Art of the Deal Apocrypha Chapter II - Christmas is Canceled
One time I was coming from lunch at the Trump Grill with my very good friend Felix Sater. We were lucky to see another friend, Jeff Epstein- many people agree with me that this is a great guy to party with if you ever have the chance- on our way out of the restaurant. I was in such a great mood. Deals were about to be made!
As I exited the Tower, low and behold there stood Tiffany ringing bells for The Red Cross. My mood immediately changed. I stormed over to her and demanded “What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m raising money to help the needy, Daddy,” she replied.
“Trumps don’t help the needy, we exploit the needy!” I retorted back.
I grabbed the red pot of money and Tiffany by the ear, forcing her into the building and into the elevator.
“But Daddy, this is for the Red Cross” Tiffany cried.
“This is MY MONEY NOW, if the needy want money they can get their asses on the street on ring a ### ####ed Bell too.”
Tiffany just bowed her head and cried. I began to feel a little better, but make no mistake I needed to use this as a teaching moment.
When we got to the penthouse (Penthouse is such a great name by the way), I had the nurse maid gather the entire family. Marla, Ivanka, Don Jr, Eric and of course Tiffany.
“Christmas is Canceled, and it's all Tiffany's fault” I declared. “Marla, forget that trip to Aspen. I will be going to Little St James by myself. Ivanka, NO pearl necklace for you. Jr, no Abercrombie and Fitch Safari Jacket will be coming your way. And Eric, you can forget that Easy Bake Oven. Tiffany, Trumps don’t do charity like everyone else, so I’m going to teach you all about charity, and how they work by starting the Donald J. Trump Foundation”.
The room went quiet with guttered sobs coming from the children.
Marla, just hung her head low.
Suddenly, Ivanka, walked right over to her and pulled a string of pearls from her neck. As they scattered across the floor, she looked at Marla defiantly and screamed, “If I can’t have pearls neither can you.” I can admit, I admired that spunk.
Jr was triggered, and fell to the floor crying “how will I ever kill the last White Rhino, if I don’t have a safari vest?”
Eric, just turned around in small circles.
Tiffany, always the quiet one (which I despised), just stared right at me.
I crossed my arms and made one last declaration. “I AM CHRISTMAS! AND CHRISTMAS IS FOR TAKING NOT GIVING.”
And I think that was an important lesson for us all.