Anyone here ever quit drinking without AA? (1 Viewer)

[Northern Voice]

I agree with everything you just said and I don't think I said anything contradictory. I did not assert that everyone can do it on willpower alone. My point is that Step 1 of AA requires you to admit you are powerless over alcohol which in most all cases isn't true. That's the fallacy. I'd argue the an alcoholic is better off and has a better chance for success if he is empowered.

?

Whether you give yourself to AA/God or not, it's still will power that determines whether you will drink or not, isn't it... You want to drink, do you have the will not to? You can convince yourself a mystical being or support group is what's giving you the will, but it still comes down to that will.

Hi, not sure if your post is directed at me or johnnycakes. But, I agree with you. Willpower seems to contradict the first step in AA and that's what I have a problem with.

I also agree with johnny that most can't do it with willpower alone and there are a lot of other tools to empower the alcoholic, many have been suggested in this thread. One of the best tools is a support group. I think that's the major reason for AA's success. AA provides a support group for people who have sometimes already lost a much better support groups in friends and family because of their problem.

Yeah, I don't mean to slight the value that AA, therapy, religion, peer groups, etc... can have, as you and others have said, they can help empower, support, discuss, relate, it just seems that no matter which of the many options available you use to help, it will still ultimately come down to your will to drink/not drink.

 

[jwb]

Whatever it is, make sure it is more than just removing yourself from everything and everyone you like. That's just not the way to go about it, and screams relapse over and over.

.

I agree with this, but I'm not trying to completely quit, only cut way back. No way am I giving up my friends. They have been too good of friends for too long. They would completely understand that I am cutting back and not getting "drunk".

I also live in a very small town. It's not like I can just drop this group of friends and start up with another. Plus I got all the fun friends in my divorce.

Truthfully, one need not say anything, or make any kind of announcement or whatever. Just drink less. Most people won't even notice (because truthfully, most people don't think about / care how much others drink.)

 

[tonydead]

I agree with everything you just said and I don't think I said anything contradictory. I did not assert that everyone can do it on willpower alone. My point is that Step 1 of AA requires you to admit you are powerless over alcohol which in most all cases isn't true. That's the fallacy. I'd argue the an alcoholic is better off and has a better chance for success if he is empowered.

?

Whether you give yourself to AA/God or not, it's still will power that determines whether you will drink or not, isn't it... You want to drink, do you have the will not to? You can convince yourself a mystical being or support group is what's giving you the will, but it still comes down to that will.

Hi, not sure if your post is directed at me or johnnycakes. But, I agree with you. Willpower seems to contradict the first step in AA and that's what I have a problem with.

I also agree with johnny that most can't do it with willpower alone and there are a lot of other tools to empower the alcoholic, many have been suggested in this thread. One of the best tools is a support group. I think that's the major reason for AA's success. AA provides a support group for people who have sometimes already lost a much better support groups in friends and family because of their problem.

Yeah, I don't mean to slight the value that AA, therapy, religion, peer groups, etc... can have, as you and others have said, they can help empower, support, discuss, relate, it just seems that no matter which of the many options available you use to help, it will still ultimately come down to your will to drink/not drink.

A mighty god is a living man.

 

[tonydead]

Whatever it is, make sure it is more than just removing yourself from everything and everyone you like. That's just not the way to go about it, and screams relapse over and over.

.

I agree with this, but I'm not trying to completely quit, only cut way back. No way am I giving up my friends. They have been too good of friends for too long. They would completely understand that I am cutting back and not getting "drunk".

I also live in a very small town. It's not like I can just drop this group of friends and start up with another. Plus I got all the fun friends in my divorce.

Truthfully, one need not say anything, or make any kind of announcement or whatever. Just drink less. Most people won't even notice (because truthfully, most people don't think about / care how much others drink.)

Agree. A lot of people and groups will preach abstinence, but I believe it's as equally possible to go from alcoholic to social drinker as it is from alcoholic to sober. Maybe even easier.

 

[johnnycakes]

Whatever it is, make sure it is more than just removing yourself from everything and everyone you like. That's just not the way to go about it, and screams relapse over and over.

.

