In the spirit of the Holidays: Share the crapiest gifts you've got (1 Viewer)

[netnalp]

From my Mother:

Shiny silver mylar gloves. They were supposed to keep your hands warm. Looked like a cheap knock off of a Michael Jackson glove.

From Grandmother:

An assortment of 30 handcrafted dickey's and they were clip-ons. No clue, I grew up in the 80's not the 1910's.

From Brother:

The "stopped at the gas station before I arrived at the house gift pack". Vitamin spray in a tiny aerosol can, wiper fluid, pencil with a Troll Doll on top, Code Red Gatorade (room temperature) and a slice of pepperoni pizza.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

From Brother:The "stopped at the gas station before I arrived at the house gift pack". Vitamin spray in a tiny aerosol can, wiper fluid, pencil with a Troll Doll on top, Code Red Gatorade (room temperature) and a slice of pepperoni pizza.

 

[fruity pebbles]

From my Mother: Shiny silver mylar gloves. They were supposed to keep your hands warm. Looked like a cheap knock off of a Michael Jackson glove.From Grandmother:An assortment of 30 handcrafted dickey's and they were clip-ons. No clue, I grew up in the 80's not the 1910's.From Brother:The "stopped at the gas station before I arrived at the house gift pack". Vitamin spray in a tiny aerosol can, wiper fluid, pencil with a Troll Doll on top, Code Red Gatorade (room temperature) and a slice of pepperoni pizza.

The Christmas before the ex and I got divorced, she got me a 3 pack of holiday peanut tins. That's all. Knew it was over then and there.

 

[Parmcat]

Ex mother in law- Pair of sock that said "Duck the Halls"

F her!

 

[netnalp]

From my Mother: Shiny silver mylar gloves. They were supposed to keep your hands warm. Looked like a cheap knock off of a Michael Jackson glove.From Grandmother:An assortment of 30 handcrafted dickey's and they were clip-ons. No clue, I grew up in the 80's not the 1910's.From Brother:The "stopped at the gas station before I arrived at the house gift pack". Vitamin spray in a tiny aerosol can, wiper fluid, pencil with a Troll Doll on top, Code Red Gatorade (room temperature) and a slice of pepperoni pizza.

The Christmas before the ex and I got divorced, she got me a 3 pack of holiday peanut tins. That's all. Knew it was over then and there.

It was New Years that I knew a relationship was over. At the stroke of midnight the ball dropped and my girlfriend kissed her friend. Her masculine looking female friend. On the lips. With tongue. For an uncomfortable amount of time.

 

[kentric]

A galactically ugly sweater given to me by a GF. Had a crooked star on it. Ended up being quite the celebrity sweater as it was passed around for foru straight Christmas's - sometimes re-gifted 4-5 times a XMAS. Me -> sister -> brother -> Me.

 

[kentric]

Nastiest/cruelest gift I've ever known of was at a XMAS secret santa. One of the secretaries gave the Asst Branch Mgr a box of tampons. Needless to say, it was the secret santa event the branch had.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

pencil with a Troll Doll on top

lol

 

[Kenny Blankenship]

My grandmother gave all of us grandchildren, 12 in total, a box of pitted prunes and a collapsible snow shovel.

 

[Parrothead]

a wooden moose that you filled with M&Ms, and every time you pushed its head, it pooped an M&M..

 

[NCCommish]

Since my birthday is Dec 22nd I constantly get gifts that are allegedly for my birthday and Christmas. Well you know if you are going to do that, and I wish you wouldn't, it doesn't mean cheap out. That's like a double whammy. Oh it's twice as crappy for half the price, feel the love.

 

[QuizGuy66]

A baseball cap with just this image on it. Actual hat too awful even to find on google

-QG

 

[17seconds]

A Guinness Book of World Records from a used book store. 10+ years old.

 

[Annyong]

a wooden moose that you filled with M&Ms, and every time you pushed its head, it pooped an M&M..

thats awesome. should i PM you my address?

 

[mr roboto]

A baseball cap with just this image on it. Actual hat too awful even to find on google

-QG

Is that Mickeys ###?

 

[mr roboto]

Black dress socks and a Christmas tie.

 

[gmbacm]

a wooden moose that you filled with M&Ms, and every time you pushed its head, it pooped an M&M..

Crap in the figurative sense, but that gift is fantastic.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

A baseball cap with just this image on it. Actual hat too awful even to find on google

-QG

Is that Mickeys ###?

