I was Diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in 2010. A Q/A on what I deal with on a daily bases (This is not an excuse but a learning experience) (1 Viewer)

[Corporation]

This pisses me off that the URL has "disability" in it.

Perceiving the world in a way different than most is not a disability.  It's just a different way.  

People on the spectrum at all levels have many, many awesome gifts that all of us could benefit from. 

Yeah people are still insensitive to that. An older lady (at least late 60s maybe up to mid 70s) that he works with at the store came over and asked me if I was his father.  She then said how much she loved him.  (All good so far). I told her about how thankful we were for all the support he had from school, church, family, etc and she said "I wish they could have done that for my daughter.  She stuttered so they just stuck her in with all the other R-word kids like him."  So that really hurt but she was trying to be complimentary.  She then asked what was "wrong" with him. I told her "I've found out along the way there's nothing wrong with him, there's really something wrong with us. He's kind and always looks to the positive, where we are more jaded by the world and assume the worst. But if you are asking about his diagnosis, it is Asperger's Syndrome."  To which she replied "Oh yeah, that's what I meant.  I thought he was autistic or something.  Anyway, we just love him to death!" 

I know a lot of people throw around the word "R word" quite a bit, it was certainly pervasive when I was growing up (47 years old). Until you have someone in your family who has different needs, you don't really feel the sting of that word. I had previously used "midget" a lot but after my experiences with the R word, I've tried to be more sensitive to all labels that hurt those afflicted by it or close to it.

 

[Zegras11]

"I've found out along the way there's nothing wrong with him, there's really something wrong with us. He's kind and always looks to the positive, where we are more jaded by the world and assume the worst.

this x 1000.   I'm a much better person from what I've learned from my son.

He's pretty high functioning.   Crowds and high pitched girls voices were his areas he had a hard time with.  

After a month in the CLE program in Austin, he said he didn't have as many issues as most.  I told him this was an opportunity for him to help them as he could relate better to them.  And that's what he did.  

 

[Snoopy]

I know a lot of people throw around the word "R word" quite a bit, it was certainly pervasive when I was growing up (47 years old). Until you have someone in your family who has different needs, you don't really feel the sting of that word. I had previously used "midget" a lot but after my experiences with the R word, I've tried to be more sensitive to all labels that hurt those afflicted by it or close to it.

I had a lengthy speech delay. During that time I was misdiagnosed with the R-word. Found out I was given the Stanford-Bidet IQ test at certain intervals.  Since it relied on words I got a low number.  They then decided to give a different test (LIPS) to see if it got truer number.  The test was totally non-verbal and gave me an IQ of 122.  It got rid of the diagnosis, but the stigma lasted a very long time.

 

[DJackson10]

What do you think about people with autism / Asperger's serving in law enforcement?

http://www.bbc.com/news/disability-43584212

So let me first be perfectly clear here so you know my opinion on law enforcement in general. I do not trust them. Many are corrupt and many will turn a blind eye. I recently found out my own township police social media follows some disturbing individuals on twitter which could effect good policing. I definitely think there needs to be some sort of police reform. So my opinion here is gonna be based ONLY ON US LEO's and not world wide. 

I think anyone with high functioning autism who can do a job should be able to have that job as long as it doesn't effect their job and or their's or others safety. I wouldn't want anyone with autism in the US LEOs because we are incredible impressionable and sometimes cannot tell if we are being teased, people are friendly or just using us. Many of us see things black and white and if we saw a partner or another person on the force breaking rules would have zero issue reporting this. Well that can become dangerous for us and others. Without this becoming a bust on all LEO's post we tell on them and we get threatened by our fellow officers and Police Union and anyone else who will protect said person. A lot of times we don't know when to stand down on an issue either. There's been numerous stories of good cops doing the right thing and losing their badge and gun or ended up dead from a "gang hit and run" AKA (Corrupt cops get their gangs they are in bed with to do the deed) or receive threats to them or their families. Also some don't know how loud of noises will effect them either among other stuff. High tense situations could be too much stimulation. Each of us are effected differently. Someone can put Death Metal on or put it in my headset and I will be rocking out too it. Someone else that might make them react differently. 

So for me I would hope someone with Autism in the police force would do well, but with the nature of today's Police Force in the US I would strongly be against it for the safety of my fellow autistic people. I think in a better environment they could be very successful but not in the currently environment. Fire Department, paramedics, DRS etc I'm all for but not in LEOs right now. I also think Autistic people should be able to help calm situations down for a mental call where de-escalation is needed especially when many in LEO do not know proper procedures or training on these things. A lot more needs to be done with LEOs training wise before I would agree to people with high functioning autism in the Law Enforcement. 

 

[DJackson10]

Yeah people are still insensitive to that. An older lady (at least late 60s maybe up to mid 70s) that he works with at the store came over and asked me if I was his father.  She then said how much she loved him.  (All good so far). I told her about how thankful we were for all the support he had from school, church, family, etc and she said "I wish they could have done that for my daughter.  She stuttered so they just stuck her in with all the other R-word kids like him."  So that really hurt but she was trying to be complimentary.  She then asked what was "wrong" with him. I told her "I've found out along the way there's nothing wrong with him, there's really something wrong with us. He's kind and always looks to the positive, where we are more jaded by the world and assume the worst. But if you are asking about his diagnosis, it is Asperger's Syndrome."  To which she replied "Oh yeah, that's what I meant.  I thought he was autistic or something.  Anyway, we just love him to death!" 

I know a lot of people throw around the word "R word" quite a bit, it was certainly pervasive when I was growing up (47 years old). Until you have someone in your family who has different needs, you don't really feel the sting of that word. I had previously used "midget" a lot but after my experiences with the R word, I've tried to be more sensitive to all labels that hurt those afflicted by it or close to it.

Yep theres also customers who are not that patient with people. When I first started checking for awhile there was people not very patient with me. About 2 yrs ago my ASD at the time stopped me and brought me aside. He said"look I don't want to believe it because you're not that type of person but I got a complaint from a lady customer. " He says (motioning behind him the customer walking out) "I told her I'd come over to talk to you but I'm not gonna yell at you like she wanted. She wasn't happy how you treated her, didn't thank her and apparently threw her bangs." I told him I didn't throw her bags I put them down and you sometimes how they fall down it just made it seem like I threw her bags. Yes I forgot to say thank you to her but honestly she was incredible grumpy and she looked like she was looking for something too complain about. He just starts laughing and agrees with me. Says good talk lets pretend this never happened. 

