Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

[gorf]

my 4.5 year old son and 1.5 year old daughter were in the bath together the other day.

wife: ok bud, all clean? did you wash your bottom? did you wash your penis?

son: how come she doesn't have to wash *her* penis?

son: oh wait, she doesn't have a penis. she has a puh-china.

daughter: china! china! china! china! china! china!

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

So, my wife and I were playing Super Mario Galaxy last night with our 3.5 year old son as the unofficial 3rd player. He loves this game so much even though he's not coordinated enough yet to actually play it himself. He just lives and dies with it. His dad mostly just dies with it as I don't deal with frustrating levels very well. Last night, I kept falling off the edge of this narrow pathway and dying, but I was keeping my anger pretty well in check. My son must have sensed it though as I fell off and died yet again he said "That's bull####." I didn't know whether to give him a high-five or scold him.

 

[UOFI_316]

Another one from my 6 yr old son tonight:He came into the living room saying he was going to get sick so we told him to go into the bathroom. He went into the bathroom, got sick, and came back out saying:"now my heart is beating fast, what if I am having a baby and I don't know it."

When my brother was 3 or 4 he came into the living room and told my mom he felt sick, my mom asked him what was wrong, and he said his tummy hurt so my mom told him to go drink some water (or some other cure) and his response was "What if I'm having a baby!!"We still tease him about that one now.

 

[Verbal Kint]

2 from this weekend:

We were trying to decide where to go to dinner Friday. My 5 yo says "Dad! Let's go to Olive Garden"

Me "err, I don't think so bud"

Him "Pleeeease. I promise I won't get sick"

.

On the way home from the Super Bowl last night, my oldest and the baby are asleep in the car. My 3 yo, as he often does, sings himself to sleep. So sitting there in his car seat, he quietly is singing "Old McDonald had a farm ee i ee i o. And on this farm he had a ... panda. With a kung fu here and a kung fu there, everywhere a kung fu.

 

[Clown Car]

My 4 yo wanted to talk about what he wanted for his birthday party.

4yo: I want a cannon and fireworks.

Me: I don't think I can get that.

4 yo: You can if you go to the war store.

 

[tipsy mcstagger]

Looking over I noticed my 3.5 year old standing in his room completely naked, except for the pair of underwear hanging from the end of his special purpose.

"IT'S ON MY PENIS". He continued letting it hang there and telling us it was "ON HIS PENIS" for several minutes.

Hours later the M.I.L. is over and the wife is quietly telling her our son has found a special place for his undergarments

The boy jumps off the floor (watching cartoons) and looks at Grandma and proclaims "IT WAS ON MY PENIS!!!"

Oh boy....

 

[Jaysus]

On the way home from the Super Bowl last night, my oldest and the baby are asleep in the car. My 3 yo, as he often does, sings himself to sleep. So sitting there in his car seat, he quietly is singing "Old McDonald had a farm ee i ee i o. And on this farm he had a ... panda. With a kung fu here and a kung fu there, everywhere a kung fu.

 

[pats3in4]

Yesterday my 4yr old couldn't finish the last bite of her Hot Pocket, so she gave it to me. I put it in my mouth and started joking around...

Me: (chewing) "Where did it go?"

Her: (laughing) "In your mouth!"

Me: (swallowing, then opening mouth) "Do you see it?"

Her: "No."

Me: "Well, where is it?"

Her: (laughing) "It's in your tummy!"

Me: (looking at my stomach) "I don't see it. Are you sure it's in there?"

Her: "That's okay. You'll see it when you poop."

 

[The_Burning_Bush]

Hooooooooooooooot pocket!

Have you tried the hot pocket hot pocket?

 

[superbeck1]

I have two boys 5 and 1. The 5 yo comes running into the living room to tell me that the baby is having a problem and has "focus" all over his face.

So I follow him into the next room and see my 1 year old has his nose running. So I walk over to the tissues to wipe his nose and proceed to explain to my older son that it's called mucous. He says "Dad, look at me and say it again" and grabs my face with both of his hands. So I repeat the word mucous. But he's gone, he is looking at something else and says.

Daaaad!!! you have burger's in your nose!!!!!!!!

 

[superbeck1]

another favorite but it's my cousin's daughter. She was 6 at the time (almost 10 now) and for as long as we can remember she has said she wants to be a vet. Loves all animals, knows their names. You get it.

