What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

***Official*** Beto O'Rourke Thread (1 Viewer)

It's a nickname that he's gone by since he was a child.  Was he considering politics at 5 years old?    It's a really stupid argument.   Ted Cruz' real name is Rafael.   Are you equally offended by him trying to make himself appeal to white voters by going by Ted?
Except for the fact that he went by Robert throughout college. Let's be real here. What was a nickname, Beto, became the name he used legally only once it became useful in politics. Fake.

 
Look, there's no fathomable way the guy doesn't get my vote over Trump but I'm really hoping the Democratic nominee is someone else.

 
Except for the fact that he went by Robert throughout college. Let's be real here. What was a nickname, Beto, became the name he used legally only once it became useful in politics. Fake.
There are pictures of him as a tiny kid wearing a shirt with “Beto” on it. I read an article awhile back when he was running against Ted that said the local paper in El Paso researched it and found mixes of Beto and his legal name used throughout his life before politics.

Seems like there would be better issues to judge if he is genuine. 

 
There are pictures of him as a tiny kid wearing a shirt with “Beto” on it. I read an article awhile back when he was running against Ted that said the local paper in El Paso researched it and found mixes of Beto and his legal name used throughout his life before politics.

Seems like there would be better issues to judge if he is genuine. 
Of course there are. It's just one of many hints that the guy isn't very genuine. Other people here have said he comes off as fake and I agree. No one is disputing it was a nickname he had since youth. I wonder why he chose not to use it as his name until he got active in politics.

 
Except for the fact that he went by Robert throughout college. Let's be real here. What was a nickname, Beto, became the name he used legally only once it became useful in politics. Fake.
This is what happens when people read news from one source.   You repeat talking points instead of presenting facts.   It's a vapid and uninformed argument that was debunked a year ago.      

 
This is what happens when people read news from one source.   You repeat talking points instead of presenting facts.   It's a vapid and uninformed argument that was debunked a year ago.      
So you're saying he began using Beto as his actual name prior to running for office? He went by Robert, Beto was a nickname. And don't even get into taking news from one source. I'm not a Republican. And I literally just posted on the importance of informing oneself via multiple outlets on this forum yesterday. You're assuming I'm a conservative because I don't like Beto. And you're the one using talking points such as "this is what happens when people read news from one source".

 
So you're saying he began using Beto as his actual name prior to running for office? He went by Robert, Beto was a nickname. And don't even get into taking news from one source. I'm not a Republican. And I literally just posted on the importance of informing oneself via multiple outlets on this forum yesterday. You're assuming I'm a conservative because I don't like Beto. And you're the one using talking points such as "this is what happens when people read news from one source".
When he played in a punk band in 1993, the album cover listed him as "Beto O'Rourke."   Clearly, playing in a bad punk band and having his picture taken in a woman's dress for the cover was designed to further his political aspirations.  Yes, people with nicknames sometimes use their full name and sometimes use their nickname.  I imagine when he went to boarding school in Virginia, he probably went by Robert.  Seems pretty normal for a kid.

I'm not assuming you're conservative.  I'm sure you're uninformed and repeating a stupid talking point.   

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Of course there are. It's just one of many hints that the guy isn't very genuine. Other people here have said he comes off as fake and I agree. No one is disputing it was a nickname he had since youth. I wonder why he chose not to use it as his name until he got active in politics.
The article I read said there was records of him using the name Robert and Beto before he entered politics IIRC. 

I don't know a great deal about him other than people like him, he's a good campaigner, and his voting record is pretty moderate. Have watched a few of his speeches and some Q/A's and he's a skilled communicator. 

 
When he played in a punk band in 1993, the album cover listed him as "Beto O'Rourke."   Clearly, playing in a bad punk band and having his picture taken in a woman's dress for the cover was designed to further his political aspirations.  

