Favorite Movie Monologue (1 Viewer)

[Chaos Commish]

Eddie Barzoon! Eddie Barzoon! Ha! I nursed him through two divorces, a cocaine rehab, and a pregnant receptionist. God's creature, right? God's special creature? Ha! And I've warned him, Kevin. I've warned him every step of the way. Watchin' him bounce around like a f--kin' game. Like a wind-up toy! Like 250 pounds of self-serving greed on wheels! The next thousand years is right around the corner, Kevin. Eddie Barzoon -- take a good look, because he's the poster child for the next millennium! These people - it's no mystery where they come from.


You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire. You build egos the size of cathedrals. Fiber-optically connect the world to every ego impulse. Grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own god! Where can you go from there? And as we're scramblin' from one deal to the next, who's got his eye on the planet? As the air thickens, the water sours. Even the bees' honey takes on the metallic taste of radioactivity -- and it just keeps comin', faster and faster! There's no chance to think, to prepare. It's 'buy futures, sell futures' when there is no future!! We got a runaway train, boy!! We got a billion Eddie Barzoons all joggin' into the future. Every one of 'em getting ready to fist-f--k God's ex-planet, lick their fingers clean as they reach out toward their pristine cybernetic keyboards to tote up their f--kin' billable hours!! And then it hits home! You gotta pay your own way, Eddie. It's a little late in the game to buy out now!! Your belly's too full, your #### is sore, your eyes are bloodshot, and you're screamin' for someone to help!! But guess what? There's no one there!! You're all alone, Eddie. You're God's special little creature! Maybe it's true. Maybe God threw the dice once too often. Maybe He let us all down.

Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway? God? Is that it? God? Well, I tell ya, let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He’s a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift and then what does He do? I swear, for His own amusement, His own private cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It’s the goof of all time. Look, but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow. And while you’re jumpin’ from one foot to the next, what is He doin’? He’s laughin’ His sick, ####in’ ### off. He’s a tight-###. He’s a sadist. He’s an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never! …

I’m here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began! I’ve nurtured every sensation man has been inspired to have! I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him, in spite of all his imperfections! I’m a fan of man! I’m a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. Who, in their right mind, Kevin, could possibly deny the 20th century was entirely mine? All of it, Kevin! All of it! Mine! I’m peaking, Kevin. It’s my time now. It’s our time.

 

[RC94]

Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

[SIZE=11pt]When I first came here, it was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build my house in a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get with me – the strongest house in the entire country.[/SIZE]

 

[Jayrok]

My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

 

[JB Breakfast Club]

The World's End opening monologue (this is the end of it, it's actually about 3x this long:

We took my car into town that night. We called her "The Beast" because she was pretty hairy. And so our journey into manhood began. We were off. We didn't waste any time, we hit pub one and we hit it hard. There was drinking, there was laughs, there was controversy, there were ladies, there were shots, there was drama, and of course there was drinking. By pub 5 we were feeling invincible, and decide to purchase some herbal refreshment from a man we called "The Reverend Green". Pint 6 put O Man out of commission, so we carried on without him. Good thing, I bumped into his sister at the next pub and we went into the disableds, and then I bumped into her again. Sam tagged along for a while, but then I had to let her go, I had another date that night. And her name was Amber. Nine pints in and it was us against the world. Things got mental in the Beehive so we tailed it to the Bowls Club, or as we called it "The Smoke House", which is where it all went #### up. Everyone got paranoid and Pete chucked so we had to bench him. In the end we blew off the last three pubs and headed for the hills. As I sat up there, blood on my knuckles, beer down my shirt, sick on my shoes, knowing in my heart life would never feel this good again.

 

[Jayrok]

Hey Rock. It's three in the morning. I went up to your house there and they told me you was here. It's 3am, kid. You know that Adrian, she's a good girl. Me, you know I'm sorry for both of ya. There's nothing I can do about it. Except, uh, I wanna tell you this once and then, uh, I ain't gonna say it again.

But Rock, you got another shot. This is the second shot. At, uh, I don't know the biggest title in the world, and you're gonna be swappin' punches with, with the most dangerous fighter in the world. And just in case, you know your brain ain't workin' so good. All this happens pretty soon and you ain't ready. You know you're no where near in shape. So I say, for God's sake, why don't you stand up and fight this guy HARD? Like you done before, that was beautiful!

But don't lay down like this! Like, uh, I don't know, like some kind of mongrel or something. Cause he's gonna kick your face in pieces! That's right! This guy don't just wanna win, you know, he wants to bury ya, he wants to humiliate ya, he wants to prove to the whole world that you was nothin but some kind of a freak the first time out. He said you were a one time lucky bum!

Well now I don't wanna get mad in a biblical place like this, but I think you're a hell of a lot more than that kid! A hell of a lot! But now wait a minute, if you wanna blow this thing, if you wanna blow it, then damn it I'm gonna blow it with ya. If you wanna stay here, I'll stay with ya. I stay with ya. I'll stay and pray. What do I got to lose?

