So one of the great things for me coming out of the pandemic is I started actively playing a sport for the first time in about 25 years. And I've become pretty good at it. To the point where I'm one of the top players in my area regardless of age. It started off as a weight loss thing and has become something more. The problem I don't quite know how to handle is in my own mind. Most of the time all is good, especially when i'm playing well. But, every once in a while things don't go well and my game regresses. And then I get into my own head. I get really angry. Like, really, really angry. Murderously angry. Don't get me wrong, I never focus this on other players...its all focused on me...but inside my own head...man, I don't even want to be there. I start spinning. And, realistically, I know others see it. I'm pretty vocal and I have a somewhat imposing presence so I know I've scared other players. I don't want to. I don't want to be that guy. But I can't seem to get out of my own head and not be that guy.
So, how do I get out of my own head and become more zen?
What has helped me all through my life is the simple understanding that I am not a good person.
You are defined by your actions and those choices are reinforced by your reactions. For many years, I consistently did things that only a "bad person" would do. I don't get to pretend that I am good person who happens to do bad things on a regular basis.
What defines "I'm pretty vocal"? No one likes someone who is on a bed of roses when they win and a total tyrant when they lose. When you do that, you don't just lose a game, you also lose "yourself" in the process. You say "I don't want to be that guy" but what do your actions say? What do your reactions say?
One thing I do appreciate about
@Otis is, over the years, I've said some relatively hard things to him, and he takes it in the chin. He knows I'm not trying to punish him. I'm not in it for sport. He's complained in the past about his anger, his frustration at his career, his lack of patience as a husband and a father. I've asked him in public before - Is that the lesson you want to teach your kids? Do you want your daughters to grow up and marry a guy who is angry all the time, hates himself, hates his life, hates his career and is a tyrant in his own household? I give Otis credit, he took it on the chin.
So I'm not going to ask you if you have kids or not, or nieces or nephew or young cousins or have a career where you have influence over young kids, but what lessons are you teaching them, if applicable, by displays of your anger? Something I recognized from my own childhood, that my parents refusal to be an example for me as a child, it was a declaration that they didn't love me and value me. And I see that in other people all the time. If you refuse to act as an example, to be the kind of person you'd want around your own kids, then it's a declaration. That you don't care. That you don't love. That you don't have enough love inside you and for them to be a better example.
If you keep doing bad things and acting in a toxic way, and that's on the regular, then you are a bad person. You are a toxic person. It's just that simple. You can say, that's my sole opinion, and that I don't know you. It's my viewpoint, no one needs to agree. You don't need to agree with it. But generally people who refuse to acknowledge the price of the life they choose get into the kinds of position you are in right now.
What is "I've scared other players"? It's OK to be angry sometimes. It's OK to raise your voice sometimes. It's OK to hate losing sometimes. But it doesn't sound like sometimes. No one actually respects that kind of behavior when it becomes your calling card, so in total, they just don't respect you.
Do you know why I got away with being a "bad person" for so long? Because I was good at it. I was highly competent at inflicting violence, pain and chaos onto other people.
So this isn't hard at all. Not the choice. The actual work involved however is arduous.
1) Choose to love the people in your life who rely on you so much that you choose to be an example in all things.
Or
2) Accept that you are a bad person who regularly does bad things and have the dignity to learn to be efficient at being a bad person
Lots of "bad people" in life are treated with respect. Because they are good at being a bad person. There is nothing more pathetic than someone who is a bad person and is incompetent at being a bad person.
Pick a side. Be honest about your actions and what they say. Live with that choice.
Personally, I don't respect your actions. And I don't respect your reactions. Not from what you've said so far in your own words. Because it's not like you are doing this at your workplace or in areas where there is real consequence. It's a half measure. What's the difference between a bully and a savage? A bully only hurts others when it doesn't cost him in theory for doing it. A savage doesn't care what it costs him, he's a total tyrant because it's his nature and he accepts it and he's honest with it. I could have some respect for you if you were just a savage, but sounds like you are just a run of the mill every day bully. Thus I don't respect you at all.
. Best advice is remember it's just a recreational game meant to have fun. Step away with some deep breaths if you feel anger coming on. You don't want to be that old guy throwing pickle ball tantrums on Tik Tok.
around then, i have a beverage.
Nipples
