What's Normal? - Are your parents divorced/never married? (1 Viewer)

[Chris B.]

There's an incredible interview on Soft White Underbelly with a divorce attorney for anyone that's interested in an expert's opinion on the subject.

 

[zamboni]

There's an incredible interview on Soft White Underbelly with a divorce attorney for anyone that's interested in an expert's opinion on the subject.

Got any Blue Oyster Cult?

 

[Zow]

There's an incredible interview on Soft White Underbelly with a divorce attorney for anyone that's interested in an expert's opinion on the subject.

Yeah... listen to that guy... and not perhaps somebody else here with equal qualifications...

 

[jamny]

They've both passed but were together for 40 years until my dad died. My mom went another 17 years without ever dating anyone else.

 

[WDIK2]

Still together. Will be 59 years in December. My older sister will be 59 in June of next year.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

My parents should have divorced but have stayed together for some bizarre reason.

I think they love each other. I know they don't like each other.

Catholic divorce?

Lol, no.

Bossypants mom and narcissist dad.

 

[-OZ-]

My parents should have divorced but have stayed together for some bizarre reason.

I think they love each other. I know they don't like each other.

Way too common.
I know I’ve never doubted our love.
There were moments when I wasn’t sure about liking.

 

[-OZ-]

Not the degree to which we've just completely diverged from people who made different decisions in their 20s and 30s is kind of remarkable and isn't something we expected to see in middle age

Not exactly what you’re asking, but our best friends here have families that look a lot like ours. Minimum of 4 kids, each of us adopted 1, 2, and 4 children. All international, 4 of which are from China.

I think most people flock to people similar to themselves.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

My parents should have divorced but have stayed together for some bizarre reason.

I think they love each other. I know they don't like each other.

Way too common.
I know I’ve never doubted our love.
There were moments when I wasn’t sure about liking.

I get what you're saying. But the distinction is instead of disliking a thing or two I'm not sure there's one or two things they like about each other.

 

[jobarules]

Mother is dead so not sure how to respond. They were married when she passed away.

 

[Poke_4_Life]

My parents should have divorced but have stayed together for some bizarre reason.

I think they love each other. I know they don't like each other.

My in-laws are this way. Both well into their 80's. Just too old to divorce now, as he could never survive alone, and MIL would never make us take care of him. I really feel bad for my MIL. She gets out to see friends somewhat regularly so that helps.

He's been having some health issues; I have mixed feelings about it.

 

[Keerock]

Mother is dead so not sure how to respond. They were married when she passed away.

You would answer No.

 

[jobarules]

Mother is dead so not sure how to respond. They were married when she passed away.

You would answer No.

But they are still not basking in holy matrimony lol

 

[Dwayne Hoover]

Divorced when I was 6. Looking back on it now, I can't understand how they ever got together in the first place. They are literally nothing alike and go about their lives so differently.

I don't really remember much about how it all went down except some fights that happened occassionally. Not sure if that is better or worse.

Im sure there have been psychological ramifications but nothing too severe

They are cordial and don't hate each other or anything like that so I take that as a positive

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Mother is dead so not sure how to respond. They were married when she passed away.

Interesting that a few people have this line of thinking. To me- of course it counts as them still being together.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Divorced when I was 6. Looking back on it now, I can't understand how they ever got together in the first place. They are literally nothing alike and go about their lives so differently.

I don't really remember much about how it all went down except some fights that happened occassionally. Not sure if that is better or worse.

Im sure there have been psychological ramifications but nothing too severe

They are cordial and don't hate each other or anything like that so I take that as a positive

To be fair, my wife and I are not even close to the same people we were when we met. People grow. If they don’t, that’s even worse.

 

[Dwayne Hoover]

Divorced when I was 6. Looking back on it now, I can't understand how they ever got together in the first place. They are literally nothing alike and go about their lives so differently.

I don't really remember much about how it all went down except some fights that happened occassionally. Not sure if that is better or worse.

Im sure there have been psychological ramifications but nothing too severe

They are cordial and don't hate each other or anything like that so I take that as a positive

To be fair, my wife and I are not even close to the same people we were when we met. People grow. If they don’t, that’s even worse.

I don't disagree about the growing part but if you are growing in such different directions, can't imagine how it works out. For my parents, I think they share some of the same core values but aside from that their lifestyles do not intersect

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Divorced when I was 6. Looking back on it now, I can't understand how they ever got together in the first place. They are literally nothing alike and go about their lives so differently.

I don't really remember much about how it all went down except some fights that happened occassionally. Not sure if that is better or worse.

