Quint
Footballguy
i ain't gonna lie: someone was chopping onions around here when i saw that pic of Faz.
you have lived a life @Evilgrin 72 - thanks for sharing.
you have lived a life @Evilgrin 72 - thanks for sharing.
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Story Time with EG - ***OFFICIAL THREAD*** (The "Magnum Opus" is complete 5/17/18) (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter Evilgrin 72
- Start date
johnnycakes
Footballguy
Great story, EG. Enjoyed very much.
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
Ditkaless Wonders
Footballguy
That suit is awesome! Worth every penny he paid for it. I'm curious if he had footwear to compliment and enhance the outfit. Me, if I had the panache to rock that suit I would have done so with some roach killer boots and with an audio system behind me playing Leon Redbone for intro music. I may have also considered either a cane or a really sweet watch fob to twirl as I strutted, because lets face it, a man does not walk or stroll in that suit, he struts.
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Brony
Footballguy
btw, this was much much better than my Preakness story:
Got in line at Pimlico at 8AM. Drank bottle of MD 20/20 Grape cuz no bottles allowed. Got in to infield with 90,000 other redneck revelers around 9am. realized that our blankets were horrible way of claiming our our area. Cooler full of several cases; wondered why we brought so much. Drank heavily. Yelled at Great Train Robbery cuz we saw them before. Hated the portapotty lines. Ran out of beer. Never saw a horse.
Fast forward to woke up the next day in an apartment. No idea whose. No idea who else was there or how I got there. Before I ran out of the apartment, I saw one of my friends asleep in the bedroom.
Got in line at Pimlico at 8AM. Drank bottle of MD 20/20 Grape cuz no bottles allowed. Got in to infield with 90,000 other redneck revelers around 9am. realized that our blankets were horrible way of claiming our our area. Cooler full of several cases; wondered why we brought so much. Drank heavily. Yelled at Great Train Robbery cuz we saw them before. Hated the portapotty lines. Ran out of beer. Never saw a horse.
Fast forward to woke up the next day in an apartment. No idea whose. No idea who else was there or how I got there. Before I ran out of the apartment, I saw one of my friends asleep in the bedroom.
Epic Problem
Footballguy
EG - Thanks for one of the greatest threads to ever grace this site.
This is just me thinking out loud. Considering recent developments around here combined with the nature of some of these tales, please tell me that you're saving them somewhere. I would hate any of the hard work that's been spent, both living them and typing them out, to go to waste.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
You know the story telling was good when that happens. Like we knew the guy.
This suit picture is amazing. I said out loud, "are you ####### kidding me?"
Thank you so much for sharing this story.
I basically said the same thing when he walked out of his room wearing it. Especially with the hat and sunglasses. Seeing him passed out on the toilet in it made that whole part of the night even funnier than it would have been otherwise. It's a damn good thing he was wearing a t-shirt with the jacket over it or else I don't know how we were getting him back to the hotel.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
This story about Pimlico resonated with me. Went there once with some friends of mine who were going with friends of theirs. We rented a school bus to take us to the track. Purchased a 50 gallon roller trash can to pack with beer and ice. Drank copiously and ended up passing out sometime during the day using the tarp we had laid on the ground as a blanket. The stories from the Preakness man. That was a great day. Not nearly as off the hook as yours but the infield is nuts. Fabulous story.
Ditkaless Wonders
Footballguy
When I was preparing to graduate from college my Grandmother decided I needed a suit. She sent me one. Being Irish it would only do that it were green and plaid. Now I am a fairly good sized fellow, a hair short of 6'3" and barrel chested and with a 37 inch sleeve. The suit was a bit snug around the chest and comically short in the arms and legs. I immediately ran to the Goodwill store and brought plaid socks, white patent leather shoes with a sweet faux gold clasp across the top, a matching belt, and I put on the suit, sans shirt, the socks and shoes, some shades and headed out for the night after fortifying myself with some hallucinogens. Somewhere during the evening I managed to pick up a blind person's cane, foldable, red and white. I hope I made a fair trade for it and did not simply abscond with it, but who knows. I took to tapping my way around and enjoyed folks clearing the way. I got to a place that featured foosball and pool. Some buddies and I played pool, me missing every shot, rarely striking the ball. I got loud and said that pool was not my game but that I was pretty confident me and a buddy could win at foosball. Some belligerent took us up on it. We won the first game with me feigning, occasionally, huge misses and at times making unlikely lucky shots or stops. The belligerent decided he wanted to bet money. We took his bet. That game I played my full game and we won handily. I don't believe he scored. About then some other friends came up and asked, loudly, why I was pretending to be blind. I don't know, maybe because I was tripping and wearing a totally awesome miss-fitting plaid suit and had picked up a cane during my travels that evening (I still don't know where or how. I hope some blind guy was not stumbling around all night for lack of his cane but who knows?). Anyhow the comment got the drunk belligerent angry and he threatened to start a brawl. One of the bouncers interceded because he was not going to have anybody beating up a blind guy. The belligerent could not convince him I was playing, I mean who plays at that. The belligerent was tossed and I was treated to free drinks all night. Upon leaving I left the jacket with the bouncer as he had been admiring it all night, that's right, he loved it!. When I got home I was wearing jeans. Apparently I traded the pants for jeans, also an Orioles baseball cap, apparently, with whom or when I did not remember. My suit looked like this:
So true. I honestly don't remember what footwear he had on.
