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Woz

***Official*** FFA iDating Thread

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Alright, I'm signed up and ready to go, so hopefully I'll start having some stories soon.

I would like to state for the record that I'm appalled at the number of women who have some sort of Twilight reference in their profiles. It's like the world collectively got dumber in the 4 years since I've done this.

Every chick profile I see has "Girl With a Dragon Tattoo" in their "last read" section.
Before that it was Eat, Pray, Love. And before that it was The Kite Runner. And before that it was The Da Vinci Code.

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So... the girl I made it to stage 4 viewed my profile again today. Should I just ignore it, or talk to her?

I take it "stage 4" is eHarmony-speak? What exactly is it?Who was the last person to message? How long ago was it?

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So... the girl I made it to stage 4 viewed my profile again today. Should I just ignore it, or talk to her?

Definitely chat with her. Post your message here.

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Might have to steal from this guys profile:

(This is my actual new profile. I thought it had enough entertainment value to post here. Needless to say, I soon expect to get more ### than a Martian anal-probe).

So I’ve basically given up all hope for online dating, which seems like the perfect time to post a new profile.I’d love to blame online dating for my lack of dating success, but the truth is I’m terrible at just about every aspect of dating.Part of the problem is I just don’t like most people, so it’s hard to find someone I want to do anything with, much less date. Also, when I do find someone I like, I get a little too excited about it and then usually blow it with over-enthusiasm. These are the great experiences I can offer you, ladies of Chicago!Let’s see... What else seems important...I think “dingleberry” is one of the best words around. “Higgledy-piggledy” is also solid.If you have a relentlessly positive attitude, please aim it at someone else. If you regularly say things like “Everything happens for a reason” or “I work hard and play hard,” please go away hard.If you like Larry David and Louis CK, that probably bodes well.If you believe in God, Jesus, angels, Xenu, or anything like that, we won’t get along. I hate smoking, but I can tolerate smoke better than religion. However, I welcome UFO enthusiasts, because that stuff is fun. I would love to meet someone who could explain why my butt hurts.Some of the things I admire women for are their strength, courage, and boobs.I tend to get along with women who are some kind of artists, or women who are in a helping profession, like teachers, social workers, etc. Oh, and I love librarians. I would probably go out with a librarian based on that fact alone. If you do financial-business-anything, I would love to marry you for your money, but I’ll probably be too bored to get through more than one beer with you. Sorry. I have some kind of faulty chromosome that steers me away from activities and people that make money, which explains why I’ve been a summer camp counselor, a juggler, an English grad student, and (someday probably) a hobo.Sorry my pictures are a little out of date. Just imagine me looking slightly older and crappier. Actually, imagine me looking much, much, much crappier. Then I’ll look really good when we meet.I love dogs, and I have a rat terrier. I like cats, but I’m allergic to cats. However, some of them aren’t so bad on my respiratory system. Only a few cats make me feel like Darth Vader is choking me out. I also love any excuse to take Benadryl.I should probably mention something positive about myself, so...I guess I can be funny? I wrote this joke, which kind of applies to the current situation:You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you realize you have a terrible bestiality problem.I guess I’m smart, based on being an overeducated freelance writer and writing teacher. I’m one of those “smart” people without common sense, so I’m definitely a bit of a buttmunch too. I go to the gym, but not enough to look good—just enough to keep myself from being totally disgusting. I hate the gym.Hey, I just remembered how awful most guys are, so maybe these traits are big pluses: I am employed! I shower! I’m not 100% douchey! The bar for seeming like a decent guy can be frighteningly low, and I am definitely a good centimeter or two above that bar.So, to sum up, in a grammatically dubious sentence:If you’re sick of dating but still have a shred of hope, if you are a negative person who thinks that is a positive way to be, if you are godless and dog-liking, if you want to meet a guy who is pretty much the worst dater in the world, and if you have boobs, please drop me a line. Thank you.

Meh. It's really funny, and will get them laughing, but will it really get you a higher percentage of hits?Seems like the right strategy, poorly executed.

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So... the girl I made it to stage 4 viewed my profile again today. Should I just ignore it, or talk to her?

I'd suggest meeting for a coffee/drink, but maybe a phone call?

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So... the girl I made it to stage 4 viewed my profile again today. Should I just ignore it, or talk to her?

I'd suggest meeting for a coffee/drink, but maybe a phone call?
I don't think he's actually messaged her yet, if I recall eH correctly. I wouldn't come out and ask for a drink immediately.

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So... the girl I made it to stage 4 viewed my profile again today. Should I just ignore it, or talk to her?

I'd suggest meeting for a coffee/drink, but maybe a phone call?
She's in San Fran and im LA. That's why I'm so "meh" about this...what should I say exactly...
Ignore the haters. Go with your gut. LA to SF is a small distance to overcome for love.

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So... the girl I made it to stage 4 viewed my profile again today. Should I just ignore it, or talk to her?

