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**the mental health thread** (1 Viewer)

mr. furley

mr. furley

Footballguy
this is a positive thread at another forum i post at

seems like venting to like-minded people generally helps .. or at least allows people to get things out in the air that they may have been holding in for lack of a better place to put it out.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
 

especially with "the holidays" approaching, it can be easy to stuff the emotions down and sometimes they can get on top of you before you know it.  i've found saying #### out loud to no one in particular or posting it "anonymously" helps me relieve the stress from time to time. 

so.. yeah

 
I was as low as I have every been about six weeks ago. I wasn't actually suicidal, but I was having vague thoughts about it. Even when I wasn't, I was totally unmotivated, in a fog, and extremely angry. The issue isn't like a long term chemical imbalance, my depression was 100% situational--related to life events I was going through.

So I actually took the advice that I know every medical and mental health professional gives first to people suffering depression, I changed my diet and started exercising. I had become quite sedentary and was eating all sorts of garbage food because I like a lot of that stuff and because it was a self-soothing behavior.

I didn't just change a little. I attacked my diet and started exercising hard. It gives me something to obsess over that isn't painful or self-destructive. 

I have been on that program a little over a month and I can report that I feel 100% better physically and mentally. It didn't magically fix my problems, but my attitude and energy level are both way better. I have a very big, round numbered birthday in five months and my goal is to be in the shape I was in about 12 years ago (when I blew out my knee) when I cross that milestone. So far, so good.

 
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cheers for that. routinization seems to help a lot of people.

some people find it mind-numbing but there's also comfort in having a plan and sticking to it. 

i've found that running (for me) is super. great chance to clear my head while engaged in something that's simultaneously exhausting my body & brain but also improving me physically. i feel clear-headed afterwards but also energized and ready to tackle whatever is upcoming.

and similarly a better diet changes a lot. that whole gut biome thing. cleaner eating makes for a steadier blood sugar, leads to more even moods. at least for me. that yo-yo cycle of crashing and soaring from eating sugary foods was ####### my head up for a long time. made sleep difficult, which made me cranky. 

that vegetarian thread has me keen to read some recipes and mix in more, better foods. 

 
mr. furley said:
cheers for that. routinization seems to help a lot of people.

some people find it mind-numbing but there's also comfort in having a plan and sticking to it. 

i've found that running (for me) is super. great chance to clear my head while engaged in something that's simultaneously exhausting my body & brain but also improving me physically. i feel clear-headed afterwards but also energized and ready to tackle whatever is upcoming.

and similarly a better diet changes a lot. that whole gut biome thing. cleaner eating makes for a steadier blood sugar, leads to more even moods. at least for me. that yo-yo cycle of crashing and soaring from eating sugary foods was ####### my head up for a long time. made sleep difficult, which made me cranky. 

that vegetarian thread has me keen to read some recipes and mix in more, better foods. 
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I am not into running and will never be a vegetarian. Have gone the other way with lifting and some moderate cardio and a low carb diet with plenty of animal fats and proteins. Whatever works for you though.

 
Great thread...ive suffered from mild depression for several years now.  Probably longer...but really came on stronger after my dad and then my mom passed away.  I lashed out more at others, not violent, just was a more sour person than I had been before.  Drank more and when I drank it was enough to really feel it...not just to enjoy a beer or a glass of bourbon.

Looking back it probably started not long after the marathon I ran...found I had been running with a hernia and after surgery the recovery took longer than I wanted...and then an ankle injury took longer to recover from and my fitness went downhill and I made excuse after excuse after excuse about all of it.

A few months ago I said enough and got back out running, my diet still sucks but is improving.  I don't drink nearly as much and don't recall the last time I drank til I really felt it.  I do it more now because I enjoy a couple beers with a game or the taste of a good bourbon (or right now the Salted Caramel Crown with a little ice...but I keep it to a glass or two max).

Talked to a therapist as well after discussing with some other people.  Have not medicated as I wanted to see how a bit of therapy and changing some behavior would help me.  ITs not perfect...I have days that I still feel that fog where I just don't know what is wrong but I know Im not right that day.  I get outside (if I can on those days)...either for a run or a good long walk...zone out with some music and just sort of decompress.  I won't allow myself even one drink on those days because I don't want to ever rely on alcohol as a crutch.  Similar to not wanting medication to be a crutch and my doc agreed that it was not necessary at this time.  

