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Fictitious Upcoming M. Night Shyamalan Movies (1 Viewer)

"MP"

A remote African village is thrown into turmoil when a mysterious and 2 square mile piece of fabric falls from the sky and lands on the savanna. The natives are frightened at first but eventually begin to use the material for shelter and clothing. Only at the end of the film do they learn the horrific truth. The fabric is really just a giant pair of female undergarments belonging to some sort of humongous, sinister creature.

 
Nightly Mistake said:
THE STAFFERA man tries desperately to find happiness. He quits his job. He moves across the country. He takes a job stocking shelves. Then starts writing articles and acting like he runs the place. He starts to replace the man in charge and he has threads deleted. Turns out, he's a single white female.
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:rolleyes:
 
The Grass

Two hours and 15 minutes of watching green shimmery grass swaying in the breeze and growing in real time.

The twist is that there is no twist. After watching grass for two hours waiting for the payoff, the credits begin to roll.

 
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MisfitBlondes said:
The Baker's Field.Growing up, all he wanted was a chance. The almost, not quite, true story of a man who wanted to become king of the trivia world. As a young boy, Jose Boyle could remember things. As a teenager, Jose Boyle touched his first boob. As a man, Jose Boyle attempted to become a trivia icon. Cameos by Ben Stein and Alex Trebek.
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:confused:
 
Tacos al Carboner said:
Steps

Artemis O'Mally, an unemployed lifetime invalid, slowly gains the ability to walk. Those close to him wonder: is he simply determined or are there supernatural elements in play? In a bizarre twist, Artemis is an infant.
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:shrug:
 
"Son Of A Beach"

A sudden, blinding sandstorm envelops a small town, forcing its residents to burrow underground and survive by crafting an elaborate series of tunnels connecting them beneath the mountains of sand. Without warning, the sky breaks open and the sand suddenly disappears. Just as the citizens begin to celebrate, they're suddenly scorched one-by-one by a fat kid with a magnifying glass.

 
Sam Quentin said:
The Grass

Two hours and 15 minutes of watching green shimmery grass swaying in the breeze and growing in real time.

The twist is that there is no twist. After watching grass for two hours waiting for the payoff, the credits begin to roll.
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that would be a terrence malick movie. almost.
 
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The Happening 2: Its Happening Again

Four years after the attack of the plants, the horror is back, but this time, its under your feet. A small town scientist (Keanu Reeves) must discover why people are mysteriously dieing before its too late. He soon learns the soil is killing everyone who doesn't recycle. He embarks on a journey with his father (Al Gore) and wife (Fran Drescher) to end pollution through a number of informative science lectures at big universities. Will their crazy plan work? No. They all die.

 
The Audience

A bunch of people watch a drama about a priest who renounced his faith while coping with the loss of his wife, then display their own ignorance by getting upset that the aliens in the movie aren't cool enough and die when they're exposed to water. The twist is that the audience referenced in the title is the rest of the world, watching these cretins continue to act like they're film critics when they can't figure out that it wasn't a frigging alien movie.

 
bostonfred said:
The AudienceA bunch of people watch a drama about a priest who renounced his faith while coping with the loss of his wife, then display their own ignorance by getting upset that the aliens in the movie aren't cool enough and die when they're exposed to water. The twist is that the audience referenced in the title is the rest of the world, watching these cretins continue to act like they're film critics when they can't figure out that it wasn't a frigging alien movie.
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This sounds like it really sucked.
 
McJose said:
bostonfred said:
The AudienceA bunch of people watch a drama about a priest who renounced his faith while coping with the loss of his wife, then display their own ignorance by getting upset that the aliens in the movie aren't cool enough and die when they're exposed to water. The twist is that the audience referenced in the title is the rest of the world, watching these cretins continue to act like they're film critics when they can't figure out that it wasn't a frigging alien movie.
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This sounds like it really sucked.
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Indeed.
 
jplvr said:
McJose said:
bostonfred said:
The AudienceA bunch of people watch a drama about a priest who renounced his faith while coping with the loss of his wife, then display their own ignorance by getting upset that the aliens in the movie aren't cool enough and die when they're exposed to water. The twist is that the audience referenced in the title is the rest of the world, watching these cretins continue to act like they're film critics when they can't figure out that it wasn't a frigging alien movie.
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This sounds like it really sucked.
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Indeed.
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And I see to remember some aliens in that movie.
 