I'd suggest meeting for a coffee/drink, but maybe a phone call?
She's in San Fran and im LA. That's why I'm so "meh" about this...what should I say exactly...
Just say you've enjoyed messaging her and would like to get to know more about her over coffee or drink. Tell her a place and time/date you'd be willing to meet up. Put the ball back in her court. If you're just looking to meet people for the next six months then I don't see what the downside is to meeting up with her. If you don't have fun, or don't like her just bail and you'll never have to see her again. Plus, meeting up with someone your "meh" about is a good way to ease into online dating and knock off some rust until a gal that you are more into comes along.

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So... the girl I made it to stage 4 viewed my profile again today. Should I just ignore it, or talk to her?

Keep in mind, its possible if you have a common name she keeps clicking ur profile because she thinks your someone else. I do this by mistake every now and then.

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So... the girl I made it to stage 4 viewed my profile again today. Should I just ignore it, or talk to her?

I'd suggest meeting for a coffee/drink, but maybe a phone call?
I don't think he's actually messaged her yet, if I recall eH correctly. I wouldn't come out and ask for a drink immediately.
Scratch this - I didn't read the earlier stuff. He should probably just get in his car and start driving.

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Meeting up for some drinks Thursday night with some girl I mustve given my number in a drunken guys outing night a while back.

About 2 months went by and never heard anything, than I wake up one Saturday morning about a month ago to a text received at 1:45am...."are you out tonight sweetie? Wondered what she wanted??? Was in a relationship at the time so just ignored it.

Over the weekend, remembered that text for some reason and wrote back...after some misc banter setup the Thurs night meetiing.

Should be interesting as my memory of what she looked like is cloudy. I remember she was tall (5'10"?), brunette, good dancer, and with a foreign accent. Her name is Favi. Thats all I got.

We'll see how it all plays out. If she's less than a 7, than I enjoy a couple drinks, make my exit and hopefully have a good story to share. Back in the game. :goggles:

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Word for word...what should I say?

You're not going to get better at this if we just do it for you.Why not just read through this thread for a bit? There's some great anecdotes in here. Generally, be funny, spontaneous, and not overbearing in the slightest.

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Wow....this is still going.

Update?
I got back together with my wife after a 14 month separation about. We have added to our family and had a second son who is 16 months old. I am so grateful we worked it out. While it may have seemed like everything was so good for me because I dated and scored a lot. It really wasn't. It was honestly a very difficult time in my life. I was dealing with a separation, my estranged father passing away and hating my job. Oof.Thanks to every one who was a friend to me during that time.I hope everyone finds that someone special. Edited by Bankerguy

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Congrats Bankerguy. Glad to hear things are going well in your life and with your wife. :thumbup:

Bucky - write what you want. She's read your profile and is clearly interested so whatever shtick you use has definitely worked. I'd be sure to tell her you have someone moving in with you in 6 months so aren't looking for anything serious. Maybe tell her you've always heard SF is a fantastic city and would love to visit and maybe live there someday.

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Meeting up for some drinks Thursday night with some girl I mustve given my number in a drunken guys outing night a while back.About 2 months went by and never heard anything, than I wake up one Saturday morning about a month ago to a text received at 1:45am...."are you out tonight sweetie? Wondered what she wanted??? Was in a relationship at the time so just ignored it.Over the weekend, remembered that text for some reason and wrote back...after some misc banter setup the Thurs night meetiing.Should be interesting as my memory of what she looked like is cloudy. I remember she was tall (5'10"?), brunette, good dancer, and with a foreign accent. Her name is Favi. Thats all I got.We'll see how it all plays out. If she's less than a 7, than I enjoy a couple drinks, make my exit and hopefully have a good story to share. Back in the game. :goggles:

:popcorn:

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I just got an e-mail back from a pediatrician wanting to meet for drinks. I love smart chicks with good careers, so I'll definitely take the date. Although she's one of those chicks that you really can't tell how attractive she is based on her photos... she looks great in some and so-so in others. I was burned with the last chick I went out with like that, so I'll head into this skeptical.

I had the first date with the pediatrician tonight. She seemed nice and the conversation was good. She did look a lot like her photos, so I don't feel deceived. She is definitely much different physically from the tall, leggy model/cheerleader I last dated, but I am actually more attracted to the "doctor" look (I am probably the only guy in the world like this). And I'm also attracted to her intelligence obviously. She seemed to be into me as well, so I think I'll ask her for a second date.

General question here: what do you guys typically like to do for second dates? Dinner is always a decent option at this point. I also have my own ideas for non-dinner dates, but I'm curious to hear thoughts from the peanut gallery as well.

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Wow....this is still going.

