Dining in groups (2 Viewers)

[Instinctive]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Probably the wrong thread but I'm so confused by the wife and the who pays for who. Are you married or do you just call her wife?

Yes, we are actually married and have been for a very long time. When we got married, she had young kids and got child support for years, so she didn't want to co-mingle our finances. It never changed since then. The way we do things, we each pay toward our joint bills, pay our individual bills, and whatever is left over is our individual discretionary money. When it comes to food, the way we do it is we each cook two nights a week, one night is usually leftover night or guys or girls not out, and we each pay one night a week to go out to dinner on the weekends. If either one of us doesn't feel like cooking on our assigned night, that person can elect to go out to eat instead (and pick up the tab). That's what happened on the night I described. She hasn't really come to the realization that everything is in reality "our" money. I realize this is probably an atypical situation, but it's been that way the entire time for us.

Interesting. Glad it works for you.

I've never quite understood keeping separate accounts in marriage, given that in the event of a divorce (sans a prenup that holds up) courts don't really care which account money was in, it just seems kind of like a giant hassle that can only add to potential for discord.

What you described is basically a great framework for unmarried cohabitation, but once married, it doesn't really make a difference.

 

[Anarchy99]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Probably the wrong thread but I'm so confused by the wife and the who pays for who. Are you married or do you just call her wife?

Yes, we are actually married and have been for a very long time. When we got married, she had young kids and got child support for years, so she didn't want to co-mingle our finances. It never changed since then. The way we do things, we each pay toward our joint bills, pay our individual bills, and whatever is left over is our individual discretionary money. When it comes to food, the way we do it is we each cook two nights a week, one night is usually leftover night or guys or girls not out, and we each pay one night a week to go out to dinner on the weekends. If either one of us doesn't feel like cooking on our assigned night, that person can elect to go out to eat instead (and pick up the tab). That's what happened on the night I described. She hasn't really come to the realization that everything is in reality "our" money. I realize this is probably an atypical situation, but it's been that way the entire time for us.

Interesting. Glad it works for you.

I've never quite understood keeping separate accounts in marriage, given that in the event of a divorce (sans a prenup that holds up) courts don't really care which account money was in, it just seems kind of like a giant hassle that can only add to potential for discord.

What you described is basically a great framework for unmarried cohabitation, but once married, it doesn't really make a difference.

There's more to the story that I left out that played into this. She had the more traditional financial arrangement with her ex-husband (one joint account). When things went south, he completely emptied out their savings account and left her without access to any cash. On top of that, her two-week paycheck got auto deposited before she had a chance to change it, so he grabbed that, too, a couple of days later. That became a "never again" stance for her, and she would not waiver from that.

I had a joint account with my ex-wife as well, and the issue there was she would spend out of it faster than I could deposit money into it. I remember one time she spent everything I had just deposited in one day . . . and then said we needed more money to pay the bills (There should have been plenty available for bills.) She had blown it on clothes, boots, shoes, a designer handbag, a day at the salon, and a night out with her friends. Her response was that I needed to make more money (leaving out the part where she needed to spend less frivolously).

IMO, any financial arrangement will work or not work if the parties involved act appropriately or not. With my current wife, I could tell that a line-item review of our individual spending habits would not go well if we had a joint account. You spent how much on a sandwich? Why did you buy new pillows and sheets? How many drinks did you have that night? What were you doing in that town in the middle of the day? OMG, that's how much you spend on a haircut! Wait, you had 12 deliveries from Amazon this month? Why did you need gas twice in the same week? How much did you spend on a present for a coworker? You get the point. That would go both directions, and it would get onerous.

 

[wlwiles]

I started a thread about this a while ago when I learned how common it was for married couples, especially younger ones, kept separate finances.

It's hard for me to understand.

My wife and I have always kept 3 accounts: hers, mine and ours. The ours is the biggest one. We put the most significant amount of paychecks into, use it to pay the major bills like home, cars, etc. If she's buying some shoes, she uses her account. If I am out at the bar with friends, I use mine. If we go out to eat together, sometimes I treat. Sometimes she does. Sometimes we use the joint account. Depends.

