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Kid bullying my daughter. (1 Viewer)

parasaurolophus

parasaurolophus

Footballguy
He has been picking on my daughter for a while now.

Background: daughter is tall. Very fast. About a head taller than this kid. They used to be friends. He lives three houses down. She beat him in a race at school. Lots of the other boys teased him. He has been different ever since then.

Mostly minor stuff that my daughter was dealing with fine. She didnt like it, but also said it wasnt a big deal. About three weeks ago he said some incredibly inappropriate words to her right after getting off the bus. Things an 8 year old shouldnt even know. My wife was down there waiting to take her to soccer practice and heard him say it. I told his mom the next day and he had been on good behavior until this past friday. He grabbed something she made at school(a robot) and ripped it in half.

So today I went near the bus stop and hid. They got off the bus and immediately he started yelling at her, super pervy stuff. She put her hands over her ears and started walking to our house. He ran up behind her and he slapped her on the arm. I jumped out and yelled at him to leave her alone. Told him to go home. He sprinted off ahead and then sat on his front porch seething.

I grabbed my daughters hand and we walked past just chatting about the chuckwalla I had seen hiking.

For further info...this happens almost exclusively off school property, but there have been instances when they are waiting for the bus at school that he acts up. 95% chance I see his mom tomorrow morning, as I see her almost every morning. I have never seen the father and i dont think he is around.

What's the play here? Talk to the mom again(say what)? Tell my daughter to unleash the fury on him? Involve the school? Build a booby trap that will lift him up by his ankle into a tree and leave him there? Tell my daughter to challenge him to a race again and lose on purpose?
 
Non-schtick answer:
Talk to mom. Especially because the content of the teasing/bullying is inappropriate and not stupid stuff, it needs to be addressed head on.

If that doesn't settle it once and for all, then:
Talk to school to get it documented. Probably also assume it is happening on the bus, talk to the school district (assuming the buses are through the district) so that the driver is aware and can keep an eye out for it.

Schtick answer:
I'd tell your daughter to challenge him to a race and beat him even worse, and then unleash fury on him.
 
Definitely talk to the mom.

1. I would tell her exactly what you know (when it is a story from your daughter make that clear, when it is what you or your wife saw personally make that clear as well)
2. I would request that she force her son to apologize and promise nothing like this will happen again.
3. If she doesn't agree to that, then I would let her know you will take further action if #2 isn't complied with. I wouldn't even try and explain what that means, but just let her know you aren't going to allow this to happen anymore and it is up to her to make it stop now.

Honestly, if she does push back, acts like it is no big deal or acts like she simply can't control him, then I'd call the school and ask what jurisdiction they have for immediately after the kids get off the bus. There may be some consequences. I'd also possibly just be there with your phone out to video whatever he does. Definitely should be addressing anything that happens at school with the school principal. My wife is an assistant elementary principal. They are taught to take these bullying threats very seriously nowadays.
 
Problem might be solved now that he knows the crazy neighborhood dad who jumps out of the hedges is onto him.

You should definitely talk to the mom again. Kid is possibly dealing with some heavy stuff and unfortunately letting that out towards your daughter. Might be repeating behavior he sees at home (maybe why dad doesn’t seem to be around). At any rate, as rightfully upset as you are, there is another 8 year old kid on the other end of this.

School should be able to assign seats on the bus to keep him away, and depending on their policies , the other kid could be temporarily or permanently barred from the bus.
 
Yea this sucks, sorry @parasaurolophus and @parasaurolophus daughter. ****ing bullies. I was bullied at times, but also did some bullying. It felt not good on both sides of that equation. I bet the kid, while being a complete ****, is dealing with some stuff that he doesn't know how to deal with. Have a serious chat with the mom, as others have said
 
I agree with others that talking to the mom is the way to go.

And while you hate to encourage it, if your daughter can "take him," knocking the crap out of the bully won't hurt either. My nephew got picked on by a kid when he was around that age and eventually gave the kid a handful of hard shots to the face and cleaned his clock, and the bully never bothered him again. And no one else did the rest of his schooling either. Once the bullies know you're not an easy mark, they back off.
 
parasaurolophus said:
bcat01 said:
Have her kick his ***. It's the only thing bullies know.
Click to expand...
This is where I was right away. My daughter could pummel this kid. But my wife is a bit more diplomatic. Happy to know i am not crazy with this thought.
Click to expand...
I watched a girl karate kick (some hyperbole) a boy that had been bullying her right in the pills at track practice a couple years ago. They were a couple years older than what you're describing and it had been going on since the season before. She made eye contact with me immediately after and gave the deer in headlights look realizing I saw what happened. I did my best cop from The Town impression and awkwardly looked the other way. He quit then transferred schools and she's still one of our best athletes. We never talked about it.

