"Fake" Daily Email Contest (1 Viewer)

[chris1969]

Barry Sanders in talks with the Lions again!

It has been verified by our crack FBG staff that Barry Sanders has had several conversations with the Lions regarding his return to the Lions and both sides are very close in contract terms.

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

This is a running April Fools joke by Barry against Matt Millen.

 

[TheMightyShroudsofTuran]

T.O. Having a hard time getting into the news

Taken from the Galveston Gazette

Dallas Cowboys Terrell Owens is finding difficulties getting into the spotlight this off-season. The Star wideout has spent the last several summers dominating headlines and football blogs. This off-season though, he is nowhere to be found.

"It's not like used to be" said Owens as he stopped his driveway-workout to talk to a lone reporter. "There was a time when all the camera trucks would have closed down that street".

When asked why he wasn't getting the attention that had received in the past, T.O. replied, "I was the innovator, the headline dominator. Nobody knew how to throw an impromptu press conference until T.O. came along. Now, there's too much competition. Everybody wants to rule the off-season. Marshall, Benson, Farve, the whole damn Patriots Team, they all want to duplicate what I have done. But, I am ‘The Originator’ and the ‘True Off-season Orator’. You can't get to an off-season football headline without climbing on the work that I’ve done"

[[[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]]

It's sad to see such a great media whore like T.O. resort to a bad Little Richard Rant.

So, just as the coming winter chill can be judged by the stripe of the wholly caterpillar, Terrell Owens performance can be predicted by his off-season news coverage. And it’s not looking good for T.O.

 

[janie]

HOU – New League By-Law – The Designated League Whiner

In an innovative move to improve the league and the owner participation, The Brunell League in Houston introduced the new By-Law, “Section 7: Special Needs and Dealing with Owner and Their Problems”, “Sub-Section 14: B*tching and Whining”, Paragraph 14: OFFICIAL LEAGUE WHINER.

“One owner, after demonstrating a persistent and what seems to be never ending pattern of complaining will be designated the "League Whiner". (Usually, by the middle of the league’s 2nd season the official Whiner can be designated.) Once identified as the official “LW”, said owner will be extended the following rights - the ability to continually make jokes about wearing women's clothing, the ability to backdoor into one super bowl every 15 years, the sole ownership and responsibility of all whining and moaning, the right to have the last word in all arguments with any other owner who is whining, and the first serving of Hot Potato Salad on Draft Day. In a case, where another owner would like to challenge for LW status, the argument is to be handled by a pencil fight at high noon at the school flag pole on Superbowl Sunday.”

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

We like the idea of better defining the roles of owners and generating more participation in the league. Every league has their own whiner, but to put it in the by-laws? BRAVO! We hope to see the trend continue throughout other private leagues across the nation. We are looking forward to the additional by-laws under review in this league, including: League Waffler, Mr. Bad Draft, Official Keeper of Useless Stats, and The Bitter Cheerleader Hater. Keep up the good work – hopefully other leagues will follow your lead.

 

[whhwalker]

Jeff George announced as pre-season starter for 49'ers

Source: Leigh Steinberg's driveway press conference

With a great deal of pomp and circumstance Leigh Steinberg, THE NFL agent of the stars, announced at his hourly press conference that former client Jeff George has been selected by the 49'ers as their starting QB. "Well I had every single one of my present, former and future clients (which of course is the entire NFL) over for a shark-b-que and Coach Nolan asked Jeff George to pass him a beer. Well Jeffy threw that bottle of Coors Light (the official beer of Leigh Steinberg enterprises) like a frozen rope across the pool, through the atrium, out the door, across the compound and was last seen heading into the sunset over my mountain range (formerly known as the Rockies)." Clearly moved by the experience and having never seen anything thrown with any velocity in his two years in San Fran Coach Nolan was overheard saying "I don't care what any of his former 7 teams and countless coaches that lost their jobs because of Jeff George have said about this guy, he's mine."

<<<<<Our View>>>>>

We here at Footballguys.com have always loved the "potential" of Jeff George but we're going to wait and see with this one. It's worth noting that the 4,500 yard pass of the beer bottle was intended for Coach Nolan who was standing 6 feet away and in the opposite direction. No sharks were hurt in this email.

 

[QuizGuy66]

TB - Bucs Make Blockbuster Trade with Bears to Shore up QB position

Source: www.chuckie.com

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers made a big move today by acquiring quarterbacks Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton, Caleb Hanie, and Nick Hill from the Chicago Bears in exchange for 4 luxury box passes for upcoming Machester United Premier League season (Fish and Chips NOT included). The Bucs plan a spirited battle as they now have 9 quartebacks on their preseason roster. The competition is expected to fierce, as according to coach Jon Gruden "we only plan to start the year with 7 quarterbacks on our active roster, okay I lied, probably more like 8." Meanwhile in Chicago, when asked how he could field a team with no quaterbacks at all, coach Lovie Smith said "Have you watched this team at all this decade?!? I mean we made a Super Bowl just two years ago and I don't remember even HAVING a quarterback on THAT team!"

