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Have you ever had a hemorrhoid? (1 Viewer)

Clifton

Footballguy
I think I have one. Never had one before. Wondering what the possible upside could be. This thing sucks. Where do I go from here?

 
upside? you get to put cream on your ### that doesn't smell like poots.
It's not cool. Just came out of nowhere. I hope that it is in fact, a roid. I don't feel like dealing with butt cancer. I know someone who had that. He had to get a colostomy and the radiation torched his nards...no shtick. Colostomy was later reversed. Anyhow, this thing sucks. I want it gone. I read something about a method where people tie them off with rubber bands and they fall off :popcorn: Possibly the craziest thing I've heard in so far this year.
 
My dad had one, I seem to remember something about rubber bands.
You've got to be kidding me? It feels like someone stabbed me in the but and it healed funny. I mean it's right there, in the worst spot imaginable. If this thing isn't gone within a week I'm going to stab it with a scalding framing nail.
 
My dad had one, I seem to remember something about rubber bands.
You've got to be kidding me? It feels like someone stabbed me in the but and it healed funny. I mean it's right there, in the worst spot imaginable. If this thing isn't gone within a week I'm going to stab it with a scalding framing nail.
Worst spot imaginable? Imagine that pain on your pee hole and report back!
 
I had elastic band ligation for my roids two and a half years ago. Mine were internal, and bled copiously after I crapped. Had a few really embarrassing episodes before I finally got them taken care of. The procedure was awful. The doc stuck a probe with a camera up my butt, which also had a claw. The claw grabbed the roid and unleashed a tight-as-hell rubber band around it. Then retracted. Reloaded and repeated on second roid. I left and literally cried the whole way home. The guy said I had two more but he could only do two at a time - come back in four weeks. F-that. Skipped the second appointment and have not had any problems since.

 
I had elastic band ligation for my roids two and a half years ago. Mine were internal, and bled copiously after I crapped. Had a few really embarrassing episodes before I finally got them taken care of. The procedure was awful. The doc stuck a probe with a camera up my butt, which also had a claw. The claw grabbed the roid and unleashed a tight-as-hell rubber band around it. Then retracted. Reloaded and repeated on second roid. I left and literally cried the whole way home. The guy said I had two more but he could only do two at a time - come back in four weeks. F-that. Skipped the second appointment and have not had any problems since.
I had surgery where they cut them out. The 2 weeks after were the worst of my life.
 
I had elastic band ligation for my roids two and a half years ago. Mine were internal, and bled copiously after I crapped. Had a few really embarrassing episodes before I finally got them taken care of. The procedure was awful. The doc stuck a probe with a camera up my butt, which also had a claw. The claw grabbed the roid and unleashed a tight-as-hell rubber band around it. Then retracted. Reloaded and repeated on second roid. I left and literally cried the whole way home. The guy said I had two more but he could only do two at a time - come back in four weeks. F-that. Skipped the second appointment and have not had any problems since.
What is hemorrihoid exactly? Going by the description, I imagine little balls growing out of Clifton's butt cheeks.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I've got something going on down there.... but I refuse to pay a doctor to look at it, and none of my friends have been willing to date.

 
I had elastic band ligation for my roids two and a half years ago. Mine were internal, and bled copiously after I crapped. Had a few really embarrassing episodes before I finally got them taken care of. The procedure was awful. The doc stuck a probe with a camera up my butt, which also had a claw. The claw grabbed the roid and unleashed a tight-as-hell rubber band around it. Then retracted. Reloaded and repeated on second roid. I left and literally cried the whole way home. The guy said I had two more but he could only do two at a time - come back in four weeks. F-that. Skipped the second appointment and have not had any problems since.
Now, I know who this is. Why do I remember weird #### like this about total strangers? :popcorn:
 
When I was in the nutritional business, one of our customers marketed L-Carnitine Tartrate in powder form. Advocated taking it by the scoop full (about 5g dosages). I started taking it and developed some killer 'roids. The toilet would look like fruit punch after I took a dump and ripping those bad boys open was not a good time.

I stopped taking the carnitine and they went away after a month or two. About a year later, I decided to give the carnitine another go (I was not convinced it had been the cause). Sure enough, I had the same result. This time the timing was awful as I had to fly out to Cali to meet my girlfriend and drive back to Colorado with her. Sitting in the car for 17 hours was not cool.