A lot of customers now who come in frequently know I have Aspergers or something is up with me so a lot are very patient or kind. If someone who doesn't know me thinks I'm rude or something theres always one customer there explaining what I have to them or defending me. Unfortunately there is always gonna be ignorant people. There's a Bagger we have that is blind with a walking stick she went blind years ago when checking (Forget the disease she has) and we have this weird women in an electric chair always speeding and almost running into people. She's incredible rude too. My Coworker a few years ago was outside so she never sees this women coming who runs her walking stick over and breaks it. Another co worker is outside with her as she's literally crying and the coworker saw me and asked me to come over. The lady starts saying how my coworker shouldn't work there and everything and cops got involved. Luckily the cop knew my Coworker and this lady is going off why disabled people shouldn't be working and all (Irony in all is she's in a wheel chair herself). She ended up leaving the scene and my one really good friend co worker in his 40s McGyvered her walking stick enough she could get home. We offered her a ride home and even the cop but said she was ok and was gonna stay at work. Luckily she had a spare walking cane at home. 

Unfortunately we will always be around people like this though. A lot of the older gen and Boomer gens aren't patient or ignorant to the situation too. 

 

[DJackson10]

After a month in the CLE program in Austin, he said he didn't have as many issues as most.  I told him this was an opportunity for him to help them as he could relate better to them.  And that's what he did.  

This was something I found out the more time went by. Programs I did go into I found out I had less serious issues than others. Made me realize how lucky I was and I was able to help out numerous others

 

[DJackson10]

Also was watching AEW on TNT and they brought up the movie coming up next which is great for this Topic. THE ACCOUNTANT With Ben Affleck. Ben plays an accountant who doubles as a hitman who has Aspergers. There's a scene where the government or whoever he's after is looking into him. I noticed something in the first few scenes as Ben's character is eating dinner. When I eat I hate mixing food together. Say I got some Steak, mashed potatoes and peas. I eat each individual unless it's something like Pork Chops with Apple slices or something like that. Ben's character was doing the same. As the movie went on I noticed a lot more common things the character had up until the point the people are searching for him. I think his diagnosis of Aspergers comes up on the computer screen or someone mentions it. But it's a cool movie non the less. 

A show I suggest is Atypical with White Men can't jump Actor Micheal Rappoport who plays the father of an autistic kid. His character explains and shows how one parent deals with his sons diagnosis for yrs different then another parent. The Show basically I can relate to the parents part as my Dad like Rap's character has had a hard time dealing with me more. My Mom has always been the one doing the DRs visits, tests, taking me to appointments, going to school teacher meetings etc etc over the years. Sam the kid with Aspergers wants to be more independent last few yrs of HS. His mother like mine is super protective and can be overbearing which doesn't help Sam want to have some more freedoms and individual thinking. Sam has an older sister in school who protects him but after a life changing event he needs time to help overcome it. I don't have older siblings but my middle brother has always been the one who has been very understanding of me for yrs. Taken my youngest brother awhile longer though. This is a great show for kids and adults with autism and the parents of those kids or adults. My Dad loves the show and he laughs at a lot of stuff. Sam says a lot of inappropriate stuff he doesn't mean to say or doesn't think is which makes it very funny. His big interest is Penguins. Family friendly and is on Netflix. 

My Name is Khan Yet to see it heard good things about it, but about a Muslim with Asperger's detained wrongfully after 9/11 for suspicious behavior they don't realize is Aspergers (I can relate somewhat to this but accusations not to this extreme). 

Everyone has seen RAIN MAN already I'm sure. If not you better watch it. 

The Good Doctor about a Dr with Autism

Parenthood Another great show. The young child Max Braverman is autistic in the show. Many in the Autism community have said The character is the best example of Aspergers by a movie or TV character. Thats because the actor did a ton of studying on it and the executive producer's son also has it. Scenes are sometimes hard to watch for those who don't understand them but those of us with Aspergers or parents with children it's an easy follow and understanding 

Also was very happy in the last few yrs a show I grew up on and many of us did in Sesame Street they made a character named Julie. Saw the first few appearances and are very well done and explain to children why Julie acts how she does. She teaches kids at home differences and similarities of people with Autism and who don't have it

If anyone else has any suggestions they can add to this 

 

[Penguin]

A show I suggest is Atypical

Atypical was great. I have a really good friend with a son on the spectrum, I suggested it for him and he loved it.

I also enjoy the Good Doctor although some of the plot with Lea seems far fetched

 

[Snoopy]

NFL Network is showing the Eagles Autism Foundation and their activities.

 

[belljr]

Michael Rapport was not in White Men can't jump.

 And Ben Affleck was autistic he did not have Asperger's 

Yes that's my take away from that post

 

[DJackson10]

NFL Network is showing the Eagles Autism Foundation and their activities.

NFL Network just did a cover story on the Jaguars doing the same for a little boy recently

 

[DJackson10]

Atypical was great. I have a really good friend with a son on the spectrum, I suggested it for him and he loved it.

I also enjoy the Good Doctor although some of the plot with Lea seems far fetched

Rappoport just tweeted they are filming for Season 4 now which is cool. I think like most production with COVID it was pushed back. Probably won't see Season 4 on Netflix till maybe Jan '22

 

[DJackson10]

The Show Atypical 5th and final season comes to Netflix on Friday. 

 

[DJackson10]

When I come home and have more time today I'm gonna tell a cool work story involving my Aspergers that recently happened involving some other newer coworkers with some disabilities 

 

[jvdesigns2002]

Great stuff @DJackson10.   I think it’s awesome and cool that you shared this with us.  I also think it was super courageous and helpful that you did so.   I’ll admit that while I haven’t always agreed with your takes in the NBA threads—-that I’ve always appreciated your contributions to the threads and the forums.   You’ve always treated people kindly and respect even when they don’t agree with you.   Keep being you. 

