Grahamburn
Footballguy
Who knows hundreds of couples? Really? Hundreds?
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What's Normal: In Your Long-Term M/F Relationship, Which Gender Has a 51% or Greater Stake in Decision-Making? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Anarchy99
- Start date
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
It depends on the decision.
Daily running the house stuff; wife.
Decisions of consequence; my ultimate call but she's my first officer so to speak
Daily running the house stuff; wife.
Decisions of consequence; my ultimate call but she's my first officer so to speak
Anarchy99
Footballguy
Have 5 kids, coach 4 sports, and own a local business and get back to me.
IrishTwinkie
Footballguy
Free Life Advice:
"No" to the first choice. "Yes" to the second choice.
It makes it look like you care.
Sadly, my wife caught on....
steelerfan1
Footballguy
You’ll have to ask her that for me as I can’t figure it out. But hey, at least I’ve come to not like them…But two dogs is one thing. Cocker spaniels? Why? The better dogs got taken?FWIW, wife wanted 6 kids. I wanted 2.
At least cocker spaniels don’t go to college.
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
John Maddens Lunchbox
Socialism for Dummies
Things I dont care about = Wife 100%
Things I do care about, i get my way 95% of the time.
The other 5% i suddenly dont care as much about anymore.
But we are both fairly easy going and know when either of us has a bigger stake in something
Things I do care about, i get my way 95% of the time.
The other 5% i suddenly dont care as much about anymore.
But we are both fairly easy going and know when either of us has a bigger stake in something
3C's
Footballguy
Yet another decision left to me tonight. See my wife suffers from the hot flashes and she said if I didn't turn on the AC there's a good chance I would die in my sleep. So I decided to turn the AC on.She decides when/if we have sex. Everything else is up to me.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
They’re the ones stacking menus.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
My wife is indecisive and deferential, so I make most major decisions. I certainly respect her opinion though, and welcome any input she provides.
I have several friends whose wives wear the proverbial pants. While some of them seem content, the unhappy ones always assume there's no alternative.
I have several friends whose wives wear the proverbial pants. While some of them seem content, the unhappy ones always assume there's no alternative.
Cowboysfan8
Footballguy
Huh. 80s wife posting on his acct?
Ilov80s
Footballguy
Or am I gay? nttawwtHuh. 80s wife posting on his acct?
Or I had a very busy 4 days of job hunting and celebrated seemingly excellent news with some wine at dinner and was doing a poor job typing.
Don Quixote
Footballguy
I was just yelled at for starting the dishwasher this morning without checking with my wife, so, uh, definitely my wife.
Keerock
Footballguy
Add that ultimately she ignores my input and goes with the first choice...
Keerock
Footballguy
Congrats on the good news? Pregnant?Or am I gay? nttawwtHuh. 80s wife posting on his acct?
Or I had a very busy 4 days of job hunting and celebrated seemingly excellent news with some wine at dinner and was doing a poor job typing.
Ilov80s
Footballguy
Better, on the verge of a 40% raise.Congrats on the good news? Pregnant?Or am I gay? nttawwtHuh. 80s wife posting on his acct?
Or I had a very busy 4 days of job hunting and celebrated seemingly excellent news with some wine at dinner and was doing a poor job typing.
BassNBrew
Footballguy
Might as well ask if water is wet @Anarchy99
Folks...when people say to you there's no such thing as a dumb question, I suggest you reflect on this thread and tell them they are incorrect.
Folks...when people say to you there's no such thing as a dumb question, I suggest you reflect on this thread and tell them they are incorrect.
Snotbubbles
Footballguy
I literally tore down our old house and built a new one from scratch. With zero input from the wife. I handle the bills, vacation planning, investments. She handles the medical stuff.
Anarchy99
Footballguy
If that were the case and this were such a dumb question, then why is the distribution of people casting actual votes split 50%/22%/28%?
UncleZen
Footballguy
On the major things, like what furniture we are buying, I believe it's a true 50-50 process. For just about everything else, I try to make it 50-50 but my wife will never decide so I make the decisions. This is, where are we going to eat, what movie should we watch. Since there are a lot more unimportant decisions, I voted the male makes >51% of the decisions.
BassNBrew
Footballguy
The Bell Curve and Cognitive Elites
The average IQ of Ivy League college graduates such as Harvard and Princeton has increased in recent history from 120 to 142 - an extraordinary increase. This is the cognitive elite.
www.iqmindware.com
Frostillicus
Footballguy
I let my wife make every decision i don't really care about so when I do care about something and voice my opinion she kows it's something I really care about. Worksi for us.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
When we were "building" our house and had to make every single decision from the lighting to the carpet I told her I don't care, just let me have one room. And she did. But as we sat there, mind numbingly picking out brick and tile and granite, I think she saw how bored I was and threw me a bone. "hey frosty, which tile do you want in the master shower, 1 or 2?"