Exact same here. All bills, house related stuff, groceries, etc. come out of the joint account. I use my separate account for three things - bourbon hunting, poker night with friends (2-3 times per year), and any gift ordering I do for her so she won't see them on the joint account and spoil the surprise.

 

[Kanil]

couple B threw hand grenade (couple C) in the middle of the room to see how couple A would handle it

Yea.

Anyone I have ever seen that does that kinda thing (and God bless 'em), they do it all the time. At worst, I figure Couple B knew Husband C was likely to get the whole tab.

Yeah, he knew the guy better than I did and figured it was coming. We all golf together quite a bit and it's come up in conversation.

 

[Terminalxylem]

My wife and I are married 36 years. We've had joint accounts since day 1. I really don't understand the separate account strategy.

Anyway... like @bigbottom... giving my wife a big hug when she gets home from work

It’s not really a strategy, as much as inertia for opening new accounts. And complete trust that we’ll each pay bills when they arrive, and spend money responsibly, without needing an itemized budget.

I’m sure most of you with joint accounts have something that’s only in one person’s name - credit card, investment account, insurance policy, etc. Now just imagine everything is that way, individually titled, but functionally joint, as both partners unbregrudgingly pay for any bill/purchase.

ETA Looking at other posts, I think any arrangement can work or fail, depending largely on the habits of involved parties. For a couple that lives well below their means, trust one another, and isn’t uptight about how their partner spends, separate accounts require less effort to set up, at the minimum.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Probably the wrong thread but I'm so confused by the wife and the who pays for who. Are you married or do you just call her wife?

Yes, we are actually married and have been for a very long time. When we got married, she had young kids and got child support for years, so she didn't want to co-mingle our finances. It never changed since then. The way we do things, we each pay toward our joint bills, pay our individual bills, and whatever is left over is our individual discretionary money. When it comes to food, the way we do it is we each cook two nights a week, one night is usually leftover night or guys or girls not out, and we each pay one night a week to go out to dinner on the weekends. If either one of us doesn't feel like cooking on our assigned night, that person can elect to go out to eat instead (and pick up the tab). That's what happened on the night I described. She hasn't really come to the realization that everything is in reality "our" money. I realize this is probably an atypical situation, but it's been that way the entire time for us.

Interesting. Glad it works for you.

I've never quite understood keeping separate accounts in marriage, given that in the event of a divorce (sans a prenup that holds up) courts don't really care which account money was in, it just seems kind of like a giant hassle that can only add to potential for discord.

What you described is basically a great framework for unmarried cohabitation, but once married, it doesn't really make a difference.

I’ve been divorced, with separate accounts while married. It was arguably easier, as we never had to go through the hassle of closing the joint accounts, and opening individualized accounts in their place (on top of never wasting time creating joint accounts in the first place). If what you say is true, and courts recognize everything as co-owned anyway, what’s the hassle?

As far as discord, we didn’t require lawyers, or a divorce proceeding. I lived in our home for a bit after we split, and payed the mortgage in its entirety. Then we divided the proceeds 50:50, when it was sold. She took what she wanted from the home’s furnishings, and I handled the rest. And she repayed me for her car, which I had purchased shortly before we divorced. Easy peasy.

The second wife and I have been happily married for over a decade, also with separate accounts. Only recently did her name get added to the deed for our home (which I purchased before we married), to facilitate creating our trusts. Those are separate as well.

 

[Instinctive]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Probably the wrong thread but I'm so confused by the wife and the who pays for who. Are you married or do you just call her wife?

Yes, we are actually married and have been for a very long time. When we got married, she had young kids and got child support for years, so she didn't want to co-mingle our finances. It never changed since then. The way we do things, we each pay toward our joint bills, pay our individual bills, and whatever is left over is our individual discretionary money. When it comes to food, the way we do it is we each cook two nights a week, one night is usually leftover night or guys or girls not out, and we each pay one night a week to go out to dinner on the weekends. If either one of us doesn't feel like cooking on our assigned night, that person can elect to go out to eat instead (and pick up the tab). That's what happened on the night I described. She hasn't really come to the realization that everything is in reality "our" money. I realize this is probably an atypical situation, but it's been that way the entire time for us.

Interesting. Glad it works for you.