 

[Craig_MiamiFL]

 You’ve always treated people kindly and respect even when they don’t agree with you.   Keep being you. 

 

[DJackson10]

So onto this story. We'll call him Sam. Sam has Aspergers like me but much worse. I didn't realize until I met his mom but she has been a regular at our store for yrs. Sam is much worse than I am having to go from public school in HS to a special needs private school. He's attending community college right now and is learning how to drive. Sam never has had any friends which is really sad. A few people told me about Sam because he was working produce with me and thought I could relate to him better. Sam is really gifted in terms of his speaking though. For many people who don't know him Sam seems weird or goofy as my one coworker who needs to do sensitivity training would say. However when he talks I need a dam dictionary for him to get through some convos. 

Sam plays video games role play but the games he described they are not delayed when hitting buttons like most normal video games. I have to talk to him a bit more on this. Sam doesn't always say hi back anywhere but when he's in produce. Sam is pretty good asking how to do stuff, how to rotate this or that, how to tell if this or that is bad etc. 

Anyway my coworker in Alcohol told me my former Co manager would be very proud of me about 3 weeks ago. I was confused at first. She told me Sam's mom came up to her praising me. Sam said I made him feel part of the team and fit in and called me a friend. His mom was super happy. When I told her that I knew about his autism and I had it she seemed really happy to know there was someone helping him who really understood him. She also gave me a big hug. Sam only works Sun and Sat like 12-5 or 6. This is his first job in the real world and he's 26 yrs old. 

 

[DJackson10]

My 2nd guy we'll call him John. John went to HS where I did and is 24yrs old. From a young female stand point a good looking guy but then when he talks you know theres some mental issues. I don't know what John has and I haven't asked (I want to as I feel I can better help John if I know what disability he has so I can research how to help him). John is incredible enthusiastic about being on the job and very friendly. John my one coworker taught him when he was going on break to use the walkie talkie we all have and say "John Going on Break" and "John Back from break". John works more hrs too and he really brings some cheer to the squad

John is a cart and sometimes bagger. Yesterday I was having a really bad day work wise and they had John help me his last 30 mins. John really helped my day go by quicker. John felt bad to leave me to finish the rest of the display by myself. He kept apologizing and I told him it's fine. I told him I've done a ton of these by myself (The big ones) and any help he gives me is much appreciated and don't feel bad. I asked if maybe he wanted to stay but he said his dad was gonna pick him up. He also told me I was one of his favorites to work with. It really made a crappy day a lot better hearing this guy who probably didn't even know I was having a rough day or could tell I was better. 

One of my favorite things is seeing people John went to school with come in and say hi to him and be very friendly. You don't get a lot of that with people in John's situation and it really made me happy he has some friends looking out for him. John always will say hi and goodbye. He also calls my Bookeeper Miss Donna and my Front End person Mr Mike. I don't know why but I know with the kids in our best Buddy group in HS I heard them refer to teachers by Mr and Mrs and their first name. I just think it's funny in a positive way. 

I'm very happy and proud to work for a company who gives people like these 2 an opportunity to work. I think I also found my calling in life and I want to research more in maybe seeing if we can get some sort of job opening/program to really help kids like this in the future. Teach the employees how to handle coworkers with disabilities better, guidelines and how to help them as well as seeing dangers that can be prevented like rude or ignorant customers or coworkers treating them poorly. I've been thinking about this since last year when we had a coworker who left for a good secretary job with Autism and some other issues and I was helping her out after my ASD who helped her left and I took an initiative to step in for her. 

 

[DJackson10]

Great stuff @DJackson10.   I think it’s awesome and cool that you shared this with us.  I also think it was super courageous and helpful that you did so.   I’ll admit that while I haven’t always agreed with your takes in the NBA threads—-that I’ve always appreciated your contributions to the threads and the forums.   You’ve always treated people kindly and respect even when they don’t agree with you.   Keep being you. 

Much appreciated 

 

[Captain Cranks]

Thanks for sharing, DJax.  My 9 year old stepson is on the autism spectrum although we like to consider it mild.  Some of the symptoms include sensitivity to sound and touch, being consumed with various subjects (currently it's Sirenhead), enjoying time by himself, getting very upset when something isn't easy, and saying things in an unintentionally rude way (there are definitely dumb questions in his world).  I'm currently listening to a book called "How to Teach Life Skills to Children with Autism and Aspergers" written by Jennifer Meyers who was diagnosed with Aspergers when she was 30.  While still early in the book, I've learned to be more literal with him and dial down my sarcasm as well as understand that he learns differently than I do.  Is there any advice you can give to a parent on how to teach life skills to a child that age with autism?   

 

[DJackson10]

Thanks for sharing, DJax.  My 9 year old stepson is on the autism spectrum although we like to consider it mild.  Some of the symptoms include sensitivity to sound and touch, being consumed with various subjects (currently it's Sirenhead), enjoying time by himself, getting very upset when something isn't easy, and saying things in an unintentionally rude way (there are definitely dumb questions in his world).  I'm currently listening to a book called "How to Teach Life Skills to Children with Autism and Aspergers" written by Jennifer Meyers who was diagnosed with Aspergers when she was 30.  While still early in the book, I've learned to be more literal with him and dial down my sarcasm as well as understand that he learns differently than I do.  Is there any advice you can give to a parent on how to teach life skills to a child that age with autism?   

Practice. Thats literally it. You need to get him in settings or try to play settings at home to help his social skills. Depending on the loud noises maybe do some sound sensitive training. See how long he can handle a sound. There will be times he needs to learn that he can't get away from certain stuff and he needs some coping techniques. 

For social skills Role play some settings. Such as family event or going out to dinner or movie or taking him to say a sporting event. Show him what is considering polite and rude. There will be times he may Unintentionally still be rude. I still do it myself at times especially at work. Most know me so it's not a huge deal. I was never a fan of any of the social delay group classes or whatever its called these days. I felt a lot of them did not do what needed for me and they were always very unorganized. Perhaps they've gotten better and you can check into them and see but I never found them as helpful as just doing stuff naturally instead of someone forcing it. 

