Earlier this year at a beer festival in Colorado, I met this cute, quirky, kinda-hipster girl with bright blue eyes who works at a brewery and liquor store in the Midwest. She was into drinking good beer and smoking good weed, so we kind of hit it off and ended up organizing a fun bottle share together with some of our friends from the beer industry. She texted me a couple weeks ago to let me know she was coming out to Denver for the Great American Beer Festival, and I told her that she was welcome to stay at my place if she wanted. On Thursday, she called me and said, "I've got a quick question for you. Are you single?" I told her that I was single for the first time in a long time, and she said, "Good. I was hoping to have some fun this weekend." Sweet, I guess we can just skip that awkward stage where you both pretend that you don't know you're going to bang later.
So, we go to the Great American Beer Festival together on Friday night and have a fun time sampling and chatting beer. As we're leaving the festival, we realize that both of our phones are completely dead and both of our bladders are completely full. She was really complaining about how badly she had to pee, so I suggest that we walk to my office a couple blocks away to use the bathroom and charge our phones enough to call an Uber. As I'm entering the code to get into my building, she is doing a little tippy-toe dance, holding her groin, and telling me to "Hurry!" As I open the door and turn to her, I see her leaning slightly forward with her knees bent as a waterfall of urine poured out of her pants. She looks down at puddle of urine at her feet, looks up at me, and says matter-of-factly, "I just peed my pants." WTF.
When we get up to my office, she immediately strips her pants and underwear off saying that she needs to let them dry out for awhile. I plug my phone into the charger under my desk and swing around to see that she is now completely naked sitting spread-eagle on one of the chairs in front of my desk rubbing her breasts. She says, "So what position do you want to start in? Me bent over the desk or me on top of the desk?" I said, "How about you on your knees sucking my ####?" as I reclined back in my office desk chair pondering the depths of my own sexual depravity. She was really enthusiastic about fulfilling her "office bang" fantasy, as she fully embraced the cliché of aggressively and unnecessarily knocking all of the papers off my desk. I just hope the smell of urine airs out of my office before I have to reorganize all of those exhibits.
When we eventually got home, we did some more dabs, broke out some nice beers, and ate pizza as she showed me naked pictures of her favorite Suicide Girls.
ut:
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