I agree with this, but I'm not trying to completely quit, only cut way back. No way am I giving up my friends. They have been too good of friends for too long. They would completely understand that I am cutting back and not getting "drunk".

I also live in a very small town. It's not like I can just drop this group of friends and start up with another. Plus I got all the fun friends in my divorce.

Truthfully, one need not say anything, or make any kind of announcement or whatever. Just drink less. Most people won't even notice (because truthfully, most people don't think about / care how much others drink.)

Agree. A lot of people and groups will preach abstinence, but I believe it's as equally possible to go from alcoholic to social drinker as it is from alcoholic to sober. Maybe even easier.

Once a pickle... never a cucumber again.

 

[tonydead]

Whatever it is, make sure it is more than just removing yourself from everything and everyone you like. That's just not the way to go about it, and screams relapse over and over.

.

I agree with this, but I'm not trying to completely quit, only cut way back. No way am I giving up my friends. They have been too good of friends for too long. They would completely understand that I am cutting back and not getting "drunk".

I also live in a very small town. It's not like I can just drop this group of friends and start up with another. Plus I got all the fun friends in my divorce.

Truthfully, one need not say anything, or make any kind of announcement or whatever. Just drink less. Most people won't even notice (because truthfully, most people don't think about / care how much others drink.)

Agree. A lot of people and groups will preach abstinence, but I believe it's as equally possible to go from alcoholic to social drinker as it is from alcoholic to sober. Maybe even easier.

Once a pickle... never a cucumber again.

Another fallacy.

 

[johnnycakes]

Whatever it is, make sure it is more than just removing yourself from everything and everyone you like. That's just not the way to go about it, and screams relapse over and over.

.

I agree with this, but I'm not trying to completely quit, only cut way back. No way am I giving up my friends. They have been too good of friends for too long. They would completely understand that I am cutting back and not getting "drunk".

I also live in a very small town. It's not like I can just drop this group of friends and start up with another. Plus I got all the fun friends in my divorce.

Truthfully, one need not say anything, or make any kind of announcement or whatever. Just drink less. Most people won't even notice (because truthfully, most people don't think about / care how much others drink.)

Agree. A lot of people and groups will preach abstinence, but I believe it's as equally possible to go from alcoholic to social drinker as it is from alcoholic to sober. Maybe even easier.

Once a pickle... never a cucumber again.

Another fallacy.

Cliches are cliches for a reason. Usually because they're true.

ETA: I am talking about real alcoholics here... not heavy drinkers or anyone who would not be classified as an alcoholic.

 

[tonydead]

Whatever it is, make sure it is more than just removing yourself from everything and everyone you like. That's just not the way to go about it, and screams relapse over and over.

.

I agree with this, but I'm not trying to completely quit, only cut way back. No way am I giving up my friends. They have been too good of friends for too long. They would completely understand that I am cutting back and not getting "drunk".

I also live in a very small town. It's not like I can just drop this group of friends and start up with another. Plus I got all the fun friends in my divorce.

Truthfully, one need not say anything, or make any kind of announcement or whatever. Just drink less. Most people won't even notice (because truthfully, most people don't think about / care how much others drink.)

Agree. A lot of people and groups will preach abstinence, but I believe it's as equally possible to go from alcoholic to social drinker as it is from alcoholic to sober. Maybe even easier.

Once a pickle... never a cucumber again.

Another fallacy.

Cliches are cliches for a reason. Usually because they're true.

ETA: I am talking about real alcoholics here... not heavy drinkers or anyone who would not be classified as an alcoholic.

Is it a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue. A cliche that uses the word "never" by definition can't be true.

This is why I wont go out of my way to advocate AA to anyone. The book is full of untruths and people like you who claim that AA isn't the only way really don't believe that.

 

[Brownsfan]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

 

[glumpy]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

I think this is as accurate an appraisal as I've heard.

 

[Thorn]

Hey guys. Thanks for all of the kind words and advice. Yes, I definitely need a hobby for sure. I’m going to try to work out more, but I don’t think that’s enough. I’ve tried guitar in the past and I frankly wasn’t very good. I know what I want to do – it’s something that isn’t dependent upon season or weather or time of day. I want to become a decent cook. We make basic foods at the house. I want to be able to make my own hummus or guacamole dip. I want to make a pistachio encrusted salmon, the kind you’d eat in a restaurant and go WOW. I know there’s a crock pot thread here and I’ve gotten great stuff from there. Is there a general cooking thread with recipes and pointers/tips?