The responsible parent route is the right approach, but sometimes these things work themselves out naturally.
 
1st thing is protecting your daughter, and making it so that she knows and sees you have her back.

Definitely talk to mom. Need to work with her on solutions and consequences. If she discounts or disavows what's happening (as she might, wanting to protect or think the best about her kid), then bottom line she needs to have her son stay away from your daughter.

I'd also have your daughter take power here as well- she needs to tell the kid very clearly this can't happen any more, and what happens if he does anything like this again, and obviously have those consequences very clearly worked out together beforehand (internally within the family, but best if it involves his mom as a willing partner). whether it's talking to school, his mom or getting punched in the nose.. up to you guys.

And I am not a believer in forced apologies- making the boy say he's sorry means nothing unless he does it in his own. How he gets there is up to his mom.
 
Agree with others. I think I would at minimum put things in writing with the school and the mother, documenting the incident. You daughter has done well to ignore him but she will need to stand up to him. Doesnt mean she has to fight the kid, just let him know his words have no power.

Him putting his hands on her and being verbally abusive, especially the pervy stuff - While I get that the kid is having trouble dealing with his emotions, thats not your daughter fault and I would have some serious issues with that. We've dealt with some bullies over the years but it never got physical.

This is obviously a good learning lesson/talking session with your daughter about dudes who cant keep their emotions in check.


It could also be that this kid likes your daughter. Another reason to dislike him.
 
here is what scares me the most back in the day in the very small town i grew up in if i had been that boy and someone told my mom about it she would have made my life such a living hell that it would have ended then and there because how i acted was a reflection of her but these days there is no guaranty the mom would even care once you left her porch man i am sorry for your daughter and i hope this works out take that to the bank brohan
 
This will make a great story at their wedding.

j/k, sorry to hear about this. But I'm in the camp with everyone else where you gotta work up the ladder....talk to the mom, then if no resolution, the school, then the cops, then if all else fails, sleep with the mom.
 
acarey50 said:
I'd tell your daughter to challenge him to a race and beat him even worse, and then unleash fury on him.
Click to expand...
We settled on this. Told her to beat him and then go to shake his hand after race. Taught her to pull his shirt over his head hockey style and then begin the lesson. Then one of her friends is going to bring over markers and paper and make him write "I will not pick on girls anymore"

What could go wrong?
 
parasaurolophus said:
acarey50 said:
I'd tell your daughter to challenge him to a race and beat him even worse, and then unleash fury on him.
Click to expand...
We settled on this. Told her to beat him and then go to shake his hand after race. Taught her to pull his shirt over his head hockey style and then begin the lesson. Then one of her friends is going to bring over markers and paper and make him write "I will not pick on girls anymore"

What could go wrong?
Click to expand...

A lot can go wrong. I hate to be the party pooper in here - and I'm quite certain this is shtick or sarcasm - but violence is never the answer and you have no idea whatsoever what this kid might be capable of down the line. You have no idea what this kid's home life is like and more to the point - the scary one I'm tap dancing around - you have no idea if there are guns in this kid's house.

I hate bully behavior and yeah it's cool to imagine your daughter whopping this kid's butt and making him look foolish. I'm just pleading with you that when you ask "what could go wrong" you do a long hard cogitation on that answer.

Okay, done being the wet blanket.
 
General Malaise said:
parasaurolophus said:
acarey50 said:
I'd tell your daughter to challenge him to a race and beat him even worse, and then unleash fury on him.
Click to expand...
We settled on this. Told her to beat him and then go to shake his hand after race. Taught her to pull his shirt over his head hockey style and then begin the lesson. Then one of her friends is going to bring over markers and paper and make him write "I will not pick on girls anymore"

What could go wrong?
Click to expand...

A lot can go wrong. I hate to be the party pooper in here - and I'm quite certain this is shtick or sarcasm - but violence is never the answer and you have no idea whatsoever what this kid might be capable of down the line. You have no idea what this kid's home life is like and more to the point - the scary one I'm tap dancing around - you have no idea if there are guns in this kid's house.

I hate bully behavior and yeah it's cool to imagine your daughter whopping this kid's butt and making him look foolish. I'm just pleading with you that when you ask "what could go wrong" you do a long hard cogitation on that answer.