 

[McGarnicle]

Now, I know what you're thinking...Did he fire six shots or only five? To tell you the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you have to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky?...Well? Do ya, punk?

 

[Josie Maran]

My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

Not sure that really qualifies as a monologue. More like a line.

 

[Phil Elliott]

Matthew McConaughey's closing argument in "A Time To Kill". It gets a lot of schtick in the FFA but it is a great monologue.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Matthew McConaughey's closing argument in "A Time To Kill". It gets a lot of schtick in the FFA but it is a great monologue.

I figured you'd post John Matuszak's tirade in the locker room from North Dallas 40.* Can't find the text but here is the vid (VERY NSFW LANGUAGE)

*Yes, I'm being slightly hypocritical because another character speaks but still 97% monologue.

 

[Phil Elliott]

Matthew McConaughey's closing argument in "A Time To Kill". It gets a lot of schtick in the FFA but it is a great monologue.

I figured you'd post John Matuszak's tirade in the locker room from North Dallas 40.* Can't find the text but here is the vid (VERY NSFW LANGUAGE)

*Yes, I'm being slightly hypocritical because another character speaks but still 97% monologue.

Having a relative who worked in professional sports, Matusak was spot on.

Yes, there are several good ones in ND40:

Matusak "Its a business, its a game".

BA talking about the statistics indicating the played poorly even if they won https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFOE85N7LiQ

Phil has a couple short ones 1. to Charlotte about staying distracted and 2. at the end in the owner's office realizing some discretions are overlooked

 

[Insein]

I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.

no. bad.

Disagree. First Matrix is still awesome.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Matthew McConaughey's closing argument in "A Time To Kill". It gets a lot of schtick in the FFA but it is a great monologue.

I figured you'd post John Matuszak's tirade in the locker room from North Dallas 40.* Can't find the text but here is the vid (VERY NSFW LANGUAGE)

*Yes, I'm being slightly hypocritical because another character speaks but still 97% monologue.

Having a relative who worked in professional sports, Matusak was spot on.

Yes, there are several good ones in ND40:

Matusak "Its a business, its a game".

BA talking about the statistics indicating the played poorly even if they won https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFOE85N7LiQ

Phil has a couple short ones 1. to Charlotte about staying distracted and 2. at the end in the owner's office realizing some discretions are overlooked

Yeah, pretty much everything Phil says at that final meeting is great.

 

[Quint]

Lono Veccio: Well, if you give me a couple minutes of your time, I got a few things I'd like to talk to ya about. You know, eh, what you did wasn't really your fault. It's what you call, a eh, genetic defect. Mom called it the, the gene. My Grandfather had the gene, he eh, came over from the boat from Ireland in 1912 and I guess he passed it on to my Old Man. My Old Man was a great guy, a real ##### cat, you know hard worker. Big sports fan, but sometimes on his way home from the docks he liked to stop in with the guys and have a couple of beers, ya know. I remember coming home from school one day, and eh, the whole house was dark. Couldn't figure it out. I heard my Mom crying off in the dark someplace, and I was old enough at that point I could reach the light switch. I turned the lights on, and I saw, what he did to her. So I went to my room and I got, the eh, baseball bat. Mikey Mantel model my Old Man give me for Christmas, and I found the Old Man passed out in the bathtub, and I tattooed him. Needless to say, when I came home everyday from school after that, the eh, house is lit up like Ebbet's Field, and the Old Man eh, never drank again. So all I'm saying to you is if you wanna drink, you go ahead and drink. But if I ever find out that you laid your hands on that little girl again, me and Mr. Mantle are gonna pay you a visit my friend.

 

[Insomniac]

These things you say we will have, we already have.

That's true. I ain't promising you nothing extra. I'm just giving you life and you're giving me life. And I'm saying that men can live together without butchering one another.
It's sad that governments are chiefed by the double tongues. There is iron in your words of death for all Comanche to see, and so there is iron in your words of life. No signed paper can hold the iron. It must come from men. The words of Ten Bears carries the same iron of life and death. It is good that warriors such as we meet in the struggle of life... or death. It shall be life.

 

[Mario Kart]

Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

 

[Kiddnets]

Oh you are so full of crap. Your five foot nothin', a hundred and nothin' and hardly have a spec of athletic ability and you hung in with the best college football team in the land for two years, and you were also going to walk out of here with a degree from the University of Norte Dame in this life time you don't have to prove nothing to nobody except yourself and after what you gone through if you haven't done that by now, it aint gonna never happen, now go on back.

 

[Jules Winnfield]

Jules: There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you." Now... I been sayin' that #### for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ###. You'd be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a mother####er before I popped a cap in his ###. But I saw some #### this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinking: maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here... he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ### in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that #### ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

For some reason I never liked this one.

I don't remember...

 

[Jules Winnfield]

I have an M.D. from Harvard, I am board certified in cardio-thoracic medicine and trauma surgery, I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you; when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn't miscarry or that their daughter doesn't bleed to death or that their mother doesn't suffer acute neural trama from postoperative shock, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, _Dennis_, and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but if you're looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn't like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God.

