Arizona Ron
Footballguy
I went to the doctor earlier in the week for a yearly checkup. The last time I saw him, my cholesterol was a little higher than normal; not high enough that I needed meds but just enough that I needed to change my diet. So, I stopped eating all pork, processed meats (e.g. hotdogs, sausages even if they were beef, pork or chicken) and I only eat very lean deli meats (not the crap they serve in Subway).
Anyway, while I’m talking to my doctor he says he hasn't done a full-scope test in a while so I said sure. This is where they test for everything including all STD. I get the blood work done on Wednesday and Thursday night I get a call on my way home from work:
Nurse: “The doctor would like to speak to you about your blood test results.”
Me: “About what?”
(aside) I've never had THE CALL, it's always a letter that gives the results.
Nurse: “We’re not allowed to discuss this over the phone”.
Me: “Well when can I come in?”
Nurse: “The next available appointment is next Thursday”
Me: “NEXT THURSDAY?!?!?! I CAN’T GO A WEEK STRESSING ABOUT THIS?”
Nurse: “I’m sorry sir but it’s the only opening we have”
Me: “I’ll be there tomorrow, goodbye”.
I'm distant. I can't help but think, "this is it, you've been gambling this long and now you've lost". I couldn't eat. I didn't sleep much. The only thing I could picture is walking in and seeing my doctor and a priest (although I'm pretty sure that's not how it's done). I drank myself to sleep thinking about how I've thrown my life away chasing selfish pleasures.
So this morning I go to the doctor’s office and (very nicely) demand to see my doctor. I’m a jittery wreck. They finally agreed to see me at 11:30; I went to my office, feeling numb. I just sat looking at my computer…I finally decided to just go back to the doctor’s office and sat the parking lot playing CoC to try to clear my mind and kill time; there was no point of trying to work.
They got me in around 11. Nurse checks the normal stuff, temperature, blood pressure and says my blood pressure was a little high (128/89), NO ####!!! I’M FREAKING OUT!!.
The doctor walks in with paperwork, the only thing that jumps out at me on the paper was “HIV”…I start shaking and blurt out “JUST TELL ME”.
My doctor very calm and routinely goes through the list of test results, “Negative”, “Negative”, “Negative”, “Negative”, “Negative”, “Negative”
I sigh in relief but I asked well why bring me in?
Doctor: “Your liver numbers, see here, were and little high and I wanted to know if you've been taking any supplements, excessive aspirin, or just too many over-the-counter meds?
Me: “I did a colon cleansing thing for a month."
Doctor: “Oh, well that will do it. Your numbers will be skewed while doing that. I have hardcore gym guys that have twice even triple these numbers because the go overboard on supplements. Oh, you’re cholesterol is great by the way; good job. Come back in a 3 or 4 months and we'll make sure those liver numbers even out. Happy Halloween!"
Anyway, while I’m talking to my doctor he says he hasn't done a full-scope test in a while so I said sure. This is where they test for everything including all STD. I get the blood work done on Wednesday and Thursday night I get a call on my way home from work:
Nurse: “The doctor would like to speak to you about your blood test results.”
Me: “About what?”
(aside) I've never had THE CALL, it's always a letter that gives the results.
Nurse: “We’re not allowed to discuss this over the phone”.
Me: “Well when can I come in?”
Nurse: “The next available appointment is next Thursday”
Me: “NEXT THURSDAY?!?!?! I CAN’T GO A WEEK STRESSING ABOUT THIS?”
Nurse: “I’m sorry sir but it’s the only opening we have”
Me: “I’ll be there tomorrow, goodbye”.
I'm distant. I can't help but think, "this is it, you've been gambling this long and now you've lost". I couldn't eat. I didn't sleep much. The only thing I could picture is walking in and seeing my doctor and a priest (although I'm pretty sure that's not how it's done). I drank myself to sleep thinking about how I've thrown my life away chasing selfish pleasures.
So this morning I go to the doctor’s office and (very nicely) demand to see my doctor. I’m a jittery wreck. They finally agreed to see me at 11:30; I went to my office, feeling numb. I just sat looking at my computer…I finally decided to just go back to the doctor’s office and sat the parking lot playing CoC to try to clear my mind and kill time; there was no point of trying to work.
They got me in around 11. Nurse checks the normal stuff, temperature, blood pressure and says my blood pressure was a little high (128/89), NO ####!!! I’M FREAKING OUT!!.
The doctor walks in with paperwork, the only thing that jumps out at me on the paper was “HIV”…I start shaking and blurt out “JUST TELL ME”.
My doctor very calm and routinely goes through the list of test results, “Negative”, “Negative”, “Negative”, “Negative”, “Negative”, “Negative”
I sigh in relief but I asked well why bring me in?
Doctor: “Your liver numbers, see here, were and little high and I wanted to know if you've been taking any supplements, excessive aspirin, or just too many over-the-counter meds?
Me: “I did a colon cleansing thing for a month."
Doctor: “Oh, well that will do it. Your numbers will be skewed while doing that. I have hardcore gym guys that have twice even triple these numbers because the go overboard on supplements. Oh, you’re cholesterol is great by the way; good job. Come back in a 3 or 4 months and we'll make sure those liver numbers even out. Happy Halloween!"
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Wait, what!?! What's the "good" news!?!
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