I'm not assuming you're conservative.  I'm sure you're uninformed and repeating a stupid talking point.   
I'll make like a parrot and repeat myself for a 3rd (or is it 4th) time. I know Beto was a lifelong nickname. And I've seen the same picture in the article you just linked. I also know he didn't start going by it in everyday life until he ran for office. No one now or previously is claiming he made it up when he decided to enter politics. They're just connecting the obvious dots as to why he made the change from nickname to actual name.

You question my depth of knowledge, I question your common sense and reading comprehension.

 
I'll make like a parrot and repeat myself for a 3rd (or is it 4th) time. I know Beto was a lifelong nickname. And I've seen the same picture in the article you just linked. I also know he didn't start going by it in everyday life until he ran for office. No one now or previously is claiming he made it up when he decided to enter politics. They're just connecting the obvious dots as to why he made the change from nickname to actual name.

You question my depth of knowledge, I question your common sense and reading comprehension.
So you are now changing the narrative to "he didn't go by it every day" until he ran for office.  Guess what?  He still doesn't "go by it every day."   He signs some things Robert, other things Beto.  Want to try repeating your talking point again?  It's not going to be any better or any more informed.   

 
I'm sure when Richard Nixon went by **** it was to further his political aspirations.   This is just a sad, stupid attack.   Nearly the same as the Barack Hussein Obama thing.   

 
So you are now changing the narrative to "he didn't go by it every day" until he ran for office.  Guess what?  He still doesn't "go by it every day."   He signs some things Robert, other things Beto.  Want to try repeating your talking point again?  It's not going to be any better or any more informed.   
You clearly don't read and comprehend what others are saying. And my sources on everything I've stated here have been left-leaning. They like me have acknowledged he's had the nickname since childhood but went through college and beyond going by the name Robert in the professional sense. When he got into politics he began to professionally go by the name Beto. If you can't carry on a conversation without being disingenuous, there's no point carrying on with you.

 
Do you subscribe to San Antonio Express-News? (Incognito mode doesn't seem to be a viable workaround for me.)
Here's a good recap from Vox which is liberal leaning...

https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/3/7/17091094/beto-orourke-full-name-ted-cruz-controversy

It mentions how the nickname has been around since childhood. It also mentions how he went by Robert until he got into politics. And finally it exposes the phony that Ted Cruz is as well and how he did the exact opposite name tap dance for ironically the same reason.

 
Do you subscribe to San Antonio Express-News? (Incognito mode doesn't seem to be a viable workaround for me.)
Pretty dumb discussion honestly. If he went by Bob, Rob, Bobby, or Robby would this get brought up? Of course not. It's silly and meaningless but here's the article. If you can't see it, the article has a different than the normal Beto t-shirt photo that states it is from preschool. 

Beto O’Rourke seemingly put this non-issue to bed nearly six months ago.

With a country-flavored radio jingle in early March, Republican U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz had mocked O’Rourke, his Democratic opponent, as an Anglo who adopted a Hispanic-sounding nickname to pander to Latino voters.

“I remember reading stories,” the jingle proclaimed, “Liberal Robert wanted to fit in, so he changed his name to Beto and hid it with a grin.”

The underlying point was that Cruz’s challenger, born Robert Francis O’Rourke, was a phony; someone so driven by political ambition that he had appropriated a new identity to dupe Texas Latinos into believing he was one of them.

In fact, O’Rourke has never offered even the faintest suggestion that he’s a Latino. In a March interview with HBO host Bill Maher, the El Paso congressman, when asked about his heritage, said, “Pretty Irish.”

O’Rourke has stated that his family gave him the nickname when he was an infant. He also posted an Instagram photo of him as a preschooler, wearing a sweater with the name “Beto” on it.

That should have been enough to sweep the nickname absurdity into the overflowing dustbin of shameless political cynicism.

But Republicans refuse to let it go.

In recent weeks, I’ve been inundated with emails from Cruz supporters pushing this attack line. One emailer said that O’Rourke’s nickname had been “recently acquired for a specific political purpose.” Another wrote, “I believe he's trying to get people to think he’s part Hispanic because he feels this will help him.”

We’ve also seen the emergence of a conservative Facebook meme, in which a photo of O’Rourke is accompanied by the acronym SPAM (Someone Posing as Mexican).

