How do you make friends in your early 30s? (1 Viewer)

[snogger]

I'll be your friend

 

[Brony]

Just walk down your street and call out for a new friend.  Exhibit A.

 

[SWC]

you guys are all my brohans so hey you have that going for you which is nice take that to the bank 

 

[snogger]

Any other ideas??

I'm 50, work from home and have no idea how to "Make new friends" at this point in my life. Zero interest at this point of going to bars, etc.

Most things I do outside the house tend to be "individual" things like Cross Country Skiing, Photography, Drone flying... Living in a small town doesn't help as finding a group in the area to join isn't easy.

Guess I could always start going to the "Old Folks" 500/Rummy card games every other week.

There are clubs for everything. 

Photography Club. Drone/Plane/Copter flying club. Start online and you'll likely going to find some folks semi-local. 

But yah.. if you live in a tiny town, only enjoy solitary hobbies, don't like to go to bars or sporting events.... you're either going to have to develop some social hobbies, move to a more populous area, or just accept not having a ton of friends :(

At this point I'd take just one good friend close by to do things with.
My High school friends never really grew up.. One still does the Bar scene/Bands almost every weekend. The other one never settled down and last time I talked with him he had racked up his 4th child with his 4th "Baby Mamma".. and still not married. I do stay in touch with one College friend, but again we don't have combined interests to go out and do things together. 

The closet thing I have to a "Friend" is my Cousin, who I've been helping build his cabin in Canada for the past 5 years. He probably knows more about me then even my wife.
But, outside of the times we go to Canada or meet to discuss the next trip to Canada, we don't have a lot in common to do other things.
Wife and I have tried a couple of times to get "Couple friends" But either we are too picky, or there are just to many crazies now days as they have failed each time.

But dang it.. I will not give up!!! 

 

[fightingillini]

So what were your favorite subjects in HS?  Play any sports?

Math and Science.  I played golf (I was all conference and honorable mention all-state....I was about a 4 handicap back then), and I ran track in the spring. 

If I were to go back to HS, I would have played a real team sport like soccer, football, or baseball.  On those teams, those guys were really tight with one another.  Golf and track were more individual type sports.  I also had a bad temper in HS (untreated ADHD didn't help), so while I was the #1 golfer in my school, none of my teammates wanted to play with me.  So I was really isolated.  I had friends but none that were really close.  In many ways, it's worse than being alone.....knowing that girls liked you but NOT wanting to date you......or that you would get invited to a large party, but you were never invited to smaller groups where one would invite their closest friends.

My life changed the moment I went to college.  That was, and will always be, the best 4 years of my life.  There I made a lot of lasting friendships where I still keep in touch with today.

 

[McGarnicle]

I've always been horrible at making friends, and if I did not have kids, I most likely would not have made any in the last 20 years.  All of the friends I see on more than just an occasionally basis are parents of my kids friends, parents from their schools, or parents from their sports teammates.  I'm not complaining, I've met some great people through those avenues, and is effiicient.  But as someone said, it is an extremely expensive method.

 

My wife makes our friends and she's been killing it lately. We've got a nice roster of couples we hang out with a few times per month. Then we have our lazy weekends at home and those are great too. 

 

[Josie Maran]

Hang out at the mall and/or high school football games.

Oh wait, are you in Alabama?

 

[Thunderlips]

Just be like "S'up, Bro?"......

 

[Bossman]

Interesting ... I have the exact opposite problem.

I'm about to turn 50 and I have a hard time getting people to leave me alone.

 

[Bull Dozier]

 

My wife makes our friends and she's been killing it lately. We've got a nice roster of couples we hang out with a few times per month. Then we have our lazy weekends at home and those are great too. 

We'd have a lot more friends if I didn't dislike most people.  We know a grand total of three couples that I don't despise one of the two in the couple.  Two of the three are always busy, but fortunately the third lives up the street.

She's constantly wanting to know if I want to hang out with such and such couple.  I feel like I'm in a Seinfeld episode.  You know I can't stand her, he/she [has man hands, is a low talker, peed on my couch, etc].

 

[McGarnicle]

We'd have a lot more friends if I didn't dislike most people.  We know a grand total of three couples that I don't despise one of the two in the couple.  Two of the three are always busy, but fortunately the third lives up the street.