Sort of his shorts with holes cut out so you can see mouse rump.

 

[Clayton Gray]

A warmup vest when I was about 13 from an aunt. My cousin (not her son) got warmup pants that were the same color. About a week later in WalMart, I saw the pants and vest together - only sold as a set.

 

[McGarnicle]

A cousin gave us one of those crappy prepackaged gift sets consisting of an ugly coffee mug, some assorted teabags and a package of 3 or 4 little tea biscuits. Probably 5 bucks at the drugstore. We forgot about the thing for a few weeks, then one day my wife decides to try the tea biscuits. She immediately spit them out, said they tasted awful. Checked the package, and the expiration date was 3 years prior. So in addition to being a cheap, tacky and impersonal gift, it obviously had sat in a closet for years before being given to us. We both felt like this gift was the equivalent of telling us to go #### ourselves. I think it's funny and I like telling the story, but it still makes my wife really angry.

 

[netnalp]

It was my brother that received this lovely gift from my grandmother as a kid:

A beaded belt from a theme park called "Wild West City". Half the beads were missing and and there were several black tread marks on it. She told him with no hesitation that she found it along side the road and thought it would clean right up. We refer to it as his "Road Kill Christmas".

 

[Usual21]

I'm a teacher and I usually get crappy gifts. The worst one was about 4 years ago when a kid brought in his older brothers imitation Axe Spray. I was looking at it and the kid must have thought that I didn't know how to use it. He proceeds to take it from my hand and spray me from head to toe for about 5 seconds. I smelled HORRIBLE for about 2 days.

 

[Warrior]

A kazoo and book of kazoo music :(

 

[QuizGuy66]

A baseball cap with just this image on it. Actual hat too awful even to find on google

-QG

Is that Mickeys ###?

Basically, yes. The back of the hat said "animated shorts."-QG

 

[QuizGuy66]

It was my brother that received this lovely gift from my grandmother as a kid:

A beaded belt from a theme park called "Wild West City". Half the beads were missing and and there were several black tread marks on it. She told him with no hesitation that she found it along side the road and thought it would clean right up. We refer to it as his "Road Kill Christmas".

Mandatory to post this with the mention of
-QG

 

[Standing Hampton]

I received this a couple of years ago from my wife. I think her intentions were good, but I am a teacher and I don't have a use for this. I think she was just reaching.

 

[netnalp]

It was my brother that received this lovely gift from my grandmother as a kid:

A beaded belt from a theme park called "Wild West City". Half the beads were missing and and there were several black tread marks on it. She told him with no hesitation that she found it along side the road and thought it would clean right up. We refer to it as his "Road Kill Christmas".

Mandatory to post this with the mention of

It's like being in the old west, if the people of the old west talked like the cast of a Scorsese film. "Howdy, youz guyz."

 

[Zow]

Pretty much anything from a female that wasn't sexual in nature.

 

[Zow]

From Brother:The "stopped at the gas station before I arrived at the house gift pack". Vitamin spray in a tiny aerosol can, wiper fluid, pencil with a Troll Doll on top, Code Red Gatorade (room temperature) and a slice of pepperoni pizza.

At least that is some "thing." My sister, like the last five years, has given me the gift a shopping trip where I get the benefit of her help picking out clothes. What this means is that we go to the mall, we spend 30 minutes where she finds a shirt for me to buy for myself, then she spends two hours shopping for herself since I'm tired of shopping already since I ####### hate shopping. I usually get something similar for my birthday too (or, for my last birthday, I got a "future nice suit" for some indeterminite point when she makes a bunch of money).So yeah, I'd be pretty stoked at this point with a pencil, wiper fluid, and some pizza and soda.

 

[Jaysus]

From Brother:The "stopped at the gas station before I arrived at the house gift pack". Vitamin spray in a tiny aerosol can, wiper fluid, pencil with a Troll Doll on top, Code Red Gatorade (room temperature) and a slice of pepperoni pizza.

At least that is some "thing." My sister, like the last five years, has given me the gift a shopping trip where I get the benefit of her help picking out clothes. What this means is that we go to the mall, we spend 30 minutes where she finds a shirt for me to buy for myself, then she spends two hours shopping for herself since I'm tired of shopping already since I ####### hate shopping. I usually get something similar for my birthday too (or, for my last birthday, I got a "future nice suit" for some indeterminite point when she makes a bunch of money).So yeah, I'd be pretty stoked at this point with a pencil, wiper fluid, and some pizza and soda.