THere is a history of some depression issues in my family...my mother suffered from it a few years after I was born and she went through a divorce from my dad.

And yes...talking about it does help.  It is therapeutic a bit on its own just to write all of this out when I have done it.  Especially for people like me (and Im sure a lot of us) that may be stubborn or proud and just don't open up about such things much.

 
mr. furley said:
cheers for that. routinization seems to help a lot of people.

some people find it mind-numbing but there's also comfort in having a plan and sticking to it. 

i've found that running (for me) is super. great chance to clear my head while engaged in something that's simultaneously exhausting my body & brain but also improving me physically. i feel clear-headed afterwards but also energized and ready to tackle whatever is upcoming.

and similarly a better diet changes a lot. that whole gut biome thing. cleaner eating makes for a steadier blood sugar, leads to more even moods. at least for me. that yo-yo cycle of crashing and soaring from eating sugary foods was ####### my head up for a long time. made sleep difficult, which made me cranky. 

that vegetarian thread has me keen to read some recipes and mix in more, better foods. 
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Don't let them fool you, sugar is a drug.  Just a cheap, addictive one that is legal and something we often get hooked on at a young age.  It effects your brain much like cocaine.  I love it but try to avoid it like the plague  b/c I know how much it hurts my mind and body.  

If you guys need a boost, I've been feeling more mental clarity and energy since adding this to my morning coffee.  Pretty much tasteless, maybe a slight chocolate flavor.  Mushrooms (all types) are supposedly really good for the head:

https://www.amazon.com/SACRED-Mushroom-Extract-Powder-Supplement/dp/B01BK871DE

 
Major said:
Don't let them fool you, sugar is a drug.  Just a cheap, addictive one that is legal and something we often get hooked on at a young age.  It effects your brain much like cocaine.  I love it but try to avoid it like the plague  b/c I know how much it hurts my mind and body.  

If you guys need a boost, I've been feeling more mental clarity and energy since adding this to my morning coffee.  Pretty much tasteless, maybe a slight chocolate flavor.  Mushrooms (all types) are supposedly really good for the head:

https://www.amazon.com/SACRED-Mushroom-Extract-Powder-Supplement/dp/B01BK871DE
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Totally agree on the sugar thing. I have cut my intake of refined sugar back to nearly nothing. Previously I guzzled Dr. Pepper and ate all sorts of crap with sugar added. I went through some actual withdrawals at first, but after the first week (when I was also super sore from getting back in the gym), I felt okay again. After about two weeks, I felt great. I still get cravings for sweets and soft drinks, but I also know they will make me feel worse. So I can dismiss the cravings like a passing thought.

 
RedmondLonghorn said:
Totally agree on the sugar thing. I have cut my intake of refined sugar back to nearly nothing. Previously I guzzled Dr. Pepper and ate all sorts of crap with sugar added. I went through some actual withdrawals at first, but after the first week (when I was also super sore from getting back in the gym), I felt okay again. After about two weeks, I felt great. I still get cravings for sweets and soft drinks, but I also know they will make me feel worse. So I can dismiss the cravings like a passing thought.
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for me, sugar was worse than quitting cigarettes. so much worse. the headaches and mood were horrible for about 2 weeks.

i'll still eat sugary candies here and there but i'm down to about 1% of my old soda intake now. when i do have a root beer or something i can feel the sugar rush washing over me almost instantly.. and then 30 minutes later i'm wiped. 

thankfully there are plenty of other ####ty foods i can eat to compensate for the loss of sugary drinks and snacks  :mellow:

 
I just want to put out there that you don't need to change your diet.  The key is do what works for you.  And you should try multiple things.  But I've never changed my diet.  And I've tried working out, but that seems to leave me alone with my thoughts.  So that actually didn't work for me.

My point is, find what works for you and don't get discouraged if something doesn't work for you that works for others.

I've found that playing a simple game on the PS4 is great for me.  Not a challenging game but a literal mind numbing game.  Just enough to keep the brain from being able to concentrate on bad thoughts, but not hard enough to cause stress.  Those stupid Lego games have been better than pills or therapists.  

