tldr: Hideous, dangerous, dead tree in adjacent yard; neighbor uncooperative; seeking advice/shtick to help resolve.
***
When we look out the window to our backyard, or when we sit in the sun on a warm spring day and look up at a deep blue sky, we see
this tree.
It may be the deadest thing in our solar system. If you dug up the carcass of Abraham Lincoln, it would be closer to life than this tree. This tree is the thing that nightmares are made of. As a kid, I remember a few scenes from a few horror movies, and it's probably no surprise that
the tree taking Robbie out of his bed in Poltergeist was one of the most terrifying things I saw as a young boy. This is basically that tree.
We moved into the house last year. As far as I can gather, not long ago, this was a massive, healthy, vibrant tree, that left a canopy of leaves covering the entire yard. If you look at my house on Google Earth from recent years, it's a strong healthy specimen of tree. I suspect that, perhaps in Sandy, the tree must have taken a vicious hit, and probably had multiple large trunks lopped off, and it just couldn't survive.
Not only is the tree terrifying and hideous to look at, it also has that large branch on the left that hangs ominously over our yard, and over my girls' playset. It's a maiming waiting to happen. Landscapers, neighbors, and all have often had occasion to look up and comment, "boy, that thing's dangerous."
About 6 months ago I decided to take action. How can I get this thing removed without (1) awkward exchanges with the neighbor behind us we've never actually met, and (2) without shelling out my usual $5k fee for any household job.
Plan 1: The Power Company. I noticed that the tree hangs ominously over these power lines, which connect to a
transformer just off to the left, on a pole behind our garage. So I place a strategic call to LIPA to inform them of a dead tree hanging dangerously over power lines adjacent to a transformer, surely one stiff breeze away from taking out power to this part of town and leaving live wires zapping along the ground like heat seeking missiles chasing small children. They assured me they would send someone out to "check out it." I heard nothing about it, and some months later followed up. I was informed that the tree isn't actually ON the lines, so, sorry, nothing they could do.
Plan 2: The Village. My town (actually
incorporated village) has an app that allows you to dial up complaints about various conditions, and I was informed by a neighbor they might tend to it that way. I make a formal report through the app, including a picture and all necessary descriptors. Our immediate neighbor, within a day, even "Likes" the complaint/request, and agrees that the tree "is very dangerous!!"
Yes -- I've got a crowd now. Surely they'll do something about it!
Well, the Village explained that, because this tree is on private property, it's a "private matter."
Plan 3: A request to the Neighbor: I understand that the neighbor behind us, whom I've never met, is an older woman. Her husband passed some years ago, her children are grown, and she lives there alone. I wanted to be nice and do the right thing, so first, on a couple of random Saturday mornings, I walked around the block with my 2-year-old daughter in tow in her wagon, and knock on the door/ring the doorbell. No answer either time.
So, my wife writes out a nice, handwritten note. In it, we introduce ourselves, mention our concern about the tree and for the safety of our girls, and ask if there is anything we can do. We even volunteer to pick up the cost for removal. My wife leaves e-mail addresses, phone numbers, virtually every bit of contact information we could muster. The odd thing is it's kind of hard to be polite in a note like that one -- you sort of write it like "oh, in case you haven't noticed that massive eyesore of a dead tree in your yard, we did, and can we just please make that go away kthx?" She can't possibly have ever looked out that tree and thought to herself, after a deep, prideful breath, "What a glorious tree!" In any event, we did the best we could.
It's been several weeks, and no response.
I subsequently learned that other neighbors adjacent to her property, who had cut back some of the overgrowth from her property over to theirs, had a run-in with her subsequently, in which she raised hell about them cutting her (ugly, overgrown, untended to) plantings. So, apparently, as I understand it, she's not the most reasonable dealer.
What's next?
As I see it, I've got limited options here.
Plan 4: Certified letter to LIPA. Neighbors who are cheering us on in ridding the neighborhood of this evil beast have suggested that a formal letter to the power company, sent certified, documented with pictures and indicating that we have consulted an arborist, might get the attention of the LIPA legal department, and spur them into action. It wouldn't require much time, and maybe I'll do this in parallel with other options.
Plan 5: Formal letter to neighbor. I suppose it's possible she didn't hear me at the door either time and didn't get the nice handwritten letter left in her mailbox. Maybe I should follow-up with a more formal written letter, asking, in a nice way, for the same relief, and see what she says. I'm tempted to make a shticky letter, so at least it could be a little bit of fun in the likely event she rejects our request again.
Plan 6: Just cut the killer branches hanging over our yard. I'm no lawyer, but I'm told that we have a right of some sort to cut any branches that hang over our property. That won't resolve the issue entirely -- there will still be an ugly tree, which still will eventually come down. But at least those large branches that pose the biggest threat could be removed and the most immediate danger would be resolved. The catch is I would have to have them guys get one of those bucket/lift things into our yard somehow and get up there to cut it from our yard, because I suspect neighbor won't give us access to her yard to have the guys climb the trees and cut from up there. Maybe not a big deal, I can check with a tree service and get some quotes. This one can't possibly be more than $500-$1000. Far less than the usual.
Anyone ever deal with a scenario like this one? Any advice? Any shtick suggestions? I'm open to whatever.
I retyped it 3 or 4 times because every time it sounded like that's what I was saying, but I promise I wasn't! 
:timber:
![[icon]](/data/avatars/m/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
un intended:
