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Are you okay with dying? (1 Viewer)

What I've seen in cancerville is many stage IV cancer people after the shock, anger, etc come to eventually not only accept their expedited fate, but embrace it. Nothing you can do so learn about death and dying while you live life to the fullest you can. The hospital here offers all kinds of educational seminars, including death and dying for both pts and family. I don't worry about it. It's the people who love me the most who worry the most about the possibility of my fate with cancer. Stress is no good for anyone, especially when battling a deadly disease. So best not to dwell on things you can't change.

 
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If I am being totally honest, recently there are more days than not when I'm much more than OK with it -- I actually welcome it to end the crushing monotony of life.

Had a grandmother go recently at 101 -- never been to the hospital her entire life except to have her three daughters, then went to the hospital with a weak heart (simply giving out with old age) and clostridium dificile -- though she had to be in the hospital for almost 2 weeks, she died in her sleep with zero pain or discomfort throughout, maintaining her sharp mind and dignity, surrounded by family. That really is the best way I can think of going.

 
I am not frightened of dying. Any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There's no reason for it. You've gotta go sometime.

 
3C's said:
There are already several voices in my head. What's another one?
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Okay, a simple thing that shook me.  Me and my mom always had a connection.  My MIL would call my house 5 times plus a day, my mom would once a week.  (No caller id) they phone would ring and I would say to my wife, it's my mom and it usually was.  No set time etc.  I was in North Carolina her in PA.  If she was sad I would feel it etc.  So when she died, I thought the connection would be stronger etc, then it was just gone.  Whatever it was died when she did.  And I get that now but not what I expected.  So either you can say our connection alive was made up and bs.  Then fine but how did I know it was gone when I thought it would be stronger.

 
this is a long time later but I asked for cavalier user name to be banned when my mom died and killed icalkies then my dad died.  So the last thread for those 2 might be more real than now.

 
rockaction said:
I simply think that all the hell I've been through on earth is for naught. That it just ends. That the suffering I've undertaken has been for nothing; again, for naught. 

I loathe that thought. If only I would have done more joyful things. 

It is, in two words, existential angst.  
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In the immortal words of INXS "it's hard to believe we need a place called hell".

 
Cjw_55106 said:
Not today. 
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This

I'd like to delay the inevitable about 30+ years but any time after 70 I'm not scared. 

I'm more scared by the thought of being unable to do the things I want, stuck in the house relying on others for everything. 

 
I'm ok with dying - as others mentioned there's nothing you can do to prevent it and it happens to all of us.  What I am scared of or not ok with is dying "young".  I want to live my life - if I go out at 70 or 80 then I had a good run.  If I die next week at 42 that will suck - I won't know it so I don't dwell on it.  Same thing for my kids - I want them to avoid something tragic happening so they can live their lives, experience the things I've had the chance to.  

 
Doctor Detroit said:
This is why there is no human heaven.  People are stupid, so many terrible souls. 

If there was a God he'd have to sift through all the :bs: and it simply would be too time consuming.  Let all dogs into heaven, maybe throw in some otters and lemurs and call it a day. 
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Not many of those. I've heard otters are real a holes. 

 
I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when I was seven. Back then we didn't have home blood test machines or the different insulins. Your life expectancy was limited. I am now 47 and despite taking four shots a day, I am still here and doing well. It just changes how you view life when you get this type of diagnosis. 

I just don't want to die now. I guess if I can just get my youngest (12) into college I will be okay going. 

Oh and I don't want to die at work. Dropping over in a courtroom would just be the suck.

Or driving, because I don't want to kill other people as I seize out behind the wheel. 

Or in public at all, I don't want people's pity or worse yet, some fat, sweaty slob trying to give me mouth to mouth as my final dying image 

Or on our new couches because I hear your bowels and bladder let loose at the moment of death and we just bought these things. I don't want my wife to have to go through a Seinfeld type scenario having to get rid of them.

 I have a few dozen more caveats but this is a good start. 

 
Blithe, the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier's supposed to function. Without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All war depends on it.

 
FatUncleJerryBuss said:
But what is the other side.  
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Ah the eternal question. My answer, stuff. Just stuff that we're not familiar with and probably can't comprehend at our current spot in the evolutionary cycle. Someday maybe if we continue to advance or maybe we blow ourselves back to the stone ages ala Planet of the Apes. Who knows but i gave up a long time ago worrying about things well outside of my control.