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

As impressive as this trade is, it really has minimal true fantasy impact although we do recommend bumping Caleb Hanie down to a QB 7 in your deeper dynasty league.

-QG

 

[TheMightyShroudsofTuran]

New Guy takes Jessica Alba in the third round of fantasy draft

Clipped from ourgreatleague.com

Mark Patterson's third round selection in this past weekends 'Our Great League's' fantasy draft was a bit of a shock to all in attendance. "I had just picked-up Jamal Lewis" says Art Oden of the Beverly Hills Blueballers "and was still gloating about how I didn't think he would still be there, when, BAM, the New Guy picks Jessica Alba."

"We all thought it was a joke" adds Commissioner and last years Champion Stu Weissman "But, the Dude was serious"

Jessica is no stranger to other types of fantasy drafts and is a frequent first rounder in the "Who would you . . . .?" polls on message boards and internet forums. This, however, marks the first time that the Maxim 100 Hotty makes it onto a fantasy football roster.

"How am I going to calculate her stats?" asked Jeff Grogan the Leagues webmaster and statistician.

Pete Eberhart of the Soiux City Redskins was perhaps the most vocal in his displeasure of the selection, "We were all stunned. We expected a rookie mistake; 'drafting out of turn', picking a Tight End in the second', 'drafting the wrong Adrian Peterson', or even 'selecting a retired Bret Farve', but this . . . well, it's disgraceful. It's a slap in the face to all those brave Americans that made fantasy football what it is to today, the greatest imaginary sport on the planet!"

When asked why he chose the Hollywood bombshell, Patterson replied "She's freaking Hot!"

Miss Alba could not be reached for comment.

[[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]

If the league is able to figure out scoring for Alba, this could be a historic pick. It is rare that we witness such breakthroughs in sports and this could be tantamount to 'The Fosbury Flop' in high jumping or 'The waffle-soled shoe' of the great Prefontaine. If Alba goes early in your league, don't panic, look to pick up "Transformers" starlet Meagan Fox in the middle to late rounds.

 

[Shipshewana Psychos]

Bengals to get new stadium sponsor

Source: Cincinnati Enquirer

The Bengals tried to stay true to their roots when they named Paul Brown Stadium. It seems now that the almighty dollar has taken control as the Bengals are set to rename their stadium for the 2008 season and beyond. The Bengals have agreed in principal with the Ohio State Penitentiary System to rename Paul Brown Stadium to Southern Ohio Correctional Field. Terms of the deal were not disclosed.

Warden Phil Kerns stated, “We are thrilled to have the opportunity to get our name out there in the national eye. We’ve had a longstanding relationship with the Cincinnati Bengals and felt it was a mutual fit.”

Coach Marvin Lewis said, “We are hoping by putting that name on the stadium that our players will feel more at home when we are actually playing at home.” When pressed further Lewis responded, “I really don’t want to comment anymore on the stadium. We’re getting ready for training camps and that is what I’m focused on.”

The Bengals and the state made out quite well in the deal according to unnamed sources. The Bengals have agreed to cover the cost of any future Bengal’s visits to the facility. The state paid an undisclosed amount expected to be over $10 million and will provide upgraded facilities for Bengals players whenever needed.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

This relationship seems like it should fit like a glove. With all of the issues the Bengals have dealt with they are now simply embracing what they are. The amazing thing is that Roger Goodell had to approve the deal. Not sure how this fits into the NFL’s image. Perhaps Goodell is also simply accepting the Bengals for who they are.

Hopefully, this relationship will not cause any increase in the number of Bengals being incarcerated. Of course, if any of that occurs we’ll keep you updated.

 

[Neil Beaufort Zod]

Favre Drunk-Dials Packers

Source: Pack4Life Fan Site

It seems that legendary quarterback Brett Favre wants to return to the Green Bay Packers. In addition to rampant speculation and rumor, Favre has been reportedly texting Packers General Manager Ted Thompson. But now it seems that Favre has gone a step further (and lower).

“He basically drunk-dialed us this past weekend,” said a team insider. “We received a voicemail message at about three o’clock in the morning from Brett, who was slurring and sometimes incoherent.” A transcript of the message follows:

“Yeah, hey, ummm…it’s me. I was just driving down Holmgren Way and thought someone might be around, but the lights aren’t on. I guess you’re busy, maybe hanging out with Aaron or something. You know, I just…I don’t know, it’s like, you remember (unintelligible) against the Patriots, and then we almost had it against the Broncos? Man, I just keep thinking, maybe we (unintelligible) again. Maybe you feel like that, too. So, you know, call me if you want to talk or whatever.”

