* show.

Yoga. meditating. Hiking/spending time in the woods.

 

[Judge Smails]

Great post. I think it's safe to say all of us have had the "is this all there is" thoughts at some point in our 40's or 50's as you start thinking about how much time you have left on earth. Most have it when their kids are a bit older as when they are your kid's age you're so busy parenting, going to activities, coaching etc that you don't have time to even entertain the question. When they become independent you have way more alone time and thoughts like this creep in.

I love Da Guru's thoughts. It's really about having an identity and a purpose. Gratitude is the answer. Buying things isn't. It's not about a new sportscar. Nor is it about getting strange. I know plenty of guys who bought the sports car, started having affairs, got divorced, etc. In most cases they just ended up broke and more lonely.

Bonding with amigos is so critically important. I personally am very blessed with this aspect of life. I've led a 24 guy Ryder Cup format golf trip that has been going on for 30 years now. 18 or so have been in the "never miss" camp. Then we have a Fantasy Football league with 15 or so owners. Many of the golf guys are also in the Fantasy league, which has been going on for 20+ years too. We're talking in person drafts only, many in Vegas, etc. People who have moved fly in for these every year. Bear hugs when we see each other. We also have several group WhatsApp threads that is no doubt our biggest form of Social Media. I mean there might be 75-100 posts in a day. And nothing gets banned or deleted there . The daily camaraderie is so valuable. Nothing like getting a post and just breaking out in a huge belly laugh when you've had a rough day. Nothing more important than family and friends. We often travel together, as families or we'll do couples trips. We have 8 couples going to Nashville for a concert weekend in April and another 8 couples going to Ireland in September. 3 couples just went to the Kentucky Derby. We pay for experiences, not things. My advice for anybody, especially for the younger crew, is to get some annual events like the golf tournament or fantasy drafts on the calendar. If you don't have a group like this, meet some people then spearhead these type of events. It pays off - these guys are family to me.

Gratitude first..... . Invest in your relationships second. Give to others third. If you have met all of your bucket list goals create new ones. Master a cooking skill. Master a new language with a goal to take a trip to that country after you get better (I want to spend 2 months or so a year in Mexico when I retire, so I'm on DuoLingo getter better at Spanish every day). And of course health is wealth - so take care of mind, body and spirit.

 

[DocHolliday]

Lots of great advice in here. I don’t have anything to add except it sounds like what you are going through is rather common from reading posts in this thread. Talk to your wife. Find hobbies. Spend as much time as possible with those kids. My daughter is quickly approaching 13, and she would rather be on the phone or hanging with friends rather than hanging with Dad. It’s sad.

 

[ChiefD]

Lots of great advice in here. I don’t have anything to add except it sounds like what you are going through is rather common from reading posts in this thread. Talk to your wife. Find hobbies. Spend as much time as possible with those kids. My daughter is quickly approaching 13, and she would rather be on the phone or hanging with friends rather than hanging with Dad. It’s sad.

Yeah, we are in this now. Boys are 17 and 15 and daughter is 12.

I've gone to bribing them with food and drinks.

"Hey, I'm running to Home Depot. Anyone want to go with? Was thinking about stopping somewhere for breakfast."

I can snag at least two and sometimes all three of them with that.

 

[Leeroy Jenkins]

I think we are all in the same stage of life. Funny how this board has evolved and all of us together in a sense since like 2001.

 

[Dr. Octopus]

49 and I've been battling depression for a few years now. Two teenage daughters. One in her second year at college away from home. The other a junior in high school. Both have their own lives going and things are not like "they used to be". Christmas is my favorite holiday and this year was just not the same. Wife and I fighting more than usual this past year.

My wife was looking for a replacement for my daughters (and maybe even a slight replacement for me) and so we bought a lab puppy in April. Although I love him, he hasn't helped. He is a ton of work and what little time we had together at night is now taken up by managing him.

Both work situations are good and money really is no problem.

It's weird feeling this way when you have so much going for you and things could be far, far worse. You are not alone.

we also added a dog in the fall. dog has helped a little.. not a solution, but an aid

Are you able to take long walks with him? It may help you clear your head sometimes.

 

[fruity pebbles]

We’ve all been there. Life can be mundane, especially when it feels like you and everyone in your life is just going through the motions. Testosterone has helped some. Have become a gym rat, put on 30 pounds, feel and look better. It seems to have rubbed off on other parts of my life.

