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Stripper Problem (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Snickers
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Judge Smails
Footballguy
I could have written a book back in the day. Get to a new city, have dinner and a few cocktails, appointment not until 10am the next day, why not check out a little local entertainment? Many, many states, Canada, Puerto Rico. The BYOB joints in the midwest were legendary. Not Mons Venus legendary in terms of quality, but still classic because your dollar went a long way. A good day back in my late twenties was golf in the AM, go to Santa Anita in the afternoon to play some ponies, go to the Laker game back in the Showtime era, and then finish at a strip club like the Wild Goose (wasn't bad back then). We called it our QuadrupleHeader days. So many stories. Haven't been in over a decade. Better ways to spend cash.....
SFBayDuck
Footballguy
Because Oregon.General Malaise said:About 15 years ago, my buddy Dean and I drove down from Portland to Eugene for a Ducks game. At the time, I was engaged to a woman who was a touch controlling and didn't really like it when I was out having fun. In her mind, trips to a strip club were akin to adultery or signs of a problem (unless she went with me, which is another bizarre story). Pro-tip to you guys out there - don't engage yourself to somebody like this. Anyhow, game was a bit of a blow-out, so Dean and I decide we should spend what little is left of our free time away from spouses at the local scrip club. We'll have a beer or two, let traffic die down and then head back north to our balls & chains.
Well, your trusty pal here overserved himself before, during and after the game (not driving) and while at the club, I decided it would be a good idea to play some video poker. As our free time was winding down like the sand in an hourglass, I struck video poker gold in the form of a Royal Flush, perhaps the first, last and only time I've ever hit anything massive playing video crack. Payout was $650. I was elated! That was until I went to collect the $650 and was told by the bartender that she would have to pay me in singles and fives.
I didn't really think much of it until she handed me this gigantic wad of dirty bills. Keep in mind that Dean and I were supposed to be on the road, close to Portland and nowhere near a strip club. I tried like hell to spend this money as fast as possible, like Brewster's Millions, lap dances, shots, making it rain, MORE video poker (frigging won another huge hand, MOAR dirty singles and fives). Finally Dean said we had to go. We were supposed to be in Portland an hour or so ago. We had a two hour drive ahead of us. You see where this is going.
Dean gets me home after I passed out in his car. I literally have wads of cash coming out of my pockets. I get tot he front door, slowly and quietly open it hoping my lady is asleep and BOOM! There she is, arms folded, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!!!".
Me: "Uh, we uh, hit a bar after the game and traffic was bad and......"
Her: "LIAR!!!!!!!"
Me:
Her: "WHAT'S IN YOUR PANTS???"
Me: "Uh, I played some video poker at this, uh, bar".
Her: "LIAR!!!!!"
Me: "Can I just go to bed, I'm really exhausted, we can argue in the morning".
She let me go to bed. When I woke up at the crack of 11, she was gone. Also gone was all the money I had won. All of it. Not one dirty single left, not even the ones I stuffed in my socks. And yet, I still married her.
TA DA!!!!!!
JuniorGong
Footballguy
I was at a club this afternoon for an extended lunch break. This young girl come up to me, blonde with a nice body. She sits down and tells me she is 21 and just started to work at the club recently. She asked me what I like to do for fun and I told her drugs. She said the two of us will get along great and we started talking about a variety of topics. She is telling me about the types of porn she likes to watch and described for me how she masturbated before she came in for her shift. She is getting hammered, drinking a dirty martini and doing shots of Patron. She is trying to get me to a private room, tells me how she likes to be dominated. She wanted me to go in the back room with her and tie her hands behind her back with my belt and then do some unmentionable things to her. Very aggressive gal and seemed especially nuts even for a stripper.
ShamrockPride
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
Megaton
Footballguy
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Tackling Dummies
Footballguy
Ned
Footballguy
Bull Dozier
Footballguy
Megaton
Footballguy
No. Just go bare. Eventually you will build up your tolerances to everything like AzRon.
DocHolliday
Footballguy
I'm positive that he has at least ten. Unfortunately, he probably didn't even remember them the day after they happened.
shadrap
Footballguy
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
I've never been a big strip club guy. The few humorous anecdotes that I recall revolving around strippers/hookers are all in the "Story Time" thread already. I think. Doc Holliday is not far off - if I could remember half of what I've lost to time, drugs, and alcohol, I could write a book.
skol asylum
Footballguy
Sonny's. I live not far from there actually. They always have some fun with their sign out front. The latest:
What starts with P and ends with ORN?
POPCORN
Last edited by a moderator:
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
I'll drop this here in case anyone doesn't read the Story thread..
A few years ago in Vegas, we were at a bachelor party in the bowling alley suite at Hard Rock and my buddy Kev (the Rotato guy for those of you who read that thread) stole off to one of the bathrooms to get some "extras" from one of the strippers. We'd been out on the strip for roughly 40 straight hours at that point without going back to the room to sleep or shower,so we were pretty grimy. I opened the bathroom door and stepped in to piss and a second or two later realized what was going down and spun around to leave. As I did, I heard this brief exchange just as the door was closing behind me:
Her: "Mmhmmmmm... I love sucking your balls."