Really the main thing is just practice. I was socially delayed in most settings. I found myself easier to talk to adults then people my age most of the time. If he has any friends definitely that will help. I've always thought maybe if friends know you are on the spectrum or have some sort of disability they will help you when the parent can't be around. Protect him when you can't from say bullying and other stuff. I was fortunate that I ended up with friends who knew I was somewhat different (Again I wasn't diagnosed until 2010 when I was 22) however they always protected me or made sure I understood stuff. After I came out to many of them about my Aspergers I was very fortunate to have friends who cared, tried to learn more, ask me what difficulties I have etc. I have a great friend girl wise named Nicole. Girl wise my age she's probably my best friend. Whenever we do stuff she always makes sure I'm aware of everything, checks to make sure I'm ok and if I understand what we are doing sometimes. Her 2nd husband Hainz has been great with me. When I finally told her about my autism she almost cried but has always been supportive. The more social interactions I got though the easier stuff came. You can't just tell us this is how it is. We have to experience it as well. 

Some people like myself also want to know everything exactly how it's done from the 1st middle to last step from the beginning. So see if that helps too. 

 

[Captain Cranks]

 You can't just tell us this is how it is. We have to experience it as well. 

Great feedback.  Thanks!  This sentence especially resonates.  Right now my stepson is having a difficult time with his sister's dog.  He hates when it jumps up on him.  He repeatedly pushes her away and, to a dog, that looks like he wants to play.  Thus she amps up the jumping and he amps up the frustration.  I TELL him that he should turn his back to her and not push her away because she thinks he's playing, but that's met with more frustration.  I'll have to do a better job of SHOWING him how to do it and then get him to try.  

I'm sure I'll have more questions in the future and will appreciate having you as a source for information. 

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Right now my stepson is having a difficult time with his sister's dog.  He hates when it jumps up on him. 

The dog needs training.  It should not be doing that.  It's uncool for everyone.  I would ask that the dog be kept separate until it is trained.  Happier dog and happier guests.

 

[El Floppo]

@DJackson10 been so impressed and inspired reading these recent posts- thank you for creating this thread, I learn so much with every post. 

Teach the employees how to handle coworkers with disabilities better, guidelines and how to help them as well as seeing dangers that can be prevented like rude or ignorant customers or coworkers treating them poorly.

Sounds like you found a great company... fantastic. And I wish we were ALL taught the above. The longer I live and experience, the more I realize everybody has something going on in their lives that needs more understanding and patience instead of judgement and irritation/fear. 

And I hope you know- I love breaking your balls about Milan, but it always comes from a place of respect and friendship- and I'll always have your back...unless its something to do with Gattuso because screw that guy.

 

[Captain Cranks]

The dog needs training.  It should not be doing that.  It's uncool for everyone.  I would ask that the dog be kept separate until it is trained.  Happier dog and happier guests.

Thanks?

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Thanks?

Completely serious.  It makes the dog happier and safer, and the people who visit get a better experience too.  

 

[Captain Cranks]

Completely serious.  It makes the dog happier and safer, and the people who visit get a better experience too.  

Not your best work.  I'll leave it at that.  

 

[DJackson10]

Sam aggravates me on Atypical when Paige wants to do the dirty and he's like yeah but penguins 

 

[DJackson10]

Great feedback.  Thanks!  This sentence especially resonates.  Right now my stepson is having a difficult time with his sister's dog.  He hates when it jumps up on him.  He repeatedly pushes her away and, to a dog, that looks like he wants to play.  Thus she amps up the jumping and he amps up the frustration.  I TELL him that he should turn his back to her and not push her away because she thinks he's playing, but that's met with more frustration.  I'll have to do a better job of SHOWING him how to do it and then get him to try.  

I'm sure I'll have more questions in the future and will appreciate having you as a source for information. 

Interesting. I'm the opposite I love dogs jumping on me. My Brothers dog is incredible affectionate and loves to cuddle and kiss (lick our faces) constantly. I get a long with Dogs better then people too 

 

[DJackson10]

Great feedback.  Thanks!  This sentence especially resonates.  Right now my stepson is having a difficult time with his sister's dog.  He hates when it jumps up on him.  He repeatedly pushes her away and, to a dog, that looks like he wants to play.  Thus she amps up the jumping and he amps up the frustration.  I TELL him that he should turn his back to her and not push her away because she thinks he's playing, but that's met with more frustration.  I'll have to do a better job of SHOWING him how to do it and then get him to try.  

I'm sure I'll have more questions in the future and will appreciate having you as a source for information. 

Also I agree with the post below yours. Dog needs to be trained better. Should not be jumping like that. My Friends dog is so unwell trained and isn't a fan of mine but every other dog that is trained is. mentioned this in the pitt bull thread but he got big by my neighbors because he tried to attack the Pitt bull. Ran out of the house and pitt felt threatened and attacked. Most of the neighbors sided with the other neighbor not my friend and police were involved. My Friend and his parents were told the dog needed proper training or it'd be taken from them. A dog shouldn't be jumping on anyone constantly. Greeting? Sure and hi when you first see him but constantly jumping like that is a sign of a poorly trained dog 

 

[Harry Frogfish]

Not your best work.  I'll leave it at that.  

How so?  Your stepson "hates it" when a dog you guys own jumps all over him.  And all she's saying is the dog isn't trained well and you can fix it.  A good solution, including for other guests. 

That makes you snarky?

 

[Captain Cranks]

How so?  Your stepson "hates it" when a dog you guys own jumps all over him.  And all she's saying is the dog isn't trained well and you can fix it.  A good solution, including for other guests. 

That makes you snarky?

What makes me snarky are when people make assumptions and provide solutions to problems I'm not trying to solve, especially when it's tone deaf to the spirit of my posts in this thread. 

1.  It's not a dog I own.

2.  The sister is just staying with us for a short bit.  Far too short for it to be trained in time before she leaves. So no.  I can't fix it. 

3.  I need to train my stepson on how to deal with the dog.  That's in MY control.  

4.  Even if it was my dog , the child would need to learn how to be part of the training, doing the things I'm trying to teach him like turn his back and not show the dog attention. I don't know about you all, but I've never been part of dog training where I snap my fingers and never have to be part of the process. 