Im sure there have been psychological ramifications but nothing too severe

They are cordial and don't hate each other or anything like that so I take that as a positive

To be fair, my wife and I are not even close to the same people we were when we met. People grow. If they don’t, that’s even worse.

I don't disagree about the growing part but if you are growing in such different directions, can't imagine how it works out. For my parents, I think they share some of the same core values but aside from that their lifestyles do not intersect

Most of the time, it doesn’t.


My wife and I have had our share of issues and we might not be “perfect” but she’s a helluva woman, still hot, great mom, viciously competitive and funny.

It’s really a shame that she hates me.

 

[Keerock]

Mother is dead so not sure how to respond. They were married when she passed away.

Interesting that a few people have this line of thinking. To me- of course it counts as them still being together.

I'll bet it does to his dad, too...

 

[Don Quixote]

Mother is dead so not sure how to respond. They were married when she passed away.

Interesting that a few people have this line of thinking. To me- of course it counts as them still being together.

If the poll question just stopped at “no,” it is easier. The ”basking in holy matrimony” addendum makes a bit odd in some situations. Like I mentioned, my mom has been with another man for 10+ years now.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Mother is dead so not sure how to respond. They were married when she passed away.

Interesting that a few people have this line of thinking. To me- of course it counts as them still being together.

If the poll question just stopped at “no,” it is easier. The ”basking in holy matrimony” addendum makes a bit odd in some situations. Like I mentioned, my mom has been with another man for 10+ years now.

Yeah, I thought of that after I posted but figured it would get discussed.

I would still still say that’s a “no”, but agree with you otherwise.

 

[PIK95]

My parents divorced when I was six back in 81. It was terrible. Nobody in my whole school had divorced parents at the time. Then we were poor in an upper mid area. That lasted forever unfortunately.

 

[jobarules]

Mother is dead so not sure how to respond. They were married when she passed away.

Interesting that a few people have this line of thinking. To me- of course it counts as them still being together.

If the poll question just stopped at “no,” it is easier. The ”basking in holy matrimony” addendum makes a bit odd in some situations. Like I mentioned, my mom has been with another man for 10+ years now.

Yeah, I thought of that after I posted but figured it would get discussed.

I would still still say that’s a “no”, but agree with you otherwise.

My father remarried

 

[Judge Smails]

Divorced. Dad left for milk one day when I was 8 and never saw him again until I was 21. Reconnected (he had massive regret as would be expected), he lived a few years longer, died of complications from diabetes. I'll go on record as saying my parents generation was the most selfish generation ever. Broad brush I know, but parental involvement and commitment was different the generation before and after.

 

[Peak]

My parents should have divorced but have stayed together for some bizarre reason.

I think they love each other. I know they don't like each other.

There is a tad truth to this and hits close to home for me. I do love my wife, been with her almost 30 years, married almost 23..... As we have grown older and we have both changed in good and bad ways - there are days I just can't be around her because she just annoys the crap out of me..... Usually the same story over and over or the "tell me how I should do stuff stuff" (she definitely is becoming like her mother). A lot of it is me and no fault of hers but the "idiosyncrasies" that used to be cute become annoying. I'm not looking to WANT TO DATE SOMEONE else and would not stray but I can definitely see a little of the love not like in our relationship from time to time........

Similar situation here. She's gone so far as to tell me she doesn't like me - I'm assuming the love is still there but is waning I'm sure. No drastic changes for either of us. Just everything we do is starting to annoy each other. I can't breathe right (too loud) or a I snore at night. She just likes to complain and refuses to go out. Find ourselves butting heads more often than not. We have two kids still at home for at least another 3 years, but after that I wouldn't be surprised to see her ask for a divorce.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Divorced when I was 3. They both died years ago, but I never remember my parents together.

My paternal grandmother was also divorced, which was pretty uncommon among her generation.

Like a lot of people, I told myself I’d never divorce. My ex had different ideas, though wife #2 seems like she’ll stick around.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I think a poll asking whether posters are currently married, remarried, divorced, or never married would be another interesting topic.

My wife and I recently were talking about this. We know a fairly large number of people who are unmarried and/or childless. (The "childless" part isn't what this thread was asking about, but it was relevant for our conversation.) Twenty years ago we would hang out with those people and everything was completely normal. Today, it's like we have absolutely nothing in common with any of those exact same folks, even though we live in the same town and have worked for the same employer all this time. I like to think that I'm self-aware enough to know that we've obviously drifted a bit in terms of our preferences and life experience, but the degree to which we've just completely diverged from people who made different decisions in their 20s and 30s is kind of remarkable and isn't something we expected to see in middle age.

