ClownCausedChaos2
Footballguy
I've got a gift.lol, you show up like once a week and still find time to drop a mother ####### reference on me.
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.
Do I Have A Reason To Be Pissed (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter James Daulton
- Start date
sublimeone
Footballguy
There's options other than call them out and destroy the relationship or say nothing.
Maybe try something like: hey mom and dad, I know you guys already said you were going to help with (sisters kid) but it would mean a lot to (my kid) if you guys could find a way to make it to the mass. No biggie but if you can that would be great.
You leave it at that. No judgement, no passive aggressiveness. Just let them know and leave it up to them and let the chips fall.
I think a lot of times blow ups happen because one party bottles things up for a long time and then explodes. A better strategy is to address things consistently, calmly and lovingly. This approach can actually get the other party to understand how you're feeling (they're probably unaware) and modify their behavior but it takes patience - sometimes years.
Maybe try something like: hey mom and dad, I know you guys already said you were going to help with (sisters kid) but it would mean a lot to (my kid) if you guys could find a way to make it to the mass. No biggie but if you can that would be great.
You leave it at that. No judgement, no passive aggressiveness. Just let them know and leave it up to them and let the chips fall.
I think a lot of times blow ups happen because one party bottles things up for a long time and then explodes. A better strategy is to address things consistently, calmly and lovingly. This approach can actually get the other party to understand how you're feeling (they're probably unaware) and modify their behavior but it takes patience - sometimes years.
MarvinTScamper
Footballguy
And had less money for the nursing home? I don't necessarily see this as poor estate planning as much as a terrible sequence of medical events that they couldn't see coming.
Why give all your money to a nursing home when you could have started moving $ out of your own name to avoid the look back window then you just go on title 19 sooner?
Pipes
Footballguy
Doesn't Alzheimers take a while to set in? I don't know but don't people show signs for years before they eventually end up in a home? I don't know just asking.
MarvinTScamper
Footballguy
I don't see how that would matter. The medical condition took more of their money than anyone expected. Yes, some grandkids got less, but I don't see that as "unfair" ---except that it's unfair the parents got saddled with the cost of Alzheimers. You can't take out Alzheimer's insurance. That, and cancer, can destroy a lot of inheritance.
MarvinTScamper
Footballguy
an interesting look. Let the general public pay the bill, so your kids can have their $5k.
bucksoh
Footballguy
Kafka
Footballguy
spOOfy
Footballguy
Judge Smails
Footballguy
Judge Smails
Footballguy
They owe you or your kids nothing. Life isn't fair. I'm sorry your Mom has Alzheimer's and is in a home. Must be very tough for all of you, especially your Dad.
mr. furley
Footballguy
i'm the opposite of most
i'd say something and then let it go. if they show, they show. if not, they don't but at least they know and you're not carrying the weight around anymore. not fair for you to have to swallow your feelings if it bothers you.
if we're talking they only offered ketchup for hot dogs but not mustard and you're debating going nuclear option or not... different story but this clearly matters to you and holding it in will only make you more angry.
i'd say something and then let it go. if they show, they show. if not, they don't but at least they know and you're not carrying the weight around anymore. not fair for you to have to swallow your feelings if it bothers you.
if we're talking they only offered ketchup for hot dogs but not mustard and you're debating going nuclear option or not... different story but this clearly matters to you and holding it in will only make you more angry.
Thanks for stating the obvious. I'm fine with it for the vast majority of time. Just thought it might be a good topic for discussion..
shader
Footballguy
Interesting story. I'd forgive yourself. Maybe your discussion with your parents is what caused them to change?
If favoritism is blatant, what's wrong with discussing it? Now, discussing it doesn't mean being rude, or approaching things in an angry, confrontational manner...
But it sounds like you saw a problem, addressed it, and changes were made.
Godsbrother
Footballguy
It's obviously bugging you though and it shouldn't. I'm sure the kids could use money but as others said the situation changed and the grandpa doesn't have the cash now.
They were being extremely generous to their grand kids and I'm sure wish they could continue to be but Grandma is sick. Being upset or looking down at them for them not planning any better isn't cool in my opinion.
parasaurolophus
Footballguy
Its a tough spot to be in. My wifes parents are super generous. They give other family members money all the time.stlrams said:
We dont need any money so it isnt that. What irritates me is that when the time comes, i know we will be the ones helping them out the most. I worry that if something catastrophic happens, we will be footing the bill and they would have had plenty of money to deal with it if they werent giving it away.
Had that situation happen In January when my brothers wife died suddenly with zero money for the funeral. My brother hasn't worked for 20 plus years due to mental issues so I split the $6k in funeral cost with my other brother and his wife's brother....
Judge Smails
Footballguy
Sorry if stating the obvious. Just saying as you know life can throw so many curve balls. Parents can have all sort of expectations on what they want to do, then one diagnosis and everything changes. Our neighbor had her husband get advanced Alzheimer's at 53. It's been so hard to watch. She's having to sell the house because she can't continue to pay the cost of his living facility plus the mortgage. Already sold his prized car and a comic book collection worth 75K. Whatever promises they made to their own kids with college, etc are out the window. Life happens. Best laid plans change. So expecting nothing and then being pleasantly surprised if you or your kids receive anything is probably the best approach.
ConnSKINS26
Footballguy
Your divorced parents still can't be at the same family event even 20+ years after their divorce? That must be terrible. I've never heard of such a thing, even after ugly or one-sided divorces. Did they each murder each other's best friend? Damn.
James Daulton
Footballguy
The event's on Friday and I was over my parent's this weekend just visiting. They talked about their plans to drive down Saturday morning and I just listened and said my son will be happy to see them there. They then proceeded to spend the other 80% of my visit talking about my siblings, their kids, and their various issues.
Like others have said ITT, I'm lucky to still have them both in good health so I'll focus on that and gleam what I can about things they do that I like and vice versa so I can hopefully be a good parent when my kids are my age.
Or I'll just move to KW and tell everyone to #### off. Definitely one of these two options.
Like others have said ITT, I'm lucky to still have them both in good health so I'll focus on that and gleam what I can about things they do that I like and vice versa so I can hopefully be a good parent when my kids are my age.
Or I'll just move to KW and tell everyone to #### off. Definitely one of these two options.
Last edited by a moderator:
Clown Car
Footballguy
I'm really sorry. I truly do understand. My inlaws are like this exactly. They will drone on and on about my nephews baseball but never even ask about my kids stuff. Then this week my 2nd daughter had her graduation ceremony and a cookout on Saturday. Inlaws like two hours away. They have driven here many times to watch the nephews baseball tournaments (and go to all their games at home locally) but said they couldn't drive over for the graduation. So whatever. She was hurt. My husband was hurt. I'm just mad and sick of them doing this stuff to our kids. So I totally totally get it. I'm sorry. Bright side is my husband and I got new outfits for the graduation so we are very ready for any funerals that might come up.
NutterButter
Footballguy
Its a 50% chance that my dad would be in a pissy mood so I almost wish that he wouldn't show up for these types of events.
ConnSKINS26
Footballguy
EYLive
Footballguy
-fish-
Footballguy
Isn't this the son's celebration? Does he care if the grandparents come Friday night? Does he even care if they come at all? I know when I graduated I would rather have just had the family who wanted to show up come and have a weekend free of any other family drama. Focus on the son's success here seems to be getting lost to some sibling rivalry issues between his Dad and aunt.
Similar threads