My family and friends will definitely support me, but I'm going to try to play it nonchalantly and not say "I had a major problem - need to quit". More like explain it as a lifestyle change. Those closest to me will know but not say anything to make me feel uncomfortable. I am looking forward to being the DD after years of needing one!

FFA cookbook

 

[jwb]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

Indeed. This is often the fallacy of many who have opinions on this. We're clearly not all the same.

I know, without any doubt, that I handle alcohol differently than, say, my two brother in laws do. They are full blown alcoholics, who, once started, cannot stop until they are plastered. While I have gotten plastered many a time, it was never because I couldn't help it. I've mentioned in this thread that I've cut way down on drinking because I don't like that buzzed feeling at night, and can't sleep. But I'm perfectly ok going from "heavy buzz every weekend" to having two or three beers then moving onto something else non-alcoholic. Doesn't bother me in the least - my two BIL's cannot do that.

 

[tonydead]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

Maybe, but, they sure are quick with their cliches as soon as you suggest that AA might not be the only way. IMO that's being destructive and dishonest to anyone that is looking for help.

 

[tonydead]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

Indeed. This is often the fallacy of many who have opinions on this. We're clearly not all the same.

I know, without any doubt, that I handle alcohol differently than, say, my two brother in laws do. They are full blown alcoholics, who, once started, cannot stop until they are plastered. While I have gotten plastered many a time, it was never because I couldn't help it. I've mentioned in this thread that I've cut way down on drinking because I don't like that buzzed feeling at night, and can't sleep. But I'm perfectly ok going from "heavy buzz every weekend" to having two or three beers then moving onto something else non-alcoholic. Doesn't bother me in the least - my two BIL's cannot do that.

It would be an interesting experiment to offer one of your brother in laws a million dollars if they could have just one drink and stop. Are you saying they wouldn't be able to do it? (i'm assuming they value money and aren't already filthy rich)

 

[Plorfu]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

Indeed. This is often the fallacy of many who have opinions on this. We're clearly not all the same.

I know, without any doubt, that I handle alcohol differently than, say, my two brother in laws do. They are full blown alcoholics, who, once started, cannot stop until they are plastered. While I have gotten plastered many a time, it was never because I couldn't help it. I've mentioned in this thread that I've cut way down on drinking because I don't like that buzzed feeling at night, and can't sleep. But I'm perfectly ok going from "heavy buzz every weekend" to having two or three beers then moving onto something else non-alcoholic. Doesn't bother me in the least - my two BIL's cannot do that.

It would be an interesting experiment to offer one of your brother in laws a million dollars if they could have just one drink and stop. Are you saying they wouldn't be able to do it? (i'm assuming they value money and aren't already filthy rich)

This is a good question because it's a relevant hypothetical that happens in everyday life.

 

[Pumpnick]

If you drink ALOT, quitting cold turkey is very dangerous and sometimes deadly

 

[tonydead]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

Indeed. This is often the fallacy of many who have opinions on this. We're clearly not all the same.

I know, without any doubt, that I handle alcohol differently than, say, my two brother in laws do. They are full blown alcoholics, who, once started, cannot stop until they are plastered. While I have gotten plastered many a time, it was never because I couldn't help it. I've mentioned in this thread that I've cut way down on drinking because I don't like that buzzed feeling at night, and can't sleep. But I'm perfectly ok going from "heavy buzz every weekend" to having two or three beers then moving onto something else non-alcoholic. Doesn't bother me in the least - my two BIL's cannot do that.

It would be an interesting experiment to offer one of your brother in laws a million dollars if they could have just one drink and stop. Are you saying they wouldn't be able to do it? (i'm assuming they value money and aren't already filthy rich)

This is a good question because it's a relevant hypothetical that happens in everyday life.

It's relevant because it helps define "cannot stop". A lot of people use "cannot stop" when the really mean "don't want to stop".