I've never quite understood keeping separate accounts in marriage, given that in the event of a divorce (sans a prenup that holds up) courts don't really care which account money was in, it just seems kind of like a giant hassle that can only add to potential for discord.

What you described is basically a great framework for unmarried cohabitation, but once married, it doesn't really make a difference.

I’ve been divorced, with separate accounts while married. It was arguably easier, as we never had to go through the hassle of closing the joint accounts, and opening individualized accounts in their place (on top of never wasting time creating the joint accounts in the first place). If what you say is true, and courts recognize everything as co-owned anyway, what’s the hassle?

As far as discord, we didn’t require lawyers, or a divorce proceeding. I lived in our home for a bit after we split, payed the mortgage in its entirety, then we divided the proceeds 50:50, when it was sold. She took what she wanted from the home’s furnishings, and I handled the rest. And she repayed me for her car, which I had purchased shortly before we divorced. Easy peasy.

The second wife and I have been happily married for over a decade, also with separate accounts. Only recently did her name get added to the deed for our home (which I purchased before we married), to facilitate creating our trusts. Those are separate as well.

Glad it works for you. I don't super want to go down this path because it's very personal and can only offend folks. it sounds like a fantastic plan, and it works so well in divorce I wonder if it doesn't make it more likely too.

I'm not in the business of telling other people how to do their finances. I was legit just confused by Anarchy's original post, given that all the money made during marriage belongs to both people anyway, it didn;t really make sense.

It still doesn't make sense, and seems like a greater hassle in all aspects except divorce but I get the logic that it would help you avoid major arguments. I just wouldn't marry someone I couldn't have those conversations with and be on the same page.

Like I said - I'm glad it works and that people are happy. It's not really my place nor my business to comment further.

 

[Keerock]

My wife and I are married 36 years. We've had joint accounts since day 1. I really don't understand the separate account strategy.

Anyway... like @bigbottom... giving my wife a big hug when she gets home from work

It’s not really a strategy, as much as inertia for opening new accounts. And complete trust that we’ll each pay bills when they arrive, and spend money responsibly, without needing an itemized budget.

I’m sure most of you with joint accounts have something that’s only in one person’s name - credit card, investment account, insurance policy, etc. Now just imagine everything is that way, individually titled, but functionally joint, as both partners unbregrudgingly pay for any bill/purchase.

Nope. The only thing that was like that was our cars, but they're both paid off now. But when we were making payments on them it was done from our joint account.

Of course our retirement accounts are separate, but that's only because Uncle Sam requires it.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Probably the wrong thread but I'm so confused by the wife and the who pays for who. Are you married or do you just call her wife?

Yes, we are actually married and have been for a very long time. When we got married, she had young kids and got child support for years, so she didn't want to co-mingle our finances. It never changed since then. The way we do things, we each pay toward our joint bills, pay our individual bills, and whatever is left over is our individual discretionary money. When it comes to food, the way we do it is we each cook two nights a week, one night is usually leftover night or guys or girls not out, and we each pay one night a week to go out to dinner on the weekends. If either one of us doesn't feel like cooking on our assigned night, that person can elect to go out to eat instead (and pick up the tab). That's what happened on the night I described. She hasn't really come to the realization that everything is in reality "our" money. I realize this is probably an atypical situation, but it's been that way the entire time for us.

Interesting. Glad it works for you.

I've never quite understood keeping separate accounts in marriage, given that in the event of a divorce (sans a prenup that holds up) courts don't really care which account money was in, it just seems kind of like a giant hassle that can only add to potential for discord.

What you described is basically a great framework for unmarried cohabitation, but once married, it doesn't really make a difference.

I’ve been divorced, with separate accounts while married. It was arguably easier, as we never had to go through the hassle of closing the joint accounts, and opening individualized accounts in their place (on top of never wasting time creating the joint accounts in the first place). If what you say is true, and courts recognize everything as co-owned anyway, what’s the hassle?

As far as discord, we didn’t require lawyers, or a divorce proceeding. I lived in our home for a bit after we split, payed the mortgage in its entirety, then we divided the proceeds 50:50, when it was sold. She took what she wanted from the home’s furnishings, and I handled the rest. And she repayed me for her car, which I had purchased shortly before we divorced. Easy peasy.