And also, I'm always free to talk to.  Even if you want to PM me and just vent, I'll listen, GB's.  Sometimes getting that blackness off your chest can really do wonders. 

 
yeah, i don't want people getting hung up on diet being a cure all or anything.  seems like that's the direction this is headed.

this is more of a place to just talk about #### that's going on that maybe needs to be vented. a place to help others out if they're struggling, etc.

like @TheIronSheik said, i feel like there are a thousand ways to get back on track. finding the one that works for you is what's best but maybe we can all share our experiences and tips for pulling out of the spiral, if possible.

 
wikkidpissah said:
the keys to good mental health:

- giving

- intentional living. improvising is for geniuses & suckers

- understanding value & the blessing of the virgin day

- not taking life personally

- giving

depression is spiritual starvation making itself heard. feed your spirit!
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What’s the virgin thing there?

 
Ilov80s said:
What’s the virgin thing there?
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ok., you don't want to play that game.

The "virgin day" is a term i'm trying out for the Human Owner's Manual i'm working on. It's a shorter term for the Miracle of Tomorrow, the fact that NO ONE gets to be @Ilov80s on November 23, 2019 and no one ever will again. As one who decided to die but came out the other side, i count all the virgin days i've taken at face & fresh value since as victories, no matter how they turned out. And everyone needs victories. Do you like my term for that, or should i keep shopping?

 
mr. furley said:
yeah, i don't want people getting hung up on diet being a cure all or anything.  seems like that's the direction this is headed.

this is more of a place to just talk about #### that's going on that maybe needs to be vented. a place to help others out if they're struggling, etc.

like @TheIronSheik said, i feel like there are a thousand ways to get back on track. finding the one that works for you is what's best but maybe we can all share our experiences and tips for pulling out of the spiral, if possible.
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I don't want to sidetrack and agree that changing diet isn't totally effective for everyone.  I think why I would recommend it and getting enough sleep is because it helps so many other things in additional to mental health.  Additionally, it's something you can start today without any diagnosis.  Stop putting junk in your body and get rest - do it today.

 
AAABatteries said:
I don't want to sidetrack and agree that changing diet isn't totally effective for everyone.  I think why I would recommend it and getting enough sleep is because it helps so many other things in additional to mental health.  Additionally, it's something you can start today without any diagnosis.  Stop putting junk in your body and get rest - do it today.
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the science says that sleep is the #1 controllable factor in maintaining good mental health. thing is, my anecdotal experience is that using hypnotics to achieve sleep is one of the worst things the mid-life depressed can do for their emotional balance. i lifecoach a couple dozen people online and the only disqualifier is ambien use.

although it doesn't work very well for profound insomniacs (of which i am one), my #1 recommendation for natural sleep aide, next to good habits, is Dr Weil's 4-7-8 breathing exercise. it's not instant - it truly does become more effective w practice. it will irritate the #### out of your mate but what the hell....

ETA: and the 4-7-8 is indeed the best instantly-available stress-reducer for daily frustrations, the yogic equivalent of Mom's count-to-ten

 
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wikkidpissah said:
the science says that sleep is the #1 controllable factor in maintaining good mental health. thing is, my anecdotal experience is that using hypnotics to achieve sleep is one of the worst things the mid-life depressed can do for their emotional balance. i lifecoach a couple dozen people online and the only disqualifier is ambien use.

although it doesn't work very well for profound insomniacs (of which i am one), my #1 recommendation for natural sleep aide, next to good habits, is Dr Weil's 4-7-8 breathing exercise. it's not instant - it truly does become more effective w practice. it will irritate the #### out of your mate but what the hell....

ETA: and the 4-7-8 is indeed the best instantly-available stress-reducer for daily frustrations, the yogic equivalent of Mom's count-to-ten
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I’m very grateful to be a pretty good sleeper - I always get up early but can be asleep by 8 or 9 if I allow myself

 
wikkidpissah said:
- not taking life personally
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Rattle and Hum said:
I feel like this was directed at me and it kinda pisses me off.
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Well, this began innocently enough but is now a central part of my life-coaching and, if i'm remembered for anything, it might be for that.

Innocence-wise, i first wrote that line 5-6 years ago in my Alice musical as just a throwaway line, one of Alice's dates saying that the advice his father gave him when he left to make it in the big city was "Pay attention, never cheat & don't take life personally". The latter is a summation of my favorite philosopher, 1st century slave-turned-teacher Epictetus.

That was about the time i first started life-coaching and, whenever i'd throw that line at clients, they'd make special note of it, i'd refer them to the Discourses of Epictetus and that was that.