Anyway one day in school, they have a nearby farm bring all sorts of small animals for the kids to look at and learn about. So Jill is so excited and one of the aides invites her to hold a rabbit. Jill adamantly says no. In fact, Jill won't hold any of the animals. Jill's teacher asks her "well how do think you will become a vet, if you wont touch the animals?"

Jill says right back. "That's what the nurses are for.......I will be the doctor"

 

[Nigel]

Random conversation with my kindergartener son on the way to his 6:00am hockey practice Sat. morning:

Him: Dad, I only know one swear word.

Me: That's good pal - one is plenty.

Him: Yeah, those words are stupid.

Me (curious): The one you know, what does it start with?

Him: It's the T-word

Me: The T-word....hmmm....you sure? I don't know if I know that one.

Him: Yah you do.

Me: I'll tell you what, why don't you say it just this once, then never say it again.

Him: I won't get in trouble? You won't tell Mom?

Me: No - I promise.

Him: Okay......####.

Me:

eta: it's another word for boobies.

 

[denveredge]

21 month old daughter stepped on one of her blocks yesterday and said sit, learned it from her mom.

 

[Mrs DaVinci]

My 4 year old also revealed to us over dinner the other night that "All women walk around with babies in their bellies." I'm not sure what to tell him here, so I'm just going to let him live with this impression for as long as he likes. He's damn sure of it though...that's for certain.

When my daughter was almost 6 she was explaining to her brother (who was almost 5 at the time) that babies grow in the mommies tummy and that they come out through the bellybutton. We were on the way to the swimming pool and she asked if it was okay if they could see where they came from once we got the the pool. I let them believe that for a long time.

 

[Verbal Kint]

My 4 year old also revealed to us over dinner the other night that "All women walk around with babies in their bellies." I'm not sure what to tell him here, so I'm just going to let him live with this impression for as long as he likes. He's damn sure of it though...that's for certain.

When my daughter was almost 6 she was explaining to her brother (who was almost 5 at the time) that babies grow in the mommies tummy and that they come out through the bellybutton. We were on the way to the swimming pool and she asked if it was okay if they could see where they came from once we got the the pool. I let them believe that for a long time.

Next!

 

[Socrates11]

Hooooooooooooooot pocket!

Have you tried the hot pocket hot pocket?

I paid for that? Did I eat that or rub it on my face?

MY BACK HURTS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9c9lAfXQHs

 

[Brunell4MVP]

So when my kid was about 4, he comes out of the can.

Kid: "Dad, holy sheet"

Dad: "What the heck did you just say?"

Kid: "Uncle Mike says holy cow after his poops, but mine looks more like a holy sheep"

 

[Brunell4MVP]

The kid is about 5 and we are in DC watching a relative run in the the Marine Corp marathon. We drop by a McD's in I believe SW DC to grab some lunch. We're up at the counter waiting in line in a rather large crowd.

Kid: Hey Dad. You know something?

Dad: What buddy?

Kid: I've gotta believe we're the only white people in here.

He said it loud enough that we got at least 30 head turns. The old black guy next to us just starts busting out laughing. Guy probably saved me a beating in the hood.

 

[Verbal Kint]

The kid is about 5 and we are in DC watching a relative run in the the Marine Corp marathon. We drop by a McD's in I believe SW DC to grab some lunch. We're up at the counter waiting in line in a rather large crowd.Kid: Hey Dad. You know something?Dad: What buddy?Kid: I've gotta believe we're the only white people in here.He said it loud enough that we got at least 30 head turns. The old black guy next to us just starts busting out laughing. Guy probably saved me a beating in the hood.

 

[Angry Beavers]

We were at a Hometown Buffet for brunch. We HATE going there but my SIL and BIL like thier food( yes, they are large as are their kids) and ask us to go so many times it gets to the point that we have to go or it becomes rude.

Anyway, on the way to the HB this one particular time the kids ask why we aren't fans of HB. We point out that the food is not the healthiest and frankly people go there to stuff themselves on things they don't need, and it shows.

About 1/2 halfway through Brunch, when the inlaws have excused themselves for 2nds or 3rds or god knows what my step-daughter, age 6, exclaims loud enough for everyone at the surrounding tables to hear:

"You guys were right. Everyone in here is fat. I'm glad were not fat"

Several death stares later we left. We haven't been back

 

[tipsy mcstagger]

I was cleaning the cat litter only to discover one of them had pissed outside of the box a little and i said something about the "Freaking kitties" but I used a different word.