Kev: "How is that even POSSIBLE?"
I was laughing for about the next 10 minutes solid.
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A few years back, I got a room at the Grand Bohemian in downtown Orlando for myself, my brother, and my buddy. We went out on Church St drinking for a few hours and I got totally feces-faced. I'm talking 10-15 beers and at LEAST as many shots, it was that kind of night. Went back to the room around 1-2 AM and I passed out COLD, and when I say passed out cold, I do mean comatose.
Apparently, my brother and his buddy, who weren't quite done for the night, opened the phone book, called an escort service, and had them deliver a small hair-pie with pepperoni (nipples) to the room. She did a strip tease for them, to the dulcet tones of "New Faith" from Slayer, as we only had 1 CD in the room. They tell me that her hips gyrating as Tom Araya belted out "I keep my Bible in a pool of blood so that none of its lies can affect me!!" was particularly alluring. They then had her give me a face dance for a few minutes as I slept, and my buddy insists he saw her beef curtains flap in the breeze as I snored into her lady-parts. After an hour or so, she had to leave because "she had another client at the airport" but said she'd be back to give them the goodies they'd paid for but not received (oral.) I am completely unaware that any of this is going on. If I'd been awake, I'd have told them there was roughly a .0001% chance that she'd actually return, but they must have found the one honest hooker left in America.
Fast forward to 6:30 AM. I wake up, but am so catatonic, I am unable to open my eyes or move yet. My head is throbbing and it feels like someone glued sandpaper to the insides of my eyelids. I'm desperately trying not to heave all over the carpet of this nice hotel room when I hear a woman's voice saying "so, you guys want those BJs now?" I have no idea who this is or who she's talking to, so you can imagine my bewilderment. I try desperately to see who it is speaking, but my eyes are crusted shut and I'm afraid I'll throw up all over the bed if I lift my head. I hear my brother (Yams) saying - "No, it's cool, it's like 6:30 in the morning, we just want to sleep." She replies, "are you sure?" No response. I hear her get up and walk to the door. She opens the door and says : "OK, have a good night guys........" followed by a long pregnant pause, clearly giving them one last chance to come to their senses. The door does not close, so I know she's just standing there waiting for a response.
The response comes from my brother's posterior in the form of a ten-second fart that audibly drops in pitch every few seconds. If you wrote it out in sheet music it would look like :
xxxxxxxxx---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------xxxxxxxxxx-------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------xxxxxxxxxxxx--------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------xxxxxxxxxxx-----------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx------
...followed by the closing of the door - **ka-chunk**
I was laughing so hard, still unaware of what was going on, that I threw up all over the floor between the beds. Shortly thereafter, I fell back to sleep.
6 hours later, we all woke up, 30 minutes past checkout, and leaving my brother and friend 30 minutes to drive the hour back to Melbourne to get to peer review for their PhD theses or some s---. Needless to say, they didn't make it. After pulling over in a Burger King parking lot on the way back, at which point all three of us threw up out of individual doors of my friend's Civic, they stopped and bought a big bag of beef jerky at my behest to apologize to their professor/advisor for missing peer review. I wish I could have been there when they gave whatever BS excuse they dreamed up as to why they missed the meeting and then tried to bribe their way out of trouble with dried beef.
By the way, the buddy in the Orlando story is Barry of the Key West videos. A few times, we went to strip clubs - someone earlier (icon?) mentioned paying in 2 dollar bills - this was Barry's favorite move. Every time we knew we were going to a strip club ahead of time, he'd go to the bank and get 100 $2 bills to tip with. He's an interesting guy.
A few years ago in Vegas, we were at a bachelor party in the bowling alley suite at Hard Rock and my buddy Kev (the Rotato guy for those of you who read that thread) stole off to one of the bathrooms to get some "extras" from one of the strippers. We'd been out on the strip for roughly 40 straight hours at that point without going back to the room to sleep or shower,so we were pretty grimy. I opened the bathroom door and stepped in to piss and a second or two later realized what was going down and spun around to leave. As I did, I heard this brief exchange just as the door was closing behind me:
Her: "Mmhmmmmm... I love sucking your balls."
Kev: "How is that even POSSIBLE?"
I was laughing for about the next 10 minutes solid.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A few years back, I got a room at the Grand Bohemian in downtown Orlando for myself, my brother, and my buddy. We went out on Church St drinking for a few hours and I got totally feces-faced. I'm talking 10-15 beers and at LEAST as many shots, it was that kind of night. Went back to the room around 1-2 AM and I passed out COLD, and when I say passed out cold, I do mean comatose.