Anyway, they subsided after a while as well. I still have one big roid back there but it never bleeds like those other times. I might get a little spotting occasionally but never experience the awful pain like those nightmare dumps.

 
When I was in the nutritional business, one of our customers marketed L-Carnitine Tartrate in powder form. Advocated taking it by the scoop full (about 5g dosages). I started taking it and developed some killer 'roids. The toilet would look like fruit punch after I took a dump and ripping those bad boys open was not a good time.I stopped taking the carnitine and they went away after a month or two. About a year later, I decided to give the carnitine another go (I was not convinced it had been the cause). Sure enough, I had the same result. This time the timing was awful as I had to fly out to Cali to meet my girlfriend and drive back to Colorado with her. Sitting in the car for 17 hours was not cool.Anyway, they subsided after a while as well. I still have one big roid back there but it never bleeds like those other times. I might get a little spotting occasionally but never experience the awful pain like those nightmare dumps.
Ugh.
 
When I was in the nutritional business, one of our customers marketed L-Carnitine Tartrate in powder form. Advocated taking it by the scoop full (about 5g dosages). I started taking it and developed some killer 'roids. The toilet would look like fruit punch after I took a dump and ripping those bad boys open was not a good time.

I stopped taking the carnitine and they went away after a month or two. About a year later, I decided to give the carnitine another go (I was not convinced it had been the cause). Sure enough, I had the same result. This time the timing was awful as I had to fly out to Cali to meet my girlfriend and drive back to Colorado with her. Sitting in the car for 17 hours was not cool.

Anyway, they subsided after a while as well. I still have one big roid back there but it never bleeds like those other times. I might get a little spotting occasionally but never experience the awful pain like those nightmare dumps.
Thanks for the visual. :thumbup:
 
:D I am so getting one of these.See 20 pages of research on the health benefits of squatting. Fascinating. :lmao:

Very sig-worthy stuff here - "We must bear in mind that, while we regard the use of the [chair-like toilet] as natural, we represent only a relatively small percentage of the world's population, and a percentage that may be said, in an absolute sense, to be wrong, insofar as we have allowed civilization to interfere with our biological functioning."

 
I think I’ve told one or two of my roid war stories in here before before, but it’s relevant:

After a long day of boozing at a golf tournament a few years ago I was at a bar late night. I went up to the bar and fetched four bottles of beer and was walking back to my buddies when I hit a patch of wet floor, I was wearing tread-less flip flops at the time, and my feet flew up over my head. I came down hard and ended up with deep gashes in each of my hands. A buddy grabbed me, hailed a cab outside, and we were on the way to the Mass General ER. When I got there they saw how loaded I was. They gauzed my wounds, stuck me in a room on a bed and told me to get some rest. I passed out for a couple of hours. The next thing I remember was hearing this conversation in the hallway:

Nurse 1: “Busy night in here tonight, let me give you the rundown. In Room One we have a broken collarbone, Room Two is a broken nose and head laceration, possible concussion, Room three alcohol poisoning, Room Four we got a stab wound in the upper thigh, Room Five looks like a suicide attempt and possible rape victim….”

Nurse 2: “Boston PD been called? We got counseling coming in?”

Nurse 1: “Yeah, they’re on the way. Room Six we need x-rays on the left wrist…”

She went on and on. The nurses were changing shifts and giving a run down on the night’s activity. "Lots of crazy #### going on, looks like I won't be a priority", I thought to myself at the time. I rolled over, closed my eyes and nodded off again.

Sometime later there was a knock and I turned to see three people walk in, a policeman among them, along with a female doctor and a lady in civilian clothes.

Doc: “How are you feeling?”

Me: “A little groggy, not too bad though.”

Doc: “Can you tell us what happened?”

Me: “Yeah. I had a few cocktails, slipped on the floor at the bar and cut my hands on broken glass.”

Lady: “Um..yeah. It’s okay sir, you can tell us what happened. We deal with this type of stuff”

Me: :D “What stuff? I just told you what happened - there’s really nothing else to say.”

Cop: “Who did this to you?”

Me: “Nobody. WTF?”

Lady: “Why is your rectum bleeding?”