Okay, done being the wet blanket.
Click to expand...
Uh... Dood.
 
Talking to this little punk’s mom seems like a good first step but be prepared to go to the school. Parents don’t do a lot of parenting these days. I coach MS volleyball and the worst part of the job is the parents. The second worst part is the one or two girls that cause trouble every season. I don’t F around anymore. I go straight to the AD with issues and he and the principal have always fixed situations quickly.

If the mom doesn’t provide the right answers when you discuss the situation, go right to the school. I guarantee the bus driver has seen the bullying and teachers probably have seen it or heard about it.
 
I'm remembering something that happened to our son in 5th grade...

We took the steps I mentioned, but we involved our son in the decision making process once the wife and I had a plan for it. (To our son) That behavior isn't ok and needs to stop. Here's what should happen if it continues. Does that work for you?

We felt like it gave him say/empowerment in his own life, rather than just dictating terms to him and making him abide by them. He actually added a tweak to things that helped him take ownership and feel comfortable with the situation.

And the other kids mom gave us the "my son didn't mean any harm, boys will be boys" defense, followed by the always popular, "maybe your son is overreacting" offense.
 
El Floppo said:
General Malaise said:
parasaurolophus said:
acarey50 said:
I'd tell your daughter to challenge him to a race and beat him even worse, and then unleash fury on him.
Click to expand...
We settled on this. Told her to beat him and then go to shake his hand after race. Taught her to pull his shirt over his head hockey style and then begin the lesson. Then one of her friends is going to bring over markers and paper and make him write "I will not pick on girls anymore"

What could go wrong?
Click to expand...

A lot can go wrong. I hate to be the party pooper in here - and I'm quite certain this is shtick or sarcasm - but violence is never the answer and you have no idea whatsoever what this kid might be capable of down the line. You have no idea what this kid's home life is like and more to the point - the scary one I'm tap dancing around - you have no idea if there are guns in this kid's house.

I hate bully behavior and yeah it's cool to imagine your daughter whopping this kid's butt and making him look foolish. I'm just pleading with you that when you ask "what could go wrong" you do a long hard cogitation on that answer.

Okay, done being the wet blanket.
Click to expand...
Uh... Dood.
Click to expand...

:confused:
 
General Malaise said:
parasaurolophus said:
acarey50 said:
I'd tell your daughter to challenge him to a race and beat him even worse, and then unleash fury on him.
Click to expand...
We settled on this. Told her to beat him and then go to shake his hand after race. Taught her to pull his shirt over his head hockey style and then begin the lesson. Then one of her friends is going to bring over markers and paper and make him write "I will not pick on girls anymore"

What could go wrong?
Click to expand...

A lot can go wrong. I hate to be the party pooper in here - and I'm quite certain this is shtick or sarcasm - but violence is never the answer and you have no idea whatsoever what this kid might be capable of down the line. You have no idea what this kid's home life is like and more to the point - the scary one I'm tap dancing around - you have no idea if there are guns in this kid's house.

I hate bully behavior and yeah it's cool to imagine your daughter whopping this kid's butt and making him look foolish. I'm just pleading with you that when you ask "what could go wrong" you do a long hard cogitation on that answer.

Okay, done being the wet blanket.
Click to expand...
Lol. Guess i shouldnt have cut out the part of acarey's post where he said schtick answer.

Just trying to have at least a little fun with the imagery here.
 
parasaurolophus said:
General Malaise said:
parasaurolophus said:
acarey50 said:
I'd tell your daughter to challenge him to a race and beat him even worse, and then unleash fury on him.
Click to expand...
We settled on this. Told her to beat him and then go to shake his hand after race. Taught her to pull his shirt over his head hockey style and then begin the lesson. Then one of her friends is going to bring over markers and paper and make him write "I will not pick on girls anymore"

What could go wrong?
Click to expand...

A lot can go wrong. I hate to be the party pooper in here - and I'm quite certain this is shtick or sarcasm - but violence is never the answer and you have no idea whatsoever what this kid might be capable of down the line. You have no idea what this kid's home life is like and more to the point - the scary one I'm tap dancing around - you have no idea if there are guns in this kid's house.

I hate bully behavior and yeah it's cool to imagine your daughter whopping this kid's butt and making him look foolish. I'm just pleading with you that when you ask "what could go wrong" you do a long hard cogitation on that answer.

Okay, done being the wet blanket.
Click to expand...
Lol. Guess i shouldnt have cut out the part of acarey's post where he said schtick answer.

Just trying to have at least a little fun with the imagery here.
Click to expand...