 

[Judge Smails]

Similar situation here, except that my kids are older and are now out of the house. But that's part of it. With my kids having reached adulthood, my job as a parent is sort of done. I mean, we all know that you're never really "done" being a dad, but it's hugely different when your children are adults who have their own lives in different parts of the country. I've basically maxed out my career progression unless I want to pick up and move, which I'm not going to do. So that's done, too. My wife and I have a very happy marriage, which obviously beats the alternative but it sometimes feels like another box that has been checked. So now I'm kind of looking around wondering what I'm supposed to do. I've got another 5-10 years until retirement but no particular goals to be working toward. It's a little disorienting to suddenly realize that you've jumped through your last hoop.

I always figured that midlife crises were caused mainly by the constant reminders of one's own mortality, but that hasn't been a big deal for me. I think that for men, not having a sense of purpose is just weird. And I find it hard to believe that a local pickle ball league can fill the hole that professional ambition and parenthood once occupied.

Do you think they'll make you a grandfather anytime soon?

Good point. We're expecting my oldest to get engaged any day now, but I imagine grandkids are still a few years off. And it's not as if they'll be right down the block or even two towns over. But yeah, that will probably be rejuvenating.

Had both my older sons home for about a month over Xmas. When both of them left to go back to college, I found myself pretty sad and I wasn't expecting that. It was just really nice having them home and even though I've got 3 younger kids, the house feels emptier without 'em.

But I had to stroke a check to Oregon today for both of them and now I just feel poor.

I hear ya man. I only had 3 kids, but checking off the orthodontics, first cars and college expenses were a huge relief. 2 of 3 weddings done. Last one for my daughter in May. Already funded one granddaughters 529. It’s getting way easier now. Providing for a family is a huge obligation we all have in common. That’s why we crave the fun stuff bonding with others. Good balance. Releases stress

 

[nirad3]

What part of the world do you live in? Any sports teams to follow?

What part of the world do you live in? Any sports teams to follow?

Yes, I live in Kansas City like you..

i really want to find more local dudes to hang with in the neighborhood....

I mean, these scripts just write themselves sometimes.

Indeed.

@Dr. No - let's hook up sometime. I've met a few of the guys from here.

Seriously - if you ever want to grab a beer or watch a game or whatever I'm up for it. I'm a relatively normal guy who likes sports, outdoor activities, music, walks on the beach, sunsets, and has a healthy collection of shovels.

I can vouch for the Chief as we've known each other from "another board" for nearly 20 years now, and I've had the distinct pleasure of enjoying a BBQ lunch with him in KC. He's a quality dude.

 

[Tin Cup]

I always figured that midlife crises were caused mainly by the constant reminders of one's own mortality, but that hasn't been a big deal for me. I think that for men, not having a sense of purpose is just weird. And I find it hard to believe that a local pickle ball league can fill the hole that professional ambition and parenthood once occupied.

Sorry for the hijack, but perhaps this would be of use to some of you if your wife experiences a sudden and dramatic MLC.

I am about a year into my wife‘s MLC and the complete collapse of my marriage of 25 years. It’s like she became a total stranger overnight. Like Close Encounters Of The Third Kind different.

I fumbled around for MONTHS trying to figure out what happened until I stumbled on the website below which described what was happening to my wife to a T. The underlying theory is that childhood programming, particularly for childhoods filled with abuse, abandonment, and neglect, lays dormant for decades and then eventually goes off like a bomb. The person regresses to a selfish, adolescent mindset trying to relive the childhood they were initially deprived of. Can happen to either spouse, but much more likely to happen to the woman.

Again, just throwing this out there in case any of you encounter a Category 5 MLC with your wives. It has helped me beyond measure to understand and deal with what is going on with my wife.

6 Stages Of Female Mid-Life Crisis

 

[fruity pebbles]

I always figured that midlife crises were caused mainly by the constant reminders of one's own mortality, but that hasn't been a big deal for me. I think that for men, not having a sense of purpose is just weird. And I find it hard to believe that a local pickle ball league can fill the hole that professional ambition and parenthood once occupied.

Sorry for the hijack, but perhaps this would be of use to some of you if your wife experiences a sudden and dramatic MLC.

I am about a year into my wife‘s MLC and the complete collapse of my marriage of 25 years. It’s like she became a total stranger overnight. Like Close Encounters Of The Third Kind different.

I fumbled around for MONTHS trying to figure out what happened until I stumbled on the website below which described what was happening to my wife to a T. The underlying theory is that childhood programming, particularly for childhoods filled with abuse, abandonment, and neglect, lays dormant for decades and then eventually goes off like a bomb. The person regresses to a selfish, adolescent mindset trying to relive the childhood they were initially deprived of. Can happen to either spouse, but much more likely to happen to the woman.

Again, just throwing this out there in case any of you encounter a Category 5 MLC with your wives. It has helped me beyond measure to understand and deal with what is going on with my wife.