Drooly & I were on the way to the store a couple of hours later and I saw him hitting himself in the head. He mumbled something about him slapping his head when he says bad words and that apples don't belong in my truck and the car next to us ...blah...blah...blah.....and finished with another shot to the head followed by "freaking kitties".

3 year old's are insane. I am in trouble if he has already picked that up.

 

[deep vacuum]

My 6 yr old deeply engrossed in playtime and not paying attention to who is around her.

Mommy, I love You!

Thanks sweetie, but I'm Daddy.

 

[Clown Car]

We went out to a local BBQ place tonight after the soccer game. We are all sitting around the table and the youngest, 1.5 yo, is at the head of it. Behind him, way up on the way, is a mounted deer head. The other two boys went to play checkers and the baby followed them with his eyes. He noticed the deer head and starts crying! Then he would look forward and settle down and eat. Then over the shoulder to check on the deer. All through dinner he would look over his shoulder and start crying! It was cracking us up.

 

[cstu]

2 from this weekend:

We were trying to decide where to go to dinner Friday. My 5 yo says "Dad! Let's go to Olive Garden"

Me "err, I don't think so bud"

Him "Pleeeease. I promise I won't get sick"

.

On the way home from the Super Bowl last night, my oldest and the baby are asleep in the car. My 3 yo, as he often does, sings himself to sleep. So sitting there in his car seat, he quietly is singing "Old McDonald had a farm ee i ee i o. And on this farm he had a ... panda. With a kung fu here and a kung fu there, everywhere a kung fu.

<_<

 

[regularguy]

After supper last night, we moved to the living room where I settled in on the couch. Before turning on the TV or Wii or whatever, I asked my 3.5 year old son to do a few things first - put up his shoes, pick up toys, etc. As he was walking away to do another task, he said "are you ever gonna get off that couch?"

Smart###

 

[Verbal Kint]

After supper last night, we moved to the living room where I settled in on the couch. Before turning on the TV or Wii or whatever, I asked my 3.5 year old son to do a few things first - put up his shoes, pick up toys, etc. As he was walking away to do another task, he said "are you ever gonna get off that couch?" Smart###

 

[jhib]

I just remembered something my now 9 y.o. daughter did to me when she was 2 or 3. She started it on her own out of the blue and it lasted for a good month.

Wife: "Good night, honey. I love you."

Daughter: "Good night, mommy. I love you, too."

Me: "Good night, kiddo. I love you."

Daughter: "Good night, daddy. I like you a lot."

 

[Socrates11]

We were at a Hometown Buffet for brunch. We HATE going there but my SIL and BIL like thier food( yes, they are large as are their kids) and ask us to go so many times it gets to the point that we have to go or it becomes rude. Anyway, on the way to the HB this one particular time the kids ask why we aren't fans of HB. We point out that the food is not the healthiest and frankly people go there to stuff themselves on things they don't need, and it shows.About 1/2 halfway through Brunch, when the inlaws have excused themselves for 2nds or 3rds or god knows what my step-daughter, age 6, exclaims loud enough for everyone at the surrounding tables to hear:"You guys were right. Everyone in here is fat. I'm glad were not fat"Several death stares later we left. We haven't been back

:(

 

[SuperJohn96]

I was cleaning the cat litter only to discover one of them had pissed outside of the box a little and i said something about the "Freaking kitties" but I used a different word. Drooly & I were on the way to the store a couple of hours later and I saw him hitting himself in the head. He mumbled something about him slapping his head when he says bad words and that apples don't belong in my truck and the car next to us ...blah...blah...blah.....and finished with another shot to the head followed by "freaking kitties".3 year old's are insane. I am in trouble if he has already picked that up.

Oh I am sure he has.

Sunday morning, I stub my toe while my wife is sleeping and I'm in the kitchen and my 21 month old son is playing with some toys near me.

SJ96: Aw F###!Peter: F###, f###, f###, f###, f###, f###. FUUUUUUU##! SJ96: Uh...hey Peter what sound does a duck make?Peter: QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Quack! Quack! Quack!SJ96: hew:

And yesterday, my son is sick, so my wife was feeding him on the couch instead of at the dinner table like normal, and he was fussy and made her spill the spoonful of soup she was trying to feed him.She calls out, "S###, I spilled some soup!"I run over and start cleaning it up.When I'm done, I look up and say, that's ok, Daddy cleaned up Mommy's mess.Peter: S###, s###, s###, s###, s###, s###, s###The best part he was singing it like it was a song. F###### hilarious.

