Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Person I work with:
I had no idea they invented a mouthwash that is halitosis-flavored. Oh, they didn't? Well ...
I had no idea they invented a mouthwash that is halitosis-flavored. Oh, they didn't? Well ...
:XDear lady that was at the same table as I was when the dept went out for drinks once:
We're not friends. I'm not even sure that I talked to you the entire time that we happened to be at the same bar. Therefore, you have not earned the right to stop by my desk several times a week for mindless chit-chat. When I frequently turn my back to you and look longingly at my phone or email hoping for something, this should indicate that you should scurry off.
Furthermore, I'm not certain what country you're from, but here we keep our faces more than 4 inches from each other when speaking. Its bad enough I have to hear you when you corner me, but I don't want to taste your lunch as well.
Also, burn your entire wardrobe. Yes, the zebra and leopard prints skirts too.
Just because this is a law firm does not mean that every single e-mail you send must start with "Please be advised." You drive the shuttle to the train station and unload the dishwasher, mmkay?Using the phrase "in regards to" over and over again does not make you sound intelligent. Quite the contrary, actually.
well he's not Canadian but GD this guy doesn't work at my officeDearest dorky-Canadian-engineer-type-guy,It makes everyone uncomfortable when you verbally abuse your wife on the phone in the middle of the office. Yes, we can all hear you. And yes, we agree, she is fat and stupid.Yours,Print Is Dead
Nice-guy-that-I-talk-sports-withlease learn that when I sigh or stretch or say "Good times," that is my signal that our conversation is over. Uncomfortable silences are not my bag, pal.
Do you work in Maryland and is your name Dave? I'm being very serious.lady in of my office is probably about 300 lbs. this after losing 100. she is in her mid40's and lives at home with her perfectly healthy parents. has her WHOLE life. she lives in some podunk town way the ### out. i'm putting money down on her never having entertained the affection of any boy or man her entire life.she recently met, online, some "guy" online. he's sorta half Sling Blade, half Scarecrow, half Jeffrey Dahmer. frightening looking fella. they started dating a few months ago.. now i hear daily, feverish, updates of their "relationship". including their first sleepover. which consisted of him sleeping in one room and her in another.. with the door locked..................at her parents house.today's post V-Day report has been an atrocity. an abomination. talk of marriage is in the air. she's been dating him......2 months maybe? i'm pretty sure she'd marry any guy who would have her. this poor schlub just might be the one.i've heard about EVERYTHING in this office. from papsmear's (sp?), to all manner of gynecological exams, bigotry, blatant racism, tales of prostate examinations, you name it.NONE of it. NONE comes close to making me feel as sick as hearing this woman talk about her "love life" on a daily basis.
Do you work in Maryland and is your name Dave? I'm being very serious.lady in of my office is probably about 300 lbs. this after losing 100. she is in her mid40's and lives at home with her perfectly healthy parents. has her WHOLE life. she lives in some podunk town way the ### out. i'm putting money down on her never having entertained the affection of any boy or man her entire life.she recently met, online, some "guy" online. he's sorta half Sling Blade, half Scarecrow, half Jeffrey Dahmer. frightening looking fella. they started dating a few months ago.. now i hear daily, feverish, updates of their "relationship". including their first sleepover. which consisted of him sleeping in one room and her in another.. with the door locked..................at her parents house.today's post V-Day report has been an atrocity. an abomination. talk of marriage is in the air. she's been dating him......2 months maybe? i'm pretty sure she'd marry any guy who would have her. this poor schlub just might be the one.i've heard about EVERYTHING in this office. from papsmear's (sp?), to all manner of gynecological exams, bigotry, blatant racism, tales of prostate examinations, you name it.NONE of it. NONE comes close to making me feel as sick as hearing this woman talk about her "love life" on a daily basis.
Furley is in cheese land.Do you work in Maryland and is your name Dave? I'm being very serious.lady in of my office is probably about 300 lbs. this after losing 100. she is in her mid40's and lives at home with her perfectly healthy parents. has her WHOLE life. she lives in some podunk town way the ### out. i'm putting money down on her never having entertained the affection of any boy or man her entire life.she recently met, online, some "guy" online. he's sorta half Sling Blade, half Scarecrow, half Jeffrey Dahmer. frightening looking fella. they started dating a few months ago.. now i hear daily, feverish, updates of their "relationship". including their first sleepover. which consisted of him sleeping in one room and her in another.. with the door locked..................at her parents house.today's post V-Day report has been an atrocity. an abomination. talk of marriage is in the air. she's been dating him......2 months maybe? i'm pretty sure she'd marry any guy who would have her. this poor schlub just might be the one.i've heard about EVERYTHING in this office. from papsmear's (sp?), to all manner of gynecological exams, bigotry, blatant racism, tales of prostate examinations, you name it.NONE of it. NONE comes close to making me feel as sick as hearing this woman talk about her "love life" on a daily basis.
amen brotha!!!!!!!Nice-guy-that-I-talk-sports-withlease learn that when I sigh or stretch or say "Good times," that is my signal that our conversation is over. Uncomfortable silences are not my bag, pal.
Dear co-worker,Please don't wash your feet in the sink. thank - you.
We had an epidemic a few years ago of some of our programmers spitting on the floor. That was the worst I'd heard of until now.Dear co-worker,Please don't wash your feet in the sink. thank - you.
nice.To all of my co-workerslease alert me to the location of the sign on my desk that says "Enter, all you vapid, self-important gasbags, that you might illuminate my day with your endless mundane tales." Although it's fascinating witnessing the alchemy of your spinning two minutes of facts into a 15-minute discussion, I'd like to remove the sign.TIA.
Dear co-worker,Please don't wash your feet in the sink. thank - you.
