Is it worth it to stay at this job? (1 Viewer)

[b-snatchers]

Hi All,

I will try to be brief. I am 54 and have been working at the same company for 18 years. They offer excellent benefits including a pension and are very stable as they always have projects.

I was transferred into another department about 3 years ago due to the type of work I was doing.

I am currently on a new project that I absolutely hate. It is a high stress project with a manager who is known to be a bully. He has a reputation across the company as someone most people do not like. He is still there I believe because he knows his stuff and gets things done but alienates people based on his personality and work style. I see that the people who usually work for him become like him as well.

I have been recently stressed about this job and have been losing sleep over this. I have already talked to my boss early on about him, and he said that he would handle it. Not sure what he did but nothing really has changed. The project is about 2-3 years long and they are already short staffed.

I am looking for suggestion about what to do. In no particular order:

1) Leave the company
2) Hang in there and deal with it.
3) Talk to my boss again about him
4) Request a transfer to another department
5) Request another project (still will be in same department as he would be).

My concern with 1) is the stability of the company and pension, and for the most part the work is challenging.
My concern with 2) is my health at this point
Not sure 3) would do anything as I can't see him changing
4) and 5) would probably upset some people on the program since it is short staffed and already behind in schedule (it is a high visibility project)?

Any recommendations?

Thanks!

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

4

 

[need2know]

4 easily.   

Not the exact situation but I did this a couple years ago.  One of the best things I ever did.

Fortune favors the bold

 

[Dezbelief]

4, you gave it a shot and it didn't work out. No job is worth stressing over to the point you're losing sleep and worried about your health.

Are most projects understaffed or just this one?

 

[ghostguy123]

Is having a serious talk with this project manager not an option?  

 

[AAABatteries]

Depending on my relationship with my manager I would do 3 and explain that 4 is the next step.  If you don’t think that’s a possibility then 4.  I wouldn’t leave the company given the information you shared.

How close are you to retiring with any retirement benefits?  At my company that is 55 and would be something I would investigate if it’s the same.  

 

[Grahamburn]

No "talk to the manager" option? 

 

[b-snatchers]

4, you gave it a shot and it didn't work out. No job is worth stressing over to the point you're losing sleep and worried about your health.

Are most projects understaffed or just this one?

Most projects are not usually understaffed. This one unfortunately is.

 

[b-snatchers]

Is having a serious talk with this project manager not an option?  

I don't think so. He has been here longer than me, has been the same type of person so I don't think talking to him would change anything....

 

[jobarules]

4

 

[Poke_4_Life]

Depending on my relationship with my manager I would do 3 and explain that 4 is the next step.  If you don’t think that’s a possibility then 4.  I wouldn’t leave the company given the information you shared.

This is where I am.  IMO, not worth leaving the company but you need to change your role/circumstances.  

 

[Grahamburn]

I don't think so. He has been here longer than me, has been the same type of person so I don't think talking to him would change anything....

Maybe he's unaware of how his demeanor is coming off with other people?  You'd know him better than anyone, but the original post comes off like "everyone feels this way," which can kind of steamroll an office over time. 

Sometimes a simple man to man conversation between two adults can go a long way.  "Hey man, lighten up.  Your style isn't coming off well with the group, and we'd likely be more productive if we didn't feel like we were being micro-managed or belittled regarding our performance." You already going over his head to talk to your boss about him instead of going directly to him probably just made things worse.

 

[Jaysus]

sleep with his goalposts!

 

[El Floppo]

Depending on my relationship with my manager I would do 3 and explain that 4 is the next step.  If you don’t think that’s a possibility then 4.  I wouldn’t leave the company given the information you shared.

How close are you to retiring with any retirement benefits?  At my company that is 55 and would be something I would investigate if it’s the same.  

all of this.

too bad you don't think talking to the manager is productive- that would be my first take.

 

[FairWarning]

all of this.

too bad you don't think talking to the manager is productive- that would be my first take.

Agree with with this take.  Also job hunting in your 50’s is no fun.

 

[El Floppo]

Agree with with this take.  Also job hunting in your 50’s is no fun.

yep.

I'm in my 50s and have taken a completely different path than the OP- bounced around a lot of different companies, while mostly doing consulting (architecture).