Doctor Detroit said:
I remember saying to a very serious girlfriend..."What if God was in the form of a Tiger?"
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If only somebody would write a book about that...

Some good questions and answers in here (surprisingly  :P ). There is something besides this life, I'm a firm believer in it. I can't adhere to "this is all well orchestrated coincidence". There is too much evidence to the contrary out there (don't ask for examples, look it up yourself if you're that interested). That said I also believe religion is exploiting the crap out of the populace. Is God real? Is Heaven real? I don't know but I like to think so. You said something earlier about when a person is at the end all they want is to be around friends & family and feel love. I refuse to believe that that power of love doesn't exist beyond death. There is no more powerful a force in all the world than love. It's pretty cool when you really start thinking about it. Am I afraid of dying? Not at all. When my day comes, whether it be tomorrow or 40 years from now,I will embrace it and go willingly onto the next adventure.

And if I'm wrong? What trouble did it cause you or any of the people around me? I've said all along if my belief in God and an afterlife is wrong than all that's come of it is some joking remarks amoungst my friends and time spent & money at church that could have been spent elsewhere. But if I'm right...I promise you I would never gloat or go "I told you so". I would simply be sad, heartbroken and little pissed at myself for not trying harder to convince those around me about it. Just my  :2cents:

I try desperately not to judge people. I am a believer in a higher power that will take care of that (whether it's God, karma or Darwin). If you believe it all ends when the line goes flat I feel a little sorry for you because this life can be so disappointing to so many people. I have to believe that the good person who has a good heart and has lived a good & respectable life will have a just reward at the end of it. What is the point of living if not? But that is your opinion and you are certainly entitled to it. I chose to believe otherwise, doesn't mean we can't have a beer or 20 and play cards. 

 
And when I die and when I'm dead, dead and gone,
there'll be one child born into this ole world to carry on, to carry on.

I'm not scared of dying and I don't really care.
If it's peace you find in dying, well, then let the dying time be near.
If it's peace you find in dying, when dying time is here,
just bundle up my coffin cause it's cold way down there,
I hear that's it's cold way down there, yeah, crazy cold way down there.
And when I die and when I'm dead, dead and gone,
there'll be one child born in this ole world to carry on, to carry on.

My troubles are many, they're as deep as a well.
I can swear there ain't no heaven and I pray there ain't no hell.
Swear there ain't no heaven and I pray there ain't no hell,
but I'll never know by living, only my dying will tell,
only my dying will tell, yeah, only my dying will tell.
And when I die and when I'm dead, dead and gone,
there'll be one child born into this ole world to carry on, to carry on.

Give me my freedom for as long as I be.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me,
and all I ask of dying is to go naturally, only want to go naturally.
Don't want to go by the devil, don't want to go by the demon,
don't want to go by Satan, don't want to die uneasy,
just let me go naturally.

 - David Clayton Thomas, Blood, Sweat & Tears 

 
I woke up at 2 in the morning today and legitimately thought I might be dying (probably due to the greasy tater tots and hot Italian sausage that I ate last night).  I was surprisingly at peace with it.  

 
My sister in law just passed away at the age of 33 last week due to a blood clot in her lungs. I have no intrest in dying yet. I would like to out live my other family members so that they would not have to grieve for me.

 
If I died instantly, I would have lived a happy life and have no problem with it. But there's so much left to see, to do, to learn, that I don't want to go yet.

 
seahawk 17 said:
My sister in law just passed away at the age of 33 last week due to a blood clot in her lungs. I have no intrest in dying yet. I would like to out live my other family members so that they would not have to grieve for me.
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Wow, sorry to hear that...condolences.

My mother-in-law almost died last week due to a blood clot in her lung. Doctors say was hours away from death. She has multiple other issues but they think it might have happened from a recent knee replacement.

 
seahawk 17 said:
My sister in law just passed away at the age of 33 last week due to a blood clot in her lungs. I have no intrest in dying yet. I would like to out live my other family members so that they would not have to grieve for me.
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Sorry for your loss brother.

 
fred_1_15301 said:
I woke up at 2 in the morning today and legitimately thought I might be dying (probably due to the greasy tater tots and hot Italian sausage that I ate last night).  I was surprisingly at peace with it.  
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:lol:   it's a slow, agonizing death isn't it?