The team has refused to comment.

(((( Our View))))

Sad. Just sad.

 

[TheMightyShroudsofTuran]

Favre Drunk-Dials Packers



Dude,

I shot Ice Tea out of my nose when I read that Headline. Nice pull!

 

[LionsFan78]

DET - QB Kitna seeks new inspiration

Source: Kim Towalski, MLive.com

Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna is at it again. After openly predicting 10 wins last off-season, this year he has enlisted the services of Black Eyed Peas rapper Will.I.Am to provide fellow teammates with some well-needed inspiration heading into training camp. Their 2 week program, entitled "INSTILL the WILL", is focused on the positive benefits of self-inspiration through meditation.

When asked on what inspired this program, Kitna responded "These guys need to understand that anything is possible if you just believe in yourself." When asked why he chose rapper Will.I.Am as a spokesman for the program, he responded "That Fergalicious girl was unavailable."

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

We hear numerous rumors flying around about the different ongoing activities during this program, including daily meditation and yoga sessions. Rumor has it that Kitna has even lost 10 pounds as a result of this program. A more limber Kitna, combined with the power of self-motivation, should provide an excellent QB2 at a relatively cheap price this season. Stay tuned and 'let's get it started'!

 

[jerseydevil20]

DAL - Dallas Cowboy Owner Jerry Jones Confirmed Going to Hell

Source: The Vatican

An unnamed source at the Vatican today revealed that contoversial Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is indeed going to hell, ending almost 2 decades of debate among Cowboy fans. Jones made a splash upon entering the league by purchasing the Cowboys and firing the legendary and beloved Cowboy head coach Tom Landry. Tex Schramm's dismissal followed shortly after. "That was just wrong," said the Vatican source speaking on condition of anonymity, "Jerry has no idea who he is dealing with."

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Does this actually surprise anyone? You cross the Big Guy you pay. Apparently putting up a statue of Mr. Landry out in the parking lot of a crumbling edifice is not sufficient penance. Buck up Mr. Jones, I'm sure you'll look great in Eagle green.

 

[dirtyphil]

OAK - Third Suspect Arrested In WR Walker Assault

Source: Mary Mary Contrary, Las Vegas Sun

Last night (Tuesday) detectives arrested a third suspect in the beating and robbery of Oakland Raiders WR Javon Walker. Adam Jones (Formerly the "thug" known as Pacman) faces charges of kidnap, robbery and conspiracy to commit robbery with substantial bodily harm. Walker was found beaten and unconscious near Winnick Avenue and Koval Lane on June 16. Police investigated and found Walker had been robbed. Another suspect has already been arrested and has a hearing scheduled.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Here we No real fantasy football value as Adam jones has yet to be reinstated yet but this will certainly not bode well for that. When asked for comment Adam Jones replied that I am "innocent, and this aint even my m.o....It didnt happen anywhere near a stripclub..." Dallas Owner Jerry Jones agrees with Adam and states, "that this is obviously a result of profiling by the Las Vegas police department, everytime someone is now shot, stabbed, robbed I am sure that all fingers are going to point to Adam, its unfortunate considering the major strides he has made recently here...I am sure the truth will come out in the end." There will be some more interest in this case from the Commissoner as the details start to come out.

Back to Top

 

[dirtyphil]

Chiefs TE Gonzalez saves life but ends career

Source: California Inquirer

A Huntington Beach, Calif. restaurant, Capone's, was the scene of an heroic act of a NFL superstar Tony Gonzalez. Amidst a pleasant meal with wife, brother and 5-week-old daughter, another restaurant patron was seen chocking on a piece of unidentified meat. The other patrons were dumbstruck and paralyzed with fear, but super Gonzalez immediately sprang into action. Gonzalez jumped behind the man and performed the Heimlich manuver. The man released the offending piece of meat and turned to thank his saviour when he slipped on the same piece of meat and crashed into the TE's left knee shattering the patellar tendon, and tearing all four ligaments in his knee in the process. Local doctors concluded that the extensive damage to Gonzalez's knee will negate a return to the nfl, but Gonzalez remains hopeful seeking a second opinoin. It was later discovered that the choking patron was indeed a lifelong Chargers fan and season ticket holder, but claims the entire debacle was in no way staged to give the Chargers any advantage during the year.

>>>>>>Our View<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

While is seems horrific to make light of a REAL life and death situation sometimes people will do anything to gain an advantage and win. The Hall-of-Fame fantasy football career of Tony Gonzalez was thus cut short, although recently the lack of production due to inexperienced QB's has lead to a slide from his monolithic status as the top TE in the game. Those of you may want to upgrade the other KC receivers and backup TEs.