https://www.google.com/search?q=green+plaid+suit&rls=com.microsoft:en-US:IE-Address&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjC4oj0w43bAhUK0YMKHW7nBj4QsAQI6gE&biw=1024&bih=732#imgrc=U68004_A9tUfaM:&spf=1526587049682
Never have I had one as sweet as your friends.
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Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
You should start your own "Story Time" thread, my man.
As an aside, this wasn't the only suit of this ilk that Dan-O owned. I think he had 3 or 4 similar ones that he would bust out, apropos of nothing, every now and again on a whim. He was an interesting dude.
irish eyes
Footballguy
This thread is an absolute work of art. I know it's been mentioned numerous times, but you need to have these made into a movie. Oh and by the way, thanks for making me get nothing done at work lol.
Ditkaless Wonders
Footballguy
Compared to you I have lived a cloistered life. No, I could not maintain a thread. We are all here to follow your exploits, exploits I applaud for their reckless audacity. Also nobody wants to hear my tales as they always end up with me going home alone.
You should start your own "Story Time" thread, my man.
As an aside, this wasn't the only suit of this ilk that Dan-O owned. I think he had 3 or 4 similar ones that he would bust out, apropos of nothing, every now and again on a whim. He was an interesting dude.
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Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
I have some similar stories with less total consumption, but with similar results. One ends with me passed out on a bus headed back from where I got on, meaning I had ridden the entire route and was headed back to the scene of the crime, the Long Beach Grand Prix. The sun was still up. 
I had made the smart decision to peel off from my friends, who were headed to pine street to really get it on after the race. I never said a word to them, just turned right instead of left, in the throng of humanity leaving the race. Hearing the story from their end is great, one minute I was there, the next, vanished without a trace.
I had made the smart decision to peel off from my friends, who were headed to pine street to really get it on after the race. I never said a word to them, just turned right instead of left, in the throng of humanity leaving the race. Hearing the story from their end is great, one minute I was there, the next, vanished without a trace.
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Insein
Footballguy
Same here. I saw Faz as the blond surfer/skater/stoner from the 90's.
As for Dan-o, nothing could have prepared me for that suit. And the fact that he had to wear that coat as a diaper.
Ditkaless Wonders
Footballguy
That nurse should have hired herself out as a designated adult. She could drive, clean up, take charge. Seems a small investment for some groups. Beats attorneys fees the next day.
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Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
She was a frigging life-saver for Dan-O. Had he not been chatting her up shortly before that, he was stone cold f---ed. No way any of us were doing that for him, he would have been rolled down the sidewalk with #### in his pants. As it turned out, he didn't look all that off getting home - it just looked like he was wearing a t-shirt and shorts with a jacket/shirt tied around his waist. Until the wind blew, that is...
JuniorGong
Footballguy
An Irish goodbye, a Specialty of mine during my 20s. A bit of a dying art in the cell phone era.I have some similar stories with less total consumption, but with similar results. One ends with me passed out on a bus headed back from where I got on, meaning I had ridden the entire route and was headed back to the scene of the crime, the Long Beach Grand Prix. The sun was still up.
I had made the smart decision to peel off from my friends, who were headed to pine street to really get it on after the race. I never said a word to them, just turned right instead of left, in the throng of humanity leaving the race. Hearing the story from their end is great, one minute I was there, the next, vanished without a trace.
Angry Beavers
Footballguy
Born and raised in Monmouth county... Holmdel to be exact until i was 14.
Yes, the site of the dude pooping on the football field a few weeks ago
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Rich kid!Born and raised in Monmouth county... Holmdel to be exact until i was 14.
Yes, the site of the dude pooping on the football field a few weeks ago
IMAX 3D
Footballguy
Reminds me of Cancun spring break 97 back in high schoolI have some similar stories with less total consumption, but with similar results. One ends with me passed out on a bus headed back from where I got on, meaning I had ridden the entire route and was headed back to the scene of the crime, the Long Beach Grand Prix. The sun was still up.