The second wife and I have been happily married for over a decade, also with separate accounts. Only recently did her name get added to the deed for our home (which I purchased before we married), to facilitate creating our trusts. Those are separate as well.

Glad it works for you. I don't super want to go down this path because it's very personal and can only offend folks. it sounds like a fantastic plan, and it works so well in divorce I wonder if it doesn't make it more likely too.

I'm not in the business of telling other people how to do their finances. I was legit just confused by Anarchy's original post, given that all the money made during marriage belongs to both people anyway, it didn;t really make sense.

It still doesn't make sense, and seems like a greater hassle in all aspects except divorce but I get the logic that it would help you avoid major arguments. I just wouldn't marry someone I couldn't have those conversations with and be on the same page.

Like I said - I'm glad it works and that people are happy. It's not really my place nor my business to comment further.

Help me understand where the hassle come in. Seriously, IDGI. Please give me a concrete example.

And no, I don’t believe joint accounts promoted my divorce, though I guess I can see it, if one is “hiding” money. But that can be done regardless of account ownership.

Lastly, please don’t confuse individual with “private”. My wife and I are more than willing to share our banking/cc/investment statements, but tbh, neither of us really cares 99.9% of the time. We just reviewed everything for estate planning though.

ETA I’m not remotely offended. Just curious.

ETA2 I was also confused by @Anarchy99 's post. For me, it wasn't about the name(s) on the accounts, as much as the conceptual framework of my, her, and our money. Once married, it's all our money, imo, regardless of who opened the account/makes the purchase.

 

[Terminalxylem]

My wife and I are married 36 years. We've had joint accounts since day 1. I really don't understand the separate account strategy.

Anyway... like @bigbottom... giving my wife a big hug when she gets home from work

It’s not really a strategy, as much as inertia for opening new accounts. And complete trust that we’ll each pay bills when they arrive, and spend money responsibly, without needing an itemized budget.

I’m sure most of you with joint accounts have something that’s only in one person’s name - credit card, investment account, insurance policy, etc. Now just imagine everything is that way, individually titled, but functionally joint, as both partners unbregrudgingly pay for any bill/purchase.

Nope. The only thing that was like that was our cars, but they're both paid off now. But when we were making payments on them it was done from our joint account.

Of course our retirement accounts are separate, but that's only because Uncle Sam requires it.

OK, so you had/have individual accounts. Did/do those create extra hassle, and if so, how?

 

[McBokonon]

Does anyone go out to dinner to have a good time and relax, or is it always an uncomfortable combination of Succession, War of the Roses, and Seinfeld?

 

[-fish-]

I don't understand any of this. My friends and I either try to sneak a card to the server to pay the tab or we pay credit card roulette.

You don't understand splitting a bill?

between married couples? no.
causing it to be a thing between friends? no.
as someone that worked in restaurants for 10 years? I hate it.

the people I spend time with don't split bills. I get this one, you get the next. nobody cares whether one entree cost an extra $4. seems like a petty way to live. if you can't afford to go out, stay home.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Does anyone go out to dinner to have a good time and relax, or is it always an uncomfortable combination of Succession, War of the Roses, and Seinfeld?

Dude, eat and get out and don't cause any problems. Or no soup for you!

 

[the moops]

I don't understand any of this. My friends and I either try to sneak a card to the server to pay the tab or we pay credit card roulette.

You don't understand splitting a bill?

between married couples? no.
causing it to be a thing between friends? no.
as someone that worked in restaurants for 10 years? I hate it.

the people I spend time with don't split bills. I get this one, you get the next. nobody cares whether one entree cost an extra $4. seems like a petty way to live. if you can't afford to go out, stay home.

I get the i get this one you get the next but isn’t just splitting the bill the same exact thing?

it’s never been an issue with our friends if we go out and everyone gets what they want and we just split it however many ways.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I don't understand any of this. My friends and I either try to sneak a card to the server to pay the tab or we pay credit card roulette.

You don't understand splitting a bill?

between married couples? no.
causing it to be a thing between friends? no.
as someone that worked in restaurants for 10 years? I hate it.

the people I spend time with don't split bills. I get this one, you get the next. nobody cares whether one entree cost an extra $4. seems like a petty way to live. if you can't afford to go out, stay home.