 

[amphibianbri]

Favre Text Wasn't From Favre?

----STORY-----

Yet another twist to the Brett Favre text story.....he didn't writer one? Reporter Geraldo Rivera, still trying to find a true story in his career, went down to Kill, MS to talk with Favre. After being asked about the text message, Favre responded, "Text message? What do you think I have, Verizon or something? I don't even have a phone down here, much less the capability to send text messages." Rivera, not wanting to drop the story, got hold of the phone number the text was received from. He is now reporting the text was actually from Packers rookie Brian Brohm, who Rivera believes was trying to upset current Packers starter Aaron Rodgers so much that he would ask to be traded, leaving Brohm as the starter. Brohm was unavailable for comment.

----OUR TAKE -------

We thought that this itch Favre was having wasn't to play football, but possibly from the mosquitoes out in the forest down in Kill, MS. Look at Brohm as a possible late round flyer if he is able to continue to find ways to anger Rodgers enough to make stupid comments as he did last week, making Packer fans hate him.

 

[NE_REVIVAL]

DEN- Broncos Wide Receiver Goes Wild In Opener

Source: Mike Klis, The Denver Post

OAK CA. - Brandon Marshall caught 8 passes for 148 yards and 2 touchdowns as the Denver Broncos got by the Oakland Raiders 27-16 to open the 2008 season. Jay Cutler was 18-26 for 236 yards and 2 scores, while Selvin Young ran for 96 and a score. The surprise of the day however was the ease with which Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall connected on 2 long touchdown passes of 56 and 34 yards; not too mention several key first downs

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

It may have been a surprise to some, but not to our subscribers. We felt all along that the only thing that can stop Brandon Marshall is Brandon Marshall. Yes, there are concerns about his off filed persona, but on the field he is a monster. We believe Marshall and Cutler will have many days like this and ranked them accordingly; we hope you were listening.

 

[Bob N. Weaver]

SF - OC Martz Throws First 'Fit' - Nolan Not Bothered

Source: Source: Matt Barrows, Sacramento Bee

Mike Nolan, the San Francisco 49er head coach, wasn't bothered when offensive coordinator Mike Martz got upset and walked out of the team's facility Tuesday afternoon. According to several sources close to the situation, Martz was irritated by something - no one contacted for this story is exactly sure what that was - but Martz was angry. There wasn't a lot of drama or angst, Martz just decided to leave. He was back at his desk Wednesday morning and everything is fine. For now.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

This is a story because it's July. And you guys want to know everything. I'd call it pretty minor but it does set the tone for what should be a fun situation to watch. As the article states, "nearly every person in the 49ers organization has used the word 'genius' in describing (Martz). His knowledge of offensive football is unmatched." The downside of course is that he can be tough to get along with. Stay tuned…

 

[Bob N. Weaver]

Former Falcons QB Vick Settles Lawsuit With Woman

Source: Associated Press

Leavenworth, Kan. -- Former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick, also known as "Ron Mexico", settled a lawsuit with his former dog trainer who claims that Vick knowingly gave her rabies. When asked if the details of the settlement would be disclosed, attorney Lawrence Woodward said, "The only comment I've got is the case has been resolved. Now I have to file for Mike’s bankruptcy (pro bono work)"

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

No news here. Because I know you guys can't live without your Mike Vick updates and I just like typing "Ron Mexico"....

 

[thejag]

NE -- Kraft Requests Draft Do-0ver.

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft has officially requested a "Do-Over" for the 2008 NFL Draft. "I just noticed that not only did we not take a Tight End in the First Round, we didn't take one at all!!! And no offensive linemen either. I think that Coach Belichik may have been distracted by Roger Goodell and Arlen Specter that day, and wasn't in control of all of his faculties. With everything the Patriots have done for the league this decade, we feel this is the least we should get in return."

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Seems there is nothing Mr. Kraft and the Patriots will not try. Until there is a definitive ruling however, we are downgrading Watson 5 spots in anticipation of a stud rookie TE.

 

[TheMightyShroudsofTuran]

Michael Irvin's mentoring session of Adam "Pacman" Jones ends in NightClub Brawl

From the Dallas Morning News

Early this morning police arrested Hall of Fame Receiver and ESPN Broadcaster Michael Irvin and newly acquired Dallas Cowboy Cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones at 'Purgatory', a Dallas Area Nightclub. Although details are sketchy, witnesses report that the pair were "tearing up the joint" and "Breaking S**t".

Jones was the First Round, sixth overall pick of the Tennessee Titans in 2006.

Mr. Irvin apparently had been hired by the Cowboys to mentor Jones.

Jones had just recently been traded for a fourth round pick to the Cowboys from the Titans. This following reinstatement by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell after a 1-year suspension for an incident that involved a shooting in a Las Vegas Nightclub.

