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Blocking a teen's I-Phone capabilities? (1 Viewer)

Sweet J

Sweet J

Footballguy
So, I have a 14 year old son, Freshman in high school. Will be 15 in January. Definitely interested in girls, been chatting them up via text.

His mom wants to block the phone's access to, essentially, porn. Her solution, I sh^t you not, is to get some Victoria's Secret catalogs to leave around the house for whacking it.

Anyway, we got into a bit of a fight about it last night because I told her I wanted to think about it. I'm not sure blocking porn websites is the solution. Maybe it is, but I don't know.

I thought I'd poll folks here for thoughts, or what they may have done with their teen boys.

I'm certainly not anti-porn, but I do appreciate that I'm not sure I want a kid who's still forming his ideas about sex and interaction with women to be bombarded with concepts that aren't healthy. Basically, once he's a little more formed, he can go at it, but 14 may be a little early for him to be viewing the dregs of the interwebs. And, frankly, at 14, a kid shouldn't need that much help in getting his rocks off. An occasional glimpse at Glamour magazine should be plenty.

Thoughts?

 
My wife was watching a horrible reality show and the parents had the capability to view the kids' facetime chats directly on their iPad in real time. I assume they could also view any other activity including browsing but I'm not sure. So that service exists if you can find it. I'm guessing it would be a good deterrent if your son knows you have it.

 
No kids yet over here...need that disclaimer.

But he's going to end up seeing that stuff. Likely in the presence of friends who, when grouped together, will very likely be looking at some of the more outlandish stuff just for the "wow" factor. So maybe it's better that he explores the more standard stuff on his own, before he gets into that setting where he really might think of those other concepts as "normal" because it's all he's seeing.

I'm sure it's much easier said than done, but it seems like your goal could attempt to be accomplished with a very general conversation of "all women should be treated with respect, the stuff you see on TV/internet (not porn specific) isn't real" etc. And when he gets a little older, maybe as he's heading to college, you can delve into that topic a bit more.

 
Officer Pete Malloy said:
Let your wife know there is absolutely no way to "porn proof" a 14 year old boy.
Click to expand...
Sure. And I don't think she's looking for that, necessarily. She just doesn't want 24/7 access to Youporn (or whatever) on his smartphone. She even said to me: "Maybe you could get him some playboys or something."

It's one thing to have to work for a little porn (like the overused cassette that got passed around in my 8th grade year, or the house in the neighborhood who everybody knows the dad keeps a porn stash or videos). But isn't it another thing to have such easy access all the time? I'm actually struggling with how to think about it.

 
Never blocked any of our sons access, including cable in his room. Just keep a normal, healthy dialog with him. Added side bonus for dads - search his browser history for some sites you never knew existed.

:thumbup:

 
You can't win this battle. Teenagers are smarter than us about how to work around phone blocks from their parents.

 
Sweet J said:
Officer Pete Malloy said:
Let your wife know there is absolutely no way to "porn proof" a 14 year old boy.
Click to expand...
Sure. And I don't think she's looking for that, necessarily. She just doesn't want 24/7 access to Youporn (or whatever) on his smartphone. She even said to me: "Maybe you could get him some playboys or something."

It's one thing to have to work for a little porn (like the overused cassette that got passed around in my 8th grade year, or the house in the neighborhood who everybody knows the dad keeps a porn stash or videos). But isn't it another thing to have such easy access all the time? I'm actually struggling with how to think about it.
Click to expand...
I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU!!!

http://thewardrobedoor.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/watchingyou_zps5a91481e.jpg

The best solution imo is knowledge and communication.

Talk to him about it and just make him aware.

You can take away his phone remove wifi from your house and when he goes to a friends house you have no control.

The only control you do have is the knowledge and communication you have with him to give him an understanding of side effects of 24/7 access.

 
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Sweet J said:
Officer Pete Malloy said:
Let your wife know there is absolutely no way to "porn proof" a 14 year old boy.
Click to expand...
Sure. And I don't think she's looking for that, necessarily. She just doesn't want 24/7 access to Youporn (or whatever) on his smartphone. She even said to me: "Maybe you could get him some playboys or something."