It would be interesting to know if the unmarried or kid-less folks in the FFA have noticed anything similar. Like, do you tend to mostly hang out with other singles, and do married couples with adult children seem alien to you at all?

Our friends run the gamut. The closest are a couple with kids in middle/high school, and a few others still have young children. Another is a couple of empty nesters, and we hang out (separately) with a recently divorced couple, too.

But the majority are younger, either single or couples without kids.

I think this occurs because that demographic has: 1. More time +/- discretionary income. 2. More interest in doing active things (vs. the finer things in life, or lamenting “adult“ topics like politics and finance). 3. Better health.

Also, family life tends to be all consuming.

ETA We don’t have kids, and I tend to zone out when office talk (frequently) centers on topics like childhood allergies and private school preference. I also avoid people who are overly enthused about investing.

 

[Galileo]

My parents were a couple months shy of 60 years when my father passed away in 2021. It seemed like my mom threatened divorce about 187 times.

 

[Terminalxylem]

If this poll gets a decent enough of a sample size, the answer should be a few percentage points under 50% for "yes."

I think not, due to board demographics - males get divorced less frequently than women, and higher level of education also correlates with lower divorce rates.

 

[dino259]

Mother is dead so not sure how to respond. They were married when she passed away.

You would answer No.

But they are still not basking in holy matrimony lol

Not that complicated. Answer Yes or No. Passing away is not a divorce. The basking part is probably tongue in cheek. As much as you may think they are happy or not, you never really know. Some people are just to lazy to care about getting the actual divorce or just afraid of change.

 

[FairWarning]

Times have really changed. In high school, there were three kids in my graduating class (1982) who was from a single parent home. I bet close to 50% now.

 

[Zow]

If this poll gets a decent enough of a sample size, the answer should be a few percentage points under 50% for "yes."

I think not, due to board demographics - males get divorced less frequently than women, and higher level of education also correlates with lower divorce rates.

This poll asks about our parents.

 

[jobarules]

Mother is dead so not sure how to respond. They were married when she passed away.

You would answer No.

But they are still not basking in holy matrimony lol

Not that complicated. Answer Yes or No. Passing away is not a divorce. The basking part is probably tongue in cheek. As much as you may think they are happy or not, you never really know. Some people are just to lazy to care about getting the actual divorce or just afraid of change.

Dude I was joking around

 

[Terminalxylem]

If this poll gets a decent enough of a sample size, the answer should be a few percentage points under 50% for "yes."

I think not, due to board demographics - males get divorced less frequently than women, and higher level of education also correlates with lower divorce rates.

This poll asks about our parents.

True, but I suspect we come from more highly educated families than the general population, on average.

The chance of a marriage ending in divorce was lower for people with more education, with over half of marriages of those who did not complete high school having ended in divorce compared with approximately 30 percent of marriages of college graduates.

 

[Zow]

If this poll gets a decent enough of a sample size, the answer should be a few percentage points under 50% for "yes."

I think not, due to board demographics - males get divorced less frequently than women, and higher level of education also correlates with lower divorce rates.

This poll asks about our parents.

True, but I suspect we come from more highly educated families than the general population, on average.

The chance of a marriage ending in divorce was lower for people with more education, with over half of marriages of those who did not complete high school having ended in divorce compared with approximately 30 percent of marriages of college graduates.

I wonder if the root cause of that stat is that more highly educated people got married later in life (because they spent their early 20s in school and had to build a career).

 

[General Malaise]

They've both passed but were together for 40 years until my dad died. My mom went another 17 years without ever dating anyone else.

Yeah, my folks made it 47 years before my mom died. My pop is still hanging in there at age 79, but he hasn't even considered another relationship. Dude got rid of everything in his house and I'm not kidding - he has 2 forks, knives, spoons and if we come over, I have to bring my own folding chairs to eat with him. He wants NO company.

 

[Sullie]

My folks were married for 39 years until my Dad passed away, screw your rules (I say that to be cheeky not angry), I voted Yes hence the whole "til death do us part" bit of the vowels, it's fair game after the death part. They were the very best example or template of how a married couple should be and I've tried to pattern our marriage after theirs in a lot of ways. They argued but they argued fairly (no name calling, etc.). They always held hands in public and my Mom was the center of my Dad's universe and my Dad was the center of my Mom's universe. I like my wife as much as I love my wife, she's my everything and I'm pretty sure I'm hers as well. And I honestly don't care if it's campy, we hold hands in public, I don't feel comfortable if we don't. . . she usually reaches for my hand as often as I do hers. (We've been married 28 years this month, I'm like old or something.)