 

[JerseyToughGuys]

Two more favorites from the same movie:

Sgt. Barnes: Y'all love Elias. Oh, you wanna kick ###. Yeah. Well, here I am, all by my lonesome, and ain't nobody gonna know. Six of you boys against me. Kill me. Huh. I #### on all of you.

 

[JerseyToughGuys]

Chris Taylor: [voiceover] I think now, looking back, we did not fight the enemy; we fought ourselves. And the enemy was in us. The war is over for me now, but it will always be there, the rest of my days as I'm sure Elias will be, fighting with Barnes for what Rhah called possession of my soul. There are times since, I've felt like the child born of those two fathers. But, be that as it may, those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

 

[Brony]

Chet: Lady, I wanna get to the bottom of this. ASAFP.

Lisa: Oh, so do I.

Chet: But first I'd like to... butter your muffin.

Lisa: Why do you have to be such a %^&*@!?

Chet: Because I get off on it!

 

[Josie Maran]

Chet: Lady, I wanna get to the bottom of this. ASAFP.

Lisa: Oh, so do I.

Chet: But first I'd like to... butter your muffin.

Lisa: Why do you have to be such a %^&*@!?

Chet: Because I get off on it!

Good one.

 

[Mr. Ected]

May be more of a line than a monologue, but...

You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming a##hole be a father.

 

[dhockster]

Favorite Bill Paxson monologue:

"Game over, man, game over!"

 

[dhockster]

May be more of a line than a monologue, but...

You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming a##hole be a father.

The high point of Keanu Reeves acting career

 

[Charlie Steiner]

May be more of a line than a monologue, but...

You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming a##hole be a father.

Here's the whole thing:

Well, it depends on the man. I had a man around. He used to wake me up every morning by flicking lit cigarettes at my head. He'd say, "Hey, a**hole, get up and make me breakfast." You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming a**hole be a father.

The pause before delivering the part about the license and the shiver he had after saying the last line were sublime.

 

[Blind Tiger]

Man, it's the same bull#### they tried to pull in my day. If it ain't that piece of paper, there's some other choice they're gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do, man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N.

 

[Charlie Steiner]

Uh, Lord, hallowed be Thy name. May our feet be swift; may our bats be mighty; may our balls... be plentiful. Lord, I'd just like to thank You for that waitress in South Bend. You know who she is - she kept calling Your name. And God, these are good girls, and they work hard. Just help them see it all the way through. Okay, that's it.

 

[B Maverick]

Nick Fury: These were in Phil Coulson's jacket. I guess he never did get you to sign them.

[Throws bloodstained Captain America trading cards on the table. Rogers picks up one of them]

Nick Fury: We're dead in the air up here. Our communications, the location of the Cube, Banner, Thor... I got nothing for you. I lost my one good eye. Maybe I had that coming.

[Walks toward Rogers]

Nick Fury: Yes. We were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract. I never put all my chips on that number, though, because I was playing something even riskier.

[pauses]

Nick Fury: There was an idea, Stark knows this, called the Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of of remarkable people to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could.

[Looks at Stark]

Nick Fury: Phil Coulson died, still believing in that idea. In heroes.

[Stark suddenly gets up and leaves the bridge]

Nick Fury: Well, it's a good old-fashioned notion.

 

[Insein]

Nick Fury: These were in Phil Coulson's jacket. I guess he never did get you to sign them.

[Throws bloodstained Captain America trading cards on the table. Rogers picks up one of them]

Nick Fury: We're dead in the air up here. Our communications, the location of the Cube, Banner, Thor... I got nothing for you. I lost my one good eye. Maybe I had that coming.

[Walks toward Rogers]

Nick Fury: Yes. We were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract. I never put all my chips on that number, though, because I was playing something even riskier.

[pauses]

Nick Fury: There was an idea, Stark knows this, called the Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of of remarkable people to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could.

[Looks at Stark]

Nick Fury: Phil Coulson died, still believing in that idea. In heroes.

[stark suddenly gets up and leaves the bridge]

Nick Fury: Well, it's a good old-fashioned notion.

I didnt like the Green Lantern movie.

 

[SeaDogStat]

I have an M.D. from Harvard, I am board certified in cardio-thoracic medicine and trauma surgery, I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you; when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn't miscarry or that their daughter doesn't bleed to death or that their mother doesn't suffer acute neural trama from postoperative shock, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, _Dennis_, and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but if you're looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn't like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God.

That's a good...probably the only good thing I like about that movie

 

[Sweet J]

Out of order, I show you out of order. You don't know what out of order is, Mr. Trask. I'd show you, but I'm too old, I'm too tired, I'm too ####in' blind. If I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a FLAMETHROWER to this place! Out of order? Who the hell do you think you're talkin' to? I've been around, you know? There was a time I could see. And I have seen. Boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there isn't nothin' like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that. You think you're merely sending this splendid foot soldier back home to Oregon with his tail between his legs, but I say you are... executin' his soul! And why? Because he's not a Bairdman. Bairdmen. You hurt this boy, you're gonna be Baird bums, the lot of ya. And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there, #### YOU TOO!