I can guarantee you this will not be the last dog that tries to jump up on him. Remember, this is about teaching him life skills. Not making the world as easy as possible for him.   

 

[El Floppo]

What makes me snarky are when people makes assumptions and provide solutions to problems I'm not trying to solve, especially when it's tone deaf to the spirit of my posts in this thread. 

1.  It's not a dog I own.

2.  The sister is just staying with us for a short bit.  Far too short for it to be trained in time before she leaves. So no.  I can't fix it. 

3.  I need to train my stepson on how to deal with the dog.  That's in MY control.  

4.  Even if it was my dog , the child would need to learn how to be part of the training, doing the things I'm trying to teach him like turn his back and not show the dog attention. I don't know about you all, but I've never been part of dog training where I snap your fingers and never have to be part of the process. 

I can guarantee you this will not be the last dog that tries to jump up on him. Remember, this is about teaching him life skills. Not making the world as easy as possible for him.   

I hear you on all of that and see/saw where you were coming from. At the same time, Mrs R offered a suggestion that made sense (fwiw, i read your op as the sisters dog being a regular part of your lives, not a random visitor)... I didnt perceive it to be offensive in any way- even if it missed the mark for directly helping your kid. 

 

[Captain Cranks]

I hear you on all of that and see/saw where you were coming from. At the same time, Mrs R offered a suggestion that made sense (fwiw, i read your op as the sisters dog being a regular part of your lives, not a random visitor)... I didnt perceive it to be offensive in any way- even if it missed the mark for directly helping your kid. 

It was definitely not offensive and I know ultimately she was trying to help, but it was a pretty "no ####, Sherlock" thing to say and again, doesn't get to the heart of my posts.

If he's dealing with bullies at school, is the answer "there shouldn't be any bullies at school. School would be a lot better for everyone without bullies."   

 

[DJackson10]

So I'm thinking of writing a letter to my union as they just emailed about doing a walk later this month at the Phillies stadium with Autism Speaks. This is not an organization people should be supporting. only 4% of their funds go to anything to do with Autism and 23% is given for advertisement. Also they had no members on the board with the spectrum. They then asked John Elder Robinson (someone I've followed on this since day 1 finding out my diagnosis). He left the board when he realized the organization was terrible. Autism speaks does research to end Autism nothing to help the now (better facilities, better advanced opportunities, etc for the community). Really disappointed my Union would support such a terrible organization and as someone on the spectrum I feel I need to speak up on this. 

 

[El Floppo]

So I'm thinking of writing a letter to my union as they just emailed about doing a walk later this month at the Phillies stadium with Autism Speaks. This is not an organization people should be supporting. only 4% of their funds go to anything to do with Autism and 23% is given for advertisement. Also they had no members on the board with the spectrum. They then asked John Elder Robinson (someone I've followed on this since day 1 finding out my diagnosis). He left the board when he realized the organization was terrible. Autism speaks does research to end Autism nothing to help the now (better facilities, better advanced opportunities, etc for the community). Really disappointed my Union would support such a terrible organization and as someone on the spectrum I feel I need to speak up on this. 

You absolutely should reach out. 

But you need to be very tactful with your language. Tone out the anger and judgement about their choice (eg: "such a terrible organization").

The company doesn't have to give anything to autism, so show appreciation that they're doing this in the first place, and let them know you hope that next time they look in to company A, B or C that offer more immediate services and aid to people on the spectrum by maximizing X% of their funds, rather than a lesser amount that only goes towards research. Keep the tone positive about the benefits of the others rather than dumping on their choice.

And fwiw, while I totally understand your frustration here, research is still a useful thing. Even if this place might not maximize the use of their funds to your liking, this issue of finance management seems like a fairly common problem for a lot of charities.

 

[El Floppo]

You could also use this as an opportunity to put yourself in the mix the next time they do this- "hey, as somebody in your company on the spectrum, I'd love to be a part of the selection process if you're open to it". Could give you more presence in the company for future opportunities there, if that's all something you're comfortable with.

 

[Captain Cranks]

As El Floppo said, I would not come at them with any anger or judgment.  On its face, they're trying to do a good thing and probably don't realize some of the specifics you cited.  This is a great opportunity for you to help point them in a better direction. 

 

[El Floppo]

And fwiw, while I totally understand your frustration here, research is still a useful thing. Even if this place might not maximize the use of their funds to your liking, this issue of finance management seems like a fairly common problem for a lot of charities.

DJ- I looked up Autism Speaks... some pretty consistent bad reviews about them that mirror what you originally posted. The worst part of it seems to be how they almost seem to villainize the people with autism (that's a broad stroke based on their language more than their intent) by focusing on potential difficulties for families with members on the spectrum, instead of offering empathy and support.

Regardless- it's still a company trying to do good. And your company is trying to do their best to support the good. Do your best to concentrate on that  part of it, while helping steer them to a more supportive charity in the future.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

What makes me snarky are when people make assumptions and provide solutions to problems I'm not trying to solve, especially when it's tone deaf to the spirit of my posts in this thread. 

1.  It's not a dog I own.

2.  The sister is just staying with us for a short bit.  Far too short for it to be trained in time before she leaves. So no.  I can't fix it. 

3.  I need to train my stepson on how to deal with the dog.  That's in MY control.  

4.  Even if it was my dog , the child would need to learn how to be part of the training, doing the things I'm trying to teach him like turn his back and not show the dog attention. I don't know about you all, but I've never been part of dog training where I snap my fingers and never have to be part of the process. 

I can guarantee you this will not be the last dog that tries to jump up on him. Remember, this is about teaching him life skills. Not making the world as easy as possible for him.   

Your house should be a safe place for your child.  Most of the rest of the world is not.  If you aren't going to protect him at home, what can he expect elsewhere?  And you can "fix it" by having the dog stay at a good kennel during the sister's stay.  (Yes, I know she's probably gone by now.)

Training you child but not the dog seems a bit odd.  And I doubt that's really in your control.

