Football Menace
Footballguy
My 18 year old son has been living with my MIL for the last 3 weeks. He basically moved out because of an argument we had because of his laziness towards everything besides sports. He went through high school with a C average because he didn't put forth the effort to do any better. No matter what we said or did, if it wasn't sports or music, he basically did very little towards it. Don't get me wrong he's not a bad kid, but he's just not a self-motivated person.
A little background, the wife and I have 3 other kids. We make decent money, but are by no means rich. Basically, my son wants the wife and I to send him to a state school that's about 5 hours away from home. But we both think he should commute to another state school that's 20 minute away for the first year to prove his worthiness due to his lack of effort in high school. He didn't want to hear that, words flew, he left.
The problem comes in when he leaves. He goes over to MILs and tells her we put him out (lie #1). He also tells her that we were talking "down" to him (lie #2 I'm guessing he means us calling him lazy/unmotivated, but as a dad, speaking to his son, I have to call a spade a spade.). My SIL lives right next door to MIL and must have been there to hear his story. She comes over to get his clothes, and doesn't really say much to the wife and I. My wife refuses to give her his cellphone because we pay the bill, and she feels if he's gonna move, he shouldn't have that benefit. About an hour later, we recieved nasty voicemails/texts from MIL and SIL about how we are bad/poor parents, how could we put our own son out, why do we belittle our son, why did you take his phone away, yada, yada, yada (Now SIL has no kids and she's the one claiming we're poor parents). This crushes the wife. She's in tears for the rest of the day. This is nothing new from the MIL; as she has always done stuff like this. But what get's to her is that it's also coming from her sister. With 4 kids, the wife has little time for friends. Her sister is the closes thing that she has to a real good friend, someone she can have girltalk with. Now my SIL has always been a *****, but my wife glosses over that by saying things like, "That's just the way she is," or "she won't listen to me." I tolerate her because she's my wife sister, and they are pretty close. After the voicemail/text, I tell the wife I'm done with both of them. They both made things worst by not minding their own business. I demand an apology. The wife agrees.
Fast foward a week after the argument, my son tells MIL/SIL that we didn't kick him out and that we're only trying to motivate him with the lazy comments. Also, that there are millions of of times where we've been encouraging and supportive. And that the only reason he left was because we were always on his case about studying, being motivated, and his laziness. MIL immediately comes over to apologize, hugs and kisses me and the wife, tells us both that she's sorry and loves us. SIL comes over about two days later and acts like nothing happened. Wife says she talked to her waiting on an apology , but it never came. I see my wife talking to her and it makes my blood boil because it looks like she's just going to let this go too. SIL leaves and I ask her what did she say? Did she apologize? She says, "no, she drop off a teacher manual she doesn't need (both are teachers)." At this point, I get angry. I tell her that if she doesn't apologize, I'm having nothing to do with her. There will be no more toleration. The wife tells me to let her handle it. Five days later, still no apology.
My wife seems ok, but I just hate that her and the only close friend she has are on bad terms. I feel bad for my wife because it almost feels like I'm making her chose between myself and her sister. But I also think that we did nothing wrong in this whole situation and they (MIL/SIL) made things much worse than they should have been. And to call us bad/poor parents is just completely out of line (especially when she has zero kids). We both deserve an apology.
What's the shark move here? Should I have done or do anything differently?
A little background, the wife and I have 3 other kids. We make decent money, but are by no means rich. Basically, my son wants the wife and I to send him to a state school that's about 5 hours away from home. But we both think he should commute to another state school that's 20 minute away for the first year to prove his worthiness due to his lack of effort in high school. He didn't want to hear that, words flew, he left.
The problem comes in when he leaves. He goes over to MILs and tells her we put him out (lie #1). He also tells her that we were talking "down" to him (lie #2 I'm guessing he means us calling him lazy/unmotivated, but as a dad, speaking to his son, I have to call a spade a spade.). My SIL lives right next door to MIL and must have been there to hear his story. She comes over to get his clothes, and doesn't really say much to the wife and I. My wife refuses to give her his cellphone because we pay the bill, and she feels if he's gonna move, he shouldn't have that benefit. About an hour later, we recieved nasty voicemails/texts from MIL and SIL about how we are bad/poor parents, how could we put our own son out, why do we belittle our son, why did you take his phone away, yada, yada, yada (Now SIL has no kids and she's the one claiming we're poor parents). This crushes the wife. She's in tears for the rest of the day. This is nothing new from the MIL; as she has always done stuff like this. But what get's to her is that it's also coming from her sister. With 4 kids, the wife has little time for friends. Her sister is the closes thing that she has to a real good friend, someone she can have girltalk with. Now my SIL has always been a *****, but my wife glosses over that by saying things like, "That's just the way she is," or "she won't listen to me." I tolerate her because she's my wife sister, and they are pretty close. After the voicemail/text, I tell the wife I'm done with both of them. They both made things worst by not minding their own business. I demand an apology. The wife agrees.
Fast foward a week after the argument, my son tells MIL/SIL that we didn't kick him out and that we're only trying to motivate him with the lazy comments. Also, that there are millions of of times where we've been encouraging and supportive. And that the only reason he left was because we were always on his case about studying, being motivated, and his laziness. MIL immediately comes over to apologize, hugs and kisses me and the wife, tells us both that she's sorry and loves us. SIL comes over about two days later and acts like nothing happened. Wife says she talked to her waiting on an apology , but it never came. I see my wife talking to her and it makes my blood boil because it looks like she's just going to let this go too. SIL leaves and I ask her what did she say? Did she apologize? She says, "no, she drop off a teacher manual she doesn't need (both are teachers)." At this point, I get angry. I tell her that if she doesn't apologize, I'm having nothing to do with her. There will be no more toleration. The wife tells me to let her handle it. Five days later, still no apology.
My wife seems ok, but I just hate that her and the only close friend she has are on bad terms. I feel bad for my wife because it almost feels like I'm making her chose between myself and her sister. But I also think that we did nothing wrong in this whole situation and they (MIL/SIL) made things much worse than they should have been. And to call us bad/poor parents is just completely out of line (especially when she has zero kids). We both deserve an apology.
What's the shark move here? Should I have done or do anything differently?
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