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Parent Advice (1 Viewer)

rascal

Footballguy
My 8 year old son went to his best friends house for her birthday party today.  I had previously met the Dad, let's call him JJ, and felt comfortable with him.  We showed up at the house and I met the wife and she seemed pleasant.  Couple of other kids showed up with their parents and one by one all of the other parents left except me.  It wasn't forced as I was just having a lengthy conversation about politics with the dad.  15 minutes later I leave as well.

Couple of hours later and I pick up my son and everything appears normal.  He said he had a lot of fun and wanted to go back next weekend.

Later tonight he mentions that during the party they went to the neighbors house to play basketball on their driveway.  Turns out that a couple of the kids went over there and played basketball with the kid next door (son thought he was 2-3 years older).  Now at this point I'm a little bit worried that my son was over at someone's house with no adult supervision.  He then tells us that the neighbor boy asked if they wanted to see a gun.  My son initially said yes he claims, but then remembered our previous conversations regarding guns and says no.  They continue to play basketball and then decide to go into the garage to get nerf guns.  While looking for nerf guns my son sees several guns on the wall and on a bench.  They get the nerf guns and go back outside to play.

My son wants to play at her house again, but after this we are having serious issues.  Thoughts???

 
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My 8 year old son went to his best friends house for her birthday party today.  I had previously met the Dad, let's call him JJ, and felt comfortable with him.  We showed up at the house and I met the wife and she seemed pleasant.  Couple of other kids showed up with their parents and one by one all of the other parents left except me.  It wasn't forced as I was just having a lengthy conversation about politics with the dad.  15 minutes later I leave as well.

Couple of hours later and I pick up my son and everything appears normal.  He said he had a lot of fun and wanted to go back next weekend.

Later tonight he mentions that during the party they went to the neighbors house to play basketball on their driveway.  Turns out that a couple of the kids went over there and played basketball with the kid next door (son thought he was 2-3 years older).  Now at this point I'm a little bit worried that my son was over at someone's house with no adult supervision.  He then tells us that the neighbor boy asked if they wanted to see a gun.  My son initially said yes he claims, but then remembered our previous conversations regarding guns and says no.  They continue to play basketball and then decide to go into the garage to get nerf guns.  While looking for nerf guns my son sees several guns on the wall and on a bench.  They get the nerf guns and go back outside to play.

My son wants to play at her house again, but after this we are having serious issues.  Thoughts???
Wow--I don't have kids--so I'm just taking a blind shot here.  I personally would not want any child of mine going to anybodies house where there is even a tiny chance of them being exposed to guns without my personal supervision.  

 
First, you have every right to bring it up with the parents of his friend. And you should.  They may not be aware of the situation next door. So for your son's friend's safety, I'd have that talk. It would also help them realize they they should not be allowing other children that they should be supervising with an expectation of being supervised into an unsupervised area. And finally, they can then also help discuss the situation with their neighbor. 

I would assume they will be receptive to this conversation and then your son can still visit his friend in the future. If they aren't, then that's all on them and you know that your son can't go there anymore.

And, the fact your son said no and you've had that conversation already.... good on you. Great parenting.

 
:blackdot: - I know my father keeps gun parts in a garage where he repairs guns.  Not sure what is going on in this story though.  Will hang up and listen.

 
The fact that you've had the 'gun conversation' already with your son is outstanding. As already mentioned above...great parenting. With that being said, there is zero chance I let my son go play over there again. As a father of 2 boys (9 and 6), I'd be very concerned about this event. I would definitely talk to your son's friend's parents and let know what you heard. As someone else said, maybe they are totally unaware too and you could possibly be preventing a tragic accident in the future. My wife and I aren't the 'drop off' parents, but if someone dropped their kids off at my home to play with my boys, I would make sure they they are supervised and don't leave my house. I would expect the same thing from other parents. With guns potentially being involved, my kids don't go back. 

 
Not a chance.   I have no experience with guns.  What's the general few of those that have regarding leaving unloaded guns around the house?   I assume they were unloaded.  I hope.

 
Gun hanging on wall high up in garage... Meh, ok...  Guns sitting in view on a bench accessible to kids... Yeah that's a huge problem.  I would let the other dad know asap.

