What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

FYI- we’ve been doing Duolingo and some of us are studying German and some Spanish. 
 

#11 (5yo) loves music and he did a vbs and asked me to find some songs from it to put in his play list. I found the theme song, but it wasn’t in English. He says “No, not in Germish!”

 
#5 (16yo, boy) and I were going over some of the things he will be asked at his drivers test this week. I tell him they might ask about where to point your wheels on a hill. He says “well if I’m stupid enough to try and park on a hill in Florida then I’m just going to drive myself to the abortion clinic and take myself out”

 
This is a few years old, but still an all-timer:

My oldest son (now 11) was a chatterbox from the moment he started speaking. Back when he was around 4, we were walking around near our apartment in Brooklyn and came across a public art installation that featured a large stone suspended in mid-air:

"What do you think that stone is for?"

"You could drop it down and crush a baby's head!"

"Would you want it to crush a baby's head?"

"Well, not if it was my baby."

 
A buddy shared this with a few of us:

Real conversation at the dinner table TONIGHT.

16 year old (senior in High School): In [this one class] the teacher divided us into tribes and we got these necklaces {shows necklace} and we have to declare a name.

Parents,: Oh, cool…

Dad: You should go with Pooka Chicks (it looked like pooka shells)

16 year old: We want to go with Ligma.                                                                                                                      

13 year old: HA-HA!  Yeah!!!

Both: Ligma balls!!! 

Parents… speechless

16 year old: The other one we’re thinking of is Candice

Both: Candice d*&k fit in your mouth

Parents: speechless (but laughing inside)

 
Last week my two girls moved into one room together after sharing with 4 boys for the last two years. Last night #7 had a sleepover at a friends house which left #9 (9yo girl) alone in the new room. I asked her if she was going to be scarred to sleep in the room alone. She replied, “this has been my dream for years! I can’t wait!”

 
My boy was talking with my aunt at my Mom's birthday dinner... aunt mentioned something about how handsome he is becoming, and asked if he had a girlfriend.  His reply was a laugh and said "I'm only 8!!!!"

Oh, and my 10-year old daughter farts more than I do.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
“Mommy, there is something in here.

Come in here and see.

Look there is something in there.

I don’t want it in there.”

My three year old learning about pulling back his own foreskin.

 
My daughters are 13 and 11 now. So, not too many wild stories anymore. A some point during Covid though, they started calling butts 'Herbert'. Anytime anyone says Herbert kicks off a giggling fit. So Sunday, the WFT played the Chargers, and man, did they say Herbert a lot. My kids laughed like maniacs. At least it got them to watch football for a bit.

 
We were driving and the kids were talking about money. One kid (5yo, #11) said something like “the money grandma” on the $1 bill. I thought it was hilarious. But then the older kids said it came from a show, so it wasn’t as funny anymore. 

 
NorvilleJR sort of gets the gist of Simon Says but not fully. On the playground with other kids it was finally his turn and he just shouts "Simon says follow me and do whatever I do!" and proceeded to march around, hop on one foot, raise an arm at random. Not really trying to "catch" anyone or even check on them. After about five minutes of this nonsense one of the kids goes "Can I be Simon now?" NorvilleJR without missing a step or even looking back "You're out."

 
Nephew (8) was introduced to The Office a few months ago, and has been feverishly trying out "That's What She Said" on the entire family, but being 8 he just hasn't gotten a great feel for it and just throws it out there when it makes no sense.  He may be getting the hang of it though: 

Last Saturday the family gathered up to try out this new restaurant that opened about a month ago for his mom's birthday. We parked and are walking up to the entrance; there's a line out the door and tons of people sitting on the benches outside. 

My wife: "Wow, I figured there'd be a wait but I didn't expect this".

My MIL: "Well if it's that long it's gotta be good"

Nephew:  "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID" at full volume in front of everyone waiting outside. 

Me, his dad, his mom, my FIL, the hostess, and about 15 other patrons burst into full out belly laughter.  Kid was beaming the rest of the night...

 
Talking to my 11 year old daughter tonight. She will be 12 in July and is at that age where she is in that pre-teen stage.  :X

Anyway, for some reason we were talking about Halloween tonight. We tell her she is almost too old to dress up. She insists she wants to anyway. So:

Me: That’s fine, If you are gonna dress up then I will go as something that’s really embarrassing for you.

Her: You are gonna go as yourself?

Me:   :o  

:lmao:

 
ChiefD said:
Talking to my 11 year old daughter tonight. She will be 12 in July and is at that age where she is in that pre-teen stage.  :X

Anyway, for some reason we were talking about Halloween tonight. We tell her she is almost too old to dress up. She insists she wants to anyway. So:

Me: That’s fine, If you are gonna dress up then I will go as something that’s really embarrassing for you.

Her: You are gonna go as yourself?

Me:   :o  

:lmao:
Click to expand...
She’s nowhere near too old to dress up. 

 
Just realized I had something to put in here.  These are from the last two days. 