The Republican Party of Texas has fed this narrative, repeatedly firing off snarky tweets that refer to O’Rourke as “Francis” or “Robert.” That’s the way they referred to him Wednesday in a tweetstorm designed to embarrass him for his history as a punk-rock musician and his two arrests (for trespass and drunk driving) in the 1990s.

As gotcha moments go, this was pretty inept. After all, O’Rourke routinely talks, with great enthusiasm, about his punk-rock roots. And only a day before those GOP tweets, O’Rourke penned a Houston Chronicle op-ed about criminal justice reform that began with him voluntarily recounting his arrests, even if he hasn’t been forthcoming about

Attacking O’Rourke for being a punk rocker and for committing a couple of mistakes in his twenties might make for dubious messaging, but at least it’s rooted in biographical fact. Trolling him over his nickname, however, is an act of pure, pathetic deceit.

If you’re not convinced by the childhood photo of the sweater-clad O’Rourke, consider the recollections of former journalist Gary Scharrer, who worked for the El Paso Times in the 1980s.

During that time, Scharrer covered O’Rourke’s father, Pat, who served from 1978-82 as a county commissioner and from 1982-86 as county judge. Scharrer remembers a young Beto O’Rourke, then around 8 or 9 years old, tagging along with his father.

“He was introduced to me as ‘Beto.’ I knew him as ‘Beto,’” Scharrer said. “It’s absurd for anyone to suggest that it (the name) is a fabrication.”

I suppose Republicans want us to believe that O’Rourke already was plotting in elementary school for a future Senate race in which he’d need the Latino vote. I guess the same was true in 1993, when the back cover of a record by his band Foss listed him as “Beto O’Rourke.”

And what about the June 1999 note in the business section of the El Paso Times, in which O’Rourke talks about his web-design company and is identified as “Beto”? That was six years before he launched his first political campaign, a 2005 race for El Paso City Council.

Truth be told, if there is a candidate in this race who adopted a nickname to win himself more popularity, it’s Ted Cruz.

While O’Rourke was given his nickname by his family, Cruz decided as a teenager to shed the name his family had given him. As Cruz recalled in his 2015 book, “A Time for Truth,” he had grown tired of being the outcast nerd and concluded that his name, Rafael (which tended to be turned into Felito), was holding him back. With his mom’s help, he settled on Ted, a nickname for Edward, his middle name.

By Cruz’s own account, his Cuban-born father hated the nickname so much he refused to call his son “Ted” for two years.

Ultimately, however, all this nickname stuff is meaningless.

If you disagree with O’Rourke’s commitment to Medicare for all, his support for criminal justice reform and his calls for the legalization of marijuana, you have a valid reason to vote against him.

But if you’re trying to justify that vote with some nonsense about him conjuring up a nickname to con the Latinos of this state, then you’re conning yourself.

 
I'll make like a parrot and repeat myself for a 3rd (or is it 4th) time. I know Beto was a lifelong nickname. And I've seen the same picture in the article you just linked. I also know he didn't start going by it in everyday life until he ran for office. No one now or previously is claiming he made it up when he decided to enter politics. They're just connecting the obvious dots as to why he made the change from nickname to actual name.

You question my depth of knowledge, I question your common sense and reading comprehension.
How about you call him Robert if Beto has you so thrown off your axis?  I give him credit for planning his political career at age 5.   Wow 

 
Like I said, I'll vote for the guy if he's the choice against Trump. I guess the sensitive ones here can't handle the guy being called phony. A label I'm far from the first, nor will be the last, to cast on him.