I was consulting at a place over the last year- nice enough people and nice enough work. but I've never had a fit between me and the boss as bad as this- and I've worked for some internationally known tyrants. I was miserable and getting increasingly more miserable with each passing week there. even though the market wasn't great and I had nothing lined up- I knew I had to pull the plug, which I did in dramatic "I quit" fashion. my mental and physical health was suffering- life is too short for that, even at this age with a family to look after.

 

[The Z Machine]

knew I had to pull the plug, which I did in dramatic "I quit" fashion. my mental and physical health was suffering- life is too short for that, even at this age with a family to look after.

Yeah, that was a crappy sitch.  You find another gig?

 

[Gally]

No "talk to the manager" option? 

This is what I would do.  You have been there 18 years and have a perspective and should have some pull based on your time there.  Let him know what your problems are and that you will look to transfer (from an already short handed project) if things don't change.  Then do it (although I don't know how transfers work within your company so pushing out of short staffed project may not really be an option).  

Bottom line is after 18 years its tough to move unless you already have something lined up.  I actually did something similar but for different reasons.  I was at a  company for 18 years and left.  The company was bought out from a privately owned close knit company to a world wide corporation that changed the way we did things (for the worse).   It changed the actual job so much it made it not fun.  I stayed longer than I wanted because the people were great.....the management just sucked.  However, I only left because I found a job.  I wouldn't have left unless I already had something else lined up.   I say all this to suggest if you want to leave line something else up first.  I wouldn't just leave without something else already in place.  

 

[El Floppo]

Yeah, that was a crappy sitch.  You find another gig?

Thanks man... yeah. Consulting from home. Had a regular client that I stopped doing work for when I went to the bad gig...went back to her. Also got a big night club I'm helping a friend with...never done that before, so having fun.

 

[Jayded]

Whatever you do, do something. Meaning, don't just wallow in silence. Plan for the next move so you know what options you have. If there isn't an opening to move to another department, what good would offering that option be in this circumstance?

Plan for the worst as well. If it's bad enough to make you want to quit, be prepared to and start looking elsewhere in case that is the only real option. No job is worth being miserable or killing yourself over. There is always a better opportunity elsewhere vs. being stuck in an environment/job that makes you feel that way.

 

[Sand]

Given you have a pile of advice from Bogleheads, I'm going to give you pertinent FFA advice - 6) sleep with his wife, and 7) Go Najeh in his office.

It's good to see you decided on a more informed second opinion in here, though.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

How many years left until you can leave?

If you can manage to take a backseat and keep your salary and PENSION do it. You’re on the home stretch! 

7-12 years from now you’ll be traveling the world with fat pockets and the finest linens! 

 

[ghostguy123]

I don't think so. He has been here longer than me, has been the same type of person so I don't think talking to him would change anything....

He's not your boss though right?  Have a chat with him.  If it doesnt help inform your boss you cant be part of that project anymore.  

Then pick one of those other options if need be.

 

[The Iguana]

At a minimum you ~25% of your time at work (40/168 = 23.8%) . Add in commute time, any 'overtime', and all the time you spend thinking about work when not actually at work and that is going to be almost all of your time. It's hard to say from the outside looking in what the best solution is, but life is too short to spend most of it miserable, IMO. My wife recently went through this where a job she had loved became something that caused her a boatload of stress.

My advice to her was the same as I'll give you here. You have to be able to do one of the following, IMO:

1. Find a way to put up with the existing situation.
   
2. Find a way to change the existing situation.
   
3. Find a new job.  
   

It sounds like you have a ton invested that makes leaving be less than ideal. But it would take a ton to make me put up with something that made me absolutely miserable. I've done that because sometimes you kind of 'have to'. It can be part of being a "responsible adult" but I highly suggest you do whatever you can to change that and not just put up with it indefinitely. Putting up with it is a short-term lose/lose situation. Changing the situation, either by getting it improved or transferring is the way to go if possible. But regardless of benefits, and such, 3 is very viable, just don't do it lightly. Sometimes the grass isn't really greener when you make this move - i.e. assuming you generally like what you do/where you are, trying to effect change where you are can often pay huge dividends.