Pizza is always a great gift.

 

[russinfortworth]

On year when visiting my wife's family (600 mile drive) for Holloween, I left my Baylor sweatshirt there that I had gotten the week before at the BU / ATM football game.

I got it back wrapped up for Christmas, and my MIL proclaimed that it was the only one left in the sporting goods store (and she was serious). My wife politely kicked me before I said something. I make sure that I wear it every year when we go back just in case I could start a conversation.

 

[tommyboy]

one year Grandma gave me, my sister and my brother all condoms. We were like 15-18 yrs old. a bit awkward

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

On year when visiting my wife's family (600 mile drive) for Holloween, I left my Baylor sweatshirt there that I had gotten the week before at the BU / ATM football game.I got it back wrapped up for Christmas, and my MIL proclaimed that it was the only one left in the sporting goods store (and she was serious). My wife politely kicked me before I said something. I make sure that I wear it every year when we go back just in case I could start a conversation.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

One of my best friends' (Kev) older brother stole a bunch of Rotatos from an Odd Lot store he used to work at back in the mid 80s. He gave Kev a Rotato for Christmas every year for 25 years. Last year, he told my buddy he finally ran out and gave him an actual Christmas gift. Kev e-mailed me all excited that the Rotato horror each Christmas had finally ended. A day later his older brother e-mailed me telling me he actually still has 30 more Rotatos and that he had only broken the trend last year to give Kev false hope that he would get real gifts from now on. This year, it's back to Rotato and my buddy has no idea.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

The worst case of the flu...ever.

A few years ago this female student of mine came to school the last two days before Christmas Break looking like death warmed over. It was obvious that she was sicker than a dog. BUT she didn't want to lose her perfect attendance status

Sure enough the second day of the break I come down with whatever satanic bug this kid had. Chills, fever, aching, nausea etc. I didn't move from the couch for 3 days. I felt just well enough to go to X-mas Eve dinner with my mom and siblings. The next day I toughed out Christmas day at my dad's. Spent the next 2 days back on the couch.

Stupid kid.

 

[Jaysus]

One of my best friends' (Kev) older brother stole a bunch of Rotatos from an Odd Lot store he used to work at back in the mid 80s. He gave Kev a Rotato for Christmas every year for 25 years. Last year, he told my buddy he finally ran out and gave him an actual Christmas gift. Kev e-mailed me all excited that the Rotato horror each Christmas had finally ended. A day later his older brother e-mailed me telling me he actually still has 30 more Rotatos and that he had only broken the trend last year to give Kev false hope that he would get real gifts from now on. This year, it's back to Rotato and my buddy has no idea.

WTH?!?!

 

[Leroy Hoard]

one year Grandma gave me, my sister and my brother all condoms. We were like 15-18 yrs old. a bit awkward

sounds like a forward thinking woman, wanted to save money buying gifts for future generations.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

On year when visiting my wife's family (600 mile drive) for Holloween, I left my Baylor sweatshirt there that I had gotten the week before at the BU / ATM football game.I got it back wrapped up for Christmas, and my MIL proclaimed that it was the only one left in the sporting goods store (and she was serious). My wife politely kicked me before I said something. I make sure that I wear it every year when we go back just in case I could start a conversation.

My kid brother gave me a board game out of my own bedroom closet when i was about 17 and he was 11. I blame my mother for that one, not him. I can practically hear her : "Just give him this... I bet he doesn't even know it's in here."Poor kid must have been horrified when I opened it Christmas morning and I laughed and said.. "Ahhh yes, (whatever game it was)... good one, buddy" and then started hunting through the box looking for the "actual" gift that I assumed he'd put in there to disguise its size/shape/weight.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

One of my best friends' (Kev) older brother stole a bunch of Rotatos from an Odd Lot store he used to work at back in the mid 80s. He gave Kev a Rotato for Christmas every year for 25 years. Last year, he told my buddy he finally ran out and gave him an actual Christmas gift. Kev e-mailed me all excited that the Rotato horror each Christmas had finally ended. A day later his older brother e-mailed me telling me he actually still has 30 more Rotatos and that he had only broken the trend last year to give Kev false hope that he would get real gifts from now on. This year, it's back to Rotato and my buddy has no idea.