 
How about you call him Robert if Beto has you so thrown off your axis?  I give him credit for planning his political career at age 5.   Wow 
What was that about talking points? Some sensitive flowers in here. Get used to it. Dems are going to be sniping at each other for at least another year before hopefully uniting against Trump. I'll do my best to remember this and not get too defensive when someone says something not so nice about Klobuchar.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Here's a good recap from Vox which is liberal leaning...

https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/3/7/17091094/beto-orourke-full-name-ted-cruz-controversy

It mentions how the nickname has been around since childhood. It also mentions how he went by Robert until he got into politics. And finally it exposes the phony that Ted Cruz is as well and how he did the exact opposite name tap dance for ironically the same reason.
Thanks for the link. Other than the quote from Ted Cruz's jingle ad (which I do not consider to be a reliable factual source), I don't see anything in the article suggesting that "he went by Robert until he got into politics." If I'm missing the relevant passage, which is quite possible, can you quote it here?

 
Like I said, I'll vote for the guy if he's the choice against Trump. I guess the sensitive ones here can't handle the guy being called phony. A label I'm far from the first, nor will be the last, to cast on him.
That's what happens when you repeat talking points.  Misstating facts with no support and claiming it's truth doesn't help you sound like a reasonable person.

 
Thanks for the link. Other than the quote from Ted Cruz's jingle ad (which I do not consider to be a reliable factual source), I don't see anything in the article suggesting that "he went by Robert until he got into politics." If I'm missing the relevant passage, which is quite possible, can you quote it here?
Of course, given that Vox didn't dispute this...

Roe went on to say that O’Rourke penned college papers as Robert and rowed crew under his birth name as well
Nor did they offer evidence opposite to the contrary that he signed legal documents as Robert prior to political office and began signing as Beto on his congressional letters after as shown by the two visuals in the article.

The article takes it as far as I do. They factually state that it was a nickname since childhood that became more than just a nickname and became his everyday "go by professionally" name when he ran for office.

Is it petty and small. YES. We all conclude things about people. I've concluded that he used the nickname to gain favor with Mexican constituents and I personally find him phony for that reason and others. Others won't hold it against him and that's perfectly fine. I'm not here trying to use loose evidence to have the man thrown in jail. I'm using loose evidence to conclude he's not genuine. And I've even stated I'll vote for him if he's the nominee. If others here like fish and JuniorNB are going to be this sensitive about one person using a flippant reason to not like a candidate, this is going to be a long year.

 
That's what happens when you repeat talking points.  Misstating facts with no support and claiming it's truth doesn't help you sound like a reasonable person.
Calling someone phony is an opinion not stating facts. Please re-evaluate and be better.

 
Calling someone phony is an opinion not stating facts. Please re-evaluate and be better.
Your positions have no substance and are based on misstatements of fact.   I have no reason to engage with you further.   Vote for people because you don't like their name or the way they dress if you wish.  That's your prerogative.   But when all you have are repetitions of talking points from the Cruz campaign, I don't need to consider your points as serious in any way, whether you try to style them as opinion or fact. However, I'll happily argue to anyone interested in O'Rourke as a candidate that nobody should take the opinion of someone making this argument about his name seriously.   It discredits anything else you have to say.   

 
Of course, given that Vox didn't dispute this...

Roe went on to say that O’Rourke penned college papers as Robert and rowed crew under his birth name as well
Nor did they offer evidence opposite to the contrary that he signed legal documents as Robert prior to political office and began signing as Beto on his congressional letters after as shown by the two visuals in the article.
Thanks. I saw that part, but I don't think it supports the statement that "he went by Robert until he got into politics." Plenty of people go by their nicknames in casual situations but use the name on their driver's license for more formal matters. There are people who normally go by "Tim" even though they use "Timothy" for official term papers, etc. That's not weird.

The article takes it as far as I do. They factually state that it was a nickname since childhood that became more than just a nickname and became his everyday "go by professionally" name when he ran for office.
I hate to ask you for another quote, but I don't see anything in the Vox article that makes any kind of distinction between before and after running for office. It seems like everything in the article is consistent with the idea that he's used both Beto and Robert for different kinds of things both before and after getting into politics.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I’m not a particular fan of Beto, but it seems to me like this argument part of a continual theme by conservatives: he’s not a real Latino. AOC lives in a luxury apartment. Obama sent his kids to private schools. Rosie O Donnell uses bodyguards with guns. Al Gore flew on a private jet. 