It's also good as a hypothetical because it points out that apparent large and immediate gratification changes the thought process of an alcoholic as compared to long term consequences.

 

[Hoss Style]

I'm late to the thread, so forgive me if this has been mentioned -

BE CAREFUL for the first few days after you quit! I don't know how heavy you were drinking, but I'd keep people around you to watch your condition. My brother, unfortunately, is an alcoholic. He had about the same amount of drink every day, for 6 years.

He had a daughter, and she came of an age where he feared she might start to remember her dad as a drunk, so he quit cold turkey one night.

He had a severe seizure. He went to the hospital and they told him he almost died because of the way he quit. If you do attempt to stop drinking completely, then I'd visit a doctor before hand to let him know what you're doing, and to see if he has any advice. Be honest with him in every way. Keep family or friends around at all times soon after quitting.

My brother didn't, and it almost cost him his life.

Good luck, and I wish you the best.

 

[cstu]

So I’m pretty sure I have a problem. I love beer so much but I don’t have an off switch. I also find myself not being able to wait to leave a non-alcohol situation so I can start drinking. Too many blackouts recently, which as you know are totally scary. Waking up the next day and not being able to remember what you said or did is a horror. Cringing as you hear the “funny” stories is getting old. I have been dry since Sunday and am hoping to keep it going. I’ve tried numerous times in the past to “cut down” or “moderate” but it doesn’t work. I find myself drinking too much and telling myself it’s ok because I work hard, have a stressful job, juggle wife/kids/house/etc and that I earned/deserve it. I am not against AA and know many people who have had their lives saved by it, but I just don’t think it’s for me. I think I can accept the fact that I am powerless over alcohol but quit on my own terms by myself. Anyone else ever done this or am I deluding myself?

I’ve always loved the Sinatra line “I feel bad for those who don’t drink, when they wake up in the morning that’s the best they’ll feel all day”. Now I’ll be one of those guys. I’m sure family and friend social pressures will be tough but I think I can do this.

The fact that you can admit this is huge. AA isn't necessary but it does help to have people supporting you (which is sounds like you do with your family).

 

[cstu]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

Maybe, but, they sure are quick with their cliches as soon as you suggest that AA might not be the only way. IMO that's being destructive and dishonest to anyone that is looking for help.

Personally I would avoid AA unless there was no way I could stop without it.

 

[johnnycakes]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

Maybe, but, they sure are quick with their cliches as soon as you suggest that AA might not be the only way. IMO that's being destructive and dishonest to anyone that is looking for help.

No one who has been sober a while (say >10 years) will say that AA is the only way. I never would, and I haven't made any such suggestion here. That said, I was unable to stop without AA, and I am an agnostic, so I also had to deal with the whole "God" issue.

 

[tonydead]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

Maybe, but, they sure are quick with their cliches as soon as you suggest that AA might not be the only way. IMO that's being destructive and dishonest to anyone that is looking for help.

No one who has been sober a while (say >10 years) will say that AA is the only way. I never would, and I haven't made any such suggestion here. That said, I was unable to stop without AA, and I am an agnostic, so I also had to deal with the whole "God" issue.

You've provided cliches about being powerless over alcohol and another about how you need to be abstinent, all in response to suggestions otherwise. What are you saying? That there may be other ways as long as they fall in line with your AA beliefs?

Congratulations on your sobriety.

 

[johnnycakes]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

Maybe, but, they sure are quick with their cliches as soon as you suggest that AA might not be the only way. IMO that's being destructive and dishonest to anyone that is looking for help.

No one who has been sober a while (say >10 years) will say that AA is the only way. I never would, and I haven't made any such suggestion here. That said, I was unable to stop without AA, and I am an agnostic, so I also had to deal with the whole "God" issue.

You've provided cliches about being powerless over alcohol and another about how you need to be abstinent, all in response to suggestions otherwise. What are you saying? That there may be other ways as long as they fall in line with your AA beliefs? Congratulations on your sobriety.

No, I have argued against other "global" statements, like "all you need is willpower". Yes, I have used many things I have heard in AA because all that helped me.