You don't know Clyde and Evilgrin, do you?We had an epidemic a few years ago of some of our programmers spitting on the floor. That was the worst I'd heard of until now.Dear co-worker,Please don't wash your feet in the sink. thank - you.
Dear co-worker;Please do not try to initiate a conversation with me as I'm exiting a stall and you're entering one. Please do not try to keep the conversation going as I'm washing and drying my hands and you're grunting.TIA
Person I work with:I had no idea they invented a mouthwash that is halitosis-flavored. Oh, they didn't? Well ...
was gonna throw a couple more halves in there but didn't want to confuse the slowfurley took "Jason Kidd, Fractions, and You" as an online college course. It's okay, though. He passed.So, you're saying that he's a large man, too?she recently met, online, some "guy" online. he's sorta half Sling Blade, half Scarecrow, half Jeffrey Dahmer. frightening looking fella.
funny - these are also programmers - or "McCoders" imported from *.istan - NTTIAWWTThe problem is the puddles of water left behind on the floor and the counter - if you lean on the sink you end up with large wet spot > exit bathroom > look like a fool.We had an epidemic a few years ago of some of our programmers spitting on the floor. That was the worst I'd heard of until now.Dear co-worker,Please don't wash your feet in the sink. thank - you.
Wow...Also, to the secretary, you aren't fooling anyone when you let the guy from the shredder company into the boss' office to "empty the trash can", follow him in and lock the door behind you.
Is this even possible?half Sling Blade, half Scarecrow, half Jeffrey Dahmer
OK, so I was not the first to question this...was gonna throw a couple more halves in there but didn't want to confuse the slowfurley took "Jason Kidd, Fractions, and You" as an online college course. It's okay, though. He passed.So, you're saying that he's a large man, too?she recently met, online, some "guy" online. he's sorta half Sling Blade, half Scarecrow, half Jeffrey Dahmer. frightening looking fella.
this guy is currently chomping away happily in the cube behind mine. even with headphones on at full blast i can hear him crunching away.To the girl who chews her ice so the entire office can hear it. ####. Stop it, close your mouth, if you don't close it soon I may have to sew it shut. We are all tired of hearing you chew your ice, your chex mix, your chips, whatever it is. You chew like a 3 year old. I'm surprised you don't wear a bib, maybe Ill get you one. We have all had enough of you. OH and another thing. WE DONT CARE ABOUT HOW MUCH WORK YOU DO!!!Guess what #######, I don't do anything, NOTHING and when I say nothing I mean it. Whats that tell me? It tells me you are a stupid loud open mouth chewer who nobody can stand. WE ALL HATE YOU.Thank You, I feel better now.
Wisconsin and my name is Glenn.Furley is in cheese land.Do you work in Maryland and is your name Dave? I'm being very serious.lady in of my office is probably about 300 lbs. this after losing 100. she is in her mid40's and lives at home with her perfectly healthy parents. has her WHOLE life. she lives in some podunk town way the ### out. i'm putting money down on her never having entertained the affection of any boy or man her entire life.she recently met, online, some "guy" online. he's sorta half Sling Blade, half Scarecrow, half Jeffrey Dahmer. frightening looking fella. they started dating a few months ago.. now i hear daily, feverish, updates of their "relationship". including their first sleepover. which consisted of him sleeping in one room and her in another.. with the door locked..................at her parents house.today's post V-Day report has been an atrocity. an abomination. talk of marriage is in the air. she's been dating him......2 months maybe? i'm pretty sure she'd marry any guy who would have her. this poor schlub just might be the one.i've heard about EVERYTHING in this office. from papsmear's (sp?), to all manner of gynecological exams, bigotry, blatant racism, tales of prostate examinations, you name it.NONE of it. NONE comes close to making me feel as sick as hearing this woman talk about her "love life" on a daily basis.
Do you sit next to me?Dear coworker,Your secret "plan" to fart into your chair and sit on it until it goes away doesn't work. Your office smells like ####.
Then stay out of my office.Dear coworker,Your secret "plan" to fart into your chair and sit on it until it goes away doesn't work. Your office smells like ####.
I wouldn't even think about opening a bathroom door without a paper towel. I've seen too many guys handling their junk and then walk right out the door using that same handle...Dear Slammer-Guy-
While I realize that you are a complete germ-a-phobe, who needs a paper towel to open the bathroom door on your way out, have you not yet realized that EVERYONE on this floor knows you as "Slammer"??? -Even the women??? Why,you ask??? Well, when you insist on lifting the toilet seat with your shoe every time you take a leak, only to again use your shoe to drop it Very loudly, startling the beejesus out of whomever may be sitting down in the next stall- People will tend to not like you.. Is your aim that bad that the gap at the front of the seat is not wide enough, so the entire seat gets soiled when you go, so you must lift the seat?? How about learning some aim, or Better yet, There are perfectly good urinals against the wall that are just waiting for your use.
You watch guys handling their junk? What's wrong with you?I wouldn't even think about opening a bathroom door without a paper towel. I've seen too many guys handling their junk and then walk right out the door using that same handle...Dear Slammer-Guy-
While I realize that you are a complete germ-a-phobe, who needs a paper towel to open the bathroom door on your way out, have you not yet realized that EVERYONE on this floor knows you as "Slammer"??? -Even the women??? Why,you ask??? Well, when you insist on lifting the toilet seat with your shoe every time you take a leak, only to again use your shoe to drop it Very loudly, startling the beejesus out of whomever may be sitting down in the next stall- People will tend to not like you.. Is your aim that bad that the gap at the front of the seat is not wide enough, so the entire seat gets soiled when you go, so you must lift the seat?? How about learning some aim, or Better yet, There are perfectly good urinals against the wall that are just waiting for your use.