We need to cut down on our swearing big time.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I bought Cal this Caillou video/learning PC game for Christmas. It has 20-25 different exercises on it. You need to complete 3 different exercises per section, and for every one you do you get a gold star. When you get three gold stars the exercise is complete.

So last night...

Cal: Dad, come here, I only need one more gold star and I'm finished!

Me: (Walk over and see he is playing a concentration type game)

PC Game: (After getting the first three in a row) Way to go! You are doing great!

Cal: Yeah, I am great.

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

I bought Cal this Caillou video/learning PC game for Christmas. It has 20-25 different exercises on it. You need to complete 3 different exercises per section, and for every one you do you get a gold star. When you get three gold stars the exercise is complete.So last night...Cal: Dad, come here, I only need one more gold star and I'm finished!Me: (Walk over and see he is playing a concentration type game)PC Game: (After getting the first three in a row) Way to go! You are doing great!Cal: Yeah, I am great.

Doh!

 

[texasheat]

We were at a Hometown Buffet for brunch. We HATE going there but my SIL and BIL like thier food( yes, they are large as are their kids) and ask us to go so many times it gets to the point that we have to go or it becomes rude. Anyway, on the way to the HB this one particular time the kids ask why we aren't fans of HB. We point out that the food is not the healthiest and frankly people go there to stuff themselves on things they don't need, and it shows.About 1/2 halfway through Brunch, when the inlaws have excused themselves for 2nds or 3rds or god knows what my step-daughter, age 6, exclaims loud enough for everyone at the surrounding tables to hear:"You guys were right. Everyone in here is fat. I'm glad were not fat"Several death stares later we left. We haven't been back

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I bought Cal this Caillou video/learning PC game for Christmas. It has 20-25 different exercises on it. You need to complete 3 different exercises per section, and for every one you do you get a gold star. When you get three gold stars the exercise is complete.So last night...Cal: Dad, come here, I only need one more gold star and I'm finished!Me: (Walk over and see he is playing a concentration type game)PC Game: (After getting the first three in a row) Way to go! You are doing great!Cal: Yeah, I am great.

Doh!

lol

 

[Clown Car]

Our girls went to feed their horses tonight. Somehow, the 9 yo gets between the old horse and either his food bowl or the horse he was going to bite, and he catches her on the back of the head with his tooth. They all come in and we clean her up a little and decide we need to take her to Urgent Care for stitches or a staple. She is freaking out at the thought. Her 12 yo sister says "calm down, they may not have to do anything."

The 9 yo responds in this shrieking voice:

"I have a big hole on the back of my head, ALEX!"

I cracked up! She got one staple and a cookies and cream shake.

 

[Angry Beavers]

Our girls went to feed their horses tonight. Somehow, the 9 yo gets between the old horse and either his food bowl or the horse he was going to bite, and he catches her on the back of the head with his tooth. They all come in and we clean her up a little and decide we need to take her to Urgent Care for stitches or a staple. She is freaking out at the thought. Her 12 yo sister says "calm down, they may not have to do anything."

The 9 yo responds in this shrieking voice:

"I have a big hole on the back of my head, ALEX!"

I cracked up! She got one staple and a cookies and cream shake.

 

[Socrates11]

My 4 year old son is brushing his teeth and when he's done I fill him a dixie cup of water so he can 'swish and spit'. This time he only does a little bit and pours the rest down the drain.

"Why did you pour all that water out son?"

"It's ok daddy, the ocean needs more water."



:X

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Cal wanted to watch The Empire Strikes Back yesterday so I put it on. About half way through my soon to be 2 yo sat on my lap to watch the movie with us. The movie is at the part where they freeze Han in carbonite....

Chewbacca: Muwwahhhhhh

Dylan: Muwwahhhhhh

x10

 

[Billy Bats]

There's some funny stuff goin on in here!

A conversation between my gf and her 6 yo old son, who isn't too excited about staying at grandmom's...

"Hey buddy if you're good at grandmom's tomorrow night, mommy will get you the new webkin you want this week." His teary eyes start brightening with a small smile building he replies, "tell you what.. my new webkin and 30 bucks and you got a deal!"

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

My kids are older but...

Yesterday my 16 year old was drawing some quick doodle on the big white-board/calendar we keep near the door. My 14 year old says "What is that supposed to be?" (I didn't see it since I was in the other room).