Update?
I got back together with my wife after a 14 month separation about. We have added to our family and had a second son who is 16 months old. I am so grateful we worked it out. While it may have seemed like everything was so good for me because I dated and scored a lot. It really wasn't. It was honestly a very difficult time in my life. I was dealing with a separation, my estranged father passing away and hating my job. Oof.Thanks to every one who was a friend to me during that time.I hope everyone finds that someone special.
Question for you Banker. Since you said that you dated and hooked up during your seperation, I'm assuming that your wife did too. Does that ever bug you? I've been with my wife a long time and I think I'd be super jealous about that and wouldn't handle it well. Might be just me though.

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I just got an e-mail back from a pediatrician wanting to meet for drinks. I love smart chicks with good careers, so I'll definitely take the date. Although she's one of those chicks that you really can't tell how attractive she is based on her photos... she looks great in some and so-so in others. I was burned with the last chick I went out with like that, so I'll head into this skeptical.

I had the first date with the pediatrician tonight. She seemed nice and the conversation was good. She did look a lot like her photos, so I don't feel deceived. She is definitely much different physically from the tall, leggy model/cheerleader I last dated, but I am actually more attracted to the "doctor" look (I am probably the only guy in the world like this). And I'm also attracted to her intelligence obviously. She seemed to be into me as well, so I think I'll ask her for a second date.

General question here: what do you guys typically like to do for second dates? Dinner is always a decent option at this point. I also have my own ideas for non-dinner dates, but I'm curious to hear thoughts from the peanut gallery as well.

Dinner at a nice, but not overly extravagent place (think authentic mexican place that has a lot going on and upbeat energy), and then out to a cool bar or lounge for some after dinner drinks. Oh, you've had too much to drink to drive home? You're welcome to stay at my place.... (have a bottle of wine ready and waiting to be opened when you get home and let the good times roll)

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Meeting up for some drinks Thursday night with some girl I mustve given my number in a drunken guys outing night a while back.About 2 months went by and never heard anything, than I wake up one Saturday morning about a month ago to a text received at 1:45am...."are you out tonight sweetie? Wondered what she wanted??? Was in a relationship at the time so just ignored it.Over the weekend, remembered that text for some reason and wrote back...after some misc banter setup the Thurs night meetiing.Should be interesting as my memory of what she looked like is cloudy. I remember she was tall (5'10"?), brunette, good dancer, and with a foreign accent. Her name is Favi. Thats all I got.We'll see how it all plays out. If she's less than a 7, than I enjoy a couple drinks, make my exit and hopefully have a good story to share. Back in the game. :goggles:

:popcorn:
My latest text exchange from last night. (on Saturday I said Id think of a place to meet for drinks and let her know, but keep Thurs open)Me @8:11pm: Lets meet up at (location) at 8:30 Thurs. night for some drinksHer @9:05pm: OK, that works. Hopefully you remember what I look like. LOLMe @9:30pm: Same for you...its been a while. I remember tall and brunette so that should narrow it down a bitNo response entire night. Instinct was that I may have offended her or something stupid and "should I write another witty/complimentary message to make sure" thought creeped in. But just played it cool knowing writing another message before a reply would come off as unconfident (and really didnt care enough to worry about it)Her @7:53am this morning: LOL. Agree it has been a long time. Looking forward to seeing you again.I won't be responding. Ball is now in my court and Im keeping it.

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What does it mean when a girl has 8 photos and every single one is her holding the camera above her head and looking up towards it? She doesn't look fat? What is she trying to hide? Wide legs??

It means she's annoying

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What does it mean when a girl has 8 photos and every single one is her holding the camera above her head and looking up towards it? She doesn't look fat? What is she trying to hide? Wide legs??

It means she's fat. It's a good way to hide it.

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Having drinks on Friday with a girl who's getting her doctorate in something liberal arts. She's 24, so probably at the lowest end of my age-range. Short brunette, not fat, not thin - seems to have her #### together.

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I just got an e-mail back from a pediatrician wanting to meet for drinks. I love smart chicks with good careers, so I'll definitely take the date. Although she's one of those chicks that you really can't tell how attractive she is based on her photos... she looks great in some and so-so in others. I was burned with the last chick I went out with like that, so I'll head into this skeptical.

I had the first date with the pediatrician tonight. She seemed nice and the conversation was good. She did look a lot like her photos, so I don't feel deceived. She is definitely much different physically from the tall, leggy model/cheerleader I last dated, but I am actually more attracted to the "doctor" look (I am probably the only guy in the world like this). And I'm also attracted to her intelligence obviously. She seemed to be into me as well, so I think I'll ask her for a second date.

General question here: what do you guys typically like to do for second dates? Dinner is always a decent option at this point. I also have my own ideas for non-dinner dates, but I'm curious to hear thoughts from the peanut gallery as well.