I get the i get this one you get the next but isn’t just splitting the bill the same exact thing?

it’s never been an issue with our friends if we go out and everyone gets what they want and we just split it however many ways.

The split divided equally between n diners is easy. It gets complicated when people are petty about someone not paying their “fair” share, or worse, want to divide the check to ensure everyone pays for exactly what they ordered, including tip and tax.

Processing individual checks and/or running multiple cc is probably a hassle for waitstaff as well. It’s a little better if a single card is used, and individuals reimburse their share to the payor, though still not ideal.

One person paying on a rotating schedule* avoids all of these problems, and is my preferred approach to group outings. Because I trust the process, and am not concerned about friends/loved ones screwing me over, it’s a stress-free strategy.

Perhaps all the relaxation people enjoy while dilly-dallying before ordering should be applied when paying the bill?

*There’s not an actual schedule, just an implied understanding: one person won’t always be paying. Again, I trust friends and family to do the right thing.

 

[the moops]

The split divided equally between n diners is easy. It gets complicated when people are petty about someone not paying their “fair” share, or worse, want to divide the check to ensure everyone pays for exactly what they ordered, including tip and tax.

I am not friends with people like that, and if I was, I most certainly would not be dining with them

 

[FreeBaGeL]

The easy answer is just play credit card roulette every time. It's more exciting, too.

 

[Terminalxylem]

The easy answer is just play credit card roulette every time. It's more exciting, too.

Roulette meaning one person’s card is picked randomly?

Works for me, though it should be done at the end of the meal, to lessen all the silly worrying about ordering something expensive.

Having done something like this with work responsibilities, I can assure you some people will get bent about random picking not being “fair” - they’re the same type of people who want to itemize the check.

 

[ghostguy123]

The success of any of the different account variations has nothing to do with those variations.
You and/or your spouse either suck or you dont

 

[FreeBaGeL]

The easy answer is just play credit card roulette every time. It's more exciting, too.

Roulette meaning one person’s card is picked randomly?

Works for me, though it should be done at the end of the meal, to lessen all the silly worrying about ordering something expensive.

Having done something like this with work responsibilities, I can assure you some people will get bent about random picking not being “fair” - they’re the same type of people who want to itemize the check.

Yes, at the end of the meal. Waiter picks the random card (preferably out of a hat).

For maximum fun/suspense you can do the elimination method where the waiter picks out one at a time and the last one remaining (instead of the first drawn) pays.

 

[Terminalxylem]

For maximum fun/suspense you can do the elimination method where the waiter picks out one at a time and the last one remaining (instead of the first drawn) pays.

sounds slow

 

[Don Quixote]

The easy answer is just play credit card roulette every time. It's more exciting, too.

Roulette meaning one person’s card is picked randomly?

Works for me, though it should be done at the end of the meal, to lessen all the silly worrying about ordering something expensive.

Having done something like this with work responsibilities, I can assure you some people will get bent about random picking not being “fair” - they’re the same type of people who want to itemize the check.

Yes, at the end of the meal. Waiter picks the random card (preferably out of a hat).

For maximum fun/suspense you can do the elimination method where the waiter picks out one at a time and the last one remaining (instead of the first drawn) pays.

Why bring the waiter into it, and not just have one of you do the draw?

 

[FreeBaGeL]

The easy answer is just play credit card roulette every time. It's more exciting, too.

Roulette meaning one person’s card is picked randomly?

Works for me, though it should be done at the end of the meal, to lessen all the silly worrying about ordering something expensive.

Having done something like this with work responsibilities, I can assure you some people will get bent about random picking not being “fair” - they’re the same type of people who want to itemize the check.

Yes, at the end of the meal. Waiter picks the random card (preferably out of a hat).

For maximum fun/suspense you can do the elimination method where the waiter picks out one at a time and the last one remaining (instead of the first drawn) pays.

Why bring the waiter into it, and not just have one of you do the draw?

So no shenanigans. And the waiters typically get a kick out of it.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

My wife and I are married 36 years. We've had joint accounts since day 1. I really don't understand the separate account strategy.

