PSA: Hug your siblings (1 Viewer)

[Charlie Steiner]

My wife's oldest sister passed away last week and they had the memorial service yesterday.  She was only 58, but had health issues, and given their family history, was actually one of the longer-lived women in the history of their family. Their own mother had died at 46, when my wife was just 13, so this sister became the surrogate mother for my wife and their other sister.  She also had her own kids at a young age, so she really was their family's matriarch way before her time.  I won't go into the other details, other than to say she didn't have an easy time, as even though her husband never divorced/left her, theirs was pretty much a loveless marriage for a looooong time. It's been almost 20 years now from when I met her, so a lot of the growing pains and drama had already happened, but one thing I did have to do was ask her for their mother's engagement ring to give my wife when I proposed.  That in itself went pretty smoothly, which looking at now was a more significant occurence than I understood at the time.  

The main reason I decided to put this out here is because it took her passing for me to recognize more clearly the importance of having someone in the family that keeps the it close.  There's no one like that on my side of the family, and to be honest, it seems like that ship has sailed for us, so if you or one of your siblings/family members is the glue that holds the family together, please please please let them know you appreciate them.  If they're anything like my sister-in-law was, that will mean more to them than they'll ever let on.  

 

[shadyridr]

I can't think of anything more awkward than hugging both my brothers. I do love them though.

 

[Charlie Steiner]

I can't think of anything more awkward than hugging both my brothers. I do love them though.

My brother is 5 years older than me, so I both admired and hated him when we were growing up.  

 

[Dentist]

My relationship with my sisters used to be pretty good,  then it absolutely tanked to the lowest level it's ever been a few months after i had my first child about 26 months ago.   It continues to sink deeper as the months pass.  It's a real bummer.

 

[Charlie Steiner]

My relationship with my sisters used to be pretty good,  then it absolutely tanked to the lowest level it's ever been a few months after i had my first child about 26 months ago.   It continues to sink deeper as the months pass.  It's a real bummer.

My sister is the oldest sibling--actually just a couple of months younger than the SIL they laid to rest yesterday--and I'm in a similar situation.  I think part of it is because she doesn't have any kids of her own.  The other part, however, I know is on me, because even this far along, she still occasionally tears into our mother (80 years old now and her health is really declining) about things that happened growing up.  Between that and the fact that her husband is a grade a d-bag, I don't mind that we're not very close.

I guess I mentioned that to say I hope you don't feel too guilty about the state of those relationships. 

 

[Buttonhook]

It's been almost three years since my wife lost her brother to a heart-attack.  Happened in his sleep while laying next to his wife - he was only 35.  He kept himself in shape as well as any of us do, just had heart disease that went undetected.  Devastated the family and it still hurts... a lot.  While my wife and her brother had a solid relationship, a tragedy like this really accentuates the need to not take any family relationships for granted, or any quality time you get to spend with them.

And you can never tell someone you love them and care for them too much.

 

[kutta]

My relationship with my sisters used to be pretty good,  then it absolutely tanked to the lowest level it's ever been a few months after i had my first child about 26 months ago.   It continues to sink deeper as the months pass.  It's a real bummer.

Who cleans their teeth?

 

[Charlie Steiner]

It's been almost three years since my wife lost her brother to a heart-attack.  Happened in his sleep while laying next to his wife - he was only 35.  He kept himself in shape as well as any of us do, just had heart disease that went undetected.  Devastated the family and it still hurts... a lot.  While my wife and her brother had a solid relationship, a tragedy like this really accentuates the need to not take any family relationships for granted, or any quality time you get to spend with them.

And you can never tell someone you love them and care for them too much.

My wife's brother is the oldest sibling and a pastor, and he spoke at the service.  He talked about how they fought when they were little, and it just so happened that I was sitting with my own kids--17, 16 and 13, and they seem to fight whenever they're around each other.  I couldn't help but hope and pray on the spot that they'll grow out of it and be more like my wife's family that mine when they're older.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Don't have the greatest relationship with my siblings.  My sister is 6 years older.  I can tolerate her, but we had different childhoods essentially, so we are very different people.  My brother is two years older, so I can identify with Charlie Steiners comment that I admired him and hated him growing up.  Eventually, once I became an adult I realized he wasn't all that much smarter than me, he didn't know everything, and he didn't always have my back.  My attitude towards him changed and saw him as an equal.  His attitude never changed, still treats me like an inferior little brother, so I can't really stand him anymore.