Dinner at a nice, but not overly extravagent place

(think authentic mexican place that has a lot going on and upbeat energy), and then out to a cool bar or lounge for some after dinner drinks. Oh, you've had too much to drink to drive home? You're welcome to stay at my place.... (have a bottle of wine ready and waiting to be opened when you get home and let the good times roll)
Yep. I prefer going to a lively bar/lounge with good food that isn't too formal (Gastropub, one of those mixologist places, etc) so it's not necessarily a dinner date. Of course, quality Mexican food is always advised if the restaurant has potent margaritas. Main thing on the second date is to imbibe heavily and give the impression that you're a man about town. I tend to favor places where I know the owners and/or bartenders so they hook it up and make me look :special:

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I tend to favor places where I know the owners and/or bartenders so they hook it up and make me look :special:

I like the general principle of this, but it seems like that can backfire, too. "He always comes here? This place is really mediocre. How much does he drink?" Stuff like that.

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Wow....this is still going.

Update?
I got back together with my wife after a 14 month separation about. We have added to our family and had a second son who is 16 months old. I am so grateful we worked it out. While it may have seemed like everything was so good for me because I dated and scored a lot. It really wasn't. It was honestly a very difficult time in my life. I was dealing with a separation, my estranged father passing away and hating my job. Oof.Thanks to every one who was a friend to me during that time.I hope everyone finds that someone special.
I'm really happy for you, gb. Awesome to hear it all worked out. :thumbup:

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So... the girl I made it to stage 4 viewed my profile again today. Should I just ignore it, or talk to her?

I'd suggest meeting for a coffee/drink, but maybe a phone call?
I don't think he's actually messaged her yet, if I recall eH correctly. I wouldn't come out and ask for a drink immediately.
No, he hasn't messaged her yet. He's about to hit the message stage and should hold off. Woz formula I developed for my last journey though (which actually worked, I swear) for when he does:1. Initial message with a casual greeting and asking either a genuine follow up on smething they mentioned in their answers during the answer stage (to show them you actually paid attention) or a witty comment based on something in their answer (e.g. I got to that stage with another lawyer and my initial message was, "everyone says two lawyers should never date, do you think we'll hate each other?").2. Tell (don't ask, tell) that you'd like to meet for coffee or a drink - This does several things. First, is shows assertiveness - it took me forever to realize one can be both assertive and polite. And on eharmony you've already had like 4 exchanges so if you got that far she wants to go out with you - meaning it's not a cold request. It's also immediately guaranteeing them you won't request something sketchy like coming over for dinner/movie or something too commital like dinner out or going to see a movie (worst first date idea ever). 3. Follow up and end with providing YOUR phone number. Something like "shoot me a text or a call at ### so we can figure out a good date and time." This accomplishes several things. First and foremost it alleviates the girl's worry of giving out too much info. I cannot stress the importance of this. Girls want to know they won't be stalked. It also puts the ball in their court without looking weak - in fact you are confident enough that you don't know her number and that you know she'll call you. Lastly, this moves the conversation off the abstract internet into real life so they know you are a real, interested person. I was something like 10 for 10 in receiving a call or text (almost always text) within the next 24 hrs of sending that message. Funny side note: current gf and likely future wife who I met on eharm told me she would have closed me out if I asked for her number and didn't do it the way I did. Said I was one of only a few guys to do this, and the only one she actually went out with.

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Wow....this is still going.

Update?
I got back together with my wife after a 14 month separation about. We have added to our family and had a second son who is 16 months old. I am so grateful we worked it out. While it may have seemed like everything was so good for me because I dated and scored a lot. It really wasn't. It was honestly a very difficult time in my life. I was dealing with a separation, my estranged father passing away and hating my job. Oof.Thanks to every one who was a friend to me during that time.I hope everyone finds that someone special.
I'm really happy for you, gb. Awesome to hear it all worked out. :thumbup:
Me too :thumbup:That said, you were an all-star here. That story about meeting that one girl with the agreement you wouldn't talk until after sex was awesome.

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likely future wife

Whoa.
she's pretty awesome

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So... the girl I made it to stage 4 viewed my profile again today. Should I just ignore it, or talk to her?