I had made the smart decision to peel off from my friends, who were headed to pine street to really get it on after the race. I never said a word to them, just turned right instead of left, in the throng of humanity leaving the race. Hearing the story from their end is great, one minute I was there, the next, vanished without a trace.
highlights were me getting in a fight, well more like some dude punching me and me just calling him and ##### and telling him to hit me again, which he did a few more times. I’d have whipped his ### but there was enough sense in the back of my mind that I didn’t want to end up in a Mexican jail. So anyway I was sporting a shiner for the rest of the trip which caused some big girl to hit on me. She said if I could point the guy out she’d take care of him for me (and I’m taking like 6 foot, 3 bills type of big girl).
This was at some small island which was a booze cruise destination. Needless to say me and free(or all inclusive) booze do not mix well, and despite drinking whatever down Cancun cocktails I managed to get blackout drunk and almost fall off the boat on the way back, as well as the dock and falling into the bushes repeatedly. Somehow I managed to get on a bus and by luck our hotel was the last stop and made my way back to my room where my ginger buddy (think Scott Farcus from A Christmas Story, but hung like a friggin mule) was plowing some girl he just met, which would be normal except that he also brought his girlfriend on the trip and yeah she found out). Anyway I passed out and he continued to plow away at her and he had to help do damage control in the morning
i cant go day by day because it all blurs together, but another highlight was me going to grab some food with my buddy “Joe”. I knew Joe when I was a kid, hung out a lot, he moved away and later came back and ended up being a good source for dope. So on the way to dinner Joe gets propositioned and goes behind the bushes for a little BJer and I here GIMMIE MY CHANGE. I’m thinking damn Joe, just give her a tip but Joe comes walking away with his think gold CHAIN hanging from his neck.
So we head to bat for some drinks and food and we’re hitting it prett hard. He told me he didn’t have much cash on him but I told him I’d pay. Which I fully intended to do but apparently forgot I spent most of my money earlier. Picture trying to explain to an irate waiter who spoke minimal English that you don’t have money to cover the bill. Luckily Joe spoke Spanish and wore a lot of flashy jewelry that he was able to leave for collateral until we could come back and pay
as an aside this is a good time to mention that pissing in public gets you beat and robbed by the policia, but luckily that was another friend, not me
anyeay what led me to this story originally was the final night, which despite us having an early afternoon flight had most of my crew going home fairly early (and just some backstory, most of my high school friends were world class stoners from the wrong side of the tracks who couldn’t afford a trip down there. So aside from Joe and another crazy SOB who stayed elsewhere I was mainly with the Popular kids (or Nerds) who weren’t used to partying like I did).
So I decide to hang out with another crew we met (same crew as the plowee above) and get invited back to Krystal’s room (which she had tattooed on her inner thigh) for some late night partying. This had to be 4 or 5 am at this point, dark was long gone. Alas I was not a guest of the hotel and was turned away, so I start walking back to our hotel to get a few hours rest before we depart, however, upon arrival I see our entire group in the lobby with suitcases packed
me: WTF is going on?
group: where the F were you. Our bus will be here any minute
me: that can’t be right , our flight is at noon
everyone :facepalm:
well apparently the bus is as set to come early and this early departure was known to everyone but me. Luckily they packed for me and I made it home, but had I gotten to bang that girl I’d have been stranded in Mexico
tl;dr almost got left in Mexico because I was trying to get laid
Angry Beavers
Footballguy
I wish - I think my parents are literally the poorest people in that city......... Ha!Rich kid!
Grahamburn
Footballguy
lol
I'm on page one. The Ace Frehley story slayed me.
I'm on page one. The Ace Frehley story slayed me.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
So weird - by pure coincidence this morning when setting my fantasy baseball lineup for the day, I accidentally clicked on my own user name and it pulled up past leagues/team names that I hadn't seen in many years. Check out my (one of two) fantasy basketball team names from 2004...
http://s1070.photobucket.com/user/evilgrin72/media/yft_zpskcwdyh0j.png.html
heckmanm
Footballguy
DocHolliday
Footballguy
Masterpiece.
Like others, these stories bring back memories of my own craziness. My friends and I did a lot of stupid, crazy stuff but nothing like this. God, it would have been fun just to hang out with the EG crew for one weekend.
Still think EG needs to publish these stories.
Like others, these stories bring back memories of my own craziness. My friends and I did a lot of stupid, crazy stuff but nothing like this. God, it would have been fun just to hang out with the EG crew for one weekend.
Still think EG needs to publish these stories.