It's one thing to have to work for a little porn (like the overused cassette that got passed around in my 8th grade year, or the house in the neighborhood who everybody knows the dad keeps a porn stash or videos). But isn't it another thing to have such easy access all the time? I'm actually struggling with how to think about it.
Click to expand...
I'm with you on this. It's not a matter of trying to stop it all. It's just a matter of not allowing it to just be free flowing into his phone.

 
Amused to Death said:
Never blocked any of our sons access, including cable in his room. Just keep a normal, healthy dialog with him. Added side bonus for dads - search his browser history for some sites you never knew existed.

:thumbup:
Click to expand...
I'd be disappointed, as a father, if I find porn on my son's browser history.

I've raised him better than that.

He should damn well know how to clear his history.

 
Yes, do your best to block his access to porn and talk to him about it so he understands the negative consequences of porn addiction, objectification of women, etc., but recognize you'll never be able to prevent him from seeing that stuff if he's determined and if he's at a friend's house or whatever. All you can do is lead him in the right direction. Don't provide playboys or catalogs for him to jerk off to. That's really freaking weird and sends a mixed message. At that age he can just think about a hot girl in school and be 90% of the way there anyway.

 
McGarnicle said:
Yes, do your best to block his access to porn and talk to him about it so he understands the negative consequences of porn addiction, objectification of women, etc., but recognize you'll never be able to prevent him from seeing that stuff if he's determined and if he's at a friend's house or whatever. All you can do is lead him in the right direction. Don't provide playboys or catalogs for him to jerk off to. That's really freaking weird and sends a mixed message. At that age he can just think about a hot girl in school and be 90% of the way there anyway.
Click to expand...
:goodposting:

 
sho nuff said:
Amused to Death said:
Never blocked any of our sons access, including cable in his room. Just keep a normal, healthy dialog with him. Added side bonus for dads - search his browser history for some sites you never knew existed.

:thumbup:
Click to expand...
I'd be disappointed, as a father, if I find porn on my son's browser history.

I've raised him better than that.

He should damn well know how to clear his history.
Click to expand...
Yeah that's info with real-life applications. Some modern-day father/son advice to pass down.

 
Sweet J said:
His mom wants to block the phone's access to, essentially, porn. Her solution, I sh^t you not, is to get some Victoria's Secret catalogs to leave around the house for whacking it.
Click to expand...
All that's going to do is get him hornier so he'll want to go look at porn.
 
Sounds like the wife is making more of an issue out of this than it should be....and offering odd "solutions".

 
Sweet J said:
Officer Pete Malloy said:
Let your wife know there is absolutely no way to "porn proof" a 14 year old boy.
Click to expand...
Sure. And I don't think she's looking for that, necessarily. She just doesn't want 24/7 access to Youporn (or whatever) on his smartphone. She even said to me: "Maybe you could get him some playboys or something."

It's one thing to have to work for a little porn (like the overused cassette that got passed around in my 8th grade year, or the house in the neighborhood who everybody knows the dad keeps a porn stash or videos). But isn't it another thing to have such easy access all the time? I'm actually struggling with how to think about it.
Click to expand...
"I mean...uh...I heard some of the guys at the office talk about that...I think it's a website...at least that's what it sounded like when the guys at work were talking about it...I really wouldn't know..."

 
Ignoramus said:
Sweet J said:
His mom wants to block the phone's access to, essentially, porn. Her solution, I sh^t you not, is to get some Victoria's Secret catalogs to leave around the house for whacking it.
Click to expand...
All that's going to do is get him hornier so he'll want to go look at porn.
Click to expand...
At that age I could look at my mom's Glamour magazines. Or just shut my eyes and think about a girl in my class who wore a skirt that day. A kid that age doesn't need much. I used to get turned on by knee cleavage.
 