 They even had a derogatory term for it back in the 60s: “limousine liberal”. The inference is they’re fake. They don’t mean it. They talk about the poor, the minorities, but they don’t live like them. 

 
Thanks. I saw that part, but I don't think it supports the statement that "he went by Robert until he got into politics." Plenty of people go by their nicknames in casual situations but use the name on their driver's license for more formal matters. There are people who go by "Tim" even though they use "Timothy" for official term papers, etc. That's not weird.

I hate to ask you for another quote, but I don't see anything in the Vox article that makes any kind of distinction between before and after running for office. It seems like everything in the article is consistent with the idea that he's used both Beto and Robert for different kinds of things both before and after getting into politics.
That's been the hard part in all of this. It's mostly reading between the lines. Like I said, my reason for thinking he's phony is flippant. I took the part about going as Robert on the row team as that's what his teammates referred to him as. That could be way off base. I also took the quote about the nickname coming in handy when he ran for his first office to mean he hadn't used it professionally prior. Vox didn't challenge the assertion. Again that conclusion I made could be wrong. But this is from a liberal source. If he had gone by Beto as his daily name and more than just a nickname in college and professionally prior to seeking office, I would expect them to have offered evidence. They didn't though. They clearly showed it was a near lifelong nickname. But they never showed anything to dispute the notion that he went full-on Beto when it was politically convenient. Which again is no crime. Just phony to me.

 
I’m not a particular fan of Beto, but it seems to me like this argument part of a continual theme by conservatives: he’s not a real Latino. AOC lives in a luxury apartment. Obama sent his kids to private schools. Rosie O Donnell uses bodyguards with guns. Al Gore flew on a private jet. 

 They even had a derogatory term for it back in the 60s: “limousine liberal”. The inference is they’re fake. They don’t mean it. They talk about the poor, the minorities, but they don’t live like them. 
This stuff is not mutually exclusive to one party or the other. Both sides use petty nonsense like this. Both sides go in the gutter. I'm owing up to my own shallow reason for not liking Robert.

Btw, I believe you called him a phony yourself. I could be mistaken. 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
This stuff is not mutually exclusive to one party or the other. Both sides use petty nonsense like this. Both sides go in the gutter. I'm owing up to my own shallow reason for not liking Robert.

Btw, I believe you called him a phony yourself. I could be mistaken. 
I said his way of talking when he gives speeches sounds fake. I’m not especially a fan, though I agree with him a lot. I don’t care about the Beto stuff. 

 
I said his way of talking when he gives speeches sounds fake. I’m not especially a fan, though I agree with him a lot. I don’t care about the Beto stuff. 
Yep, I know. I guess just be glad your opinion of his way of talking didn't turn into a bombardment of your political leanings or depth of knowledge. You should also be thankful that your viewpoints are well known. I get to look forward to every time I criticize a Democrat being called a Trumper by the lynch mob.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I said his way of talking when he gives speeches sounds fake. I’m not especially a fan, though I agree with him a lot. I don’t care about the Beto stuff. 
I assume that his speechwriters are versed in neuro-linguistic programming, as Obama's were.  It creates an odd, affected speech pattern when you're first learning it.  

 
I assume that his speechwriters are versed in neuro-linguistic programming, as Obama's were.  It creates an odd, affected speech pattern when you're first learning it.  
Lol, nothing fake-sounding about that sentence.

I kid. Sorry couldn't help myself.

 
Yep, I know. I guess just be glad your opinion of his way of talking didn't turn into a bombardment of your political leanings or depth of knowledge. You should also be thankful that you're viewpoints are well known. I get to look forward to every time I criticize a Democrat being called a Trumper by the lynch mob.
Well...it’s tough right now for a lot of people to criticize Democrats. Many really are worthy of criticism, but Trump is so awful that you feel like you’re letting down the side. The Democrats stand up to Trump (the only ones that do) so that makes you want to stay loyal to them. 

 It will be a lot easier for independent voices again once Trump is gone. 