I picked one I liked better. The look of disgust on my wife's face was only rivaled by her look after the most severe diaper blowouts of our children. I said "why did you even ask me" She said "you look so bored and I never htought you'd pick that one" and I said "I am, but i still dont' want to pick any of this."
So that.
I picked one I liked better. The look of disgust on my wife's face was only rivaled by her look after the most severe diaper blowouts of our children. I said "why did you even ask me" She said "you look so bored and I never htought you'd pick that one" and I said "I am, but i still dont' want to pick any of this."
So that.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Sorry you don't have any friends, nerd.
Grahamburn
Footballguy
I feel like hundreds of couples is a lot! Knowing them to the point you’re intimately aware who makes the decisions in the household?
fred_1_15301
Footballguy
My wife makes more decisions. My wife wishes I made more decisions.
Northern Voice
Footballguy
It's a very interesting question. I think early on my wife deferred to me on just about everything but that's because she was raised in a way where she didn't often feel her input was valued.
I think now 17 years later we're probably closer to true 50/50. I am still a much more naturally outgoing/extroverted person compared to her, so I lead the charge for the two of us, but the direction I'm leading us in is always mutually decided.
I think now 17 years later we're probably closer to true 50/50. I am still a much more naturally outgoing/extroverted person compared to her, so I lead the charge for the two of us, but the direction I'm leading us in is always mutually decided.
Anarchy99
Footballguy
Let me explain the method behind the madness. Did I formally survey each couple and distribute a questionnaire and tabulate the responses? Of course not. But there is something to be said about deductive reasoning to draw more of a preponderance of the evidence style conclusion. Let's go over some examples . . .
On the coaching side, many times there were situations that came up. Taking the kids out for pizza or ice cream. Pre-planning a road trip to play in a location well out of our geographic region. Hosting a pool party. Figuring our who wanted to buy a team sweatshirt, the volunteering schedule, etc.. Most times, if it was the father / husband being asked, the response was he had to check with his wife. When the wife was approached, I think I got a let-me-check-with-my-husband response twice. Is that conclusive and irrefutable evidence? No. But that gave me a pretty good idea in terms of who was making a lot of the decisions.
On the socialization side involving couples getting together as couples, here are some examples. Invites to dinner, outings, parties, school functions, etc. Very similar ratio. Ask the husband, and the auto response is have to check with the wife and get back to you or I would love to but not sure if she wants to attend. Ask the wives, and they typically provided an answer without any consultation. Again, just a small sample, but IMO, enough to lead the witness.
On the guys hanging out with guys side. Discussions of getting together for poker, golf, a ballgame, a concert, whatever. The typical response is usually not sure my wife will let me go. On top of that, plenty of discussion on other wife decisions . . . the ugly couch she bought, the new house she really wanted to move into, the new dishes they just got, the bizarre place the wife picked to go on vacation, etc. Again, not conclusive, but certainly leads one to believe things go a certain way in that household.
On the business side, when it came to one of the parties making a decision to purchase something, that often was close to a 50/50 split of needing to consult with a spouse before making the purchase. But that's the only example from my years of making observations where I felt there was an equal stake in the decision making process.
Did I know many of these people well enough to start asking them who makes their major financial decisions, their breakdown of retirement contributions, who leads the charge in nocturnal activities, who ultimately will decide where their kids go to college? No. Maybe it's a case of daily minor decisions fall on one party and major decisions fall on the other. But passed on interactions with a lot of people, I would definitely suggest that women were more influential in the decision-making process for the situations that came up that I observed.
AAABatteries
Footballguy
This is going to sound crude but others
have alluded to it. I think a lot of guys care more about getting laid than they do the place they eat so they acquiesce on many small things to ensure they have the best chance possible of that happening. I realize this doesn’t apply 100% but I think it’s a reality for a lot of men.
have alluded to it. I think a lot of guys care more about getting laid than they do the place they eat so they acquiesce on many small things to ensure they have the best chance possible of that happening. I realize this doesn’t apply 100% but I think it’s a reality for a lot of men.
Zow
Footballguy
Yeah I think that's natural, especially early on and when dating. I mean, sure I'm willing to go watch Love Actually with your annoying friends and then pay for dinner at a restaurant I don't really like because you're willing to try X in the bedroom tonight and that's all I'll be thinking about the entire time. But, as a now married guy for over 11 years where honestly my wife's libido is higher than mine and nothing is "new," I defer to her on the small things because I truly don't care.