6 Stages Of Female Mid-Life Crisis

Props to you man. No way I’d be able to put up with that.

 

[TheWalkmen]

Move to Summerlin or Austin

 

[Sand]

What part of the world do you live in? Any sports teams to follow?

Yes, I live in Kansas City like you..

Unbound Gravel is out your way. Finishing that would fill a bucket.

 

[ChiefD]

What part of the world do you live in? Any sports teams to follow?

Yes, I live in Kansas City like you..

Unbound Gravel is out your way. Finishing that would fill a bucket.

If I was a biker I would love that. The Flint Hills are beautiful.

 

[Zow]

I think we are all in the same stage of life. Funny how this board has evolved and all of us together in a sense since like 2001.

Yep. FWIW I plan on making some substantive posts to this thread when I have the time. I will hit 40 this year so a lot of these feelings are relatable!

 

[Sand]

I think we are all in the same stage of life. Funny how this board has evolved and all of us together in a sense since like 2001.

Yep. FWIW I plan on making some substantive posts to this thread when I have the time. I will hit 40 this year so a lot of these feelings are relatable!

Avatar does not fit.

 

[coyote5]

Gonna follow this. I'm going through the same **** right now. Hard to get out of bed some days but we gotta fight thru.

 

[Zow]

I think we are all in the same stage of life. Funny how this board has evolved and all of us together in a sense since like 2001.

Yep. FWIW I plan on making some substantive posts to this thread when I have the time. I will hit 40 this year so a lot of these feelings are relatable!

Avatar does not fit.

It did like 17 years ago.

 

[fruity pebbles]

I went through this a few years ago. Failing marriage, starting over etc. Much better now. The marriage was a big part of it for me. A happy marriage is a wonderful thing but an unhappy, failing marriage is like a noose.

 

[Nugget]

Adult sports leagues have been something to look forward to. I play adult soccer basically year round. We do men’s league at the public golf course Thursday afternoons March - October. I haven’t played kickball yet, but Lawrence has a pretty competitive Sunday league.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Start by hiring someone to clean the house ...

Perhaps start running, the 10k group here helped me work through some of my issues and I hate err loathe running. There are some talented people in that group and helped me slog through a couple of marathons.

Mountain biking, single speed KC is a beautiful huge S* show.

Yoga. meditating. Hiking/spending time in the woods.

If you can swing it I’ll second the hiring of somebody for the cleaning of the house thing. Personally, I don’t make a mess as I clean up after myself but the rest of these heathen women at my house, JFC.

It makes the wife happy and I don’t have to hear her ***** about it. Best money ever. I’ll never clean another toilet in my life.

We pay $185 every two weeks

 

[5-ish Finkle]

Is Dr. No.. Dentist? Just curious is all.

we live far enough away from each other that it isn't easy to hang tho.

Easier to avoid all the feces though, amirite?

 

[Dr. No]

49 and I've been battling depression for a few years now. Two teenage daughters. One in her second year at college away from home. The other a junior in high school. Both have their own lives going and things are not like "they used to be". Christmas is my favorite holiday and this year was just not the same. Wife and I fighting more than usual this past year.

My wife was looking for a replacement for my daughters (and maybe even a slight replacement for me) and so we bought a lab puppy in April. Although I love him, he hasn't helped. He is a ton of work and what little time we had together at night is now taken up by managing him.

Both work situations are good and money really is no problem.

It's weird feeling this way when you have so much going for you and things could be far, far worse. You are not alone.

we also added a dog in the fall. dog has helped a little.. not a solution, but an aid

Are you able to take long walks with him? It may help you clear your head sometimes.

I can and I do and it is helpful. I put on some bone conduction headphones, some light music without words, and enjoy a 25 minute stroll.

 

[Dr. No]

Tell Dentist he is missed. JUICED!!

And we have other options to hang besides the FFA. Especially for the perma banned folks

Oh yeah? Dentist might be into that.

 

[TripItUp]

never attribute mid-life crisis to some undescribable morass when it's just testosterone levels dropping as we age

This is a wise post.

To keep energy levels high we need to be healthier as we age. No sugar, more fruits and vegetables and no alcohol. Find exercise that is fun for you, it is out there. I play in a middle aged hoops league and pickleball six times a week.

Being healthy is more important than money and essential to mental health. The body feeds the mind, never forget it.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

if I don’t exercise, I’m a moody prick. Much more susceptible to doubts and negative thoughts about myself.