Irvin, who was suspended for 5 games in 1996, has had his share of controversy, included an alleged assault on a teammate that result in a 2 inch cut on the teammates neck. That incident was settled out of the courts.

It is unclear how or why this "mentoring session" ended up at the late night hotspot.

A spokesman for the Cowboys released the following statement.

"What on earth were we thinking?"

[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]]

At least nobody got shot.

 

[Bob N. Weaver]

SF - OC Martz Optimistic In San Francisco

Source: Clark Judge, CBS Sportsline.com

Clark Judge talked recently with Mike Martz. Some of the excerpts:

"I'm excited about the potential," Martz said of his receivers, "but we're a long way off. Still, I wouldn't put a limit on these guys. I don't think that's fair."

On Isaac Bruce "He's at an elite level in terms of his ability," said Martz, "Isaac is Isaac – always the consummate professional"

On Bryant Johnson: "He surprised me," Martz said. "He has way more ability than I thought he did. He has very quick feet. He blew me away with his quickness."

Martz somewhat surprisingly mentioned that Arnaz Battle might assume the role of Az-Zahir Hakim in the Martz system.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

You may not like Mike Martz (I personally love him) but it's hard to deny what he can do with an offense. Especially a passing game. The 49er faithful just hope they hear “BRUUUUCE” instead of the “BOOOOO”s this season.

 

[nmcrented]

Footballguys.com Survivor League Qualifications Come to a Close

Source: Staff

The final contest to qualify for the footballguys.com message board survivor league has just wrapped up. From captions to limericks to news stories, countless message board members have managed to qualify for the big event. Limericks could still be heard as the contest threads were being locked and the door slammed shut for entry into the contest.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Was this an awesome contest or what? Nothing wrong with having a little fun around here before preseason preparation kicks into high gear. Staff vs Message Boarders in each of the leg 1 leagues. Who will be the ultimate footballguys survivor?

 

[jeter23]

DB McKenzie Launches Hair Growth Company

Source: Pat Yasinskas, ESPN.com

New Orleans Saints DB Mike McKenzie has announced that he will be launching a new business venture, a hair restoration company that will allow the average man suffering from hair loss to instantly sport a dreadlocked mane, just like the ball hawking DB himself.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

This might seem like a minor story to many of you, but here at FBG, this is big news. Once this story was reported, many of our own staffers began contacting McKenzie to get a "head" start using this product, which works much like a Chia Pet. Just add water!

 

[jeter23]

QB Leinart Hopes To Join High School Musical

Source: Kent Sumers, Arizona Republic

ABC revealed the contestants for their upcoming reality show, High School Musical: Get In The Picture and there was a surprising name on the list, Arizona Cardinals QB Matt Leinart. The show will search for the newest stars of the hit teen series. When asked why he would be part of such a production, Leinart simply looked towards a group of giggling teens.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

This is about what we would expect from Leinart after his antics earlier this offseason. If HSM falls through for him, we have heard whispers of another show geared towards teens, "Hot Tubbin' with Matty" expected to air directly after "That's So Raven."

 

[alonegunman]

CAR – Panthers QB J. Delhomme Reveals Bionic Arm

Source: Ima Boozer, Carolina Gazette

Although previously announced as Tommy John surgery, it was revealed today that Jake Delhomme actually had his entire arm removed at the shoulder and replaced with a bionic arm specifically designed for NFL QBs. The new arm will allow Jake to throw with accuracy and velocity never before seen in the NFL. Head coach John Fox stated, “After the league sees what Jake is able to do this season, all teams will be hoping their QB’s arm is literally snapped off each week.” Jake was trying to keep the bionic arm a secret until the season started, but the beans were spilled when the synthetic skin covering flew off after an 85-yard strike to new WR D.J. Hackett in OTA's. Jake added that his new arm has caused a few changes in his life, “I can’t do certain things I used to. Even going to the bathroom requires extreme care”.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

I’m not touching the bathroom comment, but it will be interesting to see how this one plays out. If Jake Delhomme does have a great season, expect to see many marginal QBs around the league begin ripping their throwing arms out at the socket. While not confirmed, there are already rumors out of the Jets camp that Chad Pennington was seen purchasing a hacksaw at a local hardware store. Stay tuned for more updates.

 

[Duckboy]

Footballguys Breaking News – RB Rudi Johnson Traded to Cleveland

We thought that Rudi Johnson might have been ready to give up some carries in Cincinnati, but this move wasn’t what we expected.

Link: http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=txbe...t&type=lgns

Clipped from the Yahoo Sports / Ticker article:

"The Cincinnati Bengals traded running back Rudi Johnson to division rival Cleveland Browns early this morning, in a somewhat surprising move.