 
No.  But the slim chance that I'll follow though on cryonics and that it will actually work keeps me from freaking out too much.

 
Courtjester said:
I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when I was seven. Back then we didn't have home blood test machines or the different insulins. Your life expectancy was limited. I am now 47 and despite taking four shots a day, I am still here and doing well. It just changes how you view life when you get this type of diagnosis. 

I just don't want to die now. I guess if I can just get my youngest (12) into college I will be okay going. 

Oh and I don't want to die at work. Dropping over in a courtroom would just be the suck.

Or driving, because I don't want to kill other people as I seize out behind the wheel. 

Or in public at all, I don't want people's pity or worse yet, some fat, sweaty slob trying to give me mouth to mouth as my final dying image 

Or on our new couches because I hear your bowels and bladder let loose at the moment of death and we just bought these things. I don't want my wife to have to go through a Seinfeld type scenario having to get rid of them.

 I have a few dozen more caveats but this is a good start. 
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Had this sort of conversation with a friend the other day. Youngest graduated college at the end of the year. All I have left on the "to-do" list is get her married (won't be long) and pay off the mortgage (4 years). Then I can "go" about my way. :mellow: I want to go like my dad did. Got up in the morning, got a cup of coffee, sat in his recliner, and BOOM, gone.

"Shorter of breath and one day closer to death"

 
proninja said:
I almost died last year. Neurosurgeon said I probably had about 24 hours without intervention after the fact, but it was touch and go for a bit there. Can honestly say that I am in no way scared to die for my own sake. 

I am, however, ####### terrified to the point of laying in a hospital bed bawling my eyes out at the idea of my kids growing up without me and my wife being a single mom suddenly. 
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You're a FBG.. I'm assuming she's hot... She won't be single long. ;)   

 
Give me a 100% healthy to 75 and I would take it and cash out...but if I was still healthy at 75 I would probably be begging for a few more years.

 
beer 30 said:
Ah the eternal question. My answer, stuff. Just stuff that we're not familiar with and probably can't comprehend at our current spot in the evolutionary cycle. Someday maybe if we continue to advance or maybe we blow ourselves back to the stone ages ala Planet of the Apes. Who knows but i gave up a long time ago worrying about things well outside of my control.

If only somebody would write a book about that...

Some good questions and answers in here (surprisingly  :P ). There is something besides this life, I'm a firm believer in it. I can't adhere to "this is all well orchestrated coincidence". There is too much evidence to the contrary out there (don't ask for examples, look it up yourself if you're that interested). That said I also believe religion is exploiting the crap out of the populace. Is God real? Is Heaven real? I don't know but I like to think so. You said something earlier about when a person is at the end all they want is to be around friends & family and feel love. I refuse to believe that that power of love doesn't exist beyond death. There is no more powerful a force in all the world than love. It's pretty cool when you really start thinking about it. Am I afraid of dying? Not at all. When my day comes, whether it be tomorrow or 40 years from now,I will embrace it and go willingly onto the next adventure.

And if I'm wrong? What trouble did it cause you or any of the people around me? I've said all along if my belief in God and an afterlife is wrong than all that's come of it is some joking remarks amoungst my friends and time spent & money at church that could have been spent elsewhere. But if I'm right...I promise you I would never gloat or go "I told you so". I would simply be sad, heartbroken and little pissed at myself for not trying harder to convince those around me about it. Just my  :2cents:

I try desperately not to judge people. I am a believer in a higher power that will take care of that (whether it's God, karma or Darwin). If you believe it all ends when the line goes flat I feel a little sorry for you because this life can be so disappointing to so many people. I have to believe that the good person who has a good heart and has lived a good & respectable life will have a just reward at the end of it. What is the point of living if not? But that is your opinion and you are certainly entitled to it. I chose to believe otherwise, doesn't mean we can't have a beer or 20 and play cards. 
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Way too much rationalizing with yourself to give a no answer.

 
In what sense?

Afraid of what might happen after, absolutely not.

Afraid that I might not get to do everything I have planned with & for my family in the future, absolutely yes.  