She's constantly wanting to know if I want to hang out with such and such couple.  I feel like I'm in a Seinfeld episode.  You know I can't stand her, he/she [has man hands, is a low talker, peed on my couch, etc].

 

Booze helps.

 

[SWC]

if the event is in a gymnasium or other large open space see if you can ride in on a sweet motorcycle with a jumpy rock number pumping all of the guys will want to be you and the women will think that they can change you and that my friends is how you make you some friends take that to the bank brohans 

 

[Nigel]

I'm headed toward 40 and have the same group of friends since HS or shortly after with a couple friends acquired along the way sprinkled in. No real interest in making new friends. People suck and too many folks just want to use you for their gain. I'm sure part of my lack of desire to socialize w/new people is also because I'm in introvert and I also find small talk to be boring and a waste of time. I'd rather talk about something meaningful.

No kids right?

 

[Apes with Guns]

• Find a place where people gather doing a thing that you like to do.
  
• Go to the designated place and do that thing.
  
• Talk to people while you do the thing.
  

This does not work if that thing you like to do is read silently. 

 

[DA RAIDERS]

I knew none of my neighbors until I had a kid. Now I know most of them. Don't really like any of them. I have a few old friends that I see once in a while. My wife is pretty f'ing cool, so there's that.   I'm very comfortable being by myself though. 

 

[belljr]

Snogger it's not you, it's me

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I knew none of my neighbors until I had a kid. Now I know most of them. Don't really like any of them.

Except Shelby, right?

 

[DA RAIDERS]

Except Shelby, right?

Only one I really like is the family whose kid just knocked down my fence.  

Good ole Shelby is just living that spinster life. Don't think she has many friends either. Maybe I should introduce her and snogger

 

[Bob Sacamano]

At this point I'd take just one good friend close by to do things with.
My High school friends never really grew up.. One still does the Bar scene/Bands almost every weekend. The other one never settled down and last time I talked with him he had racked up his 4th child with his 4th "Baby Mamma".. and still not married. I do stay in touch with one College friend, but again we don't have combined interests to go out and do things together. 

The closet thing I have to a "Friend" is my Cousin, who I've been helping build his cabin in Canada for the past 5 years. He probably knows more about me then even my wife.
But, outside of the times we go to Canada or meet to discuss the next trip to Canada, we don't have a lot in common to do other things.
Wife and I have tried a couple of times to get "Couple friends" But either we are too picky, or there are just to many crazies now days as they have failed each time.

But dang it.. I will not give up!!! 

Emoji of the month club?

 

[snogger]

Snogger it's not you, it's me

 

[NeverEnough]

No kids right?

Nope, never wanted them. Why?

 

[Nemesis]

In my 20's and 30's, i used to make friends mostly thru active participation in sports (softball, tennis, golf) and coaching and that was second nature to me.  But in my 40's, my health all but killed those activities, including  4 years ago, i had neck surgery and have 4 vertabrae fused so golf is out of the question  and I can't run anymore as one of my knees has no cartilidge.  To the friends that i used to play those sports with, I feel more distant with or i was "unreliable" in their eyes since it's hard for me to guarantee i will feel well enough.  Nowadays, i feel i'm just not connecting with anyone other than my immediate family and only recently decided to go back to my doctors to see if they can help me physically.  If my doctors tell me that my current health situation "is as good as it is going to get", then i need to adjust my outlook accordingly and look for a non-athletic type of activity to invest more of my energies into and expand my circle.

 

[snogger]

In my 20's and 30's, i used to make friends mostly thru active participation in sports (softball, tennis, golf) and coaching and that was second nature to me.  But in my 40's, my health all but killed those activities, including  4 years ago, i had neck surgery and have 4 vertabrae fused so golf is out of the question  and I can't run anymore as one of my knees has no cartilidge.  To the friends that i used to play those sports with, I feel more distant with or i was "unreliable" in their eyes since it's hard for me to guarantee i will feel well enough.  Nowadays, i feel i'm just not connecting with anyone other than my immediate family and only recently decided to go back to my doctors to see if they can help me physically.  If my doctors tell me that my current health situation "is as good as it is going to get", then i need to adjust my outlook accordingly and look for a non-athletic type of activity to invest more of my energies into and expand my circle.

My lower back is fused to my "tail bone" so know the lack of activities available as I had to give up golf and any high impact sports like downhill skiing. It does take a different kind set but finding new hobbies can be enjoyzble.