Maik Jeaunz
Footballguy
reading this was like a flashback to ol' times with me and my friends. love the detail that went into it, EG. you should turn this into a movie script. maybe Zach Galifianakis as Dan-O.
every group that are hard partiers has that one friend that gets blitzed and then just runs off into the night, leaving the rest of the group behind to track them down and get them home. everyone secretly hates that guy...
every group that are hard partiers has that one friend that gets blitzed and then just runs off into the night, leaving the rest of the group behind to track them down and get them home. everyone secretly hates that guy...
Galileo
Footballguy
When do we get the Sh!t box for Katie or F'n Bologna T!ts stories? Did I miss them already??
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Nothing on the bologna, that was just a Jerky Boys reference, but the Katie one actually does have a short story behind it. Perhaps I'll write that one soon, it would be short and ummm.... sweet?
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
You got a lot of reading to do, my friend.Grahamburn said:
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
It depends. If you were a hardcore drinker, you probably would have had a blast. If not, you probably would have ended up like the many, many folks that got invited along on a trip like this without realizing what was in store for them. Usually, that meant lying in a puddle of piss and vomit in the corner of a room somewhere while people threw stuff at you.DocHolliday said:
Buzzbait
Footballguy
Party roadkill.
I used to be able to go hard but not sure if I'd be able to survive the marathon or if I'd be in the corner with piss & vomit on me. I would have cherished the opportunity to find out.
Buzzbait
Footballguy
Zegras11
Footballguy
We use to put a small dab of peanut butter in the ear of these passed out guys and watch them scratch their ears.
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
The thing is, there was no shame in it. We were so used to it that unless you were a long-standing member of the "gang" that had a bad day (all bets were off at that point) nobody really messed with you too hard. You'd take some ribbing, but we'd make sure you didn't need to go to the hospital and we'd make sure you stayed out of jail (or ran afoul of your parents if you go back that far.)
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Harmless stuff like this happened, but more often when one of the core members passed out early. I dropped out early in the race one night and my buddy Daryl filled my brand new sneakers with picante sauce. That one sucked. Still better than when Kev blacked out one night and we borrowed an idea from Sam Kinison and took pictures of him with a realistic dildo in his face that was hanging out of someone's pants. "Now it doesn't look like he's asleep, it looks like he's in ecstasy!" We blew it up to an 8 x 10 a week later and made hundreds of photocopies and hung them all over the public areas at his campus. He wasn't thrilled with us for a while after that.
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Buzzbait
Footballguy
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
Good Lord, that suit! I just woke my napping wife up I laughed so loud. Truly something spectacular!
i'll be pouring out a couple for Faz and Dan-O tonight for sure.
EG, I feel like I lived a life of a damn choir boy after reading all these stories. Happy you're still alive and kudos for living life the way you want.
i'll be pouring out a couple for Faz and Dan-O tonight for sure.
EG, I feel like I lived a life of a damn choir boy after reading all these stories. Happy you're still alive and kudos for living life the way you want.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
I'll never give it up, even if things are much slower these days. I did go on a pub crawl through Cocoa Beach on St. Patrick's Day that culminated in my doing "Raining Blood" from Slayer during karaoke at a VFW hall. Complete with screaming into the mic : "All you people in the back.... GET THE F**K UP!!!"Good Lord, that suit! I just woke my napping wife up I laughed so loud. Truly something spectacular!
i'll be pouring out a couple for Faz and Dan-O tonight for sure.
EG, I feel like I lived a life of a damn choir boy after reading all these stories. Happy you're still alive and kudos for living life the way you want.
The people in the back were 80 year old war vets. They didn't get up. I don't even remember doing it.
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
I love you, EG. You're a fantastic human being, and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.
Maik Jeaunz
Footballguy
just re-read the thread title. can we still say 'magnum' any more? 
Steeler
Footballguy
IMAX 3D
Footballguy
I know this is EG’s thread but im going to post my golf outing mishap in here when it happens mid July
last years Hot Mess story should be in here somewhere
just came across this Pic from a few years ago where there was a small foot bridge that said no carts that I told my buddy to just drive across with the cart
”no way that will make it”
Me: wanna bet. [stomps on his foot]
they were not to happy when we turned the cart in drunk as hell and plead ignorance. Eventually we are going to run out of local courses that will host us I think
last years Hot Mess story should be in here somewhere
just came across this Pic from a few years ago where there was a small foot bridge that said no carts that I told my buddy to just drive across with the cart
”no way that will make it”
Me: wanna bet. [stomps on his foot]
they were not to happy when we turned the cart in drunk as hell and plead ignorance. Eventually we are going to run out of local courses that will host us I think
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