I'd suggest meeting for a coffee/drink, but maybe a phone call?
I don't think he's actually messaged her yet, if I recall eH correctly. I wouldn't come out and ask for a drink immediately.
No, he hasn't messaged her yet. He's about to hit the message stage and should hold off. Woz formula I developed for my last journey though (which actually worked, I swear) for when he does:1. Initial message with a casual greeting and asking either a genuine follow up on smething they mentioned in their answers during the answer stage (to show them you actually paid attention) or a witty comment based on something in their answer (e.g. I got to that stage with another lawyer and my initial message was, "everyone says two lawyers should never date, do you think we'll hate each other?").2. Tell (don't ask, tell) that you'd like to meet for coffee or a drink - This does several things. First, is shows assertiveness - it took me forever to realize one can be both assertive and polite. And on eharmony you've already had like 4 exchanges so if you got that far she wants to go out with you - meaning it's not a cold request. It's also immediately guaranteeing them you won't request something sketchy like coming over for dinner/movie or something too commital like dinner out or going to see a movie (worst first date idea ever). 3. Follow up and end with providing YOUR phone number. Something like "shoot me a text or a call at ### so we can figure out a good date and time." This accomplishes several things. First and foremost it alleviates the girl's worry of giving out too much info. I cannot stress the importance of this. Girls want to know they won't be stalked. It also puts the ball in their court without looking weak - in fact you are confident enough that you don't know her number and that you know she'll call you. Lastly, this moves the conversation off the abstract internet into real life so they know you are a real, interested person. I was something like 10 for 10 in receiving a call or text (almost always text) within the next 24 hrs of sending that message. Funny side note: current gf and likely future wife who I met on eharm told me she would have closed me out if I asked for her number and didn't do it the way I did. Said I was one of only a few guys to do this, and the only one she actually went out with.
Good for you Woz. Glad you found a great gal - the former softball player right? I have followed your approach as well on eharmony and it's worked very well. Once you get into texting though I found it is good to make sure to solidify plans to meet up with her pretty quickly. You want to be able to keep the momentum going and also don't want to spend too much going back and forth via texting so you still have fun stuff to talk about when you meet up. On eharmony that can be tricky since you already have quite a bit of communication through the questions and email stage (although through the profile info, questions and answers, you get a lot of info to use for having conversation with her - makes it a lot easier than going on a date cold). I had one girl I met on eharmony tell me on a date she liked the fact that once we started texting off of eharmony I went right into finalizing details to meet up with her. She said some guys would spend the next week or more texting her without any end game. She got sick of it. Her words were "I am on this site to meet and go out with guys, not text them." Food for thought.

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So... the girl I made it to stage 4 viewed my profile again today. Should I just ignore it, or talk to her?

I'd suggest meeting for a coffee/drink, but maybe a phone call?
I don't think he's actually messaged her yet, if I recall eH correctly. I wouldn't come out and ask for a drink immediately.
No, he hasn't messaged her yet. He's about to hit the message stage and should hold off. Woz formula I developed for my last journey though (which actually worked, I swear) for when he does:1. Initial message with a casual greeting and asking either a genuine follow up on smething they mentioned in their answers during the answer stage (to show them you actually paid attention) or a witty comment based on something in their answer (e.g. I got to that stage with another lawyer and my initial message was, "everyone says two lawyers should never date, do you think we'll hate each other?").2. Tell (don't ask, tell) that you'd like to meet for coffee or a drink - This does several things. First, is shows assertiveness - it took me forever to realize one can be both assertive and polite. And on eharmony you've already had like 4 exchanges so if you got that far she wants to go out with you - meaning it's not a cold request. It's also immediately guaranteeing them you won't request something sketchy like coming over for dinner/movie or something too commital like dinner out or going to see a movie (worst first date idea ever). 3. Follow up and end with providing YOUR phone number. Something like "shoot me a text or a call at ### so we can figure out a good date and time." This accomplishes several things. First and foremost it alleviates the girl's worry of giving out too much info. I cannot stress the importance of this. Girls want to know they won't be stalked. It also puts the ball in their court without looking weak - in fact you are confident enough that you don't know her number and that you know she'll call you. Lastly, this moves the conversation off the abstract internet into real life so they know you are a real, interested person. I was something like 10 for 10 in receiving a call or text (almost always text) within the next 24 hrs of sending that message. Funny side note: current gf and likely future wife who I met on eharm told me she would have closed me out if I asked for her number and didn't do it the way I did. Said I was one of only a few guys to do this, and the only one she actually went out with.
Good for you Woz. Glad you found a great gal - the former softball player right? I have followed your approach as well on eharmony and it's worked very well. Once you get into texting though I found it is good to make sure to solidify plans to meet up with her pretty quickly. You want to be able to keep the momentum going and also don't want to spend too much going back and forth via texting so you still have fun stuff to talk about when you meet up. On eharmony that can be tricky since you already have quite a bit of communication through the questions and email stage (although through the profile info, questions and answers, you get a lot of info to use for having conversation with her - makes it a lot easier than going on a date cold). I had one girl I met on eharmony tell me on a date she liked the fact that once we started texting off of eharmony I went right into finalizing details to meet up with her. She said some guys would spend the next week or more texting her without any end game. She got sick of it. Her words were "I am on this site to meet and go out with guys, not text them." Food for thought.
Yep, former softball player. And your experience is very common with my more recent idating experiences - which were obviously a touch better than my initial attempts. Definitely cannot stress enough, especially on eharmony where you have a built-in getting to know period, to move as quickly from internet to phone to date as fast as possible. There's nothing wrong with a little witty texting banter, but I always tried to set a date within a few days of contact, solidify plans, then not talk to them until maybe an hour before the date just to indirectly confirm (something like, "headed to X in 20, see you soon"). This makes it seem like you have a life and, after all, you'll find out pretty quickly when you meet if there is any chemistry - no sense in having a couple awkward phone calls or text convos.* But you gotta move quickly. After all, if a girl is hot she is getting tons of offers. Odds are she'll hit it off with, say, one of the first five and try dating him exclusively. Or, she'll get burned out and not be as into it. You got a small window and, as your date said, she's there to date - courtship or whatever isn't needed!*Unless there's a little difference between the two of you and you intend to sleep with her on the first date. Then, IMO, you gotta gain some confidence and build her excitement up a bit for the date. Your odds of sleeping with her go up significantly if she feels like she knows you and if there is a far distance you likely can't get together in the next couple of days and you run the risk of losing contact.