 
From what I have listened to this guy is the most dynamic, engaging speaker the Dems have. I don't see where people are getting this phony vibe. 

If he runs, seems pretty obvious he well, he's definitely a big boost to the primary process.  

 
Lol, nothing fake-sounding about that sentence.

I kid. Sorry couldn't help myself.
It's also extremely effective once the  speaker can stop drawing attention to it.   One of the top trial lawyers in the country teaches classes on how to use NLP to influence juries.   I'd have to know who his speechwriters are or read a few transcripts, but I wouldn't be surprised if some of the "phony" quality that Tim is hearing is someone learning a specific type of speech that is meant to influence people on a subconscious level.   When it's done poorly, it makes you feel sort of uncomfortable, like there's something wrong with the way they're speaking but you just can't put your finger on it.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
It's also extremely effective once the  speaker can stop drawing attention to it.   One of the top trial lawyers in the country teaches classes on how to use NLP to influence juries.   I'd have to know who his speechwriters are or read a few transcripts, but I wouldn't be surprised if some of the "phony" quality that Tim is hearing is someone learning a specific type of speech that is meant to influence people on a subconscious level.   When it's done poorly, it makes you feel sort of uncomfortable, like there's something wrong with the way they're speaking but you just can't put your finger on it.
That is EXACTLY how I feel listening to him. Interesting.

 
Then again, in addition to Tim's worship of Hillary and Ayn Rand, I just learned he likes In n Out fries.  I don't think his judgment can be trusted.

 
I took the part about going as Robert on the row team as that's what his teammates referred to him as.
You read that differently from how I did. To me, it doesn't sound like it's saying anything about what his teammates called him. I figure it's more about how he's listed in the program.

I also took the quote about the nickname coming in handy when he ran for his first office to mean he hadn't used it professionally prior.
I don't make that same inference. If you have a simple name like "Todd" (as opposed to "Maurile"), that comes in handy when the Starbucks barista asks for your name, but that doesn't mean that you don't use "Todd" in other settings as well.

If he had gone by Beto as his daily name and more than just a nickname in college and professionally prior to seeking office, I would expect them to have offered evidence.
It doesn't seem like the author of the Vox article interviewed his college friends, so I'm not sure what kind of evidence he's supposed to offer.

I'm sure there are plenty of legitimate things to criticize O'Rourke for. But the name thing really does seem like Barrack Hussein Obama to me.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
You read that differently from how I did. To me, it doesn't sound like it's saying anything about what his teammates called him. I figure it's more about how he's listed in the program.

I don't make that same inference. If you have a simple name like "Todd" (as opposed to "Maurile"), that comes in handy when the Starbucks barista asks for your name, but that doesn't mean that you don't use "Todd" in other settings as well.

It doesn't seem like the author of the Vox article interviewed his college friends, so I'm not sure what kind of evidence he's supposed to offer.

I'm sure there are plenty of legitimate things to criticize O'Rourke for. But the name thing really does seem like Barrack Hussein Obama to me.
Or Rafael "Felito" Edward Cruz, who was actually born in Canada and goes by Ted.   Who cares what his name is (or why he needs so many names)--can't we just focus on the fact that he's the Zodiac killer?

 
From what I have listened to this guy is the most dynamic, engaging speaker the Dems have. I don't see where people are getting this phony vibe. 

If he runs, seems pretty obvious he well, he's definitely a big boost to the primary process.  
it's called a reach. When you have absolutely nothing else and someone seems too good to be true, just say that they're phony. 

 
-fish- said:
Or Rafael "Felito" Edward Cruz, who was actually born in Canada and goes by Ted.   Who cares what his name is (or why he needs so many names)--can't we just focus on the fact that he's the Zodiac killer?
You answered your own question. All serial killers have multiple names. It's a job requirement.