McGarnicle said:
Yes, do your best to block his access to porn and talk to him about it so he understands the negative consequences of porn addiction, objectification of women, etc., but recognize you'll never be able to prevent him from seeing that stuff if he's determined and if he's at a friend's house or whatever. All you can do is lead him in the right direction. Don't provide playboys or catalogs for him to jerk off to. That's really freaking weird and sends a mixed message. At that age he can just think about a hot girl in school and be 90% of the way there anyway.
Click to expand...
This.

 
I am talking off the cuff, but can't this develop into an addictive behavior? Granted there are lots of ways for him to access porn, but as parents I think you need to set a good example. To do nothing is a permissive approach that can easily be interpreted as condoning the activity. Let's switch watching porn with smoking pot. If your boy was so inclined, would you let him smoke pot at home? I mean if he really wants to do he will find a way.

I like a good porn to knock one out quickly, but I am an adult not a teenager... although my wife would disagree with that statement. :P

 
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You can make the phone where it won't go to the internet, and won't allow you to use the app store. That's an extreme step, but it's out there for you. It's how I manage our ipads at the house (Daughter is 9 so don't need her on any websites without me around)

 
I feel sorry for kids today. Back in my day finding a playboy was gold , hustler :moneybag: was even better with beaver hunt etc.Now everything is at their fingertips. Today they think pulling a train is normal and not reserved for special days like the night before thanksgiving.

 
Dont waste your efforts blocking the porn. Just make sure he understands the difference between a real relationship/sex and porn. Then just let him wank to whatever he wants. Teens these days have such good access to pron. I'm so jealous.

 
I put teensafe on my daughter's phone, I don't monitor it a lot but if I feel like something is up with her I can go on there and see what's going on. Beware though, teen texting will make you lose many brain cells trying to read it.

 
Definitely put a filter/tracker on the phone and any other device he has access to, and let your son know you're doing it. A 14 year-old doesn't need unlimited access to all the hardcore porn the internet has to offer. Like other have said, if he wants it he'll be able to get to it but he won't have unlimited access... sort of how we were with playboys as kids. You got to see it but you didn't have an endless supply of it.

Do a little research on porn. It's a huge problem for a lot of people. Having a bunch of counselors in the family I hear about it ruining marriages quite often.

I would have a talk with him, something along the lines of, "I know you're interested in seeing this kind of thing, and it's a good thing and a good sign that you're maturing but trust me when I tell you you'll be better off not putting these images in your mind. When you do finally get to have sex with a real woman you won't have a bunch of preconceived ideas that are unrealistic. It will help you have better more satisfying relationships in the future."

You know he will still probably look at some stuff but at least you have planted the seed that gorging himself on porn isn't healthy.

 
sublimeone said:
Definitely put a filter/tracker on the phone and any other device he has access to, and let your son know you're doing it. A 14 year-old doesn't need unlimited access to all the hardcore porn the internet has to offer. Like other have said, if he wants it he'll be able to get to it but he won't have unlimited access... sort of how we were with playboys as kids. You got to see it but you didn't have an endless supply of it.

Do a little research on porn. It's a huge problem for a lot of people. Having a bunch of counselors in the family I hear about it ruining marriages quite often.

I would have a talk with him, something along the lines of, "I know you're interested in seeing this kind of thing, and it's a good thing and a good sign that you're maturing but trust me when I tell you you'll be better off not putting these images in your mind. When you do finally get to have sex with a real woman you won't have a bunch of preconceived ideas that are unrealistic. It will help you have better more satisfying relationships in the future."

You know he will still probably look at some stuff but at least you have planted the seed that gorging himself on porn isn't healthy.
Click to expand...
Or you can just make sure the first girl you bang is hot.

WhatDoIKnow said:
Cjw_55106 said:
Sounds like the wife is making more of an issue out of this than it should be....and offering odd "solutions".
Click to expand...
A woman/mother is making more of an issue? No way.
Click to expand...
I know my wife is going to lose it when our son starts putting sticky socks in the laundry.

 
i am so glad that i don't have kids. Like other's have said, it is inevitable that he will find a way around anything you do. I would personally put the determent of a website blocker in so that he knows, generally speaking, what is and is not okay. Other than that have the teenage pregnancy talk early and often. Don't want that ruining his life.

