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Kids, I heard on the news a pilot spotted Santa's sleigh! (1 Viewer)

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-###, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey #### he is! Hallelujah! Holy ####! Where's the Tylenol?

 
You surprised to see us, Clark?

Surprised Eddie??? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

 
Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
 
I piss myself at this every time

"Well, see the plate runs right underneath the part here. See, over here, nothing. But, here if this gets dented, then my hair just ain't going to look right."

 
Todd to Clark: Where ya gonna put a tree that big?

Clark: Bend over and I'll show ya!

Todd: You got a lot of nerve talking to me that way.

Clark: I wasn't talking to you! (looking at Margo)

 
That aint the Christmas star Gris, it's the light at the sewage treatment plant.

Hey Gris, if you aren't doing anything productive, run in the other room and grab my stoagie.

 
Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny ####### Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ### down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of #######s this side of the nuthouse.

 
Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.

 
'Tiger Fan said:
Possibly the best comedy of all time
Click to expand...
I've probably watched this movie more than any other movie in my entire life (Dumb and Dumber is neck and neck). I can't think of one scene where it isn't just non stop funny. So many lines get missed or things just unnoticed. I :lmao: at the sheer amount of dog food that Eddie is buying @ Wal Mart
 
"So, when did you get that tenement on wheels"

"That there is an RV. Borrowed it from a buddy of mine. He took my house -- I took the RV. Good lookin' vehicle, ain't it?"

"Yeah, and it looks so nice parked in the driveway."

 
Clorox said:
'Tiger Fan said:
'Tiger Fan said:
Possibly the best comedy of all time
Click to expand...
I've probably watched this movie more than any other movie in my entire life (Dumb and Dumber is neck and neck). I can't think of one scene where it isn't just non stop funny. So many lines get missed or things just unnoticed. I :lmao: at the sheer amount of dog food that Eddie is buying @ Wal Mart
Click to expand...
These are my top 2 as well!
Click to expand...
I'm right there with you guys
 
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