 

[waiver wire]

almost 50 and trying to find new friends as well now

single ,never married , no kids and most likely midlife crisis 

earlier this year , quit my job , sold 90% of my belongings , gave notice at my place and moved backed into parents (own 1/2 a condo with them and have been paying mortgage for 20 years but never lived there) 

I always picked money over friends/outings because I was worried about financial security when I was old 

I thought with having all this freedom that I could reconnect with my friends but they all still work and have kids so they are always busy so that hasn't happened 

im travelling lots but it gets lonely on the road after 4-5 weeks

I joined meetup.com to go hiking with new people and that is helped and will probably find a charity to help with my free time as well to meet new people 

 

[Arizona Ron]

Swinger parties of course 

 

[Bull Dozier]

almost 50 and trying to find new friends as well now

single ,never married , no kids and most likely midlife crisis 

earlier this year , quit my job , sold 90% of my belongings , gave notice at my place and moved backed into parents (own 1/2 a condo with them and have been paying mortgage for 20 years but never lived there) 

I always picked money over friends/outings because I was worried about financial security when I was old 

I thought with having all this freedom that I could reconnect with my friends but they all still work and have kids so they are always busy so that hasn't happened 

im travelling lots but it gets lonely on the road after 4-5 weeks

I joined meetup.com to go hiking with new people and that is helped and will probably find a charity to help with my free time as well to meet new people 

This is probably a great idea for someone in your situation for numerous reasons.

 

[ConnSKINS26]

Gaming. All kinds of casual gaming meetups in larger cities nowadays.

Seriously, if you're even a little bit the nerdy type...this.

My girlfriend and I moved to Boston and left behind most of our respective hometown and college friends 3-4 years ago, and slowly realized how hard it was to make new friends outside of work. We're 28 so not much younger than the OP. 

We randomly saw an article about how Dungeons and Dragons, of all things, was making a comeback with our age group and was a great teamwork/group storytelling game that encouraged creativity and friend-making. Not only was it popular "again" but becoming mainstream. Popular media like Stranger Things had already put D&D on our radar and we both already like nerdy fantasy RPG type video games. We waffled for a bit but eventually just dedided to go for it. 

I went on Reddit and joined a "looking for group" type sub, posted our area and almost immediately got literally dozens of responses from people close enough to walk or take the bus/train to meet up. Seriously, dozens. I had to filter people out and narrow it down, there were so many people in our age range wanting to make new friends and play games. And that's just people in one small corner of the internet. 

Now like a lot of people in here I don't really like a lot of people I meet. I can blend in and get along with anyone, and its not hard to find drinking buddy types. But in terms of spending quality time doing something interesting, the bar is higher. Luckily Boston is huge and there are a lot of other people looking for friends to do nerdy things with.

So within weeks we had a ton of responses to our "ad"...after some slight trial and error, we now have a group of 6 people ages 25-30 that meet once a week for 4 hours to drink beer, laugh and play D&D, which is a surprisingly low-pressure, freeform game to play while you get to know new people. And you have the added bonus that the reality is this--you've already started your friendship with these new people doing the dorkiest thing possible, rolling dice and pretending to kill orcs and ####--so as long as the personalities are compatible there's no one to impress, you just loosen up and have fun. It's only been a couple months but we're definitely becoming actual real life friends with the group--and these are just normal people. 2 women, 4 men. Normal jobs. Significant others/husbands/wives. Not greasy basement dwelling nerds like the stereotype would have you think. 

I was honestly shocked how easy and fast it was to find cool people, weed out the weirdos, and start a new hobby. Doesn't have to be D&D, but tabletop games or even just regular boardgames are a blast and a good way to make new friends--and closet nerds looking for a game are everywhere. We're fortunate enough to live in a city but I bet even smaller towns have this scene going on. 

 

[hagmania]

D&D 5E is one of the best games (of any media or genre) ever made.

 

[ConnSKINS26]

D&D 5E is one of the best games (of any media or genre) ever made.

It really is incredible how quickly our entire group picked it up

 

[RokNRole]

Orgies

 

[drummer]

Just put yourself out there to other people man. Say hello and be friendly. You never know who you might meet. Just be yourself, and be comfortable with who you are. You know what you have passion for already, and that will lead to new ones. Find people to collaborate with. To be involved is to get involved. I am 51 years old. I still get involved. 

Just do it man and God bless.