 
Oh, by the way, the reason we even had this talk is because a friend of my son got busted (how, I don't know), taking pictures of his junk. Not sure if he actually sent to girls or not; I only got part of the story. So. . . . yeah.

I don't really look forward to having a porn talk with my kid. Talking to your kids about that sh^t is hard (I'm convinced that's why football was invented -- so dads and kids had something to pretend to watch while they were talking about anything real). But I HAVE DEFINITELY had the talk with my kid about sending or receiving noody pictures to or from girls. I've hopefully put the fear of God into him so that he doesn't do something asinine like that.

 
We live in a different world now. What we grew up with was very controlled and very tame compared to what kids have access to now. In my opinion, if you are going in with the attitude that 'I am o.k. with porn' you are asking for trouble. You will never be able to stop the flow of porn, so when he gets caught, I certainly would not get mad at him, but you need to let him know that as a parent you are monitoring it, and you should periodically talk about what is good and bad about it. Unless you don;t care about your son becoming a weirdo rapist type dude.

I know many people will roll their eyes at me for this, but we all know that it is pretty much the norm nowadays for people to be watching hard anal, choking, multiple partners, bondage etc. That is not the type of thing I want my teenager experimenting with. As an adult, that is a different story, but when kids think that is normal at age 15, I would have to think more than a few of them will end up like Jared.

 
Sweet J said:
Officer Pete Malloy said:
Let your wife know there is absolutely no way to "porn proof" a 14 year old boy.
Click to expand...
Sure. And I don't think she's looking for that, necessarily. She just doesn't want 24/7 access to Youporn (or whatever) on his smartphone. She even said to me: "Maybe you could get him some playboys or something."

It's one thing to have to work for a little porn (like the overused cassette that got passed around in my 8th grade year, or the house in the neighborhood who everybody knows the dad keeps a porn stash or videos). But isn't it another thing to have such easy access all the time? I'm actually struggling with how to think about it.
Click to expand...
Kid is lucky enough to grow up in the porn everywhere age and you're going to restrict him to Playboys?? Poor guy.

 
Meatwad Reloaded said:
We live in a different world now. What we grew up with was very controlled and very tame compared to what kids have access to now. In my opinion, if you are going in with the attitude that 'I am o.k. with porn' you are asking for trouble. You will never be able to stop the flow of porn, so when he gets caught, I certainly would not get mad at him, but you need to let him know that as a parent you are monitoring it, and you should periodically talk about what is good and bad about it. Unless you don;t care about your son becoming a weirdo rapist type dude.

I know many people will roll their eyes at me for this, but we all know that it is pretty much the norm nowadays for people to be watching hard anal, choking, multiple partners, bondage etc. That is not the type of thing I want my teenager experimenting with. As an adult, that is a different story, but when kids think that is normal at age 15, I would have to think more than a few of them will end up like Jared.
Click to expand...
No.

 
Meatwad Reloaded said:
We live in a different world now. What we grew up with was very controlled and very tame compared to what kids have access to now. In my opinion, if you are going in with the attitude that 'I am o.k. with porn' you are asking for trouble. You will never be able to stop the flow of porn, so when he gets caught, I certainly would not get mad at him, but you need to let him know that as a parent you are monitoring it, and you should periodically talk about what is good and bad about it. Unless you don;t care about your son becoming a weirdo rapist type dude.

I know many people will roll their eyes at me for this, but we all know that it is pretty much the norm nowadays for people to be watching hard anal, choking, multiple partners, bondage etc. That is not the type of thing I want my teenager experimenting with. As an adult, that is a different story, but when kids think that is normal at age 15, I would have to think more than a few of them will end up like Jared.
Click to expand...
If porn causes this, most guys under 50 would be weirdo and rapey.

Hey, maybe you're on to something!

 
Is porn freely accesible in Mexico?

In light of the Donald's comments (and Meatwad's) I'm sure it always has been,,,

 
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