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Have you ever sharted? (1 Viewer)

Had an incident last Tuesday.  Was jet-lagged and choose to eat Chinese.  I was confident of a dry fart while in bed.  Just the opposite.

Clean up involved a lengthy shower, drawers in the trash, taking the trash out, and dumping the bedding.  My traveling companions were my brother and his 16 year old daughter.  They got to experience the moment both through smell and sound.  They enjoyed that, and enjoyed sharing the story of my loss of discipline with my other nieces and nephews the next day.

 
About twice per year.  Usually involves throwing away undergarments and a pretty involved cleanup.  Thanks for asking.  

 
I'd had the flu for a few days. It was the worst sickness I'd ever had. I was barfing and ####ting hot liquid constantly + fever + headache.

At one point I laid down on the couch, sprawled out, feeling miserable. My pants were missing. I felt a fart coming so I flipped over onto a pillow with my ### in the air and attempted to control it slowly so as not to spew rancid ### juice. This effort failed and I squirted probably what amounted to 4 ounces of poopsludge across my ###, my back, the pillow and the couch cushions. The dog in the room at the time immediately jumped off the other chair and left. In my fever-induced delirium I said something like "Well #### you too I watch you poop all the time!"

Yelling at the dog, while covered in ####, at 4AM. Definitely a high point. #### the flu."

 
Sharted at work one time. Made the dude that I commuted in with to give me his car, so I could go home and clean up.

 
Sharted on the drive from Phoenix to LA.  Pulled over at Walmart near Indio, CA.  Bought a 3 pack of boxers and a pair of jeans.  Threw the old shorts and underwear into the bag and left in a trash can outside the Starbucks.  Good times.

 
Yep.  Probably 20 years ago.  I was dealing craps (no lie) and came out on stick.  Tried to fart.  Nope.  Shart.

I obviously couldn't say a damn thing.  So I had to wait for 60 minutes (20 at each station) before going back on break.  

 
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Yup. Went past the point of no return on the couch in front of my wife.  It was horrific.  I've had a couple of skirmishes, but nothing like that.   Not like Poppie from Seinfeld, but it felt like it.

 
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I once sharted during the act of coitus.

I didn't want to stop and tried to squeak it out mid thrust and failed

i rushed to the bathroom backwards,  cleaned up and got right back to the horizontal polka

she was understandably confused but didn't ask questions

she must have known

 
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Got a hotel for a buddies wedding.  Drank WAAAYYYYY too much and ended up barfing.  Next morning I had just got up and was staggering around a bit.  Wife starts yelling "I'm you must have sat in your barf because you got some on the bed"

I was pretty sure I had gotten it all in the bowl and as I pulled down my boxers to take my morning dump I yelled back "umm...thats not barf" 

 
Yeah, a few years back. After  a night of too much beer and Taco Bell, I am pulling into the parking garage at my work.  As I'm parking, I am thinking it's good to get some of this gas out before going in to my office, but wait, that's wet. 

And of all days to wear light tan khakis.  I quickly called in and said you're not gonna believe this, I just ripped my pant leg on my car door and I need to go home and change them. 

Shower, throw away underwear,  and new pants and I was back in the game .

 
Courtjester said:
Yeah, a few years back. After  a night of too much beer and Taco Bell, I am pulling into the parking garage at my work.  As I'm parking, I am thinking it's good to get some of this gas out before going in to my office, but wait, that's wet. 

And of all days to wear light tan khakis.  I quickly called in and said you're not gonna believe this, I just ripped my pant leg on my car door and I need to go home and change them. 

Shower, throw away underwear,  and new pants and I was back in the game .
Click to expand...
Do you normally go to work after a night of too much drinking?  What type of work do you do? 

 
gbill2004 said:
Do you normally go to work after a night of too much drinking?  What type of work do you do? 
Click to expand...
I think you would be hard-pressed to find many on this board who haven't gone to work after a night of drinking. 

 Now if this is a pattern every Wednesday morning, then you may have a problem 

 
Courtjester said:
I think you would be hard-pressed to find many on this board who haven't gone to work after a night of drinking. 

 Now if this is a pattern every Wednesday morning, then you may have a problem 
Click to expand...
I thought you meant that same evening.  Like leaving the bar then going straight to work. 

 
I wake up in the morning, put my foot to the floor,
Make a fifty-yard dash to the bathroom door,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
No pain, no strain,
Just let it drain,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
Some people think it's gross,
But it's really toast.
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
Sittin' in the pool,
And I felt something cool,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
I was walkin' down the hall,
And I felt somethin' fall,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!

 
Ditkaless Wonders said:
Had an incident last Tuesday.  Was jet-lagged and choose to eat Chinese.  I was confident of a dry fart while in bed.  Just the opposite.