WTH?!?!

I'm looking forward to Kev's post-Christmas e-mail more than I'm looking forward to Christmas. His brother is around 47 so he's hoping that this current batch of Rotatos will last the rest of his life. His goal is to give his brother a Rotato (and nothing more) for Christmas every year from adolescence to death. He also wants to put a codicil in his will that will take whatever Rotatos are left when he dies and distribute them to Kev, with the provision that he gets one per year, and on December 25th.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

One of my best friends' (Kev) older brother stole a bunch of Rotatos from an Odd Lot store he used to work at back in the mid 80s. He gave Kev a Rotato for Christmas every year for 25 years. Last year, he told my buddy he finally ran out and gave him an actual Christmas gift. Kev e-mailed me all excited that the Rotato horror each Christmas had finally ended. A day later his older brother e-mailed me telling me he actually still has 30 more Rotatos and that he had only broken the trend last year to give Kev false hope that he would get real gifts from now on. This year, it's back to Rotato and my buddy has no idea.

I had to google Rotato.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

One of my best friends' (Kev) older brother stole a bunch of Rotatos from an Odd Lot store he used to work at back in the mid 80s. He gave Kev a Rotato for Christmas every year for 25 years. Last year, he told my buddy he finally ran out and gave him an actual Christmas gift. Kev e-mailed me all excited that the Rotato horror each Christmas had finally ended. A day later his older brother e-mailed me telling me he actually still has 30 more Rotatos and that he had only broken the trend last year to give Kev false hope that he would get real gifts from now on. This year, it's back to Rotato and my buddy has no idea.

I had to google Rotato.

lol, so did I.

 

[tommyboy]

One of my best friends' (Kev) older brother stole a bunch of Rotatos from an Odd Lot store he used to work at back in the mid 80s. He gave Kev a Rotato for Christmas every year for 25 years. Last year, he told my buddy he finally ran out and gave him an actual Christmas gift. Kev e-mailed me all excited that the Rotato horror each Christmas had finally ended. A day later his older brother e-mailed me telling me he actually still has 30 more Rotatos and that he had only broken the trend last year to give Kev false hope that he would get real gifts from now on. This year, it's back to Rotato and my buddy has no idea.

I had to google Rotato.

lol, so did I.

me toowtf?

 

[Leroy Hoard]

One of my best friends' (Kev) older brother stole a bunch of Rotatos from an Odd Lot store he used to work at back in the mid 80s. He gave Kev a Rotato for Christmas every year for 25 years. Last year, he told my buddy he finally ran out and gave him an actual Christmas gift. Kev e-mailed me all excited that the Rotato horror each Christmas had finally ended. A day later his older brother e-mailed me telling me he actually still has 30 more Rotatos and that he had only broken the trend last year to give Kev false hope that he would get real gifts from now on. This year, it's back to Rotato and my buddy has no idea.

I had to google Rotato.

lol, so did I.

me toowtf?

Great running gag though, the one year reprieve makes it even better.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Rotato Gift would make a great name for a metal band.

 

[Zow]

The worst case of the flu...ever.A few years ago this female student of mine came to school the last two days before Christmas Break looking like death warmed over. It was obvious that she was sicker than a dog. BUT she didn't want to lose her perfect attendance status Sure enough the second day of the break I come down with whatever satanic bug this kid had. Chills, fever, aching, nausea etc. I didn't move from the couch for 3 days. I felt just well enough to go to X-mas Eve dinner with my mom and siblings. The next day I toughed out Christmas day at my dad's. Spent the next 2 days back on the couch. Stupid kid.

Can't you just send her ### home?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

The worst case of the flu...ever.A few years ago this female student of mine came to school the last two days before Christmas Break looking like death warmed over. It was obvious that she was sicker than a dog. BUT she didn't want to lose her perfect attendance status Sure enough the second day of the break I come down with whatever satanic bug this kid had. Chills, fever, aching, nausea etc. I didn't move from the couch for 3 days. I felt just well enough to go to X-mas Eve dinner with my mom and siblings. The next day I toughed out Christmas day at my dad's. Spent the next 2 days back on the couch. Stupid kid.

Can't you just send her ### home?