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*Unless there's a little difference between the two of you and you intend to sleep with her on the first date. Then, IMO, you gotta gain some confidence and build her excitement up a bit for the date. Your odds of sleeping with her go up significantly if she feels like she knows you and if there is a far distance you likely can't get together in the next couple of days and you run the risk of losing contact.

I liked what you said until here. If you're on eHarmony, and your goal is strictly sex, you're doing it wrong. Edited by Keys Myaths

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Wow....this is still going.

Update?
I got back together with my wife after a 14 month separation about. We have added to our family and had a second son who is 16 months old. I am so grateful we worked it out. While it may have seemed like everything was so good for me because I dated and scored a lot. It really wasn't. It was honestly a very difficult time in my life. I was dealing with a separation, my estranged father passing away and hating my job. Oof.Thanks to every one who was a friend to me during that time.I hope everyone finds that someone special.
I'm really happy for you, gb. Awesome to hear it all worked out. :thumbup:
Thanks man.

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So, I wrote that girl. She just wrote me back. In her response she seems friendly, but doesn't really ask me any questions back. Here is her response. "Yes of course, I am still getting used to it as well. I MENTIONED I WAS NEW TO EHARMONY AND WAS JUST LOOKING TO MEET SOME NEW INTERESTING PEOPLE. I do love modern pop art, I am sort of trying out everything right now. I am in fashion illustration classes right now, we have ten minutes to draw live models and it is so much fun. The great thing about art is that you dont have to be good at it to enjoy it. =) I HAD MADE A COMMENT ABOUT BEING HORRIBLE AT DRAWING, BUT PRETTY GOOD AT PAINT BY NUMBERSI have lived in San Francisco for about three years now, I love it more every day. It is so diverse and there is never a dull moment. I have actually never really made a trip up to Napa yet, I would love to at some point. I MENTIONED I REALLY ENJOYED NAPA.And I grew up near LA, I lived in Long Beach till I was about 13, then moved to Big Bear for middle school and high school, then my parents moved to Laguna Beach so that is where I go home to now. "

Please post your original message to her so we can properly assess the situation.

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So, I wrote that girl. She just wrote me back. In her response she seems friendly, but doesn't really ask me any questions back. Here is her response. "Yes of course, I am still getting used to it as well. I MENTIONED I WAS NEW TO EHARMONY AND WAS JUST LOOKING TO MEET SOME NEW INTERESTING PEOPLE. I do love modern pop art, I am sort of trying out everything right now. I am in fashion illustration classes right now, we have ten minutes to draw live models and it is so much fun. The great thing about art is that you dont have to be good at it to enjoy it. =) I HAD MADE A COMMENT ABOUT BEING HORRIBLE AT DRAWING, BUT PRETTY GOOD AT PAINT BY NUMBERSI have lived in San Francisco for about three years now, I love it more every day. It is so diverse and there is never a dull moment. I have actually never really made a trip up to Napa yet, I would love to at some point. I MENTIONED I REALLY ENJOYED NAPA.And I grew up near LA, I lived in Long Beach till I was about 13, then moved to Big Bear for middle school and high school, then my parents moved to Laguna Beach so that is where I go home to now. "

Please post your original message to her so we can properly assess the situation.
:no: Not in the mood.
:hot:

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It's hard to figure out the context here. Sometimes on eharmony it is fine trying to set up a meeting right away on the email communication and other times the gal wanted to go back and forth a time or two with me before she was comfortable enough to meet up. It's a balance between coming off as too aggressive and scaring her away, and being too passive where she loses interest and goes for another guy.

Since she wants to go to Napa I presume she likes wine. Figure out a place where you can meet up with her for some wine for a first date. Write her back and say that you're looking to meet new people as well, what she wrote really sounds interesting [pick out a thing or two that you can specifically identify so it looks like you paid attention to what she said) and tell her you'd like to meet up with her and learn more about her. Tell her it sounds like she enjoys wine so let's meet up at _____ [pick a place] on __________ [pick a date] to have some wine and hang out. Give her your cell number as well and say you wanted her to have it in case you guys needed to further finalize the details beforehand. Ball is in her court at that point. She'll either say she wants to meet up, call/text or give you her number so you can call/text her, or say she's not interested in meeting up. At least you'll know where you stand.