*OG Woz on this board would be so mad if he read this.
AAABatteries
Footballguy
Zow
Footballguy
I remember Otis positing on this board like 15 years ago that there are some nights he'd simply rather just go to sleep. I recall responding that I thought that was crazy and at the time I genuinely thought he was. Sadly, I now get it as most nights I'm so mentally tired from work and the stressors of the day that I'd rather just go to sleep.
Zow
Footballguy
I think there's some study that posits that a person can only handle the stress of so many decisions throughout the day. This is why you'll see some notable intellectuals doing things to minimize their decision-making (e.g. Steve Jobs wearing the same outfit daily to eliminate that choice). For me, I'm involved in helping clients make some major, stressful, and impactful decisions throughout my average day, so when I get home and am asked which shade of white the trim on our curtains should be or some such, I don't care.
AAABatteries
Footballguy
I remember Otis positing on this board like 15 years ago that there are some nights he'd simply rather just go to sleep. I recall responding that I thought that was crazy and at the time I genuinely thought he was. Sadly, I now get it as most nights I'm so mentally tired from work and the stressors of the day that I'd rather just go to sleep.
I get it and does happen to me very, very rarely but at almost 50 I'm still ready to go daily/multiple times a day most of the time still.
Zow
Footballguy
Yeah I always thought that's how I'd be and I was until my work hours shot up and we adopted the third and fourth kid.I remember Otis positing on this board like 15 years ago that there are some nights he'd simply rather just go to sleep. I recall responding that I thought that was crazy and at the time I genuinely thought he was. Sadly, I now get it as most nights I'm so mentally tired from work and the stressors of the day that I'd rather just go to sleep.
I get it and does happen to me very, very rarely but at almost 50 I'm still ready to go daily/multiple times a day most of the time still.
To be clear, I'm always open to certain sexual activities where, uh, I'm the focus and the one not doing "the work," but that's selfish to actually try to implement in practice.
Instinctive
Footballguy
Love this thread. We're psychotic, so here's what we do:
1. Every year we list all the categories of things we need to do in our life, around Thanksgiving. Ranges from auto to laundry to healthcare (this year we'll add all the child related tasks for the first time at our little summit) and so on.
2. We independently list who we think is in charge and who should be in charge of every category
3. We compare notes. Everything we agree on gets locked and assigned, and then we discuss what's left. It's a funny mix of things neither one of us want to be in charge of and things both of us want to be in charge of. We divvy those up, generally using a mix of who is best suited and who cares most.
On ad hoc stuff, decisions tend to be made by the person who cares more.
Equity-wise, I'd say we're 50/50. Volume-wise, I think I've managed to get it set up where I make fewer bigger decisions and she has to deal with more of the little crap probably 60/40. That's not always fair to her, but also there are more little things IDGAF about and she does.
1. Every year we list all the categories of things we need to do in our life, around Thanksgiving. Ranges from auto to laundry to healthcare (this year we'll add all the child related tasks for the first time at our little summit) and so on.
2. We independently list who we think is in charge and who should be in charge of every category
3. We compare notes. Everything we agree on gets locked and assigned, and then we discuss what's left. It's a funny mix of things neither one of us want to be in charge of and things both of us want to be in charge of. We divvy those up, generally using a mix of who is best suited and who cares most.
On ad hoc stuff, decisions tend to be made by the person who cares more.
Equity-wise, I'd say we're 50/50. Volume-wise, I think I've managed to get it set up where I make fewer bigger decisions and she has to deal with more of the little crap probably 60/40. That's not always fair to her, but also there are more little things IDGAF about and she does.
gianmarco
Footballguy
Jayrod
Footballguy
I'm a much more dominant personality and am in charge of the $, so voted I'm 51%+.
My wife just doesn't like making serious decisions and doesn't care to know about the money. She wants to do her job (elementary school assistant principal) and manage the house decor, grocery shop, meal prep, etc. That leaves most of the heavy stuff to me. If she feels strongly about anything I listen and usually go with her on it, but that's rare. Majority of major decisions are on me.
My wife just doesn't like making serious decisions and doesn't care to know about the money. She wants to do her job (elementary school assistant principal) and manage the house decor, grocery shop, meal prep, etc. That leaves most of the heavy stuff to me. If she feels strongly about anything I listen and usually go with her on it, but that's rare. Majority of major decisions are on me.
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