 

[Kanil]

My brother and I were a little over a year apart and have always been super close but he doesn't get along with my mom at all.  He's always been an angry kid and never liked the fact that she held him accountable.  It's really put a strain on our relationship the past few years because he wont be a part of any gathering my mom's at.  Now that we live a couple hours apart and both have families of our own we see each other less and less.  I could honestly see a day where we just don't get together anymore.  My relationship with my sister is kind of the opposite.  We're 6 years apart but we adopted her when I was 8.  We were never really close as kids but have gotten closer as we've gotten older.  She lives about 5 hours away but I see her probably two or three times as often as I see my brother.

 

[chet]

My relationship with my sisters used to be pretty good,  then it absolutely tanked to the lowest level it's ever been a few months after i had my first child about 26 months ago.   It continues to sink deeper as the months pass.  It's a real bummer.

Why?

 

[Dentist]

Why?

I'm not entirely certain..  but I THINK it goes like this:

Middle sister lives in Florida... rest of family lives here..  would've probably liked to have had more than 1 child, but husband said no...  after my wife got pregnant with #2 there was jealousy.    Also middle sister can't handle how much more time my mom and dad spend with my kids than hers... even though this is entirely irrational because again.. she lives in Florida and I like 7 minutes from my parents house... what did she think was going to happen?  Either way, at holidays my kids jump all over grandma and grandpa and her daughter barely interacts... because of the low number of reps.   So she accuses my parents of preferential treatment and blames me for over-using them as babysitters.

Youngest sister and middle sister have a tighter bond than with each other than they do with me (although i have a pretty good relationship with youngest sister who is child-less currently).   MIddle sister convinced youngest sister that if she isn't siding with her on this, then she's against her...  so youngest sister distances herself from me, my wife, and her newphews despite the fact she lives in the same city I do (she didn't come to see either baby in the hospital, nor came to the oldest's 1st birthday. and says no to almost any invitation to hang out with the kids).   In addition, youngest sister is now approaching 31,  is unmarried, wants to be married and have children ASAP, so now her personal jealousy over me having a family and her not even being in a position to get started has her "feeling the clock" and being stressed.

All of this has basically led me to keep my interactions with them as brief as possible and as friendly as possible as to not throw gasoline on a slow burning fire.

I don't know a solution..  i can't fix that sister 1 lives in florida and isn't allowed to have a second child, and I can't fix sister 2's problems with locking down a dude...  

 

[Dentist]

Who cleans their teeth?

my mom

 

[chet]

I'm not entirely certain..  but I THINK it goes like this:

Middle sister lives in Florida... rest of family lives here..  would've probably liked to have had more than 1 child, but husband said no...  after my wife got pregnant with #2 there was jealousy.    Also middle sister can't handle how much more time my mom and dad spend with my kids than hers... even though this is entirely irrational because again.. she lives in Florida and I like 7 minutes from my parents house... what did she think was going to happen?  Either way, at holidays my kids jump all over grandma and grandpa and her daughter barely interacts... because of the low number of reps.   So she accuses my parents of preferential treatment and blames me for over-using them as babysitters.

Youngest sister and middle sister have a tighter bond than with each other than they do with me (although i have a pretty good relationship with youngest sister who is child-less currently).   MIddle sister convinced youngest sister that if she isn't siding with her on this, then she's against her...  so youngest sister distances herself from me, my wife, and her newphews despite the fact she lives in the same city I do (she didn't come to see either baby in the hospital, nor came to the oldest's 1st birthday. and says no to almost any invitation to hang out with the kids).   In addition, youngest sister is now approaching 31,  is unmarried, wants to be married and have children ASAP, so now her personal jealousy over me having a family and her not even being in a position to get started has her "feeling the clock" and being stressed.

All of this has basically led me to keep my interactions with them as brief as possible and as friendly as possible as to not throw gasoline on a slow burning fire.

I don't know a solution..  i can't fix that sister 1 lives in florida and isn't allowed to have a second child, and I can't fix sister 2's problems with locking down a dude...  

Wow.  That's terrible.  Work with your younger sister to improve your relationship with middle sister.  

 

[Jobber]

I can't think of anything more awkward than hugging both my brothers. I do love them though.

So true. The men in my family don't hug. I'll give it a try next time I see him. Maybe after a few beers.

 

[shadyridr]

So true. The men in my family don't hug. I'll give it a try next time I see him. Maybe after a few beers.

Meanwhile I kiss my father in the law on the cheek hello and goodbye.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

As long as it stops at hugs. Toto, we're not in West Virginia anymore.