Anyway... like @bigbottom... giving my wife a big hug when she gets home from work

It’s not really a strategy, as much as inertia for opening new accounts. And complete trust that we’ll each pay bills when they arrive, and spend money responsibly, without needing an itemized budget.

I’m sure most of you with joint accounts have something that’s only in one person’s name - credit card, investment account, insurance policy, etc. Now just imagine everything is that way, individually titled, but functionally joint, as both partners unbregrudgingly pay for any bill/purchase.

ETA Looking at other posts, I think any arrangement can work or fail, depending largely on the habits of involved parties. For a couple that lives well below their means, trust one another, and isn’t uptight about how their partner spends, separate accounts require less effort to set up, at the minimum.

We joke about the house being in my name only.

I did buy it before I knew her….

 

[DA RAIDERS]

The easy answer is just play credit card roulette every time. It's more exciting, too.

Roulette meaning one person’s card is picked randomly?

Works for me, though it should be done at the end of the meal, to lessen all the silly worrying about ordering something expensive.

Having done something like this with work responsibilities, I can assure you some people will get bent about random picking not being “fair” - they’re the same type of people who want to itemize the check.

It’s always done at the end of the dinner.

 

[Terminalxylem]

My wife and I are married 36 years. We've had joint accounts since day 1. I really don't understand the separate account strategy.

Anyway... like @bigbottom... giving my wife a big hug when she gets home from work

It’s not really a strategy, as much as inertia for opening new accounts. And complete trust that we’ll each pay bills when they arrive, and spend money responsibly, without needing an itemized budget.

I’m sure most of you with joint accounts have something that’s only in one person’s name - credit card, investment account, insurance policy, etc. Now just imagine everything is that way, individually titled, but functionally joint, as both partners unbregrudgingly pay for any bill/purchase.

ETA Looking at other posts, I think any arrangement can work or fail, depending largely on the habits of involved parties. For a couple that lives well below their means, trust one another, and isn’t uptight about how their partner spends, separate accounts require less effort to set up, at the minimum.

We joke about the house being in my name only.

I did buy it before I knew her….

Same, and it was 75% paid off before we wed. She paid the rest.

Upon changing to co-ownership, I received a solicitation in the mail. Some weasels combed the public records, and were offering a printed copy of the updated title, at a cost of nearly a thousand dollars. Never mind that I could do same on-line through the board of conveyances, for less than 10 bucks.

 

[gianmarco]

The easy answer is just play credit card roulette every time. It's more exciting, too.

Roulette meaning one person’s card is picked randomly?

Works for me, though it should be done at the end of the meal, to lessen all the silly worrying about ordering something expensive.

Having done something like this with work responsibilities, I can assure you some people will get bent about random picking not being “fair” - they’re the same type of people who want to itemize the check.

Yes, at the end of the meal. Waiter picks the random card (preferably out of a hat).

For maximum fun/suspense you can do the elimination method where the waiter picks out one at a time and the last one remaining (instead of the first drawn) pays.

"Ok, how about best of 5?"

 

[Cowboysfan8]

Does anyone go out to dinner to have a good time and relax, or is it always an uncomfortable combination of Succession, War of the Roses, and Seinfeld?

Right? lol

“Hurry up and order!” “Eat your food!!” “Where’s the check so I can tip %40?!?!”

 

[Pip's Invitation]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Why are you having this debate with your spouse? Isn’t it all both of your money, in the end?

 

[ghostguy123]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Why are you having this debate with your spouse? Isn’t it all both of your money, in the end?

Well, yeah, that's why she's upset they spent too much

 

[the moops]

The easy answer is just play credit card roulette every time. It's more exciting, too.

Not sure why this is any easier than just splitting the tab among however many people/couples/families there are. I suppose if I went out with the same folks all the time the roulette thing would maybe add a little excitement, otherwise if just feels like getting stuck with the tab with people I may not see for another year or so

-edit- I also hang out with some folks that are barely making it, and while a 400 dollar tab won't kill them, it certainly would make them rethink whether they would want to join in the festivities again

 

[Joe Bryant]

The easy answer is just play credit card roulette every time. It's more exciting, too.