 

[Zow]

They've both passed but were together for 40 years until my dad died. My mom went another 17 years without ever dating anyone else.

Yeah, my folks made it 47 years before my mom died. My pop is still hanging in there at age 79, but he hasn't even considered another relationship. Dude got rid of everything in his house and I'm not kidding - he has 2 forks, knives, spoons and if we come over, I have to bring my own folding chairs to eat with him. He wants NO company.

Hopefully he has like one amazing lazyboy chair or some such just placed in the center of the living room with a really nice TV.

 

[General Malaise]

They've both passed but were together for 40 years until my dad died. My mom went another 17 years without ever dating anyone else.

Yeah, my folks made it 47 years before my mom died. My pop is still hanging in there at age 79, but he hasn't even considered another relationship. Dude got rid of everything in his house and I'm not kidding - he has 2 forks, knives, spoons and if we come over, I have to bring my own folding chairs to eat with him. He wants NO company.

Hopefully he has like one amazing lazyboy chair or some such just placed in the center of the living room with a really nice TV.

NO! Even his furniture sucks. It's like trying to get comfortable in a coach seat of a budget airline. He does have a nice, big TV down in the basement that he unplugs after watching because he thinks it wastes electricity when not in use so if you go down there to watch TV you have to plug it in and wait for the cable box to "wake up".

 

[Galileo]

males get divorced less frequently than women

 

[Snoopy]

males get divorced less frequently than women

Including same-sex marriages?

 

[Terminalxylem]

If this poll gets a decent enough of a sample size, the answer should be a few percentage points under 50% for "yes."

I think not, due to board demographics - males get divorced less frequently than women, and higher level of education also correlates with lower divorce rates.

This poll asks about our parents.

True, but I suspect we come from more highly educated families than the general population, on average.

The chance of a marriage ending in divorce was lower for people with more education, with over half of marriages of those who did not complete high school having ended in divorce compared with approximately 30 percent of marriages of college graduates.

I wonder if the root cause of that stat is that more highly educated people got married in life (because they spent their early 20s in school and had to build a career).

I think that’s a big part of it.

 

[Terminalxylem]

males get divorced less frequently than women

It’s true! (or was)

Using the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1979 (NLSY79)—a survey of people born during the 1957–1964 period—this study examines the marriage and divorce patterns for a cohort of young baby boomers up to age 46. In particular, the study focuses on differences in marriage and divorce patterns by educational attainment and by age at marriage. This work is descriptive and does not attempt to explain causation or why marriage patterns differ across groups.

About 85 percent of the NLSY79 cohort married by age 46, and among those who married, a sizeable fraction, almost 30 percent, married more than once. The bulk of marriages occurred by age 28, with relatively few marriages taking place at age 35 or older. Approximately 42 percent of marriages that took place between ages 15 and 46 ended in divorce by age 46. In the NLSY79, women in this cohort were more likely to marry and to remarry than were men. In addition, marriages of women were more likely to end in divorce, as were marriages that began at younger ages. On average, women married at younger ages than men.

 

[Terminalxylem]

males get divorced less frequently than women

Including same-sex marriages?

That’s a good question. I would assume lesbians would stay together more often than gay males, though the married gay dudes I know seem pretty happy (though some have an “understanding“ regarding extramarital sex.)

 

[snogger]

Yes.
Mom & Dad divorced when I was around 5.
Mom remarried and divorced again when I was 16.
Dad still married to his 2nd wife.

 

[Clown Car]

Still together. Will be 59 years in December. My older sister will be 59 in June of next year.

Second babies take nine months. First babies come whenever they want to.

 

[Clown Car]

Mine divorced when I was 6 in 1977. They are both dead now. Died within 3 months of each other. I may have implied to his poor widow that there was a spiritual aspect. Could be why I got nothing.

 

[AAABatteries]

big TV down in the basement that he unplugs after watching because he thinks it wastes electricity when not in use so if you go down there to watch TV you have to plug it in and wait for the cable box to "wake up".

Sorry but

 

[AAABatteries]

Divorced when I was 8 - Dad cheated and I think Mom couldn’t accept it and they split. Don’t blame her for not wanting to work it out - I couldn’t stay married after infidelity. Dad has stayed at arms length my entire life but acts like he really wants to be involved. It’s lip service to make himself feel better. He’s been married 5 times and just can’t stand to be alone or deal with all his mistakes.

Mom remarried my stepdad who is a great guy - they’ve been married for 40 years.

 

[KarmaPolice]

Yes, divorced in their old age about 10 years ago.