 

[jvdesigns2002]

I haven’t read through the thread yet—but here is my 2 cents. Just after reading your original post very quickly for the first time— I kinda get the vibe that there might be some sort of an emotional detachment thing going on. The way the wife’s debilitating condition is mentioned made it feel like it was nothing more than a bit of a bummer. The way the kids are described as being healthy and “enjoyable” seemed very sterile. Is there any other issues that are maybe going on that could trigger some sort of detachment? It could be some sort of loneliness or depression. I’m certainly no expert—and this is nothing more than an amateur prediction based on a quick read of one post. Take it for what it’s worth.

 

[fatness]

The only downsides in my current life are 1) that 3 of my best local friends have moved away in the last few years and the rest of my friends aren't local to me so I don't see them very often. I have local neighborhood acquaintances but none of them are whom I'd consider a good friend. 2) that my wife has acquired a somewhat debilitating condition that leaves her unable to do many physical activities together that we used to do... biking, running.. and i've had to pick up a bunch of her slack at home with cleaning and kids stuff that kind of sucks.. but honestly it could be worse.

This seems like the core of your problem. It takes more time for you to pick up the slack of what your wife used to do, leaving you less time to do other things. AND you've lost a bit of your partner in life, more than just the "more work for me" part of it.

Best guess at advice that I can offer is re-finding a way to reconnect with your wife that you both enjoy regularly, and take @Da Guru 's advice.

 

[steelerfan1]

Not going to add much, but been feeling there’s got to be more than this for a few months now. Almost started a thread here asking if anyone’s had a MLC and how did they know and how did they correct it, so thanks for the topic.

 

[plinko]

Not going to add much, but been feeling there’s got to be more than this for a few months now. Almost started a thread here asking if anyone’s had a MLC and how did they know and how did they correct it, so thanks for the topic.

I rode it out, and I reinvested myself in my spirituality, and now I would definitely say, at 50, I’m on the other side of it. All I worry about anymore is my poor crumbling body, and all I can blame for that is a lifetime of neglect (and beer)

I feel like a lot of it was coming to terms with who I am, and who I’ve been, and what I have going forward..

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Not going to add much, but been feeling there’s got to be more than this for a few months now. Almost started a thread here asking if anyone’s had a MLC and how did they know and how did they correct it, so thanks for the topic.

You and several others have stated that you all fee the same way.

We are all pretty much at the “MLC” stage of our lives so if you guys didn’t feel this way it would be abnormal.

This is a good thing. It’s a time to adjust, have some self reflection fix what needs fixing and figure out what you want in life.

Home stretch boys! You gonna rot on the couch or go see the pyramids?

 

[hagmania]

Not shtick, even if I am biased about the activity:
Learn just enough about how to play D&D to run a game with the boys. D&D with young kids is awesome. You control the content, so you don't have to do blood and guts and scary stuff, just be some adventurers out looking to find treasure and slay some orcs.

 

[hagmania]

Also, this is something that I notice a lot of men don't have in their lives and I would highly recommend:

Creative Outlets

Learn how to play an instrument
Take up painting
D&D is one of mine for the improv and character voices
Make YT/TikTok videos about being a dentist

Painting might even be something you and your wife could do together? Mrs. hags and I play a game where we start with a blank canvas and give rules back and forth: you have to paint a lot of circles at the beginning, next part must be with shades of blue only, use a weird tool to make interesting designs, etc.

EDIT
More creative outlets:
Gardening and/or lawn care (plus physical activity win-win)
Model train sets with intricate landscape/background pieces
Woodworking
Plunk down some cash for a 3D Printer and go wild

 

[Lehigh98]

I'm 46 and have had the same type of thoughts but some different symptoms. My kids are now 16 (HS junior) and 14 (HS freshman) and we've started talking about colleges and it's hitting me that it won't be long before they're gone. It hasn't helped that coming out of Covid we've all become pretty comfortable just hanging around at home. I'm trying to plan some more trips / activities for us, and it started with a couple events / trips under the Christmas tree. Hoping to remember to get out and do more fun stuff while we've still got them instead of getting dragged down by the constant daily minutia.

• Curly : Do you know what the secret of life is?
  [holds up one finger]
  Curly : This.
  Mitch : Your finger?
  Curly : One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don't mean ****.
  Mitch : But, what is the "one thing?"
  Curly : [smiles] That's what *you* have to find out.

 

[Capella]

Does the weather there affect you? I’ve talked to people who have moved to Florida who said they couldn’t stand the 5-6 months of winter grey they would get each year in the Midwest. It actually put them into a sad place each year when the sun basically went away.

 

[Poke_4_Life]

Has anyone mentioned using some of your FBG $ to get help around the house? Weekly cleaning service or the like may help a lot since the wife is having health issues. Would also take something off your plate (and hers) to allow more time for hobbies/recreation.