Not sure why this is any easier than just splitting the tab among however many people/couples/families there are. I suppose if I went out with the same folks all the time the roulette thing would maybe add a little excitement, otherwise if just feels like getting stuck with the tab with people I may not see for another year or so

-edit- I also hang out with some folks that are barely making it, and while a 400 dollar tab won't kill them, it certainly would make them rethink whether they would want to join in the festivities again

Agreed. I don't see the appeal of playing a game with this. Seems way better to just pay for what you order.

 

[Terminalxylem]

The easy answer is just play credit card roulette every time. It's more exciting, too.

Not sure why this is any easier than just splitting the tab among however many people/couples/families there are. I suppose if I went out with the same folks all the time the roulette thing would maybe add a little excitement, otherwise if just feels like getting stuck with the tab with people I may not see for another year or so

-edit- I also hang out with some folks that are barely making it, and while a 400 dollar tab won't kill them, it certainly would make them rethink whether they would want to join in the festivities again

Agreed. I don't see the appeal of playing a game with this. Seems way better to just pay for what you order.

Depends with whom you are dining. When friends are roughly in the same socioeconomic strata, which is probably true the majority of the time, a single payor/card roulette could save a lot of time and effort. And it will always be easier for waitstaff.

It’s like a married couple drawing from a joint, versus individual accounts.

 

[the moops]

a single payor/card roulette could save a lot of time and effort. And it will always be easier for waitstaff.

Throwing 3 cards in a pile takes no less effort than having the waiter grab a random one. And I tip well, the server can run 3 cards instead of 1

 

[Terminalxylem]

a single payor/card roulette could save a lot of time and effort. And it will always be easier for waitstaff.

Throwing 3 cards in a pile takes no less effort than having the waiter grab a random one. And I tip well, the server can run 3 cards instead of 1

To be clear, I've never used cc roulette - one person just pays the entire tab, without the extra fanfare.

Not sure how that can be construed as equivalent effort to dividing and producing 3 bills, and running the same number of credit cards, no matter how much one tips.

 

[Joe Bryant]

a single payor/card roulette could save a lot of time and effort. And it will always be easier for waitstaff.

Throwing 3 cards in a pile takes no less effort than having the waiter grab a random one. And I tip well, the server can run 3 cards instead of 1

Yes. It's super simple. Either split 3 ways equal or let the server know when you order who is on what ticket. Easy. And not worth any weirdness or awkwardness (some that may not be voiced) of playing a game with the bill.

 

[gianmarco]

We bring a deck of cards and have the server deal us 3 cards each. Highest total pays the bill. If it's a tie, we just redeal again. So far, we've never had two ties in a row, so no worries about it taking too much time.

 

[gianmarco]

We bring a deck of cards and have the server deal us 3 cards each. Highest total pays the bill. If it's a tie, we just redeal again. So far, we've never had two ties in a row, so no worries about it taking too much time.

The only time it's been awkward is when there was more than one of us that brought the deck. We couldn't agree whose deck we'd use so we just decided to pay our own tabs that night. I learned to keep my deck out of sight until I know none of the others at dinner have one.

 

[Major]

The easy answer is just play credit card roulette every time. It's more exciting, too.

Not sure why this is any easier than just splitting the tab among however many people/couples/families there are. I suppose if I went out with the same folks all the time the roulette thing would maybe add a little excitement, otherwise if just feels like getting stuck with the tab with people I may not see for another year or so

-edit- I also hang out with some folks that are barely making it, and while a 400 dollar tab won't kill them, it certainly would make them rethink whether they would want to join in the festivities again

Agreed. I don't see the appeal of playing a game with this. Seems way better to just pay for what you order.

Folks like to gamble and it does add some excitement to an otherwise mundane activity. When I was younger we'd do it in big groups as many restaurants didn't allow you to split the bills like they do today. Chances were low you'd ever get selected but it would sting if you did (8-20x). As luck would have it, the guy in the worst financial shape normally gets chosen.

 

[the moops]

Maybe we should arm wrestle or do a beer chugging contest

 

[Terminalxylem]

I like making it contingent on rapidity of ordering and/or finishing eating: slowest pays. There needs to be a monetary penalty for all that relaxing.