But, when i realized how much of helping middle-aged folk was going to be clearing out alot of the baggage these emotional hoarders were weighted down with, this became an actual technique.

I'd ask a client/student/whatever, "How many things, intended or otherwise, do you think you take personally each day?" 

"Sometimes one or two, maybe three or four when it's hectic"

"What if i said to you that the answer is closer to 400?"

I'd then ask them to make a complete diary of the next business day, if it was half-business/half-home - if business dominated, then next business AND next home day. I'd go thru it with them and completely astound them with how many times they took life, whether it applied directly to them or not, personally. The average person, out & about or home w fam, take 30-70 things personally each hour. Even though a lot of them are duplicates - personality choices and manners of interaction - that's still a number which blows the door off of anyone's personal assessment. And that's where people begin to be able to employ another of my 5 keys to good mental health...

wikkidpissah said:
- intentional living. improvising is for geniuses & suckers
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I'm going through one of those times now.  I hate my job and have been looking for a year on and off for another one.  Can't seem to find anything.  Feel like I'm stuck.  There's no one at work I have anything in common with, so I spend my whole day at work alone.  I get home and I see my wife for about 2 hours before she has to go to sleep.  She's up early and out the door before I wake up.

Worst part is, we got a new puppy about 10 months ago, and I've had to yell at him a couple of times to not pee in the house.  But now both dogs are afraid of me.  I've never done anything to them, but they now hide from me.  I just feel so alone and stuck in a job I hate.

I also seem to be allergic to something that no one can figure out what.  I get very little sleep because of the reaction.  And the sleep I do get is restless.  So I feel like my emotions are in the redline 24/7.

:(

 
TheIronSheik said:
I'm going through one of those times now.  I hate my job and have been looking for a year on and off for another one.  Can't seem to find anything.  Feel like I'm stuck.  There's no one at work I have anything in common with, so I spend my whole day at work alone.  I get home and I see my wife for about 2 hours before she has to go to sleep.  She's up early and out the door before I wake up.

Worst part is, we got a new puppy about 10 months ago, and I've had to yell at him a couple of times to not pee in the house.  But now both dogs are afraid of me.  I've never done anything to them, but they now hide from me.  I just feel so alone and stuck in a job I hate.

I also seem to be allergic to something that no one can figure out what.  I get very little sleep because of the reaction.  And the sleep I do get is restless.  So I feel like my emotions are in the redline 24/7.

:(
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None of my business, but vulnerability ain't weakness. Being able to determine when, how & to whom to be vulnerable and how vulnerable to be without losing oneself as well as judging when not to expose one's soft underbelly is a very great strength, as a matter of fact. Dogs will lick, smother & surround anything that's vulnerable.

From observing your reactive process when i've challenged you in regular threads, my guess is that vulnerability isn't your friend. I would think about that a bit.

None of my business like i said but, when i see pain, i reach out. If my reaching out is a pain, i understand and won't try again. GL -

 
TheIronSheik said:
I'm going through one of those times now.  I hate my job and have been looking for a year on and off for another one.  Can't seem to find anything.  Feel like I'm stuck.  There's no one at work I have anything in common with, so I spend my whole day at work alone.  I get home and I see my wife for about 2 hours before she has to go to sleep.  She's up early and out the door before I wake up.

Worst part is, we got a new puppy about 10 months ago, and I've had to yell at him a couple of times to not pee in the house.  But now both dogs are afraid of me.  I've never done anything to them, but they now hide from me.  I just feel so alone and stuck in a job I hate.

I also seem to be allergic to something that no one can figure out what.  I get very little sleep because of the reaction.  And the sleep I do get is restless.  So I feel like my emotions are in the redline 24/7.

:(
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I'm right there with you on many levels.  Stuck in a job I hate because it's incredibly boring and not satisfying at all.  The money and benefits are good, so I'm here.  Wife works at Starbucks so it's not like I could just quit and look for another job.  Wife and I are in a "strange place" relationship-wise and she works 3-4 nights a week.  So I feel like a single dad a lot of the time.

I don't sleep well either.  I was tossing and turning all last night.