16Y.O "It's art...I'm going to call it 'sonnet number 5'"

Me: "A sonnet is a poem, big guy."

16Y.0 (deadpans) "No one understands my work."

 

[Bankerguy]

My son during a trip out for lunch at a nice deli. My son is three, almost four.

Son: Mom, what do you smell?.

Mom: I smell my chilli, what do you smell?

Son: My toot

Mom and Dad

 

[jdoggydogg]

This cracked me up:

My five year old son was coveting his LEGO catalog the other day, specifically the Star Wars section.

He said, "I wish we could buy this Boba Fett spaceship."

I said, "Well, we could make one with our existing set."

He said, "No we can't. We don't have the right parts."

I said, "We don't have the Walker parts and we made a sweet Walker last month."

He said, "We can't. It's against God's will."

Me:

Me: "Just so I have this right, God's up there saying, 'Dogg and Dogg Jr. better not be down there making an improvised Boba Fett ship."

Him: "Yep."

 

[St. Louis Bob]

My kids are older but...Yesterday my 16 year old was drawing some quick doodle on the big white-board/calendar we keep near the door. My 14 year old says "What is that supposed to be?" (I didn't see it since I was in the other room).16Y.O "It's art...I'm going to call it 'sonnet number 5'"Me: "A sonnet is a poem, big guy."16Y.0 (deadpans) "No one understands my work."

nice

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

This cracked me up:My five year old son was coveting his LEGO catalog the other day, specifically the Star Wars section. He said, "I wish we could buy this Boba Fett spaceship." I said, "Well, we could make one with our existing set." He said, "No we can't. We don't have the right parts."I said, "We don't have the Walker parts and we made a sweet Walker last month."He said, "We can't. It's against God's will."Me: Me: "Just so I have this right, God's up there saying, 'Dogg and Dogg Jr. better not be down there making an improvised Boba Fett ship."Him: "Yep."

kinda scary though

 

[Mrs. BSR]

My kids are older but...Yesterday my 16 year old was drawing some quick doodle on the big white-board/calendar we keep near the door. My 14 year old says "What is that supposed to be?" (I didn't see it since I was in the other room).16Y.O "It's art...I'm going to call it 'sonnet number 5'"Me: "A sonnet is a poem, big guy."16Y.0 (deadpans) "No one understands my work."

 

[MaddHatter]

2 from this weekend:

We were trying to decide where to go to dinner Friday. My 5 yo says "Dad! Let's go to Olive Garden"

Me "err, I don't think so bud"

Him "Pleeeease. I promise I won't get sick"

.

On the way home from the Super Bowl last night, my oldest and the baby are asleep in the car. My 3 yo, as he often does, sings himself to sleep. So sitting there in his car seat, he quietly is singing "Old McDonald had a farm ee i ee i o. And on this farm he had a ... panda. With a kung fu here and a kung fu there, everywhere a kung fu.

Gold!

 

[chet]

We were in a very rustic hotel room in central Wisconsin. The Lawrence Welk Show was on (don't ask) and my 3 1/2 yo said, "Daddy, if you ever take me to a show that plays songs like that, I will be very mad at you."

 

[Binky The Doormat]

After supper last night, we moved to the living room where I settled in on the couch. Before turning on the TV or Wii or whatever, I asked my 3.5 year old son to do a few things first - put up his shoes, pick up toys, etc. As he was walking away to do another task, he said "are you ever gonna get off that couch?" Smart###

Of course you know where he heard that ...

 

[Worm]

My two year old was in her car seat on a trip home today. She was entertaining herself by pretending her hand was a phone. She had the following conversation with... herself:

Her: "Hello?"

Her: "Hi!"

Her: "How are you?"

Her: "Good, how are you doing?"

Her: "Great! Hey... did you just get an email from me?"

I lost it at that point.

 

[cstu]

I played Banjo Kazooie on the 360 with my 9 year old nephew last weekend, really fun game to play with a kid. After that I popped in Sonic's Ultimate Genesis disc, nothing but old Genesis games. I let him play a couple and let when we were done he looked at me, put one hand on my shoulder and in a dead serious voice "Chad, I really feel bad for the games you had to play when you were a kid".

 

[GreekFreak]

My 4 year old daughter laying next to me this morning and ripping this huge fart

Then she turns to me and says, "Daddy I played the "Be our guest" song from my bum"

Daddy's girl all the way