Me: reaches around to feel seat of khaki shorts, very moist, checks hand and it is crimson red. “Oh ####” :confused:

Cop: “Why did you cut yourself? Who raped you?”

Me: :wall: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…you guys have it wrong here. My ### had been killing me all day while golfing, I’ve got awful roids, sometimes they explode like this, I wasn’t raped, what the hell….”

Lady: “This is all very hard to believe. We'd like to do a rape kit.”

Me: “I swear…Christ…Doc….please look at my ###…should be pretty clear....there will be no rape kit!”

The other two left and the doctor check my ### and confirmed that roids were the culprit. She talked to the other two out in the hall, then they all came back in. They still weren’t totally sold on my story so I had to do some more convincing, like “why the hell would I slash the base of my thumb and the palm of my hand and not my wrists? I’m not a ####### idiot!” The cop and the therapist gave me their cards, told me to call them if I thought of anything else, and left. I got stitched up, asked for and received some hospital pants to wear out of there in place of my bloody khakis, and took a cab home as the sun was coming up.

 
I think I’ve told one or two of my roid war stories in here before before, but it’s relevant:After a long day of boozing at a golf tournament a few years ago I was at a bar late night. I went up to the bar and fetched four bottles of beer and was walking back to my buddies when I hit a patch of wet floor, I was wearing tread-less flip flops at the time, and my feet flew up over my head. I came down hard and ended up with deep gashes in each of my hands. A buddy grabbed me, hailed a cab outside, and we were on the way to the Mass General ER. When I got there they saw how loaded I was. They gauzed my wounds, stuck me in a room on a bed and told me to get some rest. I passed out for a couple of hours. The next thing I remember was hearing this conversation in the hallway:Nurse 1: “Busy night in here tonight, let me give you the rundown. In Room One we have a broken collarbone, Room Two is a broken nose and head laceration, possible concussion, Room three alcohol poisoning, Room Four we got a stab wound in the upper thigh, Room Five looks like a suicide attempt and possible rape victim….”Nurse 2: “Boston PD been called? We got counseling coming in?”Nurse 1: “Yeah, they’re on the way. Room Six we need x-rays on the left wrist…” She went on and on. The nurses were changing shifts and giving a run down on the night’s activity. "Lots of crazy #### going on, looks like I won't be a priority", I thought to myself at the time. I rolled over, closed my eyes and nodded off again. Sometime later there was a knock and I turned to see three people walk in, a policeman among them, along with a female doctor and a lady in civilian clothes.Doc: “How are you feeling?”Me: “A little groggy, not too bad though.”Doc: “Can you tell us what happened?”Me: “Yeah. I had a few cocktails, slipped on the floor at the bar and cut my hands on broken glass.”Lady: “Um..yeah. It’s okay sir, you can tell us what happened. We deal with this type of stuff”Me: ;) “What stuff? I just told you what happened - there’s really nothing else to say.”Cop: “Who did this to you?”Me: “Nobody. WTF?”Lady: “Why is your rectum bleeding?”Me: reaches around to feel seat of khaki shorts, very moist, checks hand and it is crimson red. “Oh ####” :mellow: Cop: “Why did you cut yourself? Who raped you?”Me: :eek: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…you guys have it wrong here. My ### had been killing me all day while golfing, I’ve got awful roids, sometimes they explode like this, I wasn’t raped, what the hell….”Lady: “This is all very hard to believe. We'd like to do a rape kit.”Me: “I swear…Christ…Doc….please look at my ###…should be pretty clear....there will be no rape kit!”The other two left and the doctor check my ### and confirmed that roids were the culprit. She talked to the other two out in the hall, then they all came back in. They still weren’t totally sold on my story so I had to do some more convincing, like “why the hell would I slash the base of my thumb and the palm of my hand and not my wrists? I’m not a ####### idiot!” The cop and the therapist gave me their cards, told me to call them if I thought of anything else, and left. I got stitched up, asked for and received some hospital pants to wear out of there in place of my bloody khakis, and took a cab home as the sun was coming up.
:lmao: :cry: :lmao:
 
I want it gone. I read something about a method where people tie them off with rubber bands and they fall off :shrug: Possibly the craziest thing I've heard in so far this year.
It's sort of like docking a Rottweiler's tail. I say do it. What could go wrong?
 
Rubber bands DO NOT WORK - Don't do that.