Not my call. Here's how it went down (I learned this all from the district nurse):Wed: She feels terrible but no really visible symptoms. She doesn't tell her parents she feels bad because she wants to go to school.Thurs: Feels worse and starts too look sick as well. Hid it from her parents and didn't say anything. I didn't really notice until another student said "Geez, Christina, you look sick." I asked her if she needed to go to the office and she said "no". Fri: She looks horrible so I send her to the office and they call the nurse. Nurse checks her out. Kid's got a 103f temp and her eyes are glassy. Nurse calls home. Mom says "Well she did look a little pale and clammy this morning but I felt her forehead and she didn't have a temperature. And since today is a half-day it didn't seem like a big deal." Turns out the kid had put a cold cloth on her head to fool her mom . Nurse insists mom pick the kid up. But by then Typhoid Mary had been in school almost 2.5 days spreading her ******* Jurassic bug all over the place.

 

[phrozen]

One of my best friends' (Kev) older brother stole a bunch of Rotatos from an Odd Lot store he used to work at back in the mid 80s. He gave Kev a Rotato for Christmas every year for 25 years. Last year, he told my buddy he finally ran out and gave him an actual Christmas gift. Kev e-mailed me all excited that the Rotato horror each Christmas had finally ended. A day later his older brother e-mailed me telling me he actually still has 30 more Rotatos and that he had only broken the trend last year to give Kev false hope that he would get real gifts from now on. This year, it's back to Rotato and my buddy has no idea.

WTH?!?!

I'm looking forward to Kev's post-Christmas e-mail more than I'm looking forward to Christmas. His brother is around 47 so he's hoping that this current batch of Rotatos will last the rest of his life. His goal is to give his brother a Rotato (and nothing more) for Christmas every year from adolescence to death. He also wants to put a codicil in his will that will take whatever Rotatos are left when he dies and distribute them to Kev, with the provision that he gets one per year, and on December 25th.

I'd love to meet this guy

 

[Zow]

The worst case of the flu...ever.A few years ago this female student of mine came to school the last two days before Christmas Break looking like death warmed over. It was obvious that she was sicker than a dog. BUT she didn't want to lose her perfect attendance status Sure enough the second day of the break I come down with whatever satanic bug this kid had. Chills, fever, aching, nausea etc. I didn't move from the couch for 3 days. I felt just well enough to go to X-mas Eve dinner with my mom and siblings. The next day I toughed out Christmas day at my dad's. Spent the next 2 days back on the couch. Stupid kid.

Can't you just send her ### home?

Not my call. Here's how it went down (I learned this all from the district nurse):Wed: She feels terrible but no really visible symptoms. She doesn't tell her parents she feels bad because she wants to go to school.Thurs: Feels worse and starts too look sick as well. Hid it from her parents and didn't say anything. I didn't really notice until another student said "Geez, Christina, you look sick." I asked her if she needed to go to the office and she said "no". Fri: She looks horrible so I send her to the office and they call the nurse. Nurse checks her out. Kid's got a 103f temp and her eyes are glassy. Nurse calls home. Mom says "Well she did look a little pale and clammy this morning but I felt her forehead and she didn't have a temperature. And since today is a half-day it didn't seem like a big deal." Turns out the kid had put a cold cloth on her head to fool her mom . Nurse insists mom pick the kid up. But by then Typhoid Mary had been in school almost 2.5 days spreading her ******* Jurassic bug all over the place.

She better not have won perfect attendance or whatever that nerd award is.

 

[larry_boy_44]

One of my best friends' (Kev) older brother stole a bunch of Rotatos from an Odd Lot store he used to work at back in the mid 80s. He gave Kev a Rotato for Christmas every year for 25 years. Last year, he told my buddy he finally ran out and gave him an actual Christmas gift. Kev e-mailed me all excited that the Rotato horror each Christmas had finally ended. A day later his older brother e-mailed me telling me he actually still has 30 more Rotatos and that he had only broken the trend last year to give Kev false hope that he would get real gifts from now on. This year, it's back to Rotato and my buddy has no idea.

 

[Runningman]

Shortly after I got married my Aunt in law gave me a used chew toy that looked like a minny teddy bear one year. I opened it up and literally said wtf? Mother in law hurriedly explained that the Aunt is a bit, as we say around here, titched in the head. I think the thing was still wet with dog slobber. It was definitely damp. At the time we had a dog so it didn't go to waste really, I guess. In the next 7 or 8 years before she died I got one other gift for a Christmas which was the cheapest battery charger ever made, withot any batteries. Awesome. I felt like the 60 year olds were punking me.