:bag:

Just be careful. These are kids.
 
The school does have power in this situation, even if it's happening only after they get off the bus. I agree with the answer of talk to the mom again first. Maybe even try to have a 4 way discussion with the kids to make it clear what your expectations are and give him a chance to voice his feelings. Then unleash hellfire through the school if it continues.
 
Probably best I didnt have kids. I'd probably be sitting in jail right now for giving that jerk of a kid an atomic wedgie.
 
You have to talk with the boy's parents, lay out the behavior and ask them what they can do to correct it.

I'd stop the stealth stalking as well. If the parents aren't reasonable, your behavior there could become an issue they leverage to muddy the waters.

If the parents won't do anything, take it up with the school. But beyond that, if the problem only arises during/after the bus trips, is there any way you could get your daughter to and from school besides the bus? He can't be physically assaulting your kid. That has to stop. Removing your kid from his presence as much as possible will help. I'd avoid trying to leave handling that to your daughter by herself (e.g. trying to turn his lights out), for multiple reasons.
 
Question as a non-parent. Is it generally frowned upon these days to teach your kid to defend themselves within reason? Like if the OP's daughter had retaliated would she be in just as much trouble as the bully?

I imagine it's a fine line to straddle, but I can't imagine I would be in favor of teaching my kid to turn the other cheek and just take the abuse. A certain amount of sticking up for yourself and defending yourself seems to be reasonable.
 
Grahamburn said:
You hid in the bushes and then confronted an eight year old? Dude.

Walk with your daughter down to their house. Knock on the door. Talk to his Mom and tell her what is happening.
Click to expand...
I did not hide in the bushes. That is what somebody else said. I actually sat on the front porch of another neighbors house with a big pillar that kept me from being seen by kids on the sidewalk. We are friends. I told him what was going on.

And then yes i confronted an eight year old that was hitting my daughter by telling him to leave my daughter alone.
 
Scoresman said:
Question as a non-parent. Is it generally frowned upon these days to teach your kid to defend themselves within reason? Like if the OP's daughter had retaliated would she be in just as much trouble as the bully?

I imagine it's a fine line to straddle, but I can't imagine I would be in favor of teaching my kid to turn the other cheek and just take the abuse. A certain amount of sticking up for yourself and defending yourself seems to be reasonable.
Click to expand...
I think in most situations the scrutiny is too high to recommend this.
Grahamburn said:
Psychopav said:
Scoresman said:
Probably best I didnt have kids. I'd probably be sitting in jail right now for giving that jerk of a kid an atomic wedgie.
Click to expand...
We're talking third graders here, right?
Click to expand...
8 year olds, dude.
Click to expand...
So...yes?
 
Scoresman said:
Question as a non-parent. Is it generally frowned upon these days to teach your kid to defend themselves within reason? Like if the OP's daughter had retaliated would she be in just as much trouble as the bully?

I imagine it's a fine line to straddle, but I can't imagine I would be in favor of teaching my kid to turn the other cheek and just take the abuse. A certain amount of sticking up for yourself and defending yourself seems to be reasonable.
Click to expand...
You want your kid to protect themselves for sure and be able to stand up for themselves but as usual the second guy usually gets in trouble so you have that. It's a hard line to straddle as even if your kid protecting themselves is the right thing generally school type situations have a zero tolerance policy for fighting and your kid will get the punishment regardless of the reason they fought.
 
parasaurolophus said:
Scoresman said:
Psychopav said:
Scoresman said:
Probably best I didnt have kids. I'd probably be sitting in jail right now for giving that jerk of a kid an atomic wedgie.
Click to expand...
We're talking third graders here, right?
Click to expand...

Ooof. Thrid graders are saying these kinds of things to each other these days?
Click to expand...
He is in second grade. My daughter is in first grade. She just turned 7.

He has three older brothers and he is definitely the runt.
Click to expand...
It's always the younger brothers with older brothers.
 
When I was in fourth grade there were these two bullies, a skinny white one with spiked blond hair and a big Asian kid complete with the Joey Lawrence bowl cut. These two dopes would wait for kids at the end of the school path and threaten and punch kids. Every single day, both morning and after.

One morning the bigger fat one got me in his sights. We stood eye to eye. He said something. I said something. I cocked back and threw the hardest punch I could muster…..into his stomach.

I’ll never forget the mix of deadpan humor/amusement on his face as he casually socked me in the eye.

:pokey:

I lost but they never bothered me again. I also learned never to punch anyone in the stomach on an opening shot.
 
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