The Fighter

A down on his luck dock worker from Baltimore begins training at Brazilian Ju Jitsu in his spare time after a nasty divorce (Steven Seagal) . He quickly rises up the ranks as his BJJ Master spots his true talent. After a year he enters into an elite BJJ competition in Brazil.

The twist: It was actually a BJ competition and he's forced to compete (and win) in order to win his freedom from the evil tournament master (Jm J. Bullock)

 
The Z Machine said:
The FighterA down on his luck dock worker from Baltimore begins training at Brazilian Ju Jitsu in his spare time after a nasty divorce (Steven Seagal) . He quickly rises up the ranks as his BJJ Master spots his true talent. After a year he enters into an elite BJJ competition in Brazil.The twist: It was actually a BJ competition and he's forced to compete (and win) in order to win his freedom from the evil tournament master (Jm J. Bullock)
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:lmao: jesus
 
The Z Machine said:
The FighterA down on his luck dock worker from Baltimore begins training at Brazilian Ju Jitsu in his spare time after a nasty divorce (Steven Seagal) . He quickly rises up the ranks as his BJJ Master spots his true talent. After a year he enters into an elite BJJ competition in Brazil.The twist: It was actually a BJ competition and he's forced to compete (and win) in order to win his freedom from the evil tournament master (Jm J. Bullock)
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AIIIIIII cup the balls danielson
 
McJose said:
jplvr said:
McJose said:
bostonfred said:
The AudienceA bunch of people watch a drama about a priest who renounced his faith while coping with the loss of his wife, then display their own ignorance by getting upset that the aliens in the movie aren't cool enough and die when they're exposed to water. The twist is that the audience referenced in the title is the rest of the world, watching these cretins continue to act like they're film critics when they can't figure out that it wasn't a frigging alien movie.
Click to expand...
This sounds like it really sucked.
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Indeed.
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And I see to remember some aliens in that movie.
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I don't remember seeing any.
 
McJose said:
"MP"A remote African village is thrown into turmoil when a mysterious and 2 square mile piece of fabric falls from the sky and lands on the savanna. The natives are frightened at first but eventually begin to use the material for shelter and clothing. Only at the end of the film do they learn the horrific truth. The fabric is really just a giant pair of female undergarments belonging to some sort of humongous, sinister creature.
Click to expand...
This is eerily similar to "MOP"A suburb of Miami is thrown into turmoil when a mysterious 2 square mile piece of tuna falls from the sky and lands in the Everglades. The inhabitants are frightened at first but eventually begin to sell the material at movie theaters in lieu of popcorn. Only at the end of the film do they learn the horrific truth. The tuna is really what was left of MOP after the staff position was given to Otis and MOP instead received a lifetime banning for his impersonations.
 
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Disco Stu said:
Fennis said:
"The Director"

A promising young upstart writes and directs a film with a surprise ending that takes on the film world by storm. After that release, each film he puts out gets progressively worse. By the fourth film they are literally unwatchable.

Yet somehow, some way, the films never stop coming out.
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In a surprise twist, they're not literally unwatchable... just really bad.
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Clearly you never tried to watch The Happening. Your eyeballs will bleed. The Last Airbender will cause your brain to catch on fire. Literally.

 
McJose said:
CBusAlex said:
"Mind Games"

An American spy undercover in Cold War era Moscow is tasked with uncovering a Soviet plot to infiltrate the CIA. The mission turns deadly when he discovers that his CIA handler - and the only man who knows his status as a member of the agency - is the double agent he has been sent to find. In a surprise twist, the film is not directed by Shyamalan and is actually quite good.
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:lmao:
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:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
 
McJose said:
"Duplex"3 young girls in their 20s move into an apartment together. But things are as they seem. One of the girls eats a lot of groceries without paying her fair share. The 45 year old guy that lives next door fantasizes about the girls when he pleasures himself. Except for the fat one who eats all the groceries.
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I wish this would happen in my building...we could call it "The Fappening"
 
The Missile

A crazed Iranian warlord gets his hands on a nuclear warhead and launches it at the US. Somehow, while en route over the Atlantic Ocean, the missile disappears and doesn't reach its destination. Not surprisingly, the US has already launched an attack of the Middle East with nuclear warheads but once again the missiles fall off the radar and never reach their intended target. While black ops try to discover what caused the mysterious disappearances of the missiles, another round of warheads are launched over the Pacific Ocean. Without explanation, these disappear as well.

The end.

 
The Hacker - An M. Night Shyamalan film

A young college student (Robert Pattinson) just beginning his career in IT discovers an undercover world of illicit role-playing games where the stakes are very real. By gaining access to the central servers of his school's computer system he finds himself face to face with the Grand Wizard (also the school's dean) played by Christopher Lee in a fight for the future of young hackers everywhere.