Apparently, my brother and his buddy, who weren't quite done for the night, opened the phone book, called an escort service, and had them deliver a small hair-pie with pepperoni (nipples) to the room. She did a strip tease for them, to the dulcet tones of "New Faith" from Slayer, as we only had 1 CD in the room. They tell me that her hips gyrating as Tom Araya belted out "I keep my Bible in a pool of blood so that none of its lies can affect me!!" was particularly alluring. They then had her give me a face dance for a few minutes as I slept, and my buddy insists he saw her beef curtains flap in the breeze as I snored into her lady-parts. After an hour or so, she had to leave because "she had another client at the airport" but said she'd be back to give them the goodies they'd paid for but not received (oral.) I am completely unaware that any of this is going on. If I'd been awake, I'd have told them there was roughly a .0001% chance that she'd actually return, but they must have found the one honest hooker left in America.
Fast forward to 6:30 AM. I wake up, but am so catatonic, I am unable to open my eyes or move yet. My head is throbbing and it feels like someone glued sandpaper to the insides of my eyelids. I'm desperately trying not to heave all over the carpet of this nice hotel room when I hear a woman's voice saying "so, you guys want those BJs now?" I have no idea who this is or who she's talking to, so you can imagine my bewilderment. I try desperately to see who it is speaking, but my eyes are crusted shut and I'm afraid I'll throw up all over the bed if I lift my head. I hear my brother (Yams) saying - "No, it's cool, it's like 6:30 in the morning, we just want to sleep." She replies, "are you sure?" No response. I hear her get up and walk to the door. She opens the door and says : "OK, have a good night guys........" followed by a long pregnant pause, clearly giving them one last chance to come to their senses. The door does not close, so I know she's just standing there waiting for a response.
The response comes from my brother's posterior in the form of a ten-second fart that audibly drops in pitch every few seconds. If you wrote it out in sheet music it would look like :
xxxxxxxxx---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------xxxxxxxxxx-------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------xxxxxxxxxxxx--------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------xxxxxxxxxxx-----------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx------
...followed by the closing of the door - **ka-chunk**
I was laughing so hard, still unaware of what was going on, that I threw up all over the floor between the beds. Shortly thereafter, I fell back to sleep.
6 hours later, we all woke up, 30 minutes past checkout, and leaving my brother and friend 30 minutes to drive the hour back to Melbourne to get to peer review for their PhD theses or some s---. Needless to say, they didn't make it. After pulling over in a Burger King parking lot on the way back, at which point all three of us threw up out of individual doors of my friend's Civic, they stopped and bought a big bag of beef jerky at my behest to apologize to their professor/advisor for missing peer review. I wish I could have been there when they gave whatever BS excuse they dreamed up as to why they missed the meeting and then tried to bribe their way out of trouble with dried beef.
By the way, the buddy in the Orlando story is Barry of the Key West videos. A few times, we went to strip clubs - someone earlier (icon?) mentioned paying in 2 dollar bills - this was Barry's favorite move. Every time we knew we were going to a strip club ahead of time, he'd go to the bank and get 100 $2 bills to tip with. He's an interesting guy.
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
Bull Dozier
Footballguy
Thanks. I was not disappointed.Evilgrin 72 said:
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Megaton
Footballguy
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Insofar as dance is considered speech, I suppose any speech communicated between client and attorney probably would be. Never really thought about it.
shadrap
Footballguy
Friend(seriously) was spending $1500 to $2000 per Frid or Saturday night at Sunnys. We had a little talk & he hasn't been back in 4 years. Was wonderful talking to a guy who was twice as jaded as I was/am.
![[icon]](/data/avatars/m/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
[icon]
Insoxicated
What the ####?!!
for $2k a week you could likely have a 24hr a day live in stripper/whore... likely a pretty nice one too!
shadrap
Footballguy
he was married. He spent most of his time in the other room. Big #### was & still is his downfall.What the ####?!!
for $2k a week you could likely have a 24hr a day live in stripper/whore... likely a pretty nice one too!
Koya
Footballguy
As @Arizona Ron calls it, the two stack a week special.What the ####?!!
for $2k a week you could likely have a 24hr a day live in stripper/whore... likely a pretty nice one too!
JuniorGong
Footballguy
I have it on good authority that a few long time outs were giving for content not deemed suitable.
JuniorGong
Footballguy
I did the only thing I thought made sense. I bought her a martini and said after you finish that let’s head to the private room. A minute later I stared down and my phone, furrowed my brow and told her I had to go outside to make a work call. Told her to hang tight and then I would be back in no more than 10 minutes. Hopefully she still isn’t waiting for me.And...
Megaton
Footballguy
DocHolliday
Footballguy
Megaton
Footballguy
I was hoping he went outside to get some coke to snort off her ###. That's the one thing to do that would have made sense.
dickey moe
Fingerpicker
Ambergris by AhabExit 1 said:
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
I am endlessly fascinated by Wikkidpissah. We're all lucky he posts here.
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
well, gawrsh, fellas - don'gitnobettah than the praise of fine storytellers. thank you -
NotSmart
Footballguy
It's like an incredible mashup of a music and entertainment industry version of Forrest Gump, present for so many amazing historical events. It's brilliant and really does deserve to be an amazing book.
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
life is like a chocolate stripper - you never know which end yaw gonna git
Soulfly3
Footballguy
Bull Dozier
Footballguy
I really wish I spoke "wikkid." I have a feeling I would enjoy his stories if I spoke his language.