While leaving the Bengals practice facility, Johnson said, “I showed up today, and Coach said to pack up my gear and head out – something about a report I was headed to the Browns. I had no idea this would happen.”

Details from either organization were sketchy. It is not known at this time what if anything the Bengals will receive in the deal. Cleveland GM Phil Savage was seen with a puzzled look and offered only a “No comment.”

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Well, this certainly changes the dynamic for both sides. The Browns now have two strong running backs in Johnson and Jamal Lewis, who seemed to have regained both his health and his stature as a possible RB1 in fantasy drafts. This would have to be a significant downgrade to both these guys.

And the Bengals are left with Kenny Watson, who performed well while Johnson was out last year, and two backs in Kenny Irons and Chris Perry who have been injured constantly in the past. Now might be a good time to pry any of these three away from unaware owners cheaply.

Thanks to Footballguy Marvin Lewis for the headsup on this one.

See you in the morning with the normal Email Update.

J

********************

Joe Bryant

Owner - www.Footballguys.com

-------

Footballguys Breaking News – RB Rudi Johnson NOT Traded to Cleveland – Staying in Cincinnati

Here’s an update to this morning’s email I sent regarding Rudi being traded to Cleveland. It seems the report was erroneous:

Link: http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=txbe...t&type=lgns

Clipped from the Yahoo Sports / Ticker article:

"The Cincinnati Bengals have not traded running back Rudi Johnson to division rival Cleveland Browns early as was reported earlier.

Returning to the Bengals practice facility, Johnson said, “I was halfway to the airport and Coach called. He told me the info he’d gotten was wrong and that I was still on the team, so get back to training. I think I heard him in the background saying he wanted his $26.95 back.”

Cleveland GM Phil Savage said, “We never had a deal in place for Rudi, though I did hear something coming out of Tennessee about him being headed our way. We have no deals in place with the Bengals at this time.”

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Alright, back to where we were. Apologies for the confusion and have a great Tuesday.

J

********************

Joe Bryant

Owner - www.Footballguys.com

 

[Tecmo]

BOOM! Madden can fly again

Source: The Mayo Journal of Sandwiches

Doctors at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota have recently cured sports announcer John Madden from his fear of flying. Madden has been diagnosed with a rare condition called Semigorillazitis where certain stressful activities trigger unconstrained behavior such as swinging, biting, and thumping of the chest. The one cure for the unwanted episodes is a bunch of bananas says Dr. Von Cluehan, “The properties of a banana can calm the nerves of patients with Semigorillazitis, it has the right mixture of B6 and potassium.” All Madden has to do is eat a bunch of bananas and it’s smooth flying.

Madden has been quoted as saying,

“You see, what was happening, every time I boarded a plane a good, old-fashioned dogfight was going on in my body. My neurolines were missing their blocking assignments and the blitz of endorphins was wreaking havoc in my medula. My nuclei was scrambling to avoid the rush of endorphins and ended up getting sacked. But when I eat a bunch of bananas, my body sends in some extra dopamine blockers to max-protect. Now my nuclei can deliver the ball to the receptors and BOOM!, I can fly again.”

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Retiring Madden's 6 mpg cruiser should save CBS a ton of money from the rising gas prices. Maybe the executives can win back Monday Night Football and save it from the turds over at ESPN?

 

[QuizGuy66]

FBG - Footballguys Subscribers Hide Under Coach Awaiting Contest Results

Source: QuizGuy66

Nervous Footballguys subscribers were seen cowering behind their couches afraid to see the results posted in the final footballguys.com thread yet still unable to resist taking a peek from time to time anxious to know the results.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

While this lame entry would appear to have arrived too late to make the Fake News Contest, we still recommend bumping the , , and smileys up over the next few days.

'Tis been fun.

-QG

 

[Neil Beaufort Zod]

Goodell Sets Rushing Goal for 2008

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, citing a need for “uniformity and parity,” has established 2,000 yards as the default target for all running backs. When asked by the media about the upcoming season, all backs have been instructed to state 2,000 yards as their goal.

“We don’t need a dozen different rushing goals out there. We need to get control of this situation and restore order,” Goodell said. “In the past some backs said 2,500 yards, while others mentioned 1,500. A few time-share guys only wanted 1,000 yards. That’s just not right. Our fans don’t want chaos—they want to know what the players will say before the question is asked.”

Goodell said the league’s Competition Committee will review the number each year and make adjustments as necessary. Minnesota’s Adrian Peterson and Denver’s Selvin Young have been among the first to embrace the standard answer, and it is expected that all running backs will follow suit in the weeks to come.

[ [ [ [ Our View ] ] ] ]

Clearly, the commissioner feels the need to clamp down on loose cannons who are putting too much thought into media questions. The new format allows the players to concentrate on football, not interviews. Bump up all backs who supply the standard answer and downgrade anyone who wastes their valuable energy thinking about what to say.