I have friends, but see them rarely.  I don't really have anyone to talk to.  Funny that I come here to use this forum as a sounding board and crack jokes and get into conversations, and y'all are halfway across the country.

 
mr. furley said:
this is the place  :yes:  
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My sister has gone through and is going through some PTSD from psychological abuse for about a decade of marriage and a year and half of post divorce hell.  They have three boys and my sister has not been able to re-insert herself back into the job force or frankly doing any type of regular day to day transactions.  She freaks out and thinks she is losing her mind only having to pick up and drop off their three boys from events and practices.  She doesn't work and she only has the kids Thurs to Sun.  She doesn't communicate well and everyone is always trying to check in and see how she is doing, etc.

I'm the only one in the family that has a solid, trusting relationship with her. My mom and my other sister have done some things to make her feel alienated and resentful. The bottom line for me now is I'm struggling with balancing 100% empathetic support vs trying to interject some tough love to help get her get going again. Any time I try to bring up constructive, transactional goals for her she just shuts down and wants everyone to know what she's gone through and why she can't get back to "normal."

She seems to know everything that is wrong with her. The triggers that set her off, her nervous system that needs repaired, her proper healing time, etc. I'm really trying to be empathetic, but they sound like excuses to move to not have to move forward. I'll be back in Chicago to see her next so hoping that some face time will help the situation.

 
wikkidpissah said:
None of my business, but vulnerability ain't weakness. Being able to determine when, how & to whom to be vulnerable and how vulnerable to be without losing oneself as well as judging when not to expose one's soft underbelly is a very great strength, as a matter of fact. Dogs will lick, smother & surround anything that's vulnerable.

From observing your reactive process when i've challenged you in regular threads, my guess is that vulnerability isn't your friend. I would think about that a bit.

None of my business like i said but, when i see pain, i reach out. If my reaching out is a pain, i understand and won't try again. GL -
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I can’t remember a time I’ve challenged you. Or anyone really. I think a lot of the things I say are said with a smile or as a joke and are taken a different way. 

I actually like you a lot and thought we were on very good terms. 
 

ETA: I’m truly sorry if I ever came off anyway other than cordial to you. 

 
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nirad3 said:
I'm right there with you on many levels.  Stuck in a job I hate because it's incredibly boring and not satisfying at all.  The money and benefits are good, so I'm here.  Wife works at Starbucks so it's not like I could just quit and look for another job.  Wife and I are in a "strange place" relationship-wise and she works 3-4 nights a week.  So I feel like a single dad a lot of the time.

I don't sleep well either.  I was tossing and turning all last night.

I have friends, but see them rarely.  I don't really have anyone to talk to.  Funny that I come here to use this forum as a sounding board and crack jokes and get into conversations, and y'all are halfway across the country.
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I feel ya, bud. I really do. 

 
TheIronSheik said:
I can’t remember a time I’ve challenged you. Or anyone really. I think a lot of the things I say are said with a smile or as a joke and are taken a different way. 

I actually like you a lot and thought we were on very good terms. 
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I didn't say we weren't and i likely wouldnt have reached out if that was the case.

I believe i said i challenged you. You deflected it in your usual Falstaffian masnner. You are a great joy to have on these boards because of that manner and your "return" came just in time for this moribund bunch.

But pardon me for a quick read. I've had two careers since i left showbiz - psych & poker. I can read people's "hands" quicker than just about anyone. And i'm guessing that the care & maintenance of your self-image has painted you into a corner. Controlling other's perceptions of you has kept people (and pets) who like you from like-liking you. Beating people to the punch has knocked you out of the game.

I'm saying tear down some walls in your life and see what comes in before you decide whether or not you like the world you've made. I'm available here or by PM if you want to discuss it further.

I meant no harm.

 
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urbanhack said:
My sister has gone through and is going through some PTSD from psychological abuse for about a decade of marriage and a year and half of post divorce hell.  They have three boys and my sister has not been able to re-insert herself back into the job force or frankly doing any type of regular day to day transactions.  She freaks out and thinks she is losing her mind only having to pick up and drop off their three boys from events and practices.  She doesn't work and she only has the kids Thurs to Sun.  She doesn't communicate well and everyone is always trying to check in and see how she is doing, etc.

I'm the only one in the family that has a solid, trusting relationship with her. My mom and my other sister have done some things to make her feel alienated and resentful. The bottom line for me now is I'm struggling with balancing 100% empathetic support vs trying to interject some tough love to help get her get going again. Any time I try to bring up constructive, transactional goals for her she just shuts down and wants everyone to know what she's gone through and why she can't get back to "normal."