 
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This to me sounds like the beginning of so many tragedies I have heard about on the news.  Not a gun owner, but there is a lot of responsibility that comes with owning one IMO.  That guy needs to do better.

 
Yep, 0 chance my kid would be back over there.  You do have to talk to his friend's parents and let them no why that way they know what happened next door as well. 

 
I'm not sure if I'd ban my kid from playing at the friends' house. I hope they didn't know the neighbors had guns lying around their garage. I'm sure they will be horrified at their mistake. 

Kids play in neighbors yards and driveways all the time. 

 
Gun hanging on wall high up in garage... Meh, ok...  Guns sitting in view on a bench accessible to kids... Yeah that's a huge problem.  I would let the other dad know asap.
How's a gun hanging on the wall any more safe than leaving it on a bench?  Hiding it under a blanket ok?  What about in a closet?  Maybe in the woodshed? 

 
I'm not sure if I'd ban my kid from playing at the friends' house. I hope they didn't know the neighbors had guns lying around their garage. I'm sure they will be horrified at their mistake. 

Kids play in neighbors yards and driveways all the time. 
I am not blaming the friend's parents.  I would implement the ban b/c if the neighbor kid was cavalier enough to ask strange kids if they want to see a gun they are the ones that I don't trust.  I couldn't live with myself if the kid decided to start walking around with said guns and something happened. 

 
This to me sounds like the beginning of so many tragedies I have heard about on the news.  Not a gun owner, but there is a lot of responsibility that comes with owning one IMO.  That guy needs to do better.
Seriously.  This guy has guns  lying around his garage like their golf clubs... Does the OP live in Mosul?

 
I'm not understanding the desire to never let him go there again. The guns were at a neighbor's house, not theirs. 

Let the parents know and judge their response. If they didn't know and seem shocked and appropriately concerned, then what's the issue going forward at their house? If they're like "yeah, so what?", THEN there's no way in hell.

 
I am not blaming the friend's parents.  I would implement the ban b/c if the neighbor kid was cavalier enough to ask strange kids if they want to see a gun they are the ones that I don't trust.  I couldn't live with myself if the kid decided to start walking around with said guns and something happened. 
So your kid can't go to the friends house cause the neighbor kid is the problem?

To me I put the responsibility on the friends parents. Essentially tell them what happened and that you don't hold it against them but you expect them to not be allowed over to that kids house. 

 
So your kid can't go to the friends house cause the neighbor kid is the problem?

To me I put the responsibility on the friends parents. Essentially tell them what happened and that you don't hold it against them but you expect them to not be allowed over to that kids house. 
If we are talking about guns?  Yes.  

Bullets can travel into another yard.  If they actually have guns just laying around, I am not going to trust them to make good choices going forward.  Worst case scenario is my kid is playing at his friends house and the neighbor boy comes over to the yard with one.  That's something I am not willing to risk, and I would tell his friend's parents exactly that so they know it has nothing to do with them. 

 
Neighbors older friends are going to be the same kids to teach your kid to smoke, and rip them (you) off on sacks in highschool.

 
I'm not understanding the desire to never let him go there again. The guns were at a neighbor's house, not theirs. 

Let the parents know and judge their response. If they didn't know and seem shocked and appropriately concerned, then what's the issue going forward at their house? If they're like "yeah, so what?", THEN there's no way in hell.
Like I posted above, neither of you can control what the neighbor's are doing.  Accidents happen all the time and if they actually had guns in the garage and the kid is dumb enough to want to show them to an 8 year old, then their is a MUCH higher chance for an accident with those neighbors than I am willing to risk. 

 
As a parent, duty one of protection & safety precludes him from going back over there.

Guns should be locked when not in use. We had many firearms in the home I grew up in - shotguns, rifles, antique guns - and they were always locked in the gun case. Never hanging on the wall (high or low.) Dad had the only key.

All that said, my 8 year old has a less than perfect understanding of the world. Later in the story nerf guns came out. Not saying your kid wasn't being truthful, but 2nd graders have been known to get things mixed up.

You don't have a relationship with the gun owner parent. I don't think this as an opener is going to lead to a productive conversation. Let the birthday party host parent know what happened. Your kid doesn't go over to either house again. 