And yes, after I have had that first drink ( that means first drink, not only first drink today), I AM powerless over alcohol. Nope, no one holds me down and pours it down my throat, but the discomfort of staying sober via willpower for me is about as helpful as saying, "no, I won't poop my pants" after taking the dozen ex-lax and being denied a rest room.

 

[Ilov80s]

If AA works for someone, it is a good thing. All this arguing seems counter productive to the goal of the thread.

 

[johnnycakes]

If AA works for someone, it is a good thing. All this arguing seems counter productive to the goal of the thread.

Agreed. But I think it is even more harmful to let statement like, "all you need is willpower" to go unchallenged. That can seriously hurt people. I'd rather look like an idiot.

 

[Ilov80s]

If AA works for someone, it is a good thing. All this arguing seems counter productive to the goal of the thread.

Agreed. But I think it is even more harmful to let statement like, "all you need is willpower" to go unchallenged. That can seriously hurt people. I'd rather look like an idiot.

Fair. Hopefully anyone with any bit of sense knows that not everyone needs the same things.

 

[TheWalkmen]

As I posted earlier in the thread, I have not drank in over a year now. I will summarize some of the highlights of my situation and maybe you or someone else can take something from it.

I loved beer. Good craft beers. I long knew I had a bit of a problem. I would take beer to bed with me and drink before bed to help me fall asleep; as you described, I would be anxious to get from non-drinking situations to drinking ones, etc. I am an anxious person, and drinking and anxiety were a vicious cycle. I would be anxious, so much so that I could feel it in my chest, so drinking would be a short term solution. Then when I would wake up the next day, the anxiety would be back and be worse - hence the cycle.

A book called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" was a book I read a month before quitting that changed my life. I read it front to back a couple times within a few weeks and really absorbed it. It helped tremendously on my outlook on life and my anxiousness. I think I drank to cover up other pain in life as well (death of my mother, ####ty day at work, etc), instead of dealing with my problems head on. Drinking was a way to put off problems. Additionally, I also really didn't like myself. So I read a different book simply called "Self Esteem" that really helped me to like myself a bit better. I think those were the foundation to help get me through the quitting and life style change.

The hardest part for me was the first few weekends of not drinking. I was like WTF, I've come home and had a beer on a Friday every week for 10 years since college. I don't have great advice on getting through that. It's ####### hard. I drank n/a beer and still do and that helped a bit. I still enjoy the taste of beer and love the fact that it doesn't have an effect on me. After a few weeks of coming home and not drinking, either during the week or on the weekend, it starts to become routine. Social situations (work functions, sporting events with buddies) really had me worried. Just ordering a diet coke or tonic water with a lime made it looking like I was drinking and it was no big deal.

Those are some of the highlights for me, hopefully I didn't ramble too much.

 

[tonydead]

If AA works for someone, it is a good thing. All this arguing seems counter productive to the goal of the thread.

Agreed. But I think it is even more harmful to let statement like, "all you need is willpower" to go unchallenged. That can seriously hurt people. I'd rather look like an idiot.

Funny because no one ever said that.

But, now I'm curious how is "all you need is willpower" worse than "I'm powerless" exactly?

 

[tonydead]

As I posted earlier in the thread, I have not drank in over a year now. I will summarize some of the highlights of my situation and maybe you or someone else can take something from it.

I loved beer. Good craft beers. I long knew I had a bit of a problem. I would take beer to bed with me and drink before bed to help me fall asleep; as you described, I would be anxious to get from non-drinking situations to drinking ones, etc. I am an anxious person, and drinking and anxiety were a vicious cycle. I would be anxious, so much so that I could feel it in my chest, so drinking would be a short term solution. Then when I would wake up the next day, the anxiety would be back and be worse - hence the cycle.

A book called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" was a book I read a month before quitting that changed my life. I read it front to back a couple times within a few weeks and really absorbed it. It helped tremendously on my outlook on life and my anxiousness. I think I drank to cover up other pain in life as well (death of my mother, ####ty day at work, etc), instead of dealing with my problems head on. Drinking was a way to put off problems. Additionally, I also really didn't like myself. So I read a different book simply called "Self Esteem" that really helped me to like myself a bit better. I think those were the foundation to help get me through the quitting and life style change.

