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They think she had it for years before my father died. Hers is kind of a stairs dementia, where things trigger it, not a sloping decline. We really didn’t notice it until my father died - because the spouse subconsciously fills in for the other. She was 80 when my father died, but the last three years we noticed more and more. She is 87 now.
Absolutely...roll with it while things are manageable. We kept dad home for as long as we could. Maybe even a little too long. Just be attentive to mom's needs as well. The 24/7 can take a mental and physical toll on the caregiver as the disease progresses. With regard to the POA, realize that the feds will not recognize them. So if there are things relating to Social Security and such to manage, plan for that.
You might point out to her that moving might help him if he does it while he can participate in the choice and while he can learn his new environment.
I had guardianship in Texas, which is all the paperwork they needed. I was told that if I didn't have that I would have needed to prove the person medically unable to manage their own funds. A letter from their primary care physician was necessary. The POA will help the SSA in deciding if someone qualifies, but a POA does not prove medical imcompetence. The SSA's site is very non-specific about this stuff.
Not that you have to do anything, rather IF. I had a financial mess to clean up with dad. One of the things I wanted to do was to change accounts where his social security check was getting auto deposited. The Social Security Administration did not care about my POA. They would not acknowledge it. I had some business relating to his army service as well. That ended up easier than the SSA, but still required him to sign some documents personally. So, if there are things you need to handle at the federal level, try to get to it while dad still is still able to function.
The perspective of "not wanting to be a burden" on the kids is noble, but sometimes they don't realize that it may be harder on their kids trying to help care for them at a distance. I am fortunate to live only about 15 minutes away from my parents (mom still alive living on her own, dad deceased), and I also have 3 sisters within a 45 minute drive. So we have been able to share some of the responsibilities. With regard to your brother-in-law, I hope he comes around. There does come a point where they can't handle everything on their own. I wish you the best.
I would suggest talking with her about it and consulting with an elder care planner. Get all those ducks in a row so you can relax with a plan in place. A lot of us obviously didn't have that luxury.The Z Machine said:
Family (siblings, nieces & nephews) are around Grand Haven. Big D was north of Muskegon - Scenic Drive, just off River Road.
Nice area, haven’t been up there in a few years. I have some friends in nearby Hart. I’m down by Warren Dunes, love the dunes.
That’s about an hour south of where we boated (Douglas) for 20 years. I did a little work around St Joseph.
If you haven't taken her to see a doctor, please do so. She could be having mini-strokes or something of that sort. Treatment could make a difference.
I agree for the most part. BUT I will say it took us forever to find a place that took Medicaid, and dealt with health and mental issues. THe 1100 or whatever they pocketed was a steal for the piece of mind for us
Places my wife has looked into are asking for $6k+ for care...that's in addition to the room.
Gothca yeah thats a little different and I agree. We were looking for only Medicaid since he had no money. Was it the nicest place? Nope. But it made life easier on everyone
Looking at one now for my dad and it's 5k per month for 24 months before they'll take medicaid. The first year will suck up all of his liquid savings then we'll have to leverage my parents' house. Honestly I don't think he'll make it through the second year. As nice as this place is, he's going to be miserable (even moreso than he currelntly is with Alzheimer's).
So you can buy a classic car or some really expensive jewelry and then sell it, even if its for a small loss, when the person passes? Seems like a good to know loophole.
I don't know how they decide if you overstepped the intent, but for the most part, yes.
Many sure are. The one my mom was at charged about 78K/year, but they took care of everything. Tasty food, entertainment, the in-house medical stuff- all in a very nice environment. (Mom had her own medical insurance.) And it costs a lot to do that. She needed basically constant care. They even had in-house hospice when the time came. They were wonderful. I was very fortunate.
Be very careful with this. There is a three year "claw back" for the government to claim money that was not spent appropriately.
In Texas, the title now has a spot for this. Mr R and I signed it, and it automatically activated this. When I had to sell my dad's car, it was like smuggling drugs from Colombia.
And there's something like a 5 year for "gifted" money - which is a set level but again is legal.
The big question is what's considered appropriate. Sounds like buying your standard car is but beyond that, there's some uncertainty. My classic car example is an extreme example, but say you wanted to treat yourself to a high end luxury car. You'd think it would be perfectly reasonable to do that during your golden years.Mrs. Rannous said:
Sorry to hear that but you gotta do what's best. I am not sure I would feel comfortable putting her in a home or assisted living place until we are unable to care for her any longer.