The twist: It was all a simulation, part of a joint Computer Science / Psychology program for mentally challenged middle school students.

 
The Message Bored

A story of a lonely man named Tim Chocolate who decides to write a book about a Japanese book store that is a front for a full service massage parlor. One day he gets the bright idea to publish his book, page by page, on a message board. Little does he know that all who read it literally die from boredom. Luckily not too many people read it and those that do are not missed.

 
jplvr said:
McJose said:
jplvr said:
McJose said:
bostonfred said:
The AudienceA bunch of people watch a drama about a priest who renounced his faith while coping with the loss of his wife, then display their own ignorance by getting upset that the aliens in the movie aren't cool enough and die when they're exposed to water. The twist is that the audience referenced in the title is the rest of the world, watching these cretins continue to act like they're film critics when they can't figure out that it wasn't a frigging alien movie.
Click to expand...
This sounds like it really sucked.
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Indeed.
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And I see to remember some aliens in that movie.
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I don't remember seeing any.
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you probably fell asleep before they showed up.
 
gianmarco said:
The MissileA crazed Iranian warlord gets his hands on a nuclear warhead and launches it at the US. Somehow, while en route over the Atlantic Ocean, the missile disappears and doesn't reach its destination. Not surprisingly, the US has already launched an attack of the Middle East with nuclear warheads but once again the missiles fall off the radar and never reach their intended target. While black ops try to discover what caused the mysterious disappearances of the missiles, another round of warheads are launched over the Pacific Ocean. Without explanation, these disappear as well. The end.
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:popcorn: that actually sounds like it could be interesting.
 
Fred was just a normal kid in a high school with a uniform code. He liked the girls, but he respected them. He would try to start conversations but the girls looked offended most of the time. He had no idea why. One lunch period he found out. "OMG you PERV!!!" The girl yelled as she ran to the girls room. Fred looked down, his tallywacker was soft, but his khakis said otherwise...

This was do or die time. Fred screams, "That's it! I'm buying new pants! TO-NIGHT!

The Last Airboner

In a surprise twist, Fred really did have a boner.

 
For years, Jim battles his own very real demons, in the form of garden gnomes that constantly send him Christmas ornaments filled with weapons grade anthrax. Finally, a gnome, disguised in a naugahyde suit painted to look like Tip O'Neil, slips through the door and begins throwing blue and red orbs of destruction all over his house. Fatally wounded by broken glass and deadly bacteria, Jim slips into bed, only opening his eyes one last time to see his wife before he takes his last breath.

Spoiler: Jim is really Ronald Reagan

 
“Downward”

A young New Yorker, Albert Lipwitch, loses his wife in a divorce. His kid dies in an accident. He begins to suffer horrific, debilitating stomach pains. His boss threatens to fire him from his job. In the shocking twist, Albert’s stomachache disappears after he poops.

 
Windmuffin said:
For years, Jim battles his own very real demons, in the form of garden gnomes that constantly send him Christmas ornaments filled with weapons grade anthrax. Finally, a gnome, disguised in a naugahyde suit painted to look like Tip O'Neil, slips through the door and begins throwing blue and red orbs of destruction all over his house. Fatally wounded by broken glass and deadly bacteria, Jim slips into bed, only opening his eyes one last time to see his wife before he takes his last breath.Spoiler: Jim is really Ronald Reagan
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I like it.
 
The Scion

An orphan from Ireland (with red hair and all) struggles through life until he discovers that he's a natural at the Biathlon whilst traveling through the Scottish highlands. Things take a turn for the worse as he is chased from a Biathlon competition by Russian intelligence agents (on skis of course). He's captured and tortured in a Siberian gulag for months, only to be miraculously released onto the streets of Murmansk.

The twist: The Russians were after him because he's the last heir to the Russian throne (Tsar Nicholas II's great-grandchild) and they only wanted to extract his semen. The orphan is also a hermaphrodite and gay.

 
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The Z Machine said:
The Scion

An orphan from Ireland (with red hair and all) struggles through life until he discovers that he's a natural at the Biathlon whilst traveling through the Scottish highlands. Things take a turn for the worse as he is chased from a Biathlon competition by Russian intelligence agents (on skis of course). He's captured and tortured in a Siberian gulag for months, only to be miraculously released onto the streets of Murmansk.