If it is off "to the side" and "not interfering" with the daily process - then you can let it go and it will reduce on it's own in about 1 week.

If it is "standing in the way of progress' - then you will just reaggrevate it doing your business and you need to see a rectal surgeon and have it removed. Laser or Knife are your options. BOTH F'IN HURT LIKE MAD!

 
I think I’ve told one or two of my roid war stories in here before before, but it’s relevant:After a long day of boozing at a golf tournament a few years ago I was at a bar late night. I went up to the bar and fetched four bottles of beer and was walking back to my buddies when I hit a patch of wet floor, I was wearing tread-less flip flops at the time, and my feet flew up over my head. I came down hard and ended up with deep gashes in each of my hands. A buddy grabbed me, hailed a cab outside, and we were on the way to the Mass General ER. When I got there they saw how loaded I was. They gauzed my wounds, stuck me in a room on a bed and told me to get some rest. I passed out for a couple of hours. The next thing I remember was hearing this conversation in the hallway:Nurse 1: “Busy night in here tonight, let me give you the rundown. In Room One we have a broken collarbone, Room Two is a broken nose and head laceration, possible concussion, Room three alcohol poisoning, Room Four we got a stab wound in the upper thigh, Room Five looks like a suicide attempt and possible rape victim….”Nurse 2: “Boston PD been called? We got counseling coming in?”Nurse 1: “Yeah, they’re on the way. Room Six we need x-rays on the left wrist…” She went on and on. The nurses were changing shifts and giving a run down on the night’s activity. "Lots of crazy #### going on, looks like I won't be a priority", I thought to myself at the time. I rolled over, closed my eyes and nodded off again. Sometime later there was a knock and I turned to see three people walk in, a policeman among them, along with a female doctor and a lady in civilian clothes.Doc: “How are you feeling?”Me: “A little groggy, not too bad though.”Doc: “Can you tell us what happened?”Me: “Yeah. I had a few cocktails, slipped on the floor at the bar and cut my hands on broken glass.”Lady: “Um..yeah. It’s okay sir, you can tell us what happened. We deal with this type of stuff”Me: :popcorn: “What stuff? I just told you what happened - there’s really nothing else to say.”Cop: “Who did this to you?”Me: “Nobody. WTF?”Lady: “Why is your rectum bleeding?”Me: reaches around to feel seat of khaki shorts, very moist, checks hand and it is crimson red. “Oh ####” :shrug: Cop: “Why did you cut yourself? Who raped you?”Me: :eek: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…you guys have it wrong here. My ### had been killing me all day while golfing, I’ve got awful roids, sometimes they explode like this, I wasn’t raped, what the hell….”Lady: “This is all very hard to believe. We'd like to do a rape kit.”Me: “I swear…Christ…Doc….please look at my ###…should be pretty clear....there will be no rape kit!”The other two left and the doctor check my ### and confirmed that roids were the culprit. She talked to the other two out in the hall, then they all came back in. They still weren’t totally sold on my story so I had to do some more convincing, like “why the hell would I slash the base of my thumb and the palm of my hand and not my wrists? I’m not a ####### idiot!” The cop and the therapist gave me their cards, told me to call them if I thought of anything else, and left. I got stitched up, asked for and received some hospital pants to wear out of there in place of my bloody khakis, and took a cab home as the sun was coming up.
That. Is. Awesome! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
 