Clean up involved a lengthy shower, drawers in the trash, taking the trash out, and dumping the bedding.  My traveling companions were my brother and his 16 year old daughter.  They got to experience the moment both through smell and sound.  They enjoyed that, and enjoyed sharing the story of my loss of discipline with my other nieces and nephews the next day.
Click to expand...
Is this actually true?  I'd be horrified. Good on you for handling it well. 

 
Just once. Was at home luckily. I actually remember it very vividly. It was a sunny summer afternoon and I was taking a #1, suddenly as most people do, I let loose some gas mid tinkle. This was no ordinary passing of gas though...

A thunderous echo rattled from me bum, it was so loud it really startled me. It also hurt quite a bit honestly, so much that it made me jump to my toes, and my stream just immediately shut down out of the pain I think. In my stunned state, I was kind of catching my breath and happened to look down and saw my breifs soiled. Nothing too large, just a small bit the size of a quarter, but damn it hurt. Wiped up, grabbed some new breifs and showered off. A day I'll never forget.

 
ShamrockPride said:
Just once. Was at home luckily. I actually remember it very vividly. It was a sunny summer afternoon and I was taking a #1, suddenly as most people do, I let loose some gas mid tinkle. This was no ordinary passing of gas though...

A thunderous echo rattled from me bum, it was so loud it really startled me. It also hurt quite a bit honestly, so much that it made me jump to my toes, and my stream just immediately shut down out of the pain I think. In my stunned state, I was kind of catching my breath and happened to look down and saw my breifs soiled. Nothing too large, just a small bit the size of a quarter, but damn it hurt. Wiped up, grabbed some new breifs and showered off. A day I'll never forget.
Click to expand...
You've got far worse sharting in front of you my friend. 

 
If you've ever used cocaine on a semi-regular basis, guaranteed you have sharted multiple times. 

ETA: Or so I've heard

 
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Perfect timing because today is the first Friday of the month, when the US Govt releases the monthly employment statistics at exactly 8:30 AM.  For traders in the US government bond market, this is usually the most critical data release of the month, because these stats are used by the a Federal Reserve to set monetary policy, and the market in US govt can swing wildly around the number,. So much so that screens showing bids and offers on the various maturities would go compelelty blank right before the number, to ensure nobody gets picked off by something unexpected.

A few months after college I was still getting the hang of my job in this market, and had only recently been allowed to answer phones to execute trades for our clients. let's just say I overdid it a bit the night before a number.  Excruciatingly hung over, I rolled in late the next day, around 8:10, and it was chaos for about 15 minutes, followed by complete silence for a few mintues, then chaos again.  Think the frozen concentrated orange juice pit at the nod of trading places, just in a bigger room with people around "desks" sitting in front of screens and phone turrets.

At about 8:32 it happened.  Gambled and lost.  I did the clenched butt walk into the bathroom just off the floor, and then headed straight to the Gap underneath the World Trade Center where I bought new pants and new underwear.  Dropped the old ones in the trash and good as new.  Until I got back to the still chaotic desk to my boss wondering where in the hell I had been for the last 20 minutes.  To my credit I knew enough at the time that telling the truth was the only way out, because the humor value would trump how much trouble I was in.  

Next time was years later after a Mexican restaurant on my 3rd or 4th date with my now wife.   Back to her apartment, it was early enough in the relationship that I was afraid to yell at her to hurry up in the bathroom, and while I was waiting in her bedroom it happened.  That's one way to take your first shower with a woman!

 
VA703 said:
I'd had the flu for a few days. It was the worst sickness I'd ever had. I was barfing and ####ting hot liquid constantly + fever + headache.

At one point I laid down on the couch, sprawled out, feeling miserable. My pants were missing. I felt a fart coming so I flipped over onto a pillow with my ### in the air and attempted to control it slowly so as not to spew rancid ### juice. This effort failed and I squirted probably what amounted to 4 ounces of poopsludge across my ###, my back, the pillow and the couch cushions. The dog in the room at the time immediately jumped off the other chair and left. In my fever-induced delirium I said something like "Well #### you too I watch you poop all the time!"

Yelling at the dog, while covered in ####, at 4AM. Definitely a high point. #### the flu."
Click to expand...
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:  

 
I have an epic story I posted somewhere here from almost three years ago at an interview I was at.

 Had another epic one this past summer.  My best friend is an inspector I use for my buyers.  I have to open the door for him to get in.  This one was an hour away so I stayed and we had lunch after he was done.  Right when we get off the freeway, I'm squirming like a mother ####er.  We make it to his house and I destroyed his bathroom. Took me an hour to clean up. Good times.   

 
One of my more memorable times was coming back from a bachelor party.  Spent the evening at the strip club and had too much beer and  made the mistake of having some nachos loaded with crap. Sharted a bit on the bus ride home, used my underwear to wipe and tossed them out of the window of the bus. 

 
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