The twist: The Russians were after him because he's the last heir to the Russian throne (Tsar Nicholas II's great-grandchild) and they only wanted to extract his semen. The orphan is also a hermaphrodite and gay.
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I hope Lady Gaga acts better than she sings.
 
notme said:
McJose said:
"Duplex"3 young girls in their 20s move into an apartment together. But things are as they seem. One of the girls eats a lot of groceries without paying her fair share. The 45 year old guy that lives next door fantasizes about the girls when he pleasures himself. Except for the fat one who eats all the groceries.
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I wish this would happen in my building...we could call it "The Fappening"
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:goodposting:
 
The Indian

A Native American man embarks on a soul-searching trip across the United States, the land stolen from his people. In a brain-exploding twist, along his journey, he shares camaraderie, music with a police officer, construction worker, cowboy, and a leather-clad motorcycle guy.

 
General Malaise said:
notme said:
McJose said:
"Duplex"3 young girls in their 20s move into an apartment together. But things are as they seem. One of the girls eats a lot of groceries without paying her fair share. The 45 year old guy that lives next door fantasizes about the girls when he pleasures himself. Except for the fat one who eats all the groceries.
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I wish this would happen in my building...we could call it "The Fappening"
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:banned:
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THANK YOU!!!
 
"The Allergy"

A man returns home from work to find his right arm red, swollen, and itchy. What he doesn't pay attention to is fact that the Benadryl bottle in the medicine cabinet he reached for and immediately drank was expired by 17 days. Despite only touching the liquid to his lips, he is overcome with horror at the realization that it was outdated. As the hours pass on, he develops worsening gas and his arm is now unrelenting in its itchiness. With each passing minute, his flatulence turns more putrid and begins to cause hallucinations. In a fit of confusion and rage, he goes to the garage, saws off his arm and attempts to plug his rectum with the newly removed appendage. Only then does he notice the date on his watch that is still attached to the dismembered arm is incorrect and that the Benadryl was still good. His gas was simply due to the bean dip from the office party earlier in the day.

To his horror, his other arm starts to itch.

 
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The Time Traveler's Wife

A man has a genetic anomoly known as chrono-impairment that causes him to involuntarily travel through time leading to unavoidable absences from his wife. He returns with increasing knowledge of the future, making things ever more difficult in his marriage. In a surprise twist, the man never actually travels through time and merely awakes from unavoidable trances induced by his wife's constant nagging and previous M. Night Shyamalan movies. In a final surprise twist, the man is revealed to have been dead the whole time from a severe case of vascocongestion. The end.

 
The Letdown

A man starts to tell one of the most riveting stories to a crowd. Lookers on are amazed by his tenacity and resolve as he describes a most interesting, but trying period of his life.

Then he just stops in the middle of it. He continues to talk about boobs and other interesting things however.

:wub:

 
Gotcha

A group of strangers finds out that the room they're in has been sealed off from the rest of the world, all their words and actions are being recorded and that one of them will have their subsequent deeds and utterances parsed into negative campaign ads. Since none of them are running for anything, they are not that bothered by this, but remain relatively still and quiet for the rest of the movie.

 
Affleck

Ben Affleck plays himself, woodenly. He is followed through a typical day by Gilbert Gottfried, off screen, shouting out "Afflack" at the top of his lungs like some crazed tourettes syndrom guy. Affleck finally loses it, pointing out his name is "Affleck" and not "Afflack". Mercifully matt Damon appears as jason bourne, kills them both, and then goes on a sarah Palin rant. How the movie ends is unknown because nobody actually stays until the end.

 
The Green Mile and a Half

A man on death row daydreams about his wedding day. Are the daydreams flashbacks or some form of coping dementia where he has created an alternate reality? What is the significance of the thunderstorms? When he is served his final meal, in an homage to Salvadore Dali, he is given 10,000 spoons and fly-infested chardonnay. The twist is that he was that he'd already died in a plane crash. The second twist is that Harry Manback informs us all that none of it is ironic.

 
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notme said:
McJose said:
"Duplex" 3 young girls in their 20s move into an apartment together. But things are as they seem. One of the girls eats a lot of groceries without paying her fair share. The 45 year old guy that lives next door fantasizes about the girls when he pleasures himself. Except for the fat one who eats all the groceries.
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I wish this would happen in my building...we could call it "The Fappening"
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Major props for clairvoyance - should have trademarked it!

 
M. Night said a few years ago that Devil was part two of an Unbreakable trilogy.

Having seen both, I have literally no idea how thats possible, but all I care about is that there is a sequel to unbreakable :no:

 
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