Training the dog does not need to involve your child or anyone other than the owner.  I have no idea why you think it does.  Putting anyone in a situation where they get to be scared by a dog doesn't prepare them for the "real world".  Lessons in dog interaction from a good trainer might do that.

What I was hoping for was a good interaction between your child and dogs, which I love.   Also, a better life for the dog.  Training makes them happier and healthier.

I wasn't rude, so I have no idea why you thought tthat was necessary.  It just seems immature to me.   And it's in your control, too. 

 

[Captain Cranks]

Your house should be a safe place for your child.  Most of the rest of the world is not.  If you aren't going to protect him at home, what can he expect elsewhere?  And you can "fix it" by having the dog stay at a good kennel during the sister's stay.  (Yes, I know she's probably gone by now.)

Training you child but not the dog seems a bit odd.  And I doubt that's really in your control.

Training the dog does not need to involve your child or anyone other than the owner.  I have no idea why you think it does.  Putting anyone in a situation where they get to be scared by a dog doesn't prepare them for the "real world".  Lessons in dog interaction from a good trainer might do that.

What I was hoping for was a good interaction between your child and dogs, which I love.   Also, a better life for the dog.  Training makes them happier and healthier.

I wasn't rude, so I have no idea why you thought tthat was necessary.  It just seems immature to me.   And it's in your control, too. 

FFS.  After 3 months even.  Check into the "has to be right" thread when you grab a minute, perhaps in January.

 

[Manster]

DJax I just read ur OP, and it was inspring.  I have a nephew who is autistic, and my son has recently  been diagnosed with OCD.  I feel blessed that the shut down actually brought my son's condition to light.  He, and us (his parents) are getting the help we need for him to be successful.....I was prolly much like your dad in the beginning, but I've come around.  I've dealt with anxiety/depression in some form, for most of my life.  I have more self awareness now than I've ever had so that helped me to have empathy, and motivation to be open to whatever needs to be done.

Anyway, I think it's really cool that you realized you can handle maybe more than you thought you could.  Keep on keepin on brother!.....even though ur a dirty eagle!  Lol

 

[DJackson10]

You could also use this as an opportunity to put yourself in the mix the next time they do this- "hey, as somebody in your company on the spectrum, I'd love to be a part of the selection process if you're open to it". Could give you more presence in the company for future opportunities there, if that's all something you're comfortable with.

Yeah good advice in both posts. I've thought about getting something together on the latter for awhile. My VP's wife is all about community outreach but this is more of my Union then the actual company. Just really disappointed but not surprised. They do the bare minimum most times 

 

[DJackson10]

DJax I just read ur OP, and it was inspring.  I have a nephew who is autistic, and my son has recently  been diagnosed with OCD.  I feel blessed that the shut down actually brought my son's condition to light.  He, and us (his parents) are getting the help we need for him to be successful.....I was prolly much like your dad in the beginning, but I've come around.  I've dealt with anxiety/depression in some form, for most of my life.  I have more self awareness now than I've ever had so that helped me to have empathy, and motivation to be open to whatever needs to be done.

Anyway, I think it's really cool that you realized you can handle maybe more than you thought you could.  Keep on keepin on brother!.....even though ur a dirty eagle!  Lol

Seems to be something I'm hearing a lot lately 

 

[DJackson10]

So here's the email I sent to them Since I couldn't provide a link in the email I posted the article headline. I also added some stuff from John Elder Robinson given the respect he has in the Autism community. 

Hi My Name is ________ __________ and I work at one of the local ACME's in PA (______ shopping center Store#). I just wanted to send a message on the Autism run at Citizen's Bank Ballpark and the charity of Autism Speaks. 

As someone who is on the autism spectrum (Aspergers Syndrome diagnosed in 2010) I just wanted to let you know I'm disappointed with the organization you guys chose to partner with (Autism Speaks). Just a few points I want to make as well as posting a link to a Washington Post article about the failures of this organization. 

This is not an organization people should be supporting. only 4% of their funds go to anything to do with Autism and 23% is given for advertisement. Also they had no members on the board with the spectrum. They then asked John Elder Robinson (someone I've followed on this since day 1 finding out my diagnosis). He left the board when he realized the organization was terrible. Autism speaks does research to end Autism nothing to help the now (better facilities, better advanced opportunities, etc for the community). Robinson is someone you should be doing some research on. Per his wikipedia here are his works on books In Look Me in the Eye, Robison describes growing up with no diagnosis of his autism, but aware that he was different, and how he was first diagnosed by a therapist friend when he was 40 years old. After writing that book, Robison became active in the planning of autism research and in autism advocacy.[2]

Robison is also the author of Be Different (2011), a how-to guide for grown-ups with autism; Raising Cubby (2013), the story of raising his autistic son;[9] and Switched On (2016), which tells the story of his participation as a research subject in brain studies using transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) at the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, a teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School.[10]". 

As someone in the Autism community I might be able to suggest organization that work better such as The Eagles Autism Foundation as just one of the bigger and more local charities we can support in the Tri-State area. Any other suggestions I can help provide and I'm sure reaching out to Union members on the spectrum or have family members with it would help others and would be appreciated. 

Here is the Headline to The Washington Post article I promised it is also recent in the last year that you can search for online 

The biggest autism advocacy group is still failing too many autistic people
Autism Speaks adopts all of the language of diversity. But its actions don’t match up.

 

[El Floppo]

didn't know where else to post this... found something a little similar in the political thread, did a quick scan and it was typical PF awful- so no thanks.

@DJackson10- let me know, I can move the post elsewhere if it's even remotely an issue for you. (eta- I thought of this thread, because the moral of the story is about people outside of the spectrum learning and becoming more aware about and from people inside... )

I remember seeing a couple stories over the last few years about police coming up on kids and young adults on the spectrum who weren't following their instructions... to horrible results including violence (to the kids), because the police didn't understand what to look for and how to communicate with these people on the spectrum.