 
You answered your own question. All serial killers have multiple names. It's a job requirement.
As do most people and someone like film producer David Selzick, who was not given a middle name at birth, is the exception (he did add a middle initial "O" at some point in his life, however nobody knows what it stood for). Jeffrey Dahmer had a middle name, Lionel, but I don't recall him ever referred to in print or on the news as Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
This sounds like something @Otis or @MrsOtis  would have expert opinions on:

So the Cut convened to discuss whether Beto is A) calf-crampingly attractive, B) an average-looking man who happens to be tall, or C) totally kind of hot.

Stella Bugbee, editor-in-chief: Is Beto attractive? Some of the men in the greater New York Magazine orbit have pointedly “suggested” that the Cut weigh in on the matter. Anecdotally, I gather there seems to be some debate?

Anna Silman, senior culture writer: He is hot for sure.

Hayley Schueneman, beauty writer: Sorry, Anna. That’s wrong. “Floppy” is the adjective I would use to best describe him.

Izzy: I have spent my entire life being attracted to skinny indie rock guys and it’s really weird to see one run for president. I can’t tell if I’m horny for him or just horny for the opportunity to make Fugazi jokes in the year 2019.

Sarah Spellings, fashion news writer: He’d look better if he dyed his hair darker. But he’s hot.

Izzy: See, I find the desire for political power sexually off-putting in the exact same way that I find having been in an El Paso punk band to be sexually appealing, which I think is why Beto has me all scrambled.

Anna: Oh, interesting! I like the blind confidence and authoritativeness of a man in politics. Love a man with a plan. Even if that plan is completely stupid and misguided.

Hayley: Yeah, but I don’t get that vibe from Beto. He feels like he got swept up in something bigger than himself and he’s just riding it out. Not hot.

Kathleen Hou, beauty director: Beto is only attractive to me in a former-athlete-who-rowed-crew kind of way.

Izzy: Well, that’s the other thing. Rowers are tall. Maybe he’s just … tall …?

Aude White, publicist: Men-who-aren’t-attractive-but-are-so-tall-they’re-misconstrued-as-attractive is a real thing.

Allison Davis, feature writer: For me, Beto’s attractiveness is in the details — I weirdly like his extremely long teeth and he has nice feet, as evidenced in that Vanity Fair spread. I zoomed in on his bare feet and sent the picture to friends and said “Beto has nice, smooth feet.”

Stella: Allison. Why didn’t I get that text?

Hayley: He gives me, like, your friend’s weird dad vibes. Like he was the goofy one who would poke his head into your middle-school hangout and say, “You girls having fun?” and you’re like, “Ugh, yes, we are, Mr. O’Rourke.”

Kelly Conaboy, writer-at-large: It’s extremely unattractive how he misinterpreted our desire for him to win his election as a desire for him to try to be president.

Izzy: Yes! I feel like I’ve had an entire one-sided relationship with him over the past eight or nine months. I had such a crush on him, I donated to his campaign, he lost and I was sad … and then after he announced he was running, his campaign texted to ask me to donate again, and I found myself irrationally grossed out.

Hayley: Izzy, he’s the ex you believed in once who wants a second chance.

Kelly: Let it go, man … we don’t like you like that.

Anna: Since we’re opening up, I have to confess I also thought Mitt Romney was kinda hot.

Sarah: OMG me too Anna!

Izzy Grinspan: Wait, really? His favorite meat is hot dog.

Anna: No shame in that.

Sarah: I also thought Paul Ryan was hot in 2012.

Hayley: Paul Ryan was kind of hot to me, too, and I hate myself for it.

Anna: Who was that other guy from Utah running for president? Jon Huntsman. Wasn’t he also kind of hot?

Hayley: Anna, you should do a “Totally Kind of Hot Politician Edition” all by yourself.

Anna: To All The Politicians I Have Loved Before. Netflix, please contact me.

[Cut staffer who insisted on having her name redacted]: I can understand the Mitt appeal, sadly. A completely incompetent and stupid tall man — there is something endearing about that.

Anna: Use your name, you coward!

[Redacted]: I will not go on the record about thinking Mitt Romney could be hot, I’m sorry … this could ruin me. I need to protect the integrity of my mind palace.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top