I think I’ve told one or two of my roid war stories in here before before, but it’s relevant:After a long day of boozing at a golf tournament a few years ago I was at a bar late night. I went up to the bar and fetched four bottles of beer and was walking back to my buddies when I hit a patch of wet floor, I was wearing tread-less flip flops at the time, and my feet flew up over my head. I came down hard and ended up with deep gashes in each of my hands. A buddy grabbed me, hailed a cab outside, and we were on the way to the Mass General ER. When I got there they saw how loaded I was. They gauzed my wounds, stuck me in a room on a bed and told me to get some rest. I passed out for a couple of hours. The next thing I remember was hearing this conversation in the hallway:Nurse 1: “Busy night in here tonight, let me give you the rundown. In Room One we have a broken collarbone, Room Two is a broken nose and head laceration, possible concussion, Room three alcohol poisoning, Room Four we got a stab wound in the upper thigh, Room Five looks like a suicide attempt and possible rape victim….”Nurse 2: “Boston PD been called? We got counseling coming in?”Nurse 1: “Yeah, they’re on the way. Room Six we need x-rays on the left wrist…” She went on and on. The nurses were changing shifts and giving a run down on the night’s activity. "Lots of crazy #### going on, looks like I won't be a priority", I thought to myself at the time. I rolled over, closed my eyes and nodded off again. Sometime later there was a knock and I turned to see three people walk in, a policeman among them, along with a female doctor and a lady in civilian clothes.Doc: “How are you feeling?”Me: “A little groggy, not too bad though.”Doc: “Can you tell us what happened?”Me: “Yeah. I had a few cocktails, slipped on the floor at the bar and cut my hands on broken glass.”Lady: “Um..yeah. It’s okay sir, you can tell us what happened. We deal with this type of stuff”Me: :shrug: “What stuff? I just told you what happened - there’s really nothing else to say.”Cop: “Who did this to you?”Me: “Nobody. WTF?”Lady: “Why is your rectum bleeding?”Me: reaches around to feel seat of khaki shorts, very moist, checks hand and it is crimson red. “Oh ####” :lmao: Cop: “Why did you cut yourself? Who raped you?”Me: :eek: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…you guys have it wrong here. My ### had been killing me all day while golfing, I’ve got awful roids, sometimes they explode like this, I wasn’t raped, what the hell….”Lady: “This is all very hard to believe. We'd like to do a rape kit.”Me: “I swear…Christ…Doc….please look at my ###…should be pretty clear....there will be no rape kit!”The other two left and the doctor check my ### and confirmed that roids were the culprit. She talked to the other two out in the hall, then they all came back in. They still weren’t totally sold on my story so I had to do some more convincing, like “why the hell would I slash the base of my thumb and the palm of my hand and not my wrists? I’m not a ####### idiot!” The cop and the therapist gave me their cards, told me to call them if I thought of anything else, and left. I got stitched up, asked for and received some hospital pants to wear out of there in place of my bloody khakis, and took a cab home as the sun was coming up.
That. Is. Awesome! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :eek:
:popcorn:
 
Rubber bands DO NOT WORK - Don't do that.

If it is off "to the side" and "not interfering" with the daily process - then you can let it go and it will reduce on it's own in about 1 week.

If it is "standing in the way of progress' - then you will just reaggrevate it doing your business and you need to see a rectal surgeon and have it removed. Laser or Knife are your options. BOTH F'IN HURT LIKE MAD!
:popcorn: The rubber bands changed my life. they are funny to joke about but I am serious when I tell you I was debilitated by these things - the fear of an attack always in the back of my mind. I had numerous embarrassing, public episodes. I have not had a single problem since I got the rubber band treatment.

 
Rubber bands DO NOT WORK - Don't do that.

If it is off "to the side" and "not interfering" with the daily process - then you can let it go and it will reduce on it's own in about 1 week.

If it is "standing in the way of progress' - then you will just reaggrevate it doing your business and you need to see a rectal surgeon and have it removed. Laser or Knife are your options. BOTH F'IN HURT LIKE MAD!
:bs: The rubber bands changed my life. they are funny to joke about but I am serious when I tell you I was debilitated by these things - the fear of an attack always in the back of my mind. I had numerous embarrassing, public episodes. I have not had a single problem since I got the rubber band treatment.
:goodposting:
 
Rubber bands DO NOT WORK - Don't do that.

If it is off "to the side" and "not interfering" with the daily process - then you can let it go and it will reduce on it's own in about 1 week.

If it is "standing in the way of progress' - then you will just reaggrevate it doing your business and you need to see a rectal surgeon and have it removed. Laser or Knife are your options. BOTH F'IN HURT LIKE MAD!
I think we know why you don't like to use the rubber bands. :goodposting:
 
Rubber bands DO NOT WORK - Don't do that.

If it is off "to the side" and "not interfering" with the daily process - then you can let it go and it will reduce on it's own in about 1 week.

If it is "standing in the way of progress' - then you will just reaggrevate it doing your business and you need to see a rectal surgeon and have it removed. Laser or Knife are your options. BOTH F'IN HURT LIKE MAD!
I think we know why you don't like to use the rubber bands. :goodposting:
no way in hell I am clicking that one....
 

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