 
Ditkaless Wonders said:
And when I die and when I'm dead, dead and gone,
there'll be one child born into this ole world to carry on, to carry on.

I'm not scared of dying and I don't really care.
If it's peace you find in dying, well, then let the dying time be near.
If it's peace you find in dying, when dying time is here,
just bundle up my coffin cause it's cold way down there,
I hear that's it's cold way down there, yeah, crazy cold way down there.
And when I die and when I'm dead, dead and gone,
there'll be one child born in this ole world to carry on, to carry on.

My troubles are many, they're as deep as a well.
I can swear there ain't no heaven and I pray there ain't no hell.
Swear there ain't no heaven and I pray there ain't no hell,
but I'll never know by living, only my dying will tell,
only my dying will tell, yeah, only my dying will tell.
And when I die and when I'm dead, dead and gone,
there'll be one child born into this ole world to carry on, to carry on.

Give me my freedom for as long as I be.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me,
and all I ask of dying is to go naturally, only want to go naturally.
Don't want to go by the devil, don't want to go by the demon,
don't want to go by Satan, don't want to die uneasy,
just let me go naturally.

 - David Clayton Thomas, Blood, Sweat & Tears 
Click to expand...
- the GREAT Laura Nyro (the oldest soul i ever met) for David Clayton Thomas, Blood, Sweat & Tears 

 
seahawk 17 said:
My sister in law just passed away at the age of 33 last week due to a blood clot in her lungs. I have no intrest in dying yet. I would like to out live my other family members so that they would not have to grieve for me.
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Man, so sorry to hear this.

On 11/3/09, I had two clots in my lungs. And about 100 in my right leg.  Three months later my doc showed me pictures that they were gone and the old pictures that showed 90% blockage in my lungs.  They still are not sure how I survived.   Turned out I had a hereditary thing and I'm on thinners the rest of my life. I'll never forget when they found out and the doctor said, "I've never had a conversation with a person with a chart like this."     Enjoy every day folks....   I actually celebrate 11/3 as my 2nd birthday.

 
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Lots of talk about blood clots in lungs.  How did you guys that survived it find out in time?  Seems like it might be good info to have...

 
FatUncleJerryBuss said:
This is how I always thought, but anhilation is my biggest fear and I can't take it off as a possibility logically.
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I used to be afraid of this too.  But my feeling is we've had basically unlimited time before our lives where we were either nothing or something.  And it wasn't so bad.  So if we have basically unlimited time after our lives where we're nothing it will probably be about the same.  Not existing not really so bad I guess.  And if we exist that works too. :)

I'm not really afraid of dying at this point.  See/do a lot of things now.  And who knows what happens after.  Maybe I'm gone maybe I'm something.  Take it as it comes I guess.  Not like I can change anything other than my current quality of life.

 
FreeBaGeL said:
Lots of talk about blood clots in lungs.  How did you guys that survived it find out in time?  Seems like it might be good info to have...
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I had a bad cough one Thursday.  My wife wanted me to go in on Friday and have it checked.  I told her I'd go in Monday if it was still there.  Saturday night, I started to have shooting pains go up and down my right leg. Stuff I had never felt before. I had a hard time sleeping that Sunday night I was so freaked out.

Go see the doc Monday am and he says you have "acute bronchitis, it's been going around.".  Flexes my leg all different ways and thinks its from an old injury right above the back of my knee and then tells me he wants me to go to Irvine Hospital for some blood tests.  An hour later we get the results back and all hell breaks loose.  It took me six months to be able to walk 20 feet.  A year to walk three houses down and back.  18 months to walk 25 houses down and back.   I can now do just about anything on a flat surface.  Five flights of stairs leaves me a little winded.

 
Da Guru said:
Give me a 100% healthy to 75 and I would take it and cash out...but if I was still healthy at 75 I would probably be begging for a few more years.
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Yep. I don't know any older people who are in good shape who are fine with going "now." My dad is 78 and is healthier than many far younger than him according to his doc.

 
beer 30 said:
Side bar conversation, if given the opportunity to live forever in perfect health, would you?
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Probably not. It would depend on how many friends/fam I have left- my social situation. Nothing worse than being lonely and add old to it. It would be very depressing.

 
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