As I said though, sometimes the women on eharmony don't want to be rushed into meeting. They can get creeped out easily. So you'll just have to figure out whether to trying to meet up with her in your next email, or shooting another volley back. I tend to err on the side of trying to meet up - since other guys are trying to do the same thing. If she isn't into meeting yet, she will tell you that she is not interested or still wants to some chat by email before meeting up, but at least you tried.

My :2cents:

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This guy has game:

New York Investment Banker Sends 1,615 Word Email Re: You Leading Him On During Your Date Together

Hi Lauren,

I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.

FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that’s how I came across your email.

I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.

Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:

-You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I’ve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn’t look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.

-We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.

-You said, “It was nice to meet you.” at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn’t interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said–that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.

-We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don’t think I’m being delusional in saying this statement.

In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It’s bad to do that.

Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don’t go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I’m curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it’s difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).

I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.

Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don’t, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don’t want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn’t want to go again. Normally, I wouldn’t ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential.

If you don’t want to go again, then apparently you didn’t think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. It’s good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date.

If you’re not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadn’t given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music. You said that you’re planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You’re very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn’t take any significant additional time on your part. According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I’ll stop here. I don’t understand why you apparently don’t want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn’t find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date. You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. George Soros’s sons help manage their family investments. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that. I’ve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. I’ve gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I’m not a serial dater. Sometimes, I’ve only gone out with a woman for one date.) People don’t grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have.

Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it’s better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world.

I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don’t want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you.

If you’re concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don’t want to go with me again, well, my feeling are already hurt. I’m sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.

If you don’t want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn’t act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. It’s bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you’re not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it’s not perfect. Again, I’m not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I’m disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx> (if it’s inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I’ll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don’t want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt. Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc.

Best, Bucky

Edited by Major

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This guy has game:

New York Investment Banker Sends 1,615 Word Email Re: You Leading Him On During Your Date Together

Hi Lauren,

I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.

FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that’s how I came across your email.

I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.

Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:

-You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I’ve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn’t look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.

-We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.

-You said, “It was nice to meet you.” at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn’t interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said–that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.

-We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don’t think I’m being delusional in saying this statement.

In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It’s bad to do that.

Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don’t go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I’m curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it’s difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).

I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.

Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don’t, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don’t want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn’t want to go again. Normally, I wouldn’t ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential.

If you don’t want to go again, then apparently you didn’t think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. It’s good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date.

If you’re not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadn’t given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music. You said that you’re planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You’re very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn’t take any significant additional time on your part. According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I’ll stop here. I don’t understand why you apparently don’t want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn’t find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date. You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. George Soros’s sons help manage their family investments. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that. I’ve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. I’ve gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I’m not a serial dater. Sometimes, I’ve only gone out with a woman for one date.) People don’t grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have.

Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it’s better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world.

I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don’t want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you.

If you’re concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don’t want to go with me again, well, my feeling are already hurt. I’m sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.

If you don’t want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn’t act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. It’s bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you’re not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it’s not perfect. Again, I’m not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I’m disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx> (if it’s inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I’ll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don’t want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt. Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc.

Best, Bucky

:lmao:

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So, I wrote that girl. She just wrote me back. In her response she seems friendly, but doesn't really ask me any questions back.

Man, I do hate the 'no-questions-back' response. A response just full of short answers that don't lead anywhere really annoys me.

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So, I wrote that girl. She just wrote me back. In her response she seems friendly, but doesn't really ask me any questions back. Here is her response. "Yes of course, I am still getting used to it as well. I MENTIONED I WAS NEW TO EHARMONY AND WAS JUST LOOKING TO MEET SOME NEW INTERESTING PEOPLE. I do love modern pop art, I am sort of trying out everything right now. I am in fashion illustration classes right now, we have ten minutes to draw live models and it is so much fun. The great thing about art is that you dont have to be good at it to enjoy it. =) I HAD MADE A COMMENT ABOUT BEING HORRIBLE AT DRAWING, BUT PRETTY GOOD AT PAINT BY NUMBERSI have lived in San Francisco for about three years now, I love it more every day. It is so diverse and there is never a dull moment. I have actually never really made a trip up to Napa yet, I would love to at some point. I MENTIONED I REALLY ENJOYED NAPA.And I grew up near LA, I lived in Long Beach till I was about 13, then moved to Big Bear for middle school and high school, then my parents moved to Laguna Beach so that is where I go home to now. "

Eh, she's probably getting a bunch of e-mails and really doesn't know what she is doign or what she wants. I'd send some follow questions if you think she is hot and see if you get a better response, but if not she's either just not that into your pictures or boring. Granted, she did respond so don't take this too badly - she coulda just easily ignored you if she was totally disinterested.

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*Unless there's a little difference between the two of you and you intend to sleep with her on the first date. Then, IMO, you gotta gain some confidence and build her excitement up a bit for the date. Your odds of sleeping with her go up significantly if she feels like she knows you and if there is a far distance you likely can't get together in the next couple of days and you run the risk of losing contact.