1) #11 (6yo boy): in a zombie apocalypse I’m going to…
Me: well we don’t have to worry about that
11: we don’t have to worry about that…yet

2) Me: hey 11 do you want to see your costume for your dance class?
11: oh yes! Can I test wear it?

 
Back at our house after the Easter church service, and my wife and DIL are looking at the family pic taken at church.  My wife comments to our attractive, but not well-endowed, DIL "it looks like you have b00bs."  Nearby was our DIL's 5yo son (still innocent of such things, I believe) who cheerfully states "I want to see b00bs!"

 
tri-man 47 said:
Back at our house after the Easter church service, and my wife and DIL are looking at the family pic taken at church.  My wife comments to our attractive, but not well-endowed, DIL "it looks like you have b00bs."  Nearby was our DIL's 5yo son (still innocent of such things, I believe) who cheerfully states "I want to see b00bs!"
Click to expand...
join the club, kid

 
tri-man 47 said:
Back at our house after the Easter church service, and my wife and DIL are looking at the family pic taken at church.  My wife comments to our attractive, but not well-endowed, DIL "it looks like you have b00bs."  Nearby was our DIL's 5yo son (still innocent of such things, I believe) who cheerfully states "I want to see b00bs!"
Click to expand...
when Floppinho was 3, we introduced him to his new baby-sitter- wonderful young woman from T&T. after shyly moving away from behind my back to say hi, he stops in his tracks and yells out "BIG BOOBIES- BIG BOOBIES!!" and moves in for a two handed grab. 

 
Clown Car said:
Update on our zombie problem. You will be relieved to know that #11 (6yo b) has installed a force field around our house, from tree to tree, that causes any part that crosses the line to explode. He is concerned about our dog walking into on accident. 
Click to expand...
Probably not a good time to introduce him to Night of the Living Dead.

 
El Floppo said:
12yo floppinho tends to talk really fast... often hard for us to understand what he says, which frustrates him.

says something like "byute", so we ask ..huh?

- you know- mute. 

and while saying it covers his eyes with both hands

- MUTE
Click to expand...
:lol: forgot all about this

 
Son is now 4. Wife has a friend over who uses the bathroom, finishes and then closes the door as she exits.

Son: "Mommy, is Jackie still in the potty?"

Wife: "No kiddo, she just closed the door behind her."

Son: (Opening the door and walking in) "Oh, is that why it smells like stinky fish poops in here?"

Wife turned shades of red I didn't know existed.

 
I have a bathroom off of my home office (en suite, as the French would say) and the hinges came off the door frame last week, leaving it temporarily doorless. I asked two of my kids (9yo and 8yo) to make "Do Not Disturb" signs I could put on the office door, so that when the office door was closed people would know someone was using the bathroom inside. They did not disappoint.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
My wife and kids went camping with my 9-year old boy's Cub Scouts troop this past weekend.  Wife has an SUV, and the troop leader had her bring home a pair of coolers that wouldn't fit in the leader's van.  Wife and troop leader texted today to arrange to get them back to her.

Wife (to 9yo boy):  well I gotta go to [troop leader's] house now to return the coolers

Boy:  OK why?

Wife:  sometimes in life you have to do things you don't really want to do, but you do them anyways

Boy:  *wry smile*  Boomer quote!

Wife:   :sadbanana:

(We're not Boomers, but kudos to him for the wicked burn)

:lol:  

 
Brought the kids and a couple of their friends to the Cardinals game tonight (and got a foul ball to boot while making it on TV). 

We're driving back, it's like 11pm, one of the kids who came along has a phone and they are all playing a trivia game. So he asks "What kind of bird can't fly?"

Without missing a beat, my 6 year old goes "A dead one."

😂

 
Wife took the 7 yo to the dentist yesterday for routine cleaning/check-up.  They walk in the door semi-arguing and my daughter appeals to me (WFH at the dining room table): 

Daughter:  Daddy!  Dr. Austin said I can have cupcakes before dinner...

Wife:  No, she said you didn't have any cavities...

Daughter:  Nuh-uh!  Dr. Austin said I do a good job brushing my teeth and that I can keep eating as many cupcakes whenever I want!  Daddy, tell Mama to go to the store and get me some pink cupcakes! 

Me:  :whistle:

 
My son said some funny #### when he was a kid.    My wife was a strict disciplinarian and for some reason my son appreciated it, even as a child.  When he was about 3 I asked him who his favorite was, and why. His response, which I wrote down word for word - “My Mom, because when I’m bad she be’s bad back.”

 
ekbeats said:
My son said some funny #### when he was a kid.    My wife was a strict disciplinarian and for some reason my son appreciated it, even as a child.  When he was about 3 I asked him who his favorite was, and why. His response, which I wrote down word for word - “My Mom, because when I’m bad she be’s bad back.”
Click to expand...


same son, same.

mommy.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

parasaurolophus
Kid bullying my daughter.
2
Replies
58
Views
2K
Gawain
Gawain
coyote5
Hail damage - getting new roof, what questions should I have?
Replies
37
Views
709
matttyl
matttyl
glvsav37
Entrepreneur Guys 2.0: The Side Gig
Replies
42
Views
894
glvsav37
glvsav37

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Top