The hardest part for me was the first few weekends of not drinking. I was like WTF, I've come home and had a beer on a Friday every week for 10 years since college. I don't have great advice on getting through that. It's ####### hard. I drank n/a beer and still do and that helped a bit. I still enjoy the taste of beer and love the fact that it doesn't have an effect on me. After a few weeks of coming home and not drinking, either during the week or on the weekend, it starts to become routine. Social situations (work functions, sporting events with buddies) really had me worried. Just ordering a diet coke or tonic water with a lime made it looking like I was drinking and it was no big deal.

Those are some of the highlights for me, hopefully I didn't ramble too much.

 

[johnnycakes]

If AA works for someone, it is a good thing. All this arguing seems counter productive to the goal of the thread.

Agreed. But I think it is even more harmful to let statement like, "all you need is willpower" to go unchallenged. That can seriously hurt people. I'd rather look like an idiot.

Funny because no one ever said that.

But, now I'm curious how is "all you need is willpower" worse than "I'm powerless" exactly?

For the real alcoholic, the former is false, while the latter tends to be true.
And yeah, my response was started because someone pretty much said all you need is willpower.

ETA: And I will add that those who say that AA is the only way can be just as harmful as those who say to avoid AA or that it doesn't work or that you have to believe in God or whatever.

Do whatever it takes for you to stop drinking if it is causing problems in your life. AA is one of many options. It worked for me but I am sure there are other solutions that worked for other people.

Peace?

 

[Ilov80s]

And Round 2 has started...

 

[tonydead]

If AA works for someone, it is a good thing. All this arguing seems counter productive to the goal of the thread.

Agreed. But I think it is even more harmful to let statement like, "all you need is willpower" to go unchallenged. That can seriously hurt people. I'd rather look like an idiot.

Funny because no one ever said that.

But, now I'm curious how is "all you need is willpower" worse than "I'm powerless" exactly?

For the real alcoholic, the former is false, while the latter tends to be true.
And yeah, my response was started because someone pretty much said all you need is willpower.

ETA: And I will add that those who say that AA is the only way can be just as harmful as those who say to avoid AA or that it doesn't work or that you have to believe in God or whatever.

Do whatever it takes for you to stop drinking if it is causing problems in your life. AA is one of many options. It worked for me but I am sure there are other solutions that worked for other people.

Peace?

Peace! (although in the exact post you quoted he suggested doing other things like occupying his time. I don't know about you but when I decide to do something I rarely do it with my mind alone. Sorry I'll stop, can't help myself, if only there were AA for ifighting)

 

[johnnycakes]

If AA works for someone, it is a good thing. All this arguing seems counter productive to the goal of the thread.

Agreed. But I think it is even more harmful to let statement like, "all you need is willpower" to go unchallenged. That can seriously hurt people. I'd rather look like an idiot.

Funny because no one ever said that.

But, now I'm curious how is "all you need is willpower" worse than "I'm powerless" exactly?

For the real alcoholic, the former is false, while the latter tends to be true.
And yeah, my response was started because someone pretty much said all you need is willpower.

ETA: And I will add that those who say that AA is the only way can be just as harmful as those who say to avoid AA or that it doesn't work or that you have to believe in God or whatever.

Do whatever it takes for you to stop drinking if it is causing problems in your life. AA is one of many options. It worked for me but I am sure there are other solutions that worked for other people.

Peace?

Peace!

Peace!

 

[NCCommish]

AA is a program of attraction not promotion so you really won't find members of AA trying to talk you into AA. The only drink an alcoholic has any control over is the first one. Not knowing what will happen after I took the first drink went a long way in making me want to find a way to stop. I tried many of the ways others have suggested in here but they did not work for me. If they work for someone else that is fantastic. If anyone wants to quit I hope they find a way that works for them, Nothing worse than wanting to stop and not being able to.

Maybe, but, they sure are quick with their cliches as soon as you suggest that AA might not be the only way. IMO that's being destructive and dishonest to anyone that is looking for help.

No one who has been sober a while (say >10 years) will say that AA is the only way. I never would, and I haven't made any such suggestion here. That said, I was unable to stop without AA, and I am an agnostic, so I also had to deal with the whole "God" issue.