 

[David Dodds]

Winners Listed Alphabetically

Top 3

#24 - NFL Ban on Applause (Londo)

#30 - John Madden on Food Network (LarryAllen'sJockstrap)

#109 - Farve Drunk-Dials Packers (Neil Beaufort Zod)

The Rest

#73 - Al Davis signs Floyd Mayweather, Jr to 4 year deal to Play WR (AhrnCityPahnder)

#101 - Goodell demotes two NFL teams, while promoting two NCAA teams (Almas_4th_Child)

#125 - Panthers QB J. Delhomme Reveals Bionic Arm (alonegunman)

#40 - Marshawn Lynch to Teach Driver's Education at Local High School (a win again ov)

#13 - Matt Millen announces the creation of his "How to become an NFL general manager" school (bicycle_seat_sniffer)

#32 - Favre Drafts Self #1 (BusMan)

#7 - Travis Henry to open football summer camp for 50 kids (comfortably numb)

#23 - Goodell to Retire as NFL Commissioner, to be Replaced by Brett Favre (Couch Potato)

#6 - No NFL Players Arrested (Davej626)

#126 - RB Rudi Johnson NOT Traded to Cleveland – Staying in Cincinnati (Duckboy)

#11 - Coughlin Hosts Giant Tea Party (elcohiba)

#26 - Charles E Ridenour Files Class-Action Lawsuit against Bryant Analytics (Eraser)

#28 - Mike Williams bulking up for a new role with the Titans (eric rymer)

#50 - Patriots Change Brady's Injury Designation (GroveDiesel)

#123 - DB McKenzie Launches Hair Growth Company (jeter23)

#46 - Goodell suspends the entire League for the year (Lash)

#111 - QB Kitna seeks new inspiration (LionsFan78)

#49 - NFL Negotiating With Vince McMahon (Master of Past and Present)

#100 - Retired Green Bay QB says, "I am returning" (Nod Noslrac)

#10 - WR David Boston to hold private workout for NFL teams (Plastik)

#74 - Latest Vikings Stadium Proposal To Include Provision for PUL's (QuizGuy66)

#36 - Madden 2010 Cover: Osama Bin Laden (Verbal Kint)

 

[Verbal Kint]

Winners Listed Alphabetically

Top 3

#24 - NFL Ban on Applause (Londo)

#30 - John Madden on Food Network (LarryAllen'sJockstrap)

#109 - Farve Drunk-Dials Packers (Neil Beaufort Zod)

The Rest

#73 - Al Davis signs Floyd Mayweather, Jr to 4 year deal to Play WR (AhrnCityPahnder)

#101 - Goodell demotes two NFL teams, while promoting two NCAA teams (Almas_4th_Child)

#125 - Panthers QB J. Delhomme Reveals Bionic Arm (alonegunman)

#40 - Marshawn Lynch to Teach Driver's Education at Local High School (a win again ov)

#13 - Matt Millen announces the creation of his "How to become an NFL general manager" school (bicycle_seat_sniffer)

#32 - Favre Drafts Self #1 (BusMan)

#7 - Travis Henry to open football summer camp for 50 kids (comfortably numb)

#23 - Goodell to Retire as NFL Commissioner, to be Replaced by Brett Favre (Couch Potato)

#6 - No NFL Players Arrested (Davej626)

#126 - RB Rudi Johnson NOT Traded to Cleveland – Staying in Cincinnati (Duckboy)

#11 - Coughlin Hosts Giant Tea Party (elcohiba)

#26 - Charles E Ridenour Files Class-Action Lawsuit against Bryant Analytics (Eraser)

#28 - Mike Williams bulking up for a new role with the Titans (eric rymer)

#50 - Patriots Change Brady's Injury Designation (GroveDiesel)

#123 - DB McKenzie Launches Hair Growth Company (jeter23)

#46 - Goodell suspends the entire League for the year (Lash)

#111 - QB Kitna seeks new inspiration (LionsFan78)

#49 - NFL Negotiating With Vince McMahon (Master of Past and Present)

#100 - Retired Green Bay QB says, "I am returning" (Nod Noslrac)

#10 - WR David Boston to hold private workout for NFL teams (Plastik)

#74 - Latest Vikings Stadium Proposal To Include Provision for PUL's (QuizGuy66)

#36 - Madden 2010 Cover: Osama Bin Laden (Verbal Kint)

Just under the wire.