(twitter or FB post above with story below... )

 Over the past couple weeks, many in our community called us about a homeless person wandering around the Kimball Junction area, pushing a shopping cart. Deputies responded each time and offered services to the young man, who was NOT violating any laws - he refused any help. Finally, on Saturday April 9th, a truly concerned community member contacted us after seeing the young man sleeping at the Jeremy Store in Jeremy Ranch. Summit County Sheriff’s Deputies quickly responded and found a cold young man. They got him in their warm patrol vehicle and began digging to find out who the man was. Through past interactions and the Saturday interaction, it was clear to deputies that the man communicated differently. Deputies and dispatchers began to investigate who this young man was. FOX 13 News’ Brian Schnee tells the emotional story of Connerjack Oswalt. Connerjack, who is Autistic, was reported missing in California in September of 2019. Deputies were able to reunite Connerjack with his family, who was losing hope.

A 19-year-old who disappeared from his family's home in California nearly three years ago has been found in Utah, to the astonishment and relief of his parents, who feared they would never see him again.

Connerjack Oswalt was shivering and cold when sheriff's deputies came across him Saturday sleeping in a convenience store in Summit County, known for its ski areas, said Sheriff Justin Martinez. Oswalt appeared to have been living on the streets there for about two weeks.

His family had searched for him for years, handing out fliers, scanning social media and desperately chasing down fruitless leads. They even moved back to the town of his birth, Idaho Falls, hoping he would eventually make it back there.

"Any hints at something that remotely resembled him, we would follow up on it," said his stepfather, Gerald Flint. "It's been a real nightmare."

Oswalt, who has been diagnosed with autism and other mental health conditions, was 17 when he left the family's home from Clearlake, California. His mother, Suzanne Flint, remembered making quesadillas, but when it was time for lunch he was gone.

"I never stopped looking for him. There wasn't a day I wasn't searching for him, in some form or fashion," she said. The exact circumstances of his disappearance and whereabouts over the last two years are under investigation, police said.

What his family does know is that after deputies found Oswalt at the Utah convenience store, they asked if he would like to come in their patrol car and warm up. He agreed, and eventually let officers take a fingerprint.

That led them to an outstanding warrant from February in Nevada.

"The deputies just felt that there was something there, something beyond a criminal warrant. There was a humanitarian effort that needed to be explored further," Martinez said.

The officers set to work shifting through paperwork, looking for reports of missing and endangered children. About 16 pages in, they found a 2019 missing person report from Clearlake, California. Though it had a slightly different name spelling from the Nevada warrant, the photos matched and they called his family.

When the Flints first got the call, they worried their son had been found dead. After his wife confirmed the identification through a birth mark, Gerald Flint left work, jumped in his car and drove four hours to Utah.

"Everyone in the room was in tears. They went above and beyond, put hours of work," he said. "They could have dismissed it, but they didn't and that made all the difference in the world."

Social workers knowledgeable about autism took over Oswalt's care after the reunion with his family, said Summit County Sheriff's Lt. Andrew Wright. His family is hoping to bring him back home soon.

"We didn't treat him as a criminal. We treated as somebody that has something deeper that we needed to dig into," Martinez said. "That intuition is what really reunited this family."

 

[DJackson10]

didn't know where else to post this... found something a little similar in the political thread, did a quick scan and it was typical PF awful- so no thanks.

@DJackson10- let me know, I can move the post elsewhere if it's even remotely an issue for you. (eta- I thought of this thread, because the moral of the story is about people outside of the spectrum learning and becoming more aware about and from people inside... )

I remember seeing a couple stories over the last few years about police coming up on kids and young adults on the spectrum who weren't following their instructions... to horrible results including violence (to the kids), because the police didn't understand what to look for and how to communicate with these people on the spectrum.

(twitter or FB post above with story below... )

 Over the past couple weeks, many in our community called us about a homeless person wandering around the Kimball Junction area, pushing a shopping cart. Deputies responded each time and offered services to the young man, who was NOT violating any laws - he refused any help. Finally, on Saturday April 9th, a truly concerned community member contacted us after seeing the young man sleeping at the Jeremy Store in Jeremy Ranch. Summit County Sheriff’s Deputies quickly responded and found a cold young man. They got him in their warm patrol vehicle and began digging to find out who the man was. Through past interactions and the Saturday interaction, it was clear to deputies that the man communicated differently. Deputies and dispatchers began to investigate who this young man was. FOX 13 News’ Brian Schnee tells the emotional story of Connerjack Oswalt. Connerjack, who is Autistic, was reported missing in California in September of 2019. Deputies were able to reunite Connerjack with his family, who was losing hope.

A 19-year-old who disappeared from his family's home in California nearly three years ago has been found in Utah, to the astonishment and relief of his parents, who feared they would never see him again.

Connerjack Oswalt was shivering and cold when sheriff's deputies came across him Saturday sleeping in a convenience store in Summit County, known for its ski areas, said Sheriff Justin Martinez. Oswalt appeared to have been living on the streets there for about two weeks.

His family had searched for him for years, handing out fliers, scanning social media and desperately chasing down fruitless leads. They even moved back to the town of his birth, Idaho Falls, hoping he would eventually make it back there.

"Any hints at something that remotely resembled him, we would follow up on it," said his stepfather, Gerald Flint. "It's been a real nightmare."

Oswalt, who has been diagnosed with autism and other mental health conditions, was 17 when he left the family's home from Clearlake, California. His mother, Suzanne Flint, remembered making quesadillas, but when it was time for lunch he was gone.

"I never stopped looking for him. There wasn't a day I wasn't searching for him, in some form or fashion," she said. The exact circumstances of his disappearance and whereabouts over the last two years are under investigation, police said.

What his family does know is that after deputies found Oswalt at the Utah convenience store, they asked if he would like to come in their patrol car and warm up. He agreed, and eventually let officers take a fingerprint.

That led them to an outstanding warrant from February in Nevada.

"The deputies just felt that there was something there, something beyond a criminal warrant. There was a humanitarian effort that needed to be explored further," Martinez said.

The officers set to work shifting through paperwork, looking for reports of missing and endangered children. About 16 pages in, they found a 2019 missing person report from Clearlake, California. Though it had a slightly different name spelling from the Nevada warrant, the photos matched and they called his family.

When the Flints first got the call, they worried their son had been found dead. After his wife confirmed the identification through a birth mark, Gerald Flint left work, jumped in his car and drove four hours to Utah.