She seems to know everything that is wrong with her. The triggers that set her off, her nervous system that needs repaired, her proper healing time, etc. I'm really trying to be empathetic, but they sound like excuses to move to not have to move forward. I'll be back in Chicago to see her next so hoping that some face time will help the situation.
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Maybe read "I'm OK, You're OK" before you see her next to gain a little objectivity on how to deal with people in trouble and develop contracts to protect both of you as you try to help her along. It's hard to advise about third parties without hearing from them personally, but that short & pretty easy read could help your dealings with sis. GL: -

 
wikkidpissah said:
Maybe read "I'm OK, You're OK" before you see her next to gain a little objectivity on how to deal with people in trouble and develop contracts to protect both of you as you try to help her along. It's hard to advise about third parties without hearing from them personally, but that short & pretty easy read could help your dealings with sis. GL: -
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Thanks GB.  She's also encouraged us to read a book that her therapist recommended called: The Body Keeps the Score

I'll check yours out as well.

 
wikkidpissah said:
I didn't say we weren't and i likely wouldnt have reached out if that was the case.

I believe i said i challenged you. You deflected it in your usual Falstaffian masnner. You are a great joy to have on these boards because of that manner and your "return" came just in time for this moribund bunch.

But pardon me for a quick read. I've had two careers since i left showbiz - psych & poker. I can read people's "hands" quicker than just about anyone. And i'm guessing that the care & maintenance of your self-image has painted you into a corner. Controlling other's perceptions of you has kept people (and pets) who like you from like-liking you. Beating people to the punch has knocked you out of the game.

I'm saying tear down some walls in your life and see what comes in before you decide whether or not you like the world you've made. I'm available here or by PM if you want to discuss it further.

I meant no harm.
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No harm taken, GB. 

I’m actually a what you see is what you get guy. I probably over share more than put up walls. And I’m more trustful than I probably should be. 

I remember when I worked at the golf course. I worked there for 5 summers. On my last day, the second in command for the greens keeper came up and said, “When I first met you, I could tell you were a shady kid hiding something under your fake kindness. But I quickly realized how wrong I was. You’re so kind and nice that it comes off as insincere.” I took that as a huge compliment. But it also made me realize that others don’t see me the way I’d hope. 

I definitely don’t have any walls. At least none that I’m aware of. 

 
urbanhack said:
My sister has gone through and is going through some PTSD from psychological abuse for about a decade of marriage and a year and half of post divorce hell.  They have three boys and my sister has not been able to re-insert herself back into the job force or frankly doing any type of regular day to day transactions.  She freaks out and thinks she is losing her mind only having to pick up and drop off their three boys from events and practices.  She doesn't work and she only has the kids Thurs to Sun.  She doesn't communicate well and everyone is always trying to check in and see how she is doing, etc.

I'm the only one in the family that has a solid, trusting relationship with her. My mom and my other sister have done some things to make her feel alienated and resentful. The bottom line for me now is I'm struggling with balancing 100% empathetic support vs trying to interject some tough love to help get her get going again. Any time I try to bring up constructive, transactional goals for her she just shuts down and wants everyone to know what she's gone through and why she can't get back to "normal."

She seems to know everything that is wrong with her. The triggers that set her off, her nervous system that needs repaired, her proper healing time, etc. I'm really trying to be empathetic, but they sound like excuses to move to not have to move forward. I'll be back in Chicago to see her next so hoping that some face time will help the situation.
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Since you are the only one she trusts I wouldn't do tough love. It'll alienate her even more. This is her state of mind and not for you to determine she just needs tough love. You don't know that. Best to encourage her to seek help. You can tell her she needs to do something otherwise nothing changes and professional help may work. Everyone needs a support person they trust no matter what. If she only needs a push she is aware of that and would eventually come to realise it. But if it's more than that, she needs a professional to help her and not to be told indirectly that her thoughts and feelings are not real. That makes it worse. 

 
CurlyNight said:
Since you are the only one she trusts I wouldn't do tough love. It'll alienate her even more. This is her state of mind and not for you to determine she just needs tough love. You don't know that. Best to encourage her to seek help. You can tell her she needs to do something otherwise nothing changes and professional help may work. Everyone needs a support person they trust no matter what. If she only needs a push she is aware of that and would eventually come to realise it. But if it's more than that, she needs a professional to help her and not to be told indirectly that her thoughts and feelings are not real. That makes it worse. 
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Thanks. That was probably more about me venting a little and I don't think I can be harsh on her right now like you said. Just talked to her tonight. She had a good visit with my mom over the weekend and is trending better.  

