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FIL was just diagnosed with cancer.... lost the fight 12/27/14 (1 Viewer)

Glad to hear the good news and I hope things continue to do well for you.

My FIL doesn't have cancer but is a total ticking time bomb with his heart - the guy is practically on near bed rest and has suffered multiple strokes over the least year.

he is also 62 and i'd be unbelievably shocked if he saw 64.... but i suppose he COULD see

My question: Not being terribly close to my FIL, how do you provide support for your wife when she is constantly worried that the next call from her mom is going to be... "well he had that massive heart attack and is gone" and she's scared, frustrated with her dad for being so unhealthy and doing this to himself, and sad knowing her time with him is short.

I struggle with this. She's constantly saying I don't provide good emotional support for her in regards to her father but I'm really unsure what to do.. he's not in the hospital.... so it's tough.

Any tips? I'd sure like to do a better job, and in addition am sick of getting relentlessly #####ed at.

 
'playin4beer said:
'playin4beer said:
Appointment in Boston this week went as good as we could hope. Doc said the chemo IS working and shrinking the tumor. FIL was sent back home to go through two more treatments and then another appointment back in Boston on October 1st. If everything looks good then, they will schedule surgery for November.

Thanks for all thoughts and prayers..
Click to expand...
FIL had testing and scans done yesterday to determine if the chemo had indeed shrunk the tumor enough to proceed with surgery...Well the news was better than we could have hoped for... According to Doc Sugarbaker, ALL that was there before except one small spot

is gone.. he had a very good response to the chemo. So good in fact, that they aren't even considering surgery at this point. They are now planning

on doing a "maintenance" plan with chemo and then seeing the FIL back for another PET scan in February to see what is happening at that point.

Wife wants to celebrate tonight :pickle:
Click to expand...
Awesome news! :thumbup:
 
'Dentist said:
Glad to hear the good news and I hope things continue to do well for you.My FIL doesn't have cancer but is a total ticking time bomb with his heart - the guy is practically on near bed rest and has suffered multiple strokes over the least year.he is also 62 and i'd be unbelievably shocked if he saw 64.... but i suppose he COULD see My question: Not being terribly close to my FIL, how do you provide support for your wife when she is constantly worried that the next call from her mom is going to be... "well he had that massive heart attack and is gone" and she's scared, frustrated with her dad for being so unhealthy and doing this to himself, and sad knowing her time with him is short.I struggle with this. She's constantly saying I don't provide good emotional support for her in regards to her father but I'm really unsure what to do.. he's not in the hospital.... so it's tough. Any tips? I'd sure like to do a better job, and in addition am sick of getting relentlessly #####ed at.
Click to expand...
That's tough for me to answer because I'm not an overly emotional person and don't console very well. Even now, after 16 years of marriage, I find myself struggling with what to say to her during the rough times with her dad. What I found out is that what to say isn't as important as what to do. I'll just hug her and let her get out how she's feeling and listen to her. I also took a week off from work to go to Boston with her whole family for the initial appointment. I have it fairly easy though, she is one of six kids who are all fairly close so she has them as support also.
 
'playin4beer said:
'playin4beer said:
Appointment in Boston this week went as good as we could hope. Doc said the chemo IS working and shrinking the tumor. FIL was sent back home to go through two more treatments and then another appointment back in Boston on October 1st. If everything looks good then, they will schedule surgery for November.

Thanks for all thoughts and prayers..
Click to expand...
FIL had testing and scans done yesterday to determine if the chemo had indeed shrunk the tumor enough to proceed with surgery...Well the news was better than we could have hoped for... According to Doc Sugarbaker, ALL that was there before except one small spot

is gone.. he had a very good response to the chemo. So good in fact, that they aren't even considering surgery at this point. They are now planning

on doing a "maintenance" plan with chemo and then seeing the FIL back for another PET scan in February to see what is happening at that point.

Wife wants to celebrate tonight :pickle:
Click to expand...
:clap:
 
Update... cancer sucks.. but pretty sure everybody already knows that...

FIL is down to 110 lbs.. Hospice being called in.. not a good situation.

Luckily it's a big, close family..

 
playin4beer said:
Update... cancer sucks.. but pretty sure everybody already knows that...

FIL is down to 110 lbs.. Hospice being called in.. not a good situation.

Luckily it's a big, close family..
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear. Hold that big family close.

 
Sorry to hear that. Shouldn't be long now so spend all the time you can with him. When my mother was in hospice she was on so much morphine she was completely incoherent the whole time. That was the worst week of my life. But it DOES get better and being around family will help the healing. Believe me, you'll find yourselves laughing together at the most inopportune times and itll help everyone through these days.

#### cancer

 
shadyridr said:
Sorry to hear that. Shouldn't be long now so spend all the time you can with him. When my mother was in hospice she was on so much morphine she was completely incoherent the whole time. That was the worst week of my life. But it DOES get better and being around family will help the healing. Believe me, you'll find yourselves laughing together at the most inopportune times and itll help everyone through these days.