 
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So your kid can't go to the friends house cause the neighbor kid is the problem?

To me I put the responsibility on the friends parents. Essentially tell them what happened and that you don't hold it against them but you expect them to not be allowed over to that kids house. 
This is the right answer. 

Just talk to the parents about what the neighbor kid said and what your son observed and gauge their reaction. 

There could be a very simple explanation to this--like the guns on the wall are antiques and Non-working. My in laws are non-gun people but they have two rifles mounted on the wall in their basement from my wife's grandpa from like WW1.

 
I'd discuss it with the friend's parents.  Like BL said, there's a chance your kid mixed up some important detail.  But, if it turns out there actually were unsecured (real) guns at the neighbor's house then I wouldn't let my kid go back there...even if the friend's parents say they won't let the kids go next door anymore.

 
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And, uncomfortable or not, someone has to have a conversation with the neighbor. I would hope it would be the friend's parents who know them, but if they don't want to, then you have to. For their child's sake and any other kids that may go over there. If it's serious enough for you to never let your kid even next door, then you don't just let it go.

As I said earlier, there's a very real chance the conversation won't go well, but there's very possibly some good that can come of it or a another explanation.

 
Hang on a second everybody.  What about the 8 year old's 2nd amendment right!!!  #MAGA

Agree with others, discuss with the friends parents first and get the full story.  Maybe the story is mixed up a bit (he is 8 and sometimes stories end up unintentionally different than reality). Having said that, if any of it is true and the guns are accessible keep him away from the friends house.  Can't trust others to keep your children safe if that is the mentality around them parts.

 
Wife and I are drafting a response.  I'll post it here once we finish. 

Somebody asked if we live in Mosul.  We live in OKC, so probably just as many guns.  Which is why we have the gun conversation twice a year since he turned 6.  We will probably enroll him in a gun safety class (9 or 10, maybe) just to be safe should he find himself in a situation.  I have several guns, but I'd prefer to have a professional show him, plus he doesn't know we have guns in the house and I'd like to continue that.

 
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Tough situation.  But in situations where you have to do an awkward thing, you have to put the safety of your kid ahead of the awkward thing. 

Guns are no joke.  Just letting the dad of your son's best friend know that the neighbors have guns in areas accessible by children might freak HIM out.  He may have no idea and might be more scared than you are (since it's right next door).  

If, on the off chance, the dad thinks it's no big deal, then you've got more difficult decisions to make.

 
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rascal said:
We will probably enroll him in a gun safety class (9 or 10, maybe) just to be safe should he find himself in a situation.  I have several guns, but I'd prefer to have a professional show him, plus he doesn't know we have guns in the house and I'd like to continue that.
I have guns in my house - one locked in a quick-access safe for protection, the rest locked away in a safe.  When my kids were around 6-8  y/o, I sat them down and showed them the guns, how they work and how to handle them safely.  I never wanted my kids to be uneducated about guns for fear that they would be at some other kids house who had a gun and they wouldn't know then how to be safe around guns.  I wanted my kids to know that if a friend showed them a gun, they knew it was dangerous, why it was dangerous, and weren't at all curious about it because they have seen/handled one already.

On your issue, I agree with telling the parents of the birthday boy about the incident and gauging their reaction before deciding whether or not it's safe to have your kid play at that house again.

 
Tough situation.  But in situations where you have to do an awkward thing, you have to put the safety of your kid ahead of the awkward thing. 

Guns are no joke.  Just letting the dad of your son's best friend know that the neighbors have guns in areas accessible by children might freak HIM out.  He may have no idea and might be more scared than you are (since it's right next door).  

If, on the off chance, the dad thinks it's no big deal, then you've got more difficult decisions to make.
This. If I found out my neighbor had guns accessible in their garage I'd be pretty upset. Neighbor kids go in each other's yards/garages/houses all the time. 

We have a girl next door that's in between my daughters' ages (6 and 8, neighbor girl is 7). She's a decent kid but definitely mischievous. 

She comes out of her garage with a short spade shovel and my girls have an ax and a rake. They were gonna play swords in the front yard. 

I about ####### lost it. :lmao:

 

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