 

[QuizGuy66]

Winners Listed Alphabetically

Top 3

#24 - NFL Ban on Applause (Londo)

#30 - John Madden on Food Network (LarryAllen'sJockstrap)

#109 - Farve Drunk-Dials Packers (Neil Beaufort Zod)

The Rest

#73 - Al Davis signs Floyd Mayweather, Jr to 4 year deal to Play WR (AhrnCityPahnder)

#101 - Goodell demotes two NFL teams, while promoting two NCAA teams (Almas_4th_Child)

#125 - Panthers QB J. Delhomme Reveals Bionic Arm (alonegunman)

#40 - Marshawn Lynch to Teach Driver's Education at Local High School (a win again ov)

#13 - Matt Millen announces the creation of his "How to become an NFL general manager" school (bicycle_seat_sniffer)

#32 - Favre Drafts Self #1 (BusMan)

#7 - Travis Henry to open football summer camp for 50 kids (comfortably numb)

#23 - Goodell to Retire as NFL Commissioner, to be Replaced by Brett Favre (Couch Potato)

#6 - No NFL Players Arrested (Davej626)

#126 - RB Rudi Johnson NOT Traded to Cleveland – Staying in Cincinnati (Duckboy)

#11 - Coughlin Hosts Giant Tea Party (elcohiba)

#26 - Charles E Ridenour Files Class-Action Lawsuit against Bryant Analytics (Eraser)

#28 - Mike Williams bulking up for a new role with the Titans (eric rymer)

#50 - Patriots Change Brady's Injury Designation (GroveDiesel)

#123 - DB McKenzie Launches Hair Growth Company (jeter23)

#46 - Goodell suspends the entire League for the year (Lash)

#111 - QB Kitna seeks new inspiration (LionsFan78)

#49 - NFL Negotiating With Vince McMahon (Master of Past and Present)

#100 - Retired Green Bay QB says, "I am returning" (Nod Noslrac)

#10 - WR David Boston to hold private workout for NFL teams (Plastik)

#74 - Latest Vikings Stadium Proposal To Include Provision for PUL's (QuizGuy66)

#36 - Madden 2010 Cover: Osama Bin Laden (Verbal Kint)

Just under the wire.

me too

 

[Londo]

Sweet! Many thanks guys...

 

[Couch Potato]

Winners Listed Alphabetically

Top 3

#24 - NFL Ban on Applause (Londo)

#30 - John Madden on Food Network (LarryAllen'sJockstrap)

#109 - Farve Drunk-Dials Packers (Neil Beaufort Zod)

The Rest

#73 - Al Davis signs Floyd Mayweather, Jr to 4 year deal to Play WR (AhrnCityPahnder)

#101 - Goodell demotes two NFL teams, while promoting two NCAA teams (Almas_4th_Child)

#125 - Panthers QB J. Delhomme Reveals Bionic Arm (alonegunman)

#40 - Marshawn Lynch to Teach Driver's Education at Local High School (a win again ov)

#13 - Matt Millen announces the creation of his "How to become an NFL general manager" school (bicycle_seat_sniffer)

#32 - Favre Drafts Self #1 (BusMan)

#7 - Travis Henry to open football summer camp for 50 kids (comfortably numb)

#23 - Goodell to Retire as NFL Commissioner, to be Replaced by Brett Favre (Couch Potato)

#6 - No NFL Players Arrested (Davej626)

#126 - RB Rudi Johnson NOT Traded to Cleveland – Staying in Cincinnati (Duckboy)

#11 - Coughlin Hosts Giant Tea Party (elcohiba)

#26 - Charles E Ridenour Files Class-Action Lawsuit against Bryant Analytics (Eraser)

#28 - Mike Williams bulking up for a new role with the Titans (eric rymer)

#50 - Patriots Change Brady's Injury Designation (GroveDiesel)

#123 - DB McKenzie Launches Hair Growth Company (jeter23)

#46 - Goodell suspends the entire League for the year (Lash)

#111 - QB Kitna seeks new inspiration (LionsFan78)

#49 - NFL Negotiating With Vince McMahon (Master of Past and Present)

#100 - Retired Green Bay QB says, "I am returning" (Nod Noslrac)

#10 - WR David Boston to hold private workout for NFL teams (Plastik)

#74 - Latest Vikings Stadium Proposal To Include Provision for PUL's (QuizGuy66)

#36 - Madden 2010 Cover: Osama Bin Laden (Verbal Kint)

Just under the wire.

me too

QuizGuy66 and Verbal Kint -- you dummies, you weren't under the wire. You're listed last because it's alphabetical by board name, that's all. You might be 4th best. BTW, I LOVED Verbal's Bin Laden item. Good stuff.

 

[comfortably numb]

I'd like to thank Travis Henry's 50 kids for my winning entry!

 

[Gottabesweet]

YES - made it

Marshawn lives down the road, hopefully I won't see him driving in the next 6 months.

 

[Gottabesweet]

Matt Leinart cater service still has me laughing.