"Everyone in the room was in tears. They went above and beyond, put hours of work," he said. "They could have dismissed it, but they didn't and that made all the difference in the world."

Social workers knowledgeable about autism took over Oswalt's care after the reunion with his family, said Summit County Sheriff's Lt. Andrew Wright. His family is hoping to bring him back home soon.

"We didn't treat him as a criminal. We treated as somebody that has something deeper that we needed to dig into," Martinez said. "That intuition is what really reunited this family."

Unfortunately this isn't the story often. Most of the time this is quite different. Atypical did a few episodes on this when the police didn't know how to treat Sam. His dad realized as an EMT he could make a difference and set out to make classes to help local community and law enforcement. There was a case in Colorado or Arizona where the mother called for help as her son was having a trigger episode because mom was going back to work. Wasn't much of a danger but cops came in cowboy'd it up like typical cops do ended up killing the boy. And in typical fashion got off the hook because why? Cops are the biggest legal gang in America who can get away with shooting your dog and killing an unarmed person because "They were afraid for their lives". In most cases cops have zero idea how to handle certain situation like people with autism and mental illness and most departments are ignorant to change their ways. 

I had a situation where it was mistaken identity late at night cop was an absolute jackass to me. I was nice to him at first till he started being disrespectful after I wanted a some explanation of my stop. Granted I had been drinking but hadn't had anything in almost 2 hrs and maybe had only enough for a simple buzz. So I was pretty coherent I just didn't understand his explanation. When I tried to explain to him I was on the spectrum he got confrontational and escalated it. He didn't stop till I literally told him about 2 family friends who were cops and gave their badge number to him. He was quick to change his tune and let me go. I told was ready to sue to the township as the cop did lay hands on me but one my family friend got involved the department offered a public apology to my family especially after some in the community found out. The cop was suspended and was put in as a school cop got demoted because of the incident. After another incident the township changed their policies and put in training how to handle people on the spectrum and other crises. 

However do to the ignorance from most departments and "BACK THE BLUE" I have very little trust in cops in moments like that. Most of the Philly city cops suck and show no respect to anyone unless you lick their boot. Many departments need to change policy how to handle mental crises situation or bring in people who know how to handle this and situations with autism but don't want to. You'll hear the typical excuses of "People should just obey cop orders" "They are only doing their job", "They don't know if the person is dangerous or not."  "Well we could do all of that but it'd cost us a ton of money WE DON'T have" which typically just means we could do it but we won't. Among other BS. Then you have all the corruption involved and good cops scared to death to do anything because of the bad cops etc. That's a whole different story we can take to the political thread. 

There's also the issue that cops love to play the cowboy movie star cop role and escalate situations. I've seen numerious incidents just in Philly cops escalating situations. My own township also targets black and minority drivers over white drivers. Been a few incidents my dad has almost gotten into some acciddent because of some white jerk off doing something illegal from speeding, cutting people off etc and a cop is right there and doesn't do a thing. However the minute they see a black guy going 1 over the speed limit sirens are on and 1O cops are there. Unfortunately too many cops get on a power trip and can't handle having a gun and badge. Too many psychos who want to act like Judge Jury and executioner in law enforcement and do it because they know what they can get away with. Just simple say " Feared for my life" and you're money. 

I've lined up in the past what changes police departments need to do to change and they really need to start training people properly. Also instead of intentionally recruiting former vets they need to find the right people physical and mental state. They should go through PTSD training and other mental test determine if right of mine. I would also ban anyone with any associations to social media, tats, etc that spew hate group agenda or things like the Oath keepers etc. I'd ad departments who solely responsible of having people who make house calls for people on the spectrum and other mental illness who are properly trained who can be accompanied by ONE OFFICER WHO IS FULLY TRAINED IN THAT FIELD AND OTHERS in case it escalates. There's a lot more I loved to put in there but I've said enough already. 

TTLTR Version: These cases almost never end up happy. Glad this one did. Most LEO's aren't trained properly how to deal with the situations and unfortunately most departments are ignorant in views and don't take suggestions. People in the mental disorder class as well as Autistic community have zero trust in law enforcement for these very reasons. I think about this constantly if I end up having a child with autism I need help I'd rather not call 911 and be responsible for some trigger happy clown killing them because they are improperly trained and want to go Hollywood out there. This is just another great example how far we still need to go in the autism community with acceptance and understanding. The younger generation seems to get this more then the older version so I think there's hope somewhere. 

 

[DJackson10]

In other news. My parents bought me free driving lesson with a company that helps people like myself learn to drive as part of my Christmas gift this past holiday. I've taken the app test for PA drivers permit not doing great but also not totally failing. I'm a horrible test taker. I think I how to do most of the stuff physically I just can't put it on paper if that makes sense. I have to pass to get the lessons and if they determine I'm good enough to try and take the test I can even take the actual drivers test with them instead of a state sight. 

Don't get me wrong I'd love to drive to get myself to work, see a few of my family I don't normally see especially my 2nd cousin who just had twins with his wife or just go hang out at one of my best friends places without taking an uber. Hell My laptop I think needs to be fixed or replaced so the ability to jump in the car myself and go there would be great. I'm dealing with elbow tendinitis from checking so I've had to do DR's appointments. Instead of mom taking me or going myself by uber since it's a 15 Min trip I could be driving myself. So more freedom would be cool.

However I'm scared ####less as well. Highway driving looks fun but not sure I'm good enough. I get easily car sick on backroads with a tun of turns so that may not be an alternate route. What if I crash and hurt myself or someone else I'd honestly might have PTSD and not drive again. A lot of these thoughts run through me constantly. Back in the day it was more so getting lost but with tech today I'd be fine with GPS and such. I also don't want to find out maybe I can't drive. So I've held off on that. I don't mind taking public now and then but it can be an absolute ##### especially in Philly and the suburbs don't have the best public transit other then the bus. 

A lot of different thoughts running through my head. My mom keeps pressuring me on it even suggesting she could help me practice. However I'm not big on all the support and everyone hoping I do it. I don't want to let anyone down. Literally my whole family knows about it by now.