#### cancer
Click to expand...
Thanks ...

He's on morphine already and is out of it quite a bit... it's been hard on my MIL and all the kids have been trying to help out as much as possible...

 
Hospice usually has amazing people working there. My father went thru this at Christmas few years ago in MN. Enjoy the time with him. It's nice that there is family there to support him/each other.

 
Apologies if this is an indelicate question, but is he on IV morphine, or is it being delivered orally? The reason I ask is that there is likely going to be a point where he can no longer take medication orally and it can take time to get the IV meds ordered and running.

My prayers are with you and your family.

 
your family is in my prayers bud. just lost my dad last november to lunng cancer and went through this. hospice was incredible. so sorry p4b

 
bigbottom said:
Apologies if this is an indelicate question, but is he on IV morphine, or is it being delivered orally? The reason I ask is that there is likely going to be a point where he can no longer take medication orally and it can take time to get the IV meds ordered and running.

My prayers are with you and your family.
Click to expand...
No IV yet.. but i'm sure that's next...

 
playin4beer said:
shadyridr said:
Sorry to hear that. Shouldn't be long now so spend all the time you can with him. When my mother was in hospice she was on so much morphine she was completely incoherent the whole time. That was the worst week of my life. But it DOES get better and being around family will help the healing. Believe me, you'll find yourselves laughing together at the most inopportune times and itll help everyone through these days.

#### cancer
Click to expand...
Thanks ...

He's on morphine already and is out of it quite a bit... it's been hard on my MIL and all the kids have been trying to help out as much as possible...
Click to expand...
My mom barely recognized us that final week. The saddest part was when my father brought the iPad to the hosptial to show her pictures of my son and the look of confusion on her face. Tearing up thinking about it now. I was unprepared for that. There was no dying words, no peaceful moments. Dont be scared to cry or even laugh during these last days. Being with family and laughing at all the good moments was one of the few things that got me through it.

 
playin4beer said:
bigbottom said:
Apologies if this is an indelicate question, but is he on IV morphine, or is it being delivered orally? The reason I ask is that there is likely going to be a point where he can no longer take medication orally and it can take time to get the IV meds ordered and running.

My prayers are with you and your family.
Click to expand...
No IV yet.. but i'm sure that's next...
Click to expand...
Okay, you should start taking steps to get the IV ordered. If you wait until he can no longer take medication orally to get the IV meds ordered, there could be significant down time between doses. I cannot stress enough how important it is to plan ahead. I know this is extremely difficult and my heart goes out to you.

 
And he's gone...

Passed away Monday night.. Wife is understandably a mess... she's got good moments and tough moments..

Some heart wrenching moments these past few weeks... On Sunday, all the grandkids (all 23 of them) gathered in the living room and sang bible school songs to him...

They will also be singing at the funeral.. I'm sure i'll lose it then.. that's been the hardest part.. watching my four girls struggle with the grief...

Towards the end, my 8yr old (my avatar pic) would lay in the hospital bed with him, holding his hand...

Luckily the immediate and extended family is huge and there is TONS of support all around. He was very well known and loved in a small community, I'm expecting a huge

turnout for the funeral.. he coached youth sports, ran the transportation for the local school, was very involved in everything... well respected by everybody.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers....

 
My heart goes out to you and your family. So glad to hear that there appears to be a large support system in place. Lean on each other. And be prepared for the quiet that comes following all of the hubbub of the service. It is often then that the grief really takes hold. If you need anything or just want to talk (sometimes you feel like you need to be strong for everyone else), please shoot me a PM.

 
Godsbrother said:
Sorry to hear about your loss. It sound like the man was loved by many which says a lot about him.
Click to expand...
Thank you.. he was respected and loved by an incredible amount of people...

Always had a smile and a kind word to say to everybody... loved his wife, his kids, his grandkids, MSU and the Detroit Tigers...

Also, he was a huge Disney fan... he's being buried in his favorite Mickey Mouse tie :)

 
Very sorry to hear about this. I'm sure it doesn't help to look like he'd make it out ok only 3 months ago.

 
I'm so sorry this happened to you and the family, the good news is it sounds like there is a lot of love with 23 grandkids, let them sing until their voices give out, it probably is comforting to everyone even when you well up with a few tears.

Honor this man by doing something he liked and enjoyed even if it is as simple as getting the newspaper and a cup of coffee in the morning. He is not suffering any longer, learn and grow from this as it could one day be you that experiences this. Sounds like you have a big family so this certainly won't be the only time you go thru this.

I wish you well, be strong for your wife, keep a bottle of Irish Whiskey handy.

 
Sorry to hear. These stories get harder and harder to read. Having been through it with a close friend makes it that much tougher. Stay strong. Come together and help each other begin to heal.

GLGBP4B.

 
My condolences and best wishes to your family. He sure seemed to have lived a good life. :thumbup:

 
Thoughts, prayers and condolences for everyone. it'll be the suck for a good long while, but eventually the gut wrenching will subside down to melancholy smiles and "Remember the time..." conversations.

GL

 
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