You've provided cliches about being powerless over alcohol and another about how you need to be abstinent, all in response to suggestions otherwise. What are you saying? That there may be other ways as long as they fall in line with your AA beliefs?

Congratulations on your sobriety.

Is it your contention that there are not a lot of people for whom abstinence is the only way?

 

[Brownsfan]

I think once someone progresses from a heavy drinker to an alcoholic the program and fellowship AA offers can be a big help. I am sure lots of people have quit drinking without help but why not take advantage of free help when it is available. All it takes to quit AA is to stop going to meetings, there are no strings attached

 

[tonydead]

Is it your contention that there are not a lot of people for whom abstinence is the only way?

No, my contention was that abstinence isn't the only way. I don't know what the percentage are, but, I did suggested that they might be equal or better.

 

[Alex P Keaton]

Whatever it is, make sure it is more than just removing yourself from everything and everyone you like. That's just not the way to go about it, and screams relapse over and over.

.

I agree with this, but I'm not trying to completely quit, only cut way back. No way am I giving up my friends. They have been too good of friends for too long. They would completely understand that I am cutting back and not getting "drunk".

I also live in a very small town. It's not like I can just drop this group of friends and start up with another. Plus I got all the fun friends in my divorce.

Truthfully, one need not say anything, or make any kind of announcement or whatever. Just drink less. Most people won't even notice (because truthfully, most people don't think about / care how much others drink.)

This is very true. I went on a golf outing 8 weeks after giving up alcohol. My cart-mate (whom I was randomly paired with) showed up with a case of beer for our foursome to share. On hole 16 he tried to give me a beer. I declined politely. His pink-faced response: "dude, you can't slow down now. You've only had like 4 beers so far." He was dead serious.

 

[Judge Smails]

Good luck man. I have 2 friends I can't even have over for poker games anymore. 1 is a mean drunk who didn't drink for 10 years and feels every time he gets away for the wife he's entitled to let loose. Other guy is a buddy who always seems to get buzzed quickly. Invited him to my 4 day golf tourney in Palm Springs. Great event, party hard, but we take golf seriously (Ryder Cup 12 on 12). Dude didn't make it 4 holes. Couldn't get a tee in the ground. Round started at 8am, and we found out he snuck vodka in his Gatorade bottle. He gets lit when he comes over for poker too. Only reason I say this is it destroys family, friendships, careers, etc. Really hope you get a grip on it.

 

[James Daulton]

If AA works for someone, it is a good thing. All this arguing seems counter productive to the goal of the thread.

Agreed. But I think it is even more harmful to let statement like, "all you need is willpower" to go unchallenged. That can seriously hurt people. I'd rather look like an idiot.

Funny because no one ever said that.

But, now I'm curious how is "all you need is willpower" worse than "I'm powerless" exactly?

For the real alcoholic, the former is false, while the latter tends to be true.
And yeah, my response was started because someone pretty much said all you need is willpower.

ETA: And I will add that those who say that AA is the only way can be just as harmful as those who say to avoid AA or that it doesn't work or that you have to believe in God or whatever.

Do whatever it takes for you to stop drinking if it is causing problems in your life. AA is one of many options. It worked for me but I am sure there are other solutions that worked for other people.

Peace?

I don't know. I don't have an issue with alcohol, but it seems like a lot of behaviors that are destructive to us as people (drinking, drugs, food, laziness, sex, etc) all start by us making a decision to partake in the activity. Eliminating all of our will and blaming the problem on some chemical imbalance within us just doesn't ring 100% true to me. I love to do all of the above behaviors, but at some point in time, personal responsibility kicks in. Maybe it's easier for me than some people, but I can't believe alcoholics or other addicts shouldn't admit that at some point in time, they could just say no, or that's enough. Again, before JC has a fit, I'm not saying I know this is the answer or that it's easy for everyone.

 

[dancingbones]

I have a friend who quit for 10 years, and then 10 years in decided to go to an AA meeting.

He couldn't believe that he waited so long and the fellowship of being around people with the same struggles as he had really let him feel less alone.

There are many ways to quit drinking, but all of them come down to you not drinking. If you're there already, that's half the battle (and the most difficult half, IMO).

.02

 

[TheWalkmen]

Update?