 

[Dan Lambskin]

I’ve done cc roulette a few times at bachelor parties (dinner, bar tab, etc). It was actually kinda fun, we did it for derby weekend one year and one guy got hit for a big bar tab and dinner one night. So we made him exempt final night. He didn’t go crazy or anything knowing he wasn’t paying, but definitely splurged a bit

We did it another time in New York, once you paid you were out. It got interesting bar hopping because some rounds were cheap and some were pretty pricey

But nowadays I usually just chop if I’m with Multiple groups, win some lose some

if it’s only splitting 2 ways sometimes it’s easier

 

[The Gator]

I’ve done cc roulette a few times at bachelor parties (dinner, bar tab, etc). It was actually kinda fun,

There should be no fun had at dinner! eat and gtfoot

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Oh man, almost forgot, went to some nicer place in OBx. Order a couple apps and a dozen oysters. Comes back a little later with calamari and mozzarella sticks and then the oysters. Only 6. Then says wrong table and he’d be back. We go outside to take a quick sunset photo, come back new oysters are there. Immediately followed by my soup and entree and then everyone else’s salad and entree

Food was good, Just timed really poorly. Pretty sure they were just opening back up for the season, and closing soon, but a really good example of how important timing is

 

[DA RAIDERS]

went to a new place tonight. 6 people. There was much indecision. Sent the waitress away, so as not to waste her time. When finally ready, we proudly stacked our menus. My wife and I were dying laughing. I’ve kept her abreast of this thread.

 

[gianmarco]

went to a new place tonight. 6 people. There was much indecision. Sent the waitress away, so as not to waste her time. When finally ready, we proudly stacked our menus. My wife and I were dying laughing. I’ve kept her abreast of this thread.

Did you get an appetizer with 5 pieces?

 

[DA RAIDERS]

went to a new place tonight. 6 people. There was much indecision. Sent the waitress away, so as not to waste her time. When finally ready, we proudly stacked our menus. My wife and I were dying laughing. I’ve kept her abreast of this thread.

Did you get an appetizer with 5 pieces?

We ordered too many apps on purpose. Greek food. Really good. It was a nice find.

 

[pollardsvision]

went to a new place tonight. 6 people. There was much indecision. Sent the waitress away, so as not to waste her time. When finally ready, we proudly stacked our menus. My wife and I were dying laughing. I’ve kept her abreast of this thread.

So, how did you guys deal with deciding who pays?

Or are you still in the middle of a all-night Settlers of Kataan match with the waitress officiating to see who pays?

 

[DA RAIDERS]

went to a new place tonight. 6 people. There was much indecision. Sent the waitress away, so as not to waste her time. When finally ready, we proudly stacked our menus. My wife and I were dying laughing. I’ve kept her abreast of this thread.

So, how did you guys deal with deciding who pays?

Or are you still in the middle of an all-night Settlers of Kataan match with the waitress officiating to see who pays?

My parents insisted I had gone to the bathroom and changed into my wrestling singlet and was ready to rock! But they had already taken care of it.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

ALL condiments including but not limited to Aioli Sauces which fill the restaurant menus now so they can mask their food by adding garlic aioli like it's mayonnaise
Cajun ranch dressing, all this BS they try and spread on the bread of a lot of hot grilled sandwiches/burgers are just not needed.

I either 86 them or ask for them on the side, like you would ask for dressing on the side for your salad.
I also don't care for a lot of the seasoning they want to shake all over everything, prefer to just add salt or pepper as needed at the table.

And one of my my biggest pet peeves is when I order a burger at one of these places that wants to charge anywhere from $20 and up
They get one chance to make that burger Med-Rare and if it's anything close to Med-Well I send it back and ask them to NOT bring me a 2nd one....
I feel overcooking burgers is an immediate indicator the staff in the kitchen are not trained or skilled.
I just ask it be taken off the check and I will close out my tab on whatever drinks and I leave and I don't typically return.

I've had a couple restaurant managers hand me a gift card to return, I usually just politely ask the folks around me if they dine there frequently, if they do I just hand them the gift card and keep scooting along.

Houston's is one of my favorite spots for a burger which i don't eat often but when i do I try to find one of these places. There's other great burger joints but many of these burger joints are not good and they build their restaurant around their "incredible burgers"...I guess a lot of folks like well done hockey pucks.