 
CurlyNight said:
Since you are the only one she trusts I wouldn't do tough love. It'll alienate her even more. This is her state of mind and not for you to determine she just needs tough love. You don't know that. Best to encourage her to seek help. You can tell her she needs to do something otherwise nothing changes and professional help may work. Everyone needs a support person they trust no matter what. If she only needs a push she is aware of that and would eventually come to realise it. But if it's more than that, she needs a professional to help her and not to be told indirectly that her thoughts and feelings are not real. That makes it worse. 
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urbanhack said:
Thanks. That was probably more about me venting a little and I don't think I can be harsh on her right now like you said. Just talked to her tonight. She had a good visit with my mom over the weekend and is trending better.  
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This is why i recommended ImOKYoureOK - transactional analysis offers a way to hold people to commitments they might be unwilling to make/keep without threatening the helping relationship

 
TheIronSheik said:
No harm taken, GB. 

I’m actually a what you see is what you get guy. I probably over share more than put up walls. And I’m more trustful than I probably should be. 

I remember when I worked at the golf course. I worked there for 5 summers. On my last day, the second in command for the greens keeper came up and said, “When I first met you, I could tell you were a shady kid hiding something under your fake kindness. But I quickly realized how wrong I was. You’re so kind and nice that it comes off as insincere.” I took that as a huge compliment. But it also made me realize that others don’t see me the way I’d hope. 

I definitely don’t have any walls. At least none that I’m aware of. 
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A lot of people mistake kindness for weakness, and it affects they way they treat people as a result of that. 

I feel you on most of what you're saying, too, GB. 

 
TheIronSheik said:
I also seem to be allergic to something that no one can figure out what.  I get very little sleep because of the reaction.  And the sleep I do get is restless.  So I feel like my emotions are in the redline 24/7.
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I used to wake up on occasion coughing my head off for no apparent reason. Enough that I'd take an allergy pill. I get seasonal allergies but only for a short time in the spring and this would happen at any time, even in the winter with the windows closed. I bought a HEPA air filter and from the first night it made a huge difference. There's also the added benefit of the fan noise acting like a white noise machine to drown out other ambient sounds to help you sleep. 

 
TheIronSheik said:
Thanks. I appreciate the kind words. When you feel alone, even a friendly comment on the internet can make a huge difference, GB. 
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And the opposite as well. Being kind makes you feel better. Random kindness is great medicine. That's why many do well by volunteering for those less fortunate. I believe you get what you put out there. Being sarcastic mean to someone may make you seem cool to some but imagine how much we get from small kind words or acts we put out there. It's pretty therapeutic. 

 
CurlyNight said:
And the opposite as well. Being kind makes you feel better. Random kindness is great medicine. That's why many do well by volunteering for those less fortunate. I believe you get what you put out there. Being sarcastic mean to someone may make you seem cool to some but imagine how much we get from small kind words or acts we put out there. It's pretty therapeutic. 
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Are you calling me mean and sarcastic?

 
TheIronSheik said:
Just seems odd to say that when someone says they are hurting. 
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My point is people feel better if they feel they may be or are helping others. I've been on the receiving end of such comments but what helps me is kindness and getting rid of all who don't add positively to my life. We all need to feel like we contribute positively to society as a whole. If you aren't getting that at work or home, giving to others unconditionally is great therapy for self worth. 

 
wikkidpissah said:
ok., you don't want to play that game.

The "virgin day" is a term i'm trying out for the Human Owner's Manual i'm working on. It's a shorter term for the Miracle of Tomorrow, the fact that NO ONE gets to be @Ilov80s on November 23, 2019 and no one ever will again. As one who decided to die but came out the other side, i count all the virgin days i've taken at face & fresh value since as victories, no matter how they turned out. And everyone needs victories. Do you like my term for that, or should i keep shopping?
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I like the idea a lot.  The name could probably use work. It's not a bad name it just distracts from what you're trying to say, and even if you make it work in your book it will still be hard for someone who reads it to share the idea with someone who hasn't read it.  

I want to hear more about this human owner's manual.  You're one of the most interesting humans I've met in my internet wandering and I hope part of the project includes your stories but I'm interested regardless.

 
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