I liked what you said until here. If you're on eHarmony, and your goal is strictly sex, you're doing it wrong.
I think you can have both the goal of a relationship and getting laid. Also, girls on eharmony are just as willing to put out as any other site. In my experience they put out even quicker on there. I seriously think for the more "proper" girl just looking to get laid but don't want to go out with random dudes in bars or risk people they know learning about it eharmony is a great vehicle to achieve that goal.

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It's hard to figure out the context here. Sometimes on eharmony it is fine trying to set up a meeting right away on the email communication and other times the gal wanted to go back and forth a time or two with me before she was comfortable enough to meet up. It's a balance between coming off as too aggressive and scaring her away, and being too passive where she loses interest and goes for another guy.

Since she wants to go to Napa I presume she likes wine. Figure out a place where you can meet up with her for some wine for a first date. Write her back and say that you're looking to meet new people as well, what she wrote really sounds interesting [pick out a thing or two that you can specifically identify so it looks like you paid attention to what she said) and tell her you'd like to meet up with her and learn more about her. Tell her it sounds like she enjoys wine so let's meet up at _____ [pick a place] on __________ [pick a date] to have some wine and hang out. Give her your cell number as well and say you wanted her to have it in case you guys needed to further finalize the details beforehand. Ball is in her court at that point. She'll either say she wants to meet up, call/text or give you her number so you can call/text her, or say she's not interested in meeting up. At least you'll know where you stand.

As I said though, sometimes the women on eharmony don't want to be rushed into meeting. They can get creeped out easily. So you'll just have to figure out whether to trying to meet up with her in your next email, or shooting another volley back. I tend to err on the side of trying to meet up - since other guys are trying to do the same thing. If she isn't into meeting yet, she will tell you that she is not interested or still wants to some chat by email before meeting up, but at least you tried.

My :2cents:

Very good plan. Only minor tweak I'd make is to not throw out a date (keeps it less aggressive) and then it gives her a reason to call or text.

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So, I wrote that girl. She just wrote me back. In her response she seems friendly, but doesn't really ask me any questions back. Here is her response. "Yes of course, I am still getting used to it as well. I MENTIONED I WAS NEW TO EHARMONY AND WAS JUST LOOKING TO MEET SOME NEW INTERESTING PEOPLE. I do love modern pop art, I am sort of trying out everything right now. I am in fashion illustration classes right now, we have ten minutes to draw live models and it is so much fun. The great thing about art is that you dont have to be good at it to enjoy it. =) I HAD MADE A COMMENT ABOUT BEING HORRIBLE AT DRAWING, BUT PRETTY GOOD AT PAINT BY NUMBERSI have lived in San Francisco for about three years now, I love it more every day. It is so diverse and there is never a dull moment. I have actually never really made a trip up to Napa yet, I would love to at some point. I MENTIONED I REALLY ENJOYED NAPA.And I grew up near LA, I lived in Long Beach till I was about 13, then moved to Big Bear for middle school and high school, then my parents moved to Laguna Beach so that is where I go home to now. "

Eh, she's probably getting a bunch of e-mails and really doesn't know what she is doign or what she wants. I'd send some follow questions if you think she is hot and see if you get a better response, but if not she's either just not that into your pictures or boring. Granted, she did respond so don't take this too badly - she coulda just easily ignored you if she was totally disinterested.
So...just ask more questions? She's not super hot...maybe a 7? What sort of questions do I ask now? It's just strange she didn't ask a single question. :shrug:
It is a bit strange and prob fair to say she isn't THAT interested. So, since you can't let her know at all that you've been bother by this, I'd just roll with it and go with skillz' suggestion - you got nothing to lose.

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I hope I did it right this time...

[*]I exchanged several messages with a nice young lady.

[*]Made a joke about feeling that she wasn't a threat to my safety so I sent her my personal email and phone number so she can drunk dial/text me. (instead of asking for hers first)

[*]Invited her out for drinks. (no more 1st date dinners)

She's leaving the country for Christmas/New Years vacation though.

:popcorn: We'll see what happens.

Edited by EYLive

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Having drinks on Friday with a girl who's getting her doctorate in something liberal arts. She's 24, so probably at the lowest end of my age-range. Short brunette, not fat, not thin - seems to have her #### together.

Meh.Got out of there after two drinks, and about three hours. She was OK to talk to, but definitely wasn't interesting at all so it was hard to carry a conversation. Definitely a great girl - really did have her #### together, knows what she wants to do, would make a great partner for someone - but not interesting enough to hang out with again for me. She's obviously looking for a lot more than I am at this point, so it's good to realize that quickly.Oh well. What's next?

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Curious if anyone in here has dated this chick?

she is exactly why its drinks at a bar on the first date!

Yes - she was covered in posts 7454, 7457 (I can't get those posts to quote here but the gal got about $70 of mini-golf and a filet mignon on the date and didn't say thanks, or even kiss the guy).

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