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Post 19 suggests you aren't rational. If you can't conceive of your 17 yr old wanting to try weed, perhaps you should take a step back. Again, just spit ballin', but you're likely way uptight on he issue for various reasons, and teenagers are curious.
Would you people stop using reality to wreck Fun with Fatguy? I left Funions off the weed menu, too, but that doesn't mean it couldn't happen!!
No. She's in Costa Rica with her Spanish class until next Wednesday.
I put in red part of your problem... the notion that it's HER phone. But you pay the bill and chances are the account is in your name. It's your phone.I know I've got it made compared to a lot of situations, but I'm starting to see some warning signs with my kid's behavior and I'm wondering if people have encountered a like situation.
My daughter is 17. Generally she's pretty responsible. Gets mostly A's and B's (carrying a 3.5). Works at a karate school and has her 3rd degree belt. She's kind of a sanguine personality - which is part of the problem, I think. She's not the most focused of people.
I'm not terribly excited about the friends she has. We found that she was texting at 3 AM-ish for several days during the school year. You could see that she was exhausted. This led to me taking her phone away. Her reaction to that was using one of the internet text methods, but she wasn't smart enough to close the window that told one of her friends "I'm going to have to find a new way to text at night because my dad is monitoring my texts on my phone". Which led to a REAL blowup (trust is a big thing with me and I hate being lied to). I told her that I didn't want to have to look through her text messages but she wasn't leaving me with much choice.
The latest thing is an exchange she had with a friend where he said "So and so said we need to 'pop your weed cherry'" to which she simply replied "Okay".
We had a meeting with a college planner that she showed almost no interest in as she sat there. We're trying to find out if she even wants to go to college and the reaction is mostly "Meh".
Anyway, it's not any one major thing that concerns me, just a few reddish flags.
Am I overreacting? Should I just let it play out or should I be more strict? She has a lot of spare time on her hands and I'm thinking of making her get another part time job. Is it better to step in and give direction rather than let your 17 year old choose it?
My kid turns 15 next week and honestly I'd rather catch him with weed than a bottle of bourbon. But it sounds like she's a pretty good kid. If she makes it out of high school without becoming a parent, acquiring an incurable disease, becoming addicted to something nasty, acquiring a rap sheet, or getting behind the wheel while intoxicated you're pretty well ahead of the game. The rest will come around.You have to remember, she's growing up at a time where MJ is now being legalized for recreational purposes, and there's very strong support for that to spread further. I imagine it's difficult to comprehend it being such a horrible substance like even I was told when I was a teenager (I'm 30 now). So even if it's difficult, you have to take that into account.Yeah, that's kind of my feeling too. But as one who has never tried it myself, I can't conceive of her even wanting to try it.
A lot of this comes from trying to get out in front of things for my wife. She's got enough on her plate dealing with her idiot dad who killed his liver and now waits on a transplant list.
And good on you for trying to ease your wife's burden. And also good for caring so much about your kid that you're worried about her even if she has a lot of really great qualities. You can always try to be a better parent.
Fatguy is skinnier than I imagined? (or you imagine)
Your approach is going to make things much worse. It would be different if his daughter was risking failing out of school or had some actual legal issues. It just ramps up the divide between a kid and their parents.I put in red part of your problem... the notion that it's HER phone. But you pay the bill and chances are the account is in your name. It's your phone.I know I've got it made compared to a lot of situations, but I'm starting to see some warning signs with my kid's behavior and I'm wondering if people have encountered a like situation.
My daughter is 17. Generally she's pretty responsible. Gets mostly A's and B's (carrying a 3.5). Works at a karate school and has her 3rd degree belt. She's kind of a sanguine personality - which is part of the problem, I think. She's not the most focused of people.
I'm not terribly excited about the friends she has. We found that she was texting at 3 AM-ish for several days during the school year. You could see that she was exhausted. This led to me taking her phone away. Her reaction to that was using one of the internet text methods, but she wasn't smart enough to close the window that told one of her friends "I'm going to have to find a new way to text at night because my dad is monitoring my texts on my phone". Which led to a REAL blowup (trust is a big thing with me and I hate being lied to). I told her that I didn't want to have to look through her text messages but she wasn't leaving me with much choice.
The latest thing is an exchange she had with a friend where he said "So and so said we need to 'pop your weed cherry'" to which she simply replied "Okay".
We had a meeting with a college planner that she showed almost no interest in as she sat there. We're trying to find out if she even wants to go to college and the reaction is mostly "Meh".
Anyway, it's not any one major thing that concerns me, just a few reddish flags.
Am I overreacting? Should I just let it play out or should I be more strict? She has a lot of spare time on her hands and I'm thinking of making her get another part time job. Is it better to step in and give direction rather than let your 17 year old choose it?
Remember the Cape Cod mother who gave her kid a cell phone for 2012 Christmas? She had the 18-point agreement?
Perhaps you need something like this. Note in particular point #4, "Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am."
You compared smoking weed to getting bombed on Everclear. That is no where near rational.
The two subjects she likes best in school are Spanish and Band (clarinet).
I would much prefer my kid smoke weed than ever get bombed off any drink. Not even close.
That's not what I said. But then I've come to learn that you're not the subtlest guy.
No, the Spanish majors I knew were happy as clams, never studied (don't tell her that part), got huge GPA's anyway, and were super employable within about nine minutes of graduation. It ain't a one-way ticket to the penthouse life, but
.
Me too.I went to Warped Tour when I was 17 and turned out fine.
Yes. It's not like she's said she DOESN'T want to go. She just seems ambivalent about going.
Me too.I went to Warped Tour when I was 17 and turned out fine.
we're awesome
Well, she does have that 3rd degree black belt. And she does like music.
So explore the music thing more. Take her to some shows that use clarinet, maybe see if you can get her some introductions to people who play in those groups. See if there's something there for her outside of school band where she can make it her own thing. She may not be in to it, but who knows?
Try this approach:
We've done a lot of that. Going to the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra, etc.
Isn't that the truth?
Says the guy with the Mcconaughey avatar. Couldn't BE more perfect.
