ChainsawU
Footballguy
That's pretty good. I bet it's a big change going from summer back to school for you guys.
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Stay at home moms? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter bucksoh
- Start date
bucksoh
Footballguy
bucksoh
Footballguy
Basically I make all the meals and sweep and mop the floors, run the kids to soccer, football, dance, foster visits all the while working full-time. In my spare time Im rennovating a house by myself of which when I'm working on the house she watches the kids. Before the Reno when I woke up the kids are dumped on me and basically she relaxed all night on Facebook.
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bucksoh
Footballguy
Yes I had to take off from Reno work the last 3 months to take care of the kids. Should be able to get back to work on it now.
NutterButter
Footballguy
bucksoh
Footballguy
It's definitely hers, I tell her it is too much for me. But that falls on deaf ears.
Otis
Footballguy
I need to read the thread. Our 2yo is starting a 2s class at school on Monday, and our older girls are in kindergarten and third grade. We cancelled the nanny for all but one day, just to have her help around that day for laundry and really just so she can still be in the girls’ lives. But basically come Monday Mrs. O will have half days with a whole lot of free time for barre class, walks with her mom friends, shopping, and whatever the hell she wants. I don’t begrudge her for it—she gave up a career and has been home for years raising small kids, which is a tremendous PITA. I hope she enjoys it. Happy wife, happy life is stupid and trite but Jesus so true.
bigbottom
Footballguy
bucksoh
Footballguy
-OZ-
Footballguy
In our case, we just kept having more. Not Clown car level, but 5 is plenty to keep her busy. Especially our youngest.
She's talked about going back to work when the youngest is in school but the jobs that allow her to prioritize schedule, to be home when the young ones are off school, don't pay squat. She has done some "side hustle" type stuff, making t shirt graphics, stuff like that, which she enjoys but might not be sufficient long term.
We don't really need her to bring in an income, especially when that means sacrificing the things she does for the family like medical appointments, cleaning, grocery shopping, volunteering at the school, etc. The volunteering is only really good though elementary school. By the time the youngest is in middle School, I plan to be 7 years from retirement. Which is enough time to get a job but not to make going back to college for a relevant degree financially worthwhile. So she's kind of stuck, trying to figure out what to do.
She's talked about going back to work when the youngest is in school but the jobs that allow her to prioritize schedule, to be home when the young ones are off school, don't pay squat. She has done some "side hustle" type stuff, making t shirt graphics, stuff like that, which she enjoys but might not be sufficient long term.
We don't really need her to bring in an income, especially when that means sacrificing the things she does for the family like medical appointments, cleaning, grocery shopping, volunteering at the school, etc. The volunteering is only really good though elementary school. By the time the youngest is in middle School, I plan to be 7 years from retirement. Which is enough time to get a job but not to make going back to college for a relevant degree financially worthwhile. So she's kind of stuck, trying to figure out what to do.
Lol.
Cjw_55106
Footballguy
DallasDMac
Footballguy
I have to think that anyone who chooses to have five children has sort of already made that choice right? I can't imagine to many conversations that go:
Mom: I think I want to go back to work but lets go ahead and have child three first.
Followed by
Mom: I think I want to go back to work but lets go ahead and have child four quick.
Followed finally by
Mom: I think I want to go back to work but lets go ahead and knock out one more while I have time.
comfortably numb
Footballguy
I think the discussion goes more like
Wife: i haven't got my period this month
Husband: ### #### mother ####ingg son of a #####.
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mr roboto
Footballguy
Based on you follow up posts OP I feel like there are bigger issues involved here.
9 kids. Fosters and adopted that you didn’t really want...
You think she doesn’t work hard with the kids...
Yeah. Giving her a chore list is not a good idea nor the biggest issue here by a country wile.
9 kids. Fosters and adopted that you didn’t really want...
You think she doesn’t work hard with the kids...
Yeah. Giving her a chore list is not a good idea nor the biggest issue here by a country wile.
mr roboto
Footballguy
Grahamburn
Footballguy
Just made my appointment for a vasectomy. Thanks, all.
Long Ball Larry
Footballguy
Grahamburn
Footballguy
mr. furley
Footballguy
a guy friend of mine is a stay at home dad. in-laws wedding gift to him and their daughter was a substantial down payment on a home. together they had saved up nearly the balance to buy a home outright. married in their late 20s with a mortgage they paid off a handful of years later.
wife goes to work and does well, he stays home and takes care of the kids + house + everything.
his wife, my wife and all their friends just DESTROY the guy for being a stay at home dad. i mean..... crush his spirit. they're merciless.
Cjw_55106
Footballguy
Whats the point of this? One could easily argue his job is more important than hers.
Long Ball Larry
Footballguy
sounds like you need to find another house to renovate. then she has to take a few more chores. you'll get another one, she takes a few more chores. another house, more chores. rinse, repeat.
and then a year from now you won't have anything to worry about, because you will have died from exhaustion.
-OZ-
Footballguy
1 was totally planned, almost on schedule.
2 was early, found out during my 1L finals week. No problem.
3 was unplanned, I was about to deploy to Iraq.
4 was a complete oops.
5 was fully intentional, adopted from China.
mr. furley
Footballguy
-OZ-
Footballguy
His wife? Sorry dude, that's cause for divorce.
I'll assume these "ladies" all call themselves feminist, progressives. Dumbasses
mr. furley
Footballguy
-OZ-
Footballguy
Ok. Not my lane, but it sounds downright abusive.works for them, i guess
i don't ask
Clown Car
Footballguy
Exactly. I mean someone has to take care of the kids, the dinner, the appointments, the laundry. I don’t who care does it. Why trash the one who does?
-OZ-
Footballguy
Right. Clearly you get it. These decisions need to be made together. Then stand by your spouse.
There are times I feel the stress of being the only income, but these are decisions we made. It's sad when someone wants to make someone feel less of a man, woman, whatever. Especially because of decisions you should be making together. There's something more broken there than his not bringing in an income.
Black Box
Footballguy
Let's be honest here--it is.
Unless you are doing something that actually makes a difference in the world, most of us just go to a job and push papers around. The parent at home is raising the next generation. I have nothing but respect for SAHMs, or in this case a SAHD. It saddens me when they are considered "less than". JMHO.
bucksoh
Footballguy
If I could get another house as cheap as this one, I would. But I seriously doubt I'll be able to buy another home, 3 minutes Way from me.
bucksoh
Footballguy
I definitely wanted to adopt our girl,. Fostering I'm not big on but I do it because it is my wife's passion and I do what I can to help her out. Some foster kids I would have loved to adopt because they are great kids, others I want out of my house asap.
Just was looking for what other sahm do with their time. I know my wife works hard around the house with the kids. Don't plan on giving her a chore list. Just wanted to show her options.
Brunell4MVP
Footballguy
As a Dad that did this for a few years, yes you would. It starts off fine. But then your friends take it to the next level with the sarcasm. The last thing you need is your spouse piling it on.
It's rough when the kids are little. Major boredom, but you are still playing with them or taking them to lame playdates which can wear you down. I don't know how. it just does. Once they hit about 6 and got into sports I was fine. But from 3-6 years old ... kill me if I ever have to do that again.
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Captain Cranks
Footballguy
I appreciate your perspective given how many kids you have and that you're a teacher. I'm curious how you'd feel about # 3 if you did not homeschool and just had one or two kids.
cheese
Footballguy
Mostly SAHD (do consulting from home on side) while wife works days.... my 2 cents on what works for us in case it helps-
I don’t really clean outside of cleaning up messes from the littlest kids and just overall not letting it become a disaster. Honestly, if I had to spend my day cleaning I would prefer to go back to the office full time instead. I prefer raising the kids to working, but I prefer working to doing housework. I make lunches but not dinner.
Now here is where I take your side for sure... when my wife comes home LOL at giving her the kids for me to go relax. That ain’t happening and it shouldn’t. I was busy with the kids but she was busy too. Typically I find a way to make myself useful for an hour doing literally anything productive so she gets an hour to see them and interact with them. After that I take responsibility back for the kids and let them play outside 1 more time before bed (really just so mom gets house to herself for a little). Bedtime we both help. Once they’re asleep, do whatever I want until a kid wakes up crying.
The part that is an issue for us is her having to spend a lot of her “free time” cleaning to her standards, dishwasher, laundry, etc. We have had cleaning ladies off and on but kids make houses messy fast. Oh, and notice I didn’t mention very much time spend with my wife. Some people wouldn’t care, but we actually like each other so that’s also a downside to the current situation.
I don’t really clean outside of cleaning up messes from the littlest kids and just overall not letting it become a disaster. Honestly, if I had to spend my day cleaning I would prefer to go back to the office full time instead. I prefer raising the kids to working, but I prefer working to doing housework. I make lunches but not dinner.
Now here is where I take your side for sure... when my wife comes home LOL at giving her the kids for me to go relax. That ain’t happening and it shouldn’t. I was busy with the kids but she was busy too. Typically I find a way to make myself useful for an hour doing literally anything productive so she gets an hour to see them and interact with them. After that I take responsibility back for the kids and let them play outside 1 more time before bed (really just so mom gets house to herself for a little). Bedtime we both help. Once they’re asleep, do whatever I want until a kid wakes up crying.
The part that is an issue for us is her having to spend a lot of her “free time” cleaning to her standards, dishwasher, laundry, etc. We have had cleaning ladies off and on but kids make houses messy fast. Oh, and notice I didn’t mention very much time spend with my wife. Some people wouldn’t care, but we actually like each other so that’s also a downside to the current situation.
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Clown Car
Footballguy
To be fair I was not a good housekeeper when I was single/no kids. It’s just not something I want to do and only do when I really have to. That didn’t change when I had 1-5-10.
But if I was a sahm with kids in school I would probably get a job to pay for a housekeeper. I do a lot of volunteer work in the organizations we are part of so I would probably do more of that or in their schools.
I also make my kids do a lot of work. I have a personal chef, they do their own laundry, clean their own bathrooms. They pick up their own toys, one is pretty good a vacuuming the living room. The only chore that I take on consistently outside my room is cleaning the kitchen after dinner. Because it’s important to me. But even still half the time my husband does it and 1/4 the other kids do.
Van Dyman
Footballguy
Beef Ravioli
Footballguy
DallasDMac
Footballguy
AAABatteries
Footballguy
They could do this all they want to me - if we could keep our current lifestyle and I could be a SAHD I would do it in a heartbeatmr. furley said:
jonessed
Footballguy
Most parents I know split those duties. Once the kids are school age there really is no reason someone has to be a stay at home parent. If it works for a couple it works. That’s fine. Just realize it’s likely a permanent situation and you are totally ####ed in a divorce.Clown Car said:
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DallasDMac
Footballguy
That's sort of the point I was making earlier. Or rather the point my wife makes. Putting yourself in a position of total financial dependence on someone else.
Clown Car
Footballguy
Beef Ravioli
Footballguy
DallasDMac
Footballguy
I honestly can fathom what would motivate someone to want nine children. It's beyond my comprehension. But